Last night I went to Olga's after work for some free dinner, in the interest of saving money, and to see my honey. I figured since the weather was dismal, he would be busy, so I was looking forward to curling up with my book, and having a leisurely salad.
After the day that I had had, I wasn't feeling at all social. All I wanted was to sit and read and have people not bug me.
When I got there, Forest informed me that his friend Bridget was there already, and invited me to sit with them if I wanted. I passed, because I wanted to sit and read my book, quietly, and I don't know Bridget and her brother that well. Besides, I'm going through this phase right now of being secretly envious of Bridget's position in life, and I didn't care to deal with it after a day of feeling swamped by work and bombarded by grownup responsibilities.
You see, Bridget's a senior in high school. The kind of senior I would have liked to have been. She lives with her parents, but has her own car, and is pretty much allowed to do whatever she wants. She does theatre all the time, and knows that when she graduates she wants to go to DePaul and take their technical theatre program. She has beautiful skin, is the size I always wished I was in high school, and still takes ballet classes. She has that comfortable attitude of knowing that she's successful, and getting credit for being good at the things she's good at. She really hasn't messed anything up yet. I envy just about all of that, except for the senior in high school thing.
So this, in combination with the fact that my job is getting more challenging every day and that I haven't had a chance to go out and have fun in a long time means that I didn't feel like sitting there with Bridget and hearing about the latest thing she's doing.
Instead, I sat in the far corner of the smoking section out of sight of everyone, and opened my book. I no sooner got two words read when I was enthusiastically greeted, in an annoying, high-pitched voice. It was Tracy. Tracy is Forest's friend who I hardly know with the exception of the following facts: 1. She's an English major who can't use the word "condone" correctly in a sentence, but tries to anyway. 2. She will talk to anyone, anywhere about the most personal parts of her life, whether she knows you or not. 3. She's perfectly capable of carrying on a one-ended conversation with you whether you like it or not. 4. She's a Forest-worshipper and semi-stalker.
Needless to say, I was thrilled when she cornered me and plunked down at my table, and struck up a conversation. I ate my entire salad, chatted politely, and waited for her to leave. She said she wasn't really hungry, she'd just stopped in for a lemonade. Of course, Forest served her a bowl of soup, which she proceeded to eat with tiny little spoonfuls. She didn't leave! Bridget came over, gave me a big hug, and asked how I was doing. I was really glad to see her, and about invited her to stay, but she was on her way to rehearsal.
To be a clown in the circus at Breslin center. Which made my underlying stupid envy level rise another notch. Grumblegrumble, people who have the time and energy to do whatever they want, whenever they want to, grumblegrumble.
Bridget left. Tracy persisted. Finally, I told her I ought to get going. I had to go buy some kitty litter. I tried to get a second with Forest to vent, but she pretty much wouldn't leave until I did. So we ended up walking out of there together, into the mall. Tracy used to work at Ganto's, and Tracy knows that Friday Gantos was sold to a liquidator, and Tracy thinks the deals there are really great.
I needed to buy a black blouse to go under my republican suit, and at this point I was so tired, that it came tumbling right out of my mouth. Doh!
So Tracy took me to Ganto's. Happily, she started yammering at the other people who work there, somehow repeating with the exact same words the things she had told me at the dinner table. Does she rehearse this stuff?
I decided to hide in the dressing room. I grabbed about 12 items, a dress, some suits, and some blouses, and went in there. Tracy forgot all about me, and I didn't come out until I knew she was gone. (There is a noticable decibel difference when Tracy makes her exit.)
And that's how it came to be that last night I spent $50 on clothes, when I really couldn't afford it. I'm a sucker for a good deal, and the prices were great. I caved in. Then there was no stopping me. I got a haircut, too. Another $20. Then I dragged myself away from the mall so I wouldn't spend any more money, and dumped $30 into my gas tank.
Thus I spent $100 dollars yesterday, when I intended to spend $20 (I needed more gas than I thought.)
And I never bought the kitty litter. I also didn't get the oil changed in my van. For some reason all my good, responsible ideas flew out the window, and I was possessed by the spirit of frivolous consumerism.
Forest woke me when he came home by kissing me lightly, and running a lovely white rose along my face. It was incredibly sweet and romantic, and I enjoyed it. Then he hacked and coughed and moaned all night, which kept both of us awake, and gave me nightmares when I slept. I wish I didn't get so worried about him. I think it irritates him.
So here I sit, after about 5 hours of often-interrupted sleep, looking at my desk, piled high with very grown-up demands, and wishing I were out practicing for a circus.
I've actually begun to look forward to going to the Store. It's strange, but I feel at home there. It also has this wonderful quality of being so *real*. After a long day out here in the austere world of soothing-beige wallpapered offices with putty-colored furniture, and people who use words like "infrastructre", and "corporate culture" it feels good to step into the world of the Store.
People there use slang, and speak like normal people. There aren't any computer screens, the phone only has the regular set of buttons, and there isn't that hush of an office building. On the contrary, the Store is painted stark-white on the inside, and crowded with cans of pineapple, crates of banana, and a hundred other cans of toppings. There are shelves on every available wall stacked with this or that, all of it colorful, and cluttery, but somehow organized. The back room is quieter, and darker, since it doesn't have windows, and is a relaxing place to be. The front room is busier, noisy with the sounds of the machinery, and hemmed in by windows on three sides. From the front room you can watch weather roll across from left to right, and the world go by in front of you. I like to stand in the doorway, with the comfort of the back room behind me, and the brightness of the front room before me.
Of course I can't do that very often, because people always have to run through there for things. But it's a very comfortable spot.
Everything there just feels real. Sometimes things in my office building just do NOT seem real. Nothing lives here, nothing moves here. I'm not sure how to explain it.
I guess it's that corporate culture is its own little world. Out there in people's homes, at the mall, or in any other type of business, people don't sit in $500 chairs with wheels that recline. Desks don't have three computers on them. No one has a name tag outside her door. Also, no one designs buildings like corporate America. My office has a door, with a window on it and beside it, facing into the hallway, where there is a labyrinth of cubicles. Why would you put windows on an interior wall??? The wallpaper in each room of this building is different, but they are all patterns of the same integrated color scheme, which coordinates with the three different kinds of carpet on the floor, which also use the same colors. No one in the real world builds things like this.
So after work, I look forward to going to the Store while Forest closes up shop for the day. I've actually learned a little about it, so I can feel relatively useful, and relaxed.
I'm not sure what we're going to do tonight. I hope he is feeling better, so we can go out. It's been a long time since I've done that, and oddly, I'm feeling the need to blow off a little steam.
We're starting to feel bad because there are about a dozen close friends and family members who have yet to see our house. I think we're going to try to have a party sometime, maybe when it's a little warmer so we can cook out. I was hoping to have Yeffy and Reagan down some night this week, but work went insane, and I went with it. Forest's brother still hasn't been over, and neither have Will and Bridget. I think we'll invite everyone from our Wednesday night group, too.
This is, of course, assuming that my life ever comes under control a little bit, and I don't feel the need to hide from work during my evenings and weekends.
Of course, this weekend I will actually be working. I just plain have too much crap do to. So I'm going to work on it now.
