does it exist. do i roam the my internal landscape and dream of creating some perfection in the real world that can never be. and in the search, i become blinded by drive and emotion. if only i could target this drive... don't i get to say what i can or can't deal with? i would have it all, my only friend. this feeling of need, my hole, i know what fills it. or i think i do. but that in of it's self is far luckier than most people i know. or i think i am

why can't i be happy with the near perfect life i have? why do i have to be so frustrated with stagnecy?