Tulips Interlude 6B:
The Envelope Please


May 2000

Disclaimer: We all know that they don't belong to me, and I promise to put them back when I'm done. Vic, Mac, the Director, the Agency and pretty much everything except the neighbors belong to John Woo and Alliance Entertainment. Just let me win the lottery though....

Vic flipped through the mail indifferently while Mac rummaged around in the fridge, trying to find something to eat. "Bill, bill, junk mail, Ed McMahon wants to make me a millionaire, more bills... hey, maybe I should send them to Ed? Something from my mother -- God, what does she want? Oh shit!"

The sudden exclamation and the tone of horror brought Mac's head out of the fridge. "What's wrong?"

Vic waved an envelope at him with an expression of dismay. "It's our invitation to the Agency Awards. Do you suppose we could get ourselves blown up again to miss them again this year?"

Mac looked at him like he was nuts. "Oh, come on, they aren't that bad, Vic."

Vic regarded him pityingly. "You've only been once, and for whatever reason, the black widow was on her good behavior that year. You know all those so-called joke categories she keeps threatening us with? Well, they're not."

"Huh? Not what?" Mac was understandably confused.

"Not jokes."

Mac snorted. "Yeah, right. Gimme a break. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday, Vic."

"Fine, don't believe me. But ask around the Agency about Sven and Inge. They were agents who were a couple when the Awards night rolled around three years ago. Ask others about how their night went."

Mac was starting to feel a little uneasy. "You're kidding me, right? She wouldn't actually do that. I mean...Best Performance, Best Swordsman, Best Vocal Chords?" he finished with a wail, naming just a few of the categories the Director had suggested since they'd gotten together.

Vic shook his head unhappily. "Yeah, she would. Some of the categories she came up with for those other two made me cringe. God, I'd settle for another gun-toting, homicidal clown right now."

Mac frowned and moved closer. "Don't even joke about that, babe. I nearly lost you before I ever found you."

Vic snorted. "You'd found me; you just couldn't see what was right under your nose. For that matter, you weren't so eager to see my life saved when we were hanging off that building and Li Ann hauled me up."

Mac shrugged sullenly. "So I run off at the mouth when I'm scared. You already knew that."

Vic ran the back of a finger lightly over Mac's cheek. "I know, Mac. You'd nearly died. It's understandable that you'd be a little scared and irritable."

Mac stared at the floor. It would be so easy not to say anything and let Vic go on believing that. "It's not that," he said reluctantly.

"What do you mean?" Vic asked curiously.

"I wasn't scared 'cause I almost died; I was scared because you did. But I couldn't admit that to myself or you or Li Ann, so I convinced myself I was jealous because she picked you. But really I was ready to scream because I'd had to imagine a world without you in it."

"Why didn't you say something?" Vic was beyond stunned. He'd had no idea that Mac had cared anything beyond a grudging partnership back then.

"I couldn't even admit it to myself. How could I tell you? Besides, on the rare occasion when I'd let myself think about it for an instant, usually just before I fell asleep, I was sure that you'd punch me if you had any idea. I figured you for 100% heterosexual."

Vic laughed softly. "I'd probably never have looked at a man -- or at least not acted on a vague curiosity," he admitted honestly, "if I hadn't met you. I wasn't interested in men until you got under my skin and started driving me crazy. I wanted to kill you when you were going to marry that arms dealing bimbo."

"She wasn't a bimbo," Mac protested, only to be silenced by Vic's glare.

"Whatever," Vic muttered, turning away.

"We've gotten kind of off the topic here. You were telling me about these agents who were a couple."

Vic shrugged. "I already told you; the Director will make use of those oh so delightful categories she revels in dreaming up to embarrass the hell out of us."

Three weeks later, sitting back down at the table he was sharing with Vic, Li Ann, Jackie, Dobrinsky, Nathan, Allegra, and the Director, Mac wished he'd taken Vic's warning more seriously. He looked down at the trophy he and Vic had just won for "Most Improved Partnership" and prayed for this evening to end.

After the applause and sniggers died down, the Director went up on stage to personally announce the next category and nominees. "Ladies and gentlemen, the next category, my own personal favorite," she purred, "is 'The Agent Most Often Caught in Compromising Positions.' It will be no surprise to anyone to learn that among the nominees are Victor Mansfield -- stand up and wave to the nice people, Victor -- and Mac Ramsey. The other nominees are Jackson Benteen, Raine, and Dobrinsky." The others named, a southerner who gave poor white trash a bad name and a slutty-looking young woman in neon-pink spandex and feathers, acknowledged their nominations. "And the winner is..." the Director opened the envelope and pulled out the name. "Oh my, this is a first, everyone. We have a tie. Vic, Mac, you both win." She smiled fondly at them, ignoring their shudders. "Do you suppose it could have anything to do with the fact that you're always caught in compromising positions with each other?" She kissed each lingeringly as they accepted their trophies and slunk back to their seats.

It was Dobrinsky's turn to stand up and go to the stage to present the next award. "I'm sure all you have your own personal favorites for this next category: The Most Distracting Agent. As you know if you've been here, Raine has won it for the last ten years, and she's one of this year's nominees." He paused for the catcalls and wolf whistles to die down as Raine stood up and blew kisses, dropping her pink feather boa to reveal she wore nothing but pasties above the waist. "But this year, she has some competition. Also nominated are Jackie Janczyk, Victor Mansfield--"

"Eyelashes!" somebody yelled.

Dobrinsky continued unheedingly, "Mac Ramsey--"

"The pout!"

Dobrinsky glared the culprit into silence. "And the Director," he finished. Total silence fell as the agents absorbed that last name and turned as one to stare at the serene woman. They eyed her as they would an unleashed tiger in their midst, and every person there knew she had to win. What could possibly be more distracting than her air of benevolent malevolence? Then they followed her gaze to Vic and Mac, who were petting each other despite the public setting, and their only question was whether this would be the second tie.

Raine, ignored as she hadn't been in years, pouted at her table. She didn't like having the attention taken away from her like this, but watching the heat the two men generated, she figured she didn't have a hope of winning this year.

Dobrinsky was enjoying the suspense and took his time opening the envelope, eyeing the nominees consideringly all the while. He pulled out the single sheet of paper, read it, shook his head, and read it again. He stared from it to the Director to the others in the running, then burst into laughter. He nearly doubled over as he howled, unable to speak for some time. Finally, he regained control of himself and straightened up, though his shoulders still shook suspiciously. Even the Director looked surprised by his reaction.

"Well, it looks like we have another first, boys and girls," Dobrinsky announced, wiping the tears of mirth from his face. "We had a write-in candidate who won. Come on up here and accept your prize..." he paused dramatically, "Nathan."

They could have heard a pin drop in the room. Nathan peered around nervously, clutching a clipboard to his chest. No one was quite certain why he had a clipboard or what he was talking about when he launched into some long-winded diatribe about Alex Trebek and giant insects, but he certainly was distracting.

Vic gaped at Nathan in disbelief, then turned to Mac. "We lost to Nathan?"

Mac bit his lip hard to hide his laughter. "It's okay, babe, I still think you're the most distractingly beautiful thing on the planet."

Vic sulked. "You're just saying that. I don't believe Nathan beat me. I could see the Director or you, or even Raine, but Nathan?" He shook his head.

Mac chuckled and drew Vic to his feet while everyone was distracted by Nathan's speech and his antics when the Director approached him. "Come with me, and I'll show you how distracted you make me."

Vic laughed. "That has to be the corniest line I ever heard."

"Does that mean you don't want to get out of here?"

"Far from it. Just try not to get us in trouble again."

Mac looked put upon. "I don't make trouble," he protested, pouting when Vic laughed at him. "Fine, whatever." He drew Vic toward the door and out into the hallway.

"We can't stay here," Vic pointed out. "The Director'll come after us and just drag us back in there. I'm waiting for her to demand demonstrations of some of these things she's nominating us for." He shuddered.

Mac looked horrified at the very idea and headed down the hall purposefully. Vic followed him, then stopped short when he realized where they were.

"Are you insane?" he demanded in a harsh whisper, looking around nervously. "This is the Director's office, for crying out loud!"

Mac dropped down into her chair, wriggling enticingly as he settled.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Mac grinned. "You can't tell me you've never thought about it."

"Thought about what? Getting killed? I can think of much more pleasant ways of dying!"

"Making out in the Director's office, in her chair, on her desk. Fucking ourselves silly right here when she's just down the hall," Mac replied throatily.

"You are insane! Get the fuck up and let's get the hell out of here!" Vic stopped talking and gulped when Mac unfastened his fly, reached in, and started stroking himself.

"Your wish is my command," Mac laughed, his breath catching as his thumb rubbed the ultra-sensitive head of his cock. "I'm up to fuck," he added, purposely misunderstanding Vic's comment.

Vic groaned, but he didn't move away from the arousing sight of Mac caressing himself. He watched avidly as the outline of the long, clever, thief's fingers moved under the trousers, licking his lips when Mac shoved the pants and boxers down over his hips. Vic found himself closer without any recollection of moving. He sank to his knees between Mac's widespread legs, close enough to smell the musk of his lover's arousal. He couldn't resist and swayed toward him, his tongue flicking out to run along Mac's length.

Mac gasped and sank lower in the chair, spreading his legs even wider. He leaned his head against the back of the chair, looking down at Vic. He watched as Vic slowly licked him, making sure not to miss a single centimeter, occasionally nipping gently at the sensitive flesh. Mac shuddered, his eyes half closing and his hands clenching on the arms of the chair. Vic closed his lips around the head of his cock and sucked lightly, his tongue swiping over him, and Mac's hips rose off the chair.

Vic released him and sat back, grinning up at Mac and licking his lips. "We really should get out of the Director's office," he said huskily. "God only knows what she'd do to us if she found us making out here. I haven't forgotten her threat to castrate us."

Mac flinched at the memory, but it wasn't enough to distract him from the arousal pulsing through his body, not with Vic kneeling between his legs. "I want you so bad, Vic."

Vic's eyes closed briefly in reaction to that fervid statement, the pupils dilated till his eyes appeared black when they opened again. He stood up, bracing his hands on the back of the chair on either side of Mac's head, and leaned in for a kiss. Their mouths clung, tongues exploring familiar territory, parting only to gasp a breath before seeking one another again. Finally the awkward position and increasing pain in his back from bending over forced Vic to pull away. He straightened up long enough to shuck his trousers, draping them carefully over the desk to prevent telltale crumpling that the Director would be sure to comment on. Naked from the waist down, he climbed into Mac's lap, wrapping himself around his lover. He settled his head on one shoulder, snuggling into Mac, and his tongue lapped languidly at the tanned skin.

Mac wrapped his arms tightly around Vic, holding him close. "I know you're only happy sleeping on top of me, Vic, but don't fall asleep here. The dragonlady would not be amused."

Vic chuckled and squirmed, aligning his ass with Mac's erection. "No way I'd let this go to waste." He frowned when Mac didn't move. He jabbed back with his elbow, getting a grunt in response.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"Just making sure you were still awake. If you want me to play by myself, just say so."

Mac had to swallow hard a few times before he could speak with the image of a naked Vic playing with himself in his mind. "I was just enjoying the moment...until you prodded me, that is. So much for romance."

Vic snickered. "Mac babe, I love it when you get romantic, but could you not draw things out when I'm in the Director's office without my pants?"

Mac choked trying to hold in his laughter. "Good point." He licked the side of Vic's throat, shifting the older man so that he sat in his lap, back to Mac's chest. "Put your legs over the chair arms," he directed.

Vic gasped softly but followed Mac's directions, hooking his knees over the armrests. Mac wished for a mirror in front of them to be able to see Vic spread open like that, and he promised himself to pose Vic sometime for their pleasure. He ran his hands over the muscular thighs, petting his lover but mindful of the fact that the Director could come looking for them or simply want to use her office at any moment.

Vic was panting, aroused by the vulnerable position, desperately wanting to feel Mac's touch on more of him. As if hearing his thoughts, or perhaps simply getting the message when Vic grabbed his hand and placed it on his cock, Mac slowly stroked the hardening flesh. His fingers explored the rigid length, then reached below to gently knead the heavy sac, making Vic moan. His hand continued its journey, rubbing lightly over the sensitive area behind the balls before tracing the length of the dark crevice between his cheeks.

Vic squirmed helplessly, caught up in the sensations caused by Mac's hand moving over him. He whimpered when the errant finger reached his anus and slowly circled, brushing teasingly over him. His hips rose, trying to force that finger inside him, but Mac's other hand pressed down on his belly, holding him still. When he subsided, pleading with Mac to stop teasing him, that second hand rose, stroking his belly and coming to rest over a nipple. Vic moaned eagerly, but Mac just let it lie there, motionless, the heat of his hand soaking into Vic's body. While Vic was distracted by the hand on his chest, the other moved and one finger slid inside him.

Mac chuckled throatily. "Already lubed, babe? Isn't that just a little slutty?"

Vic managed a broken laugh. "Yup, and you know you love it."

"God, I can't believe you've been sitting there all night, ready for me." Mac added a second finger, both moving easily inside Vic. He could feel his own cock jerk at Vic's needy whine, and he reached between them, urging Vic to raise himself slightly. Mac held his cock steady with one hand and drew Vic toward him with the other. Both men groaned when they brushed against each other, and Vic pushed down at the same instant Mac pushed up. Vic yelped when Mac rammed into to the hilt, both of them taken by surprise. They remained motionless for a moment after the abrupt entry, allowing Vic to grow accustomed to Mac's presence inside him.

Mac's hands now gripped Vic's hips, his fingers unconsciously kneading the muscle. Vic started to move as much as he could in his splayed position, urging Mac to move as well. Mac arched his hips in minute fractions of an inch, barely shifting, despite Vic's pleas. He loved to tease the older man, drive him into a frenzy until he came screaming Mac's name when Mac finally let him come. He held Vic still, not letting him move and not touching his aching cock.

Vic swore viciously, twisting in Mac's grip as he tried to free himself to move. "Fuck me, damn you!" he snarled, his hands clawing at Mac's.

"Well, why didn't you just say so?" Mac gasped out, releasing Vic's hips and gripping the arms of the chair to brace himself as he thrust up into his lover.

Vic moaned loudly, his head falling back against Mac's shoulder, and he matched Mac's rhythm. Mac nipped at the side of Vic's throat, then caught his ear between his teeth, nibbling lightly. Vic grasped his cock in one hand, pumping it rapidly as Mac thrust into him. He could feel his climax approaching when the door opened and the Director walked in.

A supercilious eyebrow rose, and she folded her arms and leaned against the door behind her. "Moving into my office, boys?"

They stared at her in horror, frozen in position with Mac buried in Vic's ass and Vic's fist around his cock. Vic flinched involuntarily, making his muscles tighten around Mac. Mac groaned and thrust into him, unable to help himself. Their eyes were fixed on the Director, who watched them with a smirk, but despite their dismay, they couldn't control their bodies. Even the shock of her appearance hadn't shrunk their erections at all, and they knew that they couldn't stop.

Under the Director's unblinking attention, Vic and Mac closed their eyes, trying to ignore her presence and concentrate on the pleasure coursing through their bodies. Their arousal didn't flag, but it was increasingly hard to pretend the Director wasn't standing in front of them, watching ever movement. In desperation, Mac raised one hand to Vic's chest, pinching and tugging on a nipple, and Vic's eyes flew open as he cried out.

His hips arched convulsively as he began to come, then he dropped down into Mac's lap, driving Mac as deep inside him as possible. Mac groaned hoarsely, pulling Vic even closer as he exploded.

They remained draped bonelessly over the chair for a few minutes until the Director's voice reminded them of their situation.

"Very nice, boys. However, I'm certain that you're supposed to be in the hall where the awards are being presented. Get dressed and get back to the table." She smiled toothily at them. "Unless you want me to consider the two of you naked in my office as an invitation?"

She smirked at the speed with which they leaped to their feet and grabbed for their clothes. Seeing that they were going to obey, she patted them on the cheeks and left to go back to the presentation ceremony.

Grumbling and tousled, the two agents entered the room a few minutes later, just in time to hear the Director announce, "And the final entry for Most Photogenic is Mac Ramsey and Victor Mansfield." She directed everyone's attention to the large screen at the back of the stage.

Vic and Mac slunk to their seats, watching the screen nervously. As they sat down, a film clip started, set in a suspiciously familiar room.

"Oh shit! That's not..." Vic moaned.

"Fuck! It is." Mac seemed to be thinking about crawling under the table.

Both men turned a vivid shade of red as video footage of their little excursion into the Director's office rolled on screen. The entire audience erupted in applause and wolf whistles, along with several yelled offers to get together.

They buried their faces in their hands as the Director announced, "And the winner is... Vic and Mac!"


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