Otis Big Announcement?? #2 (11/99)

Thank you Dr. Charlie. I was actually very touched that you did take the time to post a very interesting and valid take on a passing comment. Not that it will necessarily make a dent in the quarters where it was intended, but it did give me pause to rethink a particular brand of humour in a different light. To the point, my compliment to Otis was just that, a sincere compliment. Yet, to be plain and truthful, I did hesitate to post it. That's an error on my part that your post has raised in my mind. I had no doubt about the way Otis would read it and yet there is an unspoken disregard for such statements in so many quarters that I guess it can lead to an almost unconscious self-censoring. An example of what you are pointing at - veering towards the side of safety out of habit.

Your post actually raises a subject that I don't remember seeing discussed in any of the related threads here. How does one adjust or cope in such an environment. Do people such as Ted & Tina have any concept of the imposed boundaries and rules that must be negotiated.

Ted can freely say, "My wife and I went to a fantastic movie last night and we both had the same emotional reaction to it," and do so without question. I have to make a conscious decision about what I say depending on who I am speaking to. Should I say, "My partner and I went to a movie...", avoid it all and say "I went to a movie...", play it safe and say "A friend and I went to a movie..." Yes, it does affect these small details that many people rarely think about. I sit down over lunch with an advertising rep. and am the one who decides where thousands of dollars will be spent, but when they talk about their husband and then inquire about my life, I never know if I'm walking into a field of landmines. Thankfully, in my business it is less of an issue and I tend to strive towards an actually personal connection with the people I deal with rather than point-gaining small talk. I'm a true believer in gaining respect by offering it and it is something I'm proud of. And yet, in the back of your mind, there is always the question of "What if..."

What if. I've been at parties and witnessed men boasting about baseball bat attacks against gays. I've been standing in social gatherings and heard people make remarks about people such as "I bet he's a fag." And I stand there, and my heart rate triples and I seethe at the injustice...and I hesitate because I never know if I might be taking my life into my own hands by saying something.

I sometime fall into the trap of thinking about, and I rarely do, but seeing a newpaper article, something on the news, even a NG post, incidents are come to my attention and I can help but wonder... What if Brad doesn't come home tonight because someone beat him to death. What if I don't come home. What if we end up walking down the wrong street at the wrong time together and one of those "incidents" happens to us. No matter how rare the thought is, the fact is there is always an underlying element of fear.

These are some of the reasons that dl's statements as well as those of some people here disturb me so much. dl goes on national radio and claims we are biological mistakes, that she feels pity for us, that we recruit in the school systems, that we are trying to destroy the institution of the family, that we sexualize children....and yet she doesn't hate homosexuals but is actually compassionate. She too has claimed that she has close friends who are gay. My question is, "Please define a 'close' friend."

Having originally intend to post a quick response Dr. Charlie, I say again "thank you for your post."

Lord dk the Courteous