...this can't be real
[
Losing my Mind]
[
broken]
[
Searching for Sanity]
Losing my Mind
My sanity has escaped me,
I’ve lost it.
I sat there,
And watched it desert me.
I held it in my hands,
For quite some time.
But suddenly,
I had no reason to hold on.
So I loosened my grip,
It soon did flee,
Leaving me alone,
In my own harsh reality.
There is a certain comfort in insanity,
That is lacking in normality.
broken
Is this what insanity tastes like? It’s acidic yet bitter, my tongue has
never savored such a substance. But I swallowed it nonetheless. Now it’s
running through my veins. This isn’t real--this can’t be real. I try to
fight it, but it’s beyond my control. I feel the rage; I want to die.
Fists clenched tight, nails digging into skin; I can’t fight this. I can’t
win. I’m shaking, hugging knees tight to my chest, rocking back and forth,
alone in the corner, alone in the darkness, trying to deal with the
emptiness. I try to hold this monster inside, but then it will insist on
eating me alive. The darkness will devour you. I try to sit still, I try to
focus, but I’m floating, fading away into the nothingness. I need a
release. I need to feel. This isn’t real--this can’t be real. My fingers
run across that picture in the frame, with its silver gleam, who is that
staring back at me? She’s drowning in those murky waters. Why won’t anyone
save her? I let my reflection slip from my fingers as it falls to the
ground. I’ve been broken. The fall ruins you. I let it ruin me. Broken
glass is in my hand, and I drag it across my skin. The pain is real. The
blood runs thick, as it trickles down my arm. The rivers of red are the only
truth I’ll ever know. I’m left alone with the chill of reality, why is blood
my only warmth? It’s ruined me. I let it ruin me.
Searching for Sanity
Stumbling through the dark corners of my mind I find my demon. I approach
him with every intention of ending his evil reign on my mind. My existence
still goes unrecognized to the demon as I stare it in the face. Suddenly it
hits me- I’m staring at my own reflection. I am the demon. There is no
overcoming this, the demon will always be a part of me. If the demon dies,
I die with it. I didn’t know what to do. Then I figured I couldn’t have
always been so ugly and grotesque, so perhaps all I have to do is change. I
knew no makeover would solve my problems; I needed something else. It
wasn’t so much my appearance that needed alteration; it was my insides. I
figured once I was beautiful on the inside, beauty on the outside would come
to me as well.
© E. Ornstein
