Notes: In response to a challenge, but unfortunately neither of us can remember exactly what it was or who made it. If it was you, speak up so we can credit the idea. Sgt. Lindstrom isnít actually an original character; we borrowed her from another military show several years ago after bumping her rank down to fit into Atlantis.

The World According to Rover IV:
What Kavanagh Saw

Orithain and Rina

August 2005

Disclaimers: You donít actually think we believe theyíre ours, do you? Weíre not delusional. ;) We donít make any money from this, just have fun.

This was going to prove everything. Still smarting from the written reprimand that had gone into his file after the fiasco with the Ancient gender switching device, Dr. Calvin Kavanagh was determined to prove that it was the senior staff on Atlantis who were the incompetent ones.

Smirking to himself, Kavanagh checked the lock on his room a final time before sitting down, turning on his laptop and accessing the program he had written several weeks before. It was a simple enough loop, so simple in fact that all the so-called geniuses he worked with hadnít even caught it. Once he scanned through the feed, however, he was going to have more than enough evidence to prove Weir incompetent, Sheppard a foolhardy, suicidal maniac, and McKay a man with no idea just what scientific procedure was.

Reports were well and good, but thisóthis was hard, empirical evidence, and no one in the SGC would be able to refute it. Flexing his fingers, Kavanagh started typing, calling up the first video loop, and settled back to watch, notepad at hand to record particular infractions and note the time and date.

In an explored but currently unused section of the city, Sgt. Annalisa Lindstrom reached out a small but strong hand to catch hold of Dr. Peter Grodinís shoulder and draw him back. The pretty blonde glared at the scientist from ice blue eyes that showed her Nordic heritage. "The point of me being with you, Doctor, is to protect you. Which means I lead."

"And just where are you planning on leading me, Sergeant?" he asked, amused. "Into trouble as usual?"

"I was thinking more of that room we found last time. The one with the nice, convenient table?" Lisaís eyes warmed as she smiled as well and pulled him closer for a kiss, secure in the knowledge that they were the only people in that section of the city.

"The nice, convenient, comfortable table?" Peter laughed, finding the clips that held her hair up off her neck and releasing them so it fell around her face in a soft, blonde tangle. "I say, lead on, Sergeant; Iím all yours."

She grinned wickedly. "Tell me something I donít know, Doc."

He leaned back, trying to appear affronted. "Itís just a good thing I have weakness for authoritative women."

She snorted a laugh. "And a good thing I like that about you." Forgoing the room they were heading for, she suddenly slammed him against the wall and pressed close. "So what are you going to do with me?" she murmured against his lips.

Peterís grin grew as his hands dropped lower to cup Lisaís tight ass. "Whatever you order me to." He stopped teasing for the moment and caught her mouth with his, their tongues sliding together as they kissed, open-mouthed.

When she pulled her head back, panting, her high cheekbones flushed, Lisa smirked. "I love an obedient man." She reached between them to unfasten his pants and stroked the half-hard cock she freed, rapidly bringing him to full erection. "So when I tell you to flip us around, push me up against this wall and fuck me...?"

"I say I love a woman with a plan," Peter gasped, managing the first part of the order even as he grabbed Lisaís P90 and let it slide to the floor, followed by her ordinance belt and fatigue shirt. Her t-shirt was much easier to deal with though the sports bra made him grumble before that, too, joined the growing pile on the corridor floor.

Lisa was equally busy undressing him, so it was only moments before they were both naked, after parting briefly to remove their boots and step out of their pants. "Good hands," she gasped as he pushed her back against the wall, and she raised one leg to wrap it around his waist, her pale skin in stark contrast to his bronzed tones.

"Better chest." As Peter spoke, he lowered his head to nuzzle her breasts, hefting her upward so she could wrap both legs around his waist as he did so.

"Glad you approve." Lisa raised herself a little more and sank down onto his erection, groaning her satisfaction as he filled her. "Oh God, thatís good."

"As always." Peter secured his balance before raising his head, catching Lisaís hair with one hand to pull her head back so that he could kiss her as he started to move, pressing her between the wall and his body. Lisa groaned her pleasure, rocking against him while she dragged her short nails over his back.

Groaning, Peter began to thrust harder, driving into her body before dipping his head down again to suck on the tender flesh of Lisaís shoulder.

"Oh God, yes, harder," she demanded, back arching as she matched his rhythm.

Obviously obeying the command, Peter redoubled his efforts, slamming into her, their flesh slapping together in the quiet of the hallway. Lisa buried her face against his throat, muffling her cries as they fucked.

"Thatís it, let me feel you," Peter gasped, the muscles in his back tensing as he took more of Lisaís weight. Lisa whimpered and shoved a hand between them to rub her clit, and her body clenched around him as she began to come.

"God, Lisa!" Peter cried out, freezing before slamming into her once more before collapsing, letting the wall support both of them for the moment.

"Mmm, good," she purred against his shoulder. "Now wasnít that better than inventorying supplies that we already checked last week?"

Peter chuckled and leaned back enough to let them both breathe. "And isnít it a shame we didnít finish inventorying them and will have to redo it next week?"

"Just awful," she agreed with a laugh, kissing him.

Kavanagh took off his glasses to wipe them. Clearly the environmental controls werenít working properly, due to people slacking off, since he was overheated.

"Those two certainly need reprimands," he muttered, making a notation in his notebook before moving on to the next recording.

"Major, youíre the most annoying, insufferable, idiotic man I have ever met in my life!" Rodney McKay slammed as much as was possible with a sliding door into his lab, dragging Major Sheppard with him. "I just need you to activate this for me."

"But you love me," John smirked, following Rodney into the lab and looking around in surprise when he saw that they were alone aside from the ever-present Rover. "What exactly do you want me to touch, Rodney?"

Rodney turned and thought the door closed, a triumphant smirk on his face. "Why me, of course."

"Why, Rodney, how sneaky of you. I like that in a man." After checking that Rover was settled in Ďhisí corner of the lab and didnít seem likely to move, John stalked toward Rodney, an intent expression on his face.

"Yes, well, itís my innate brilliance that lets me plan things like this." Once John was near him, Rodney reached out, caught him by the t-shirt, and pulled him into a hungry kiss.

"And this is why I like sleeping with a genius." John went eagerly, arms going around Rodney and sliding into his pants. "Any particular part you wanted me to touch?" he asked against Rodneyís lips.

"Here." Rodneyís hand snaked between them and cupped Johnís crotch. "And here." His other one slid up under Johnís shirt to rub his chest.

"I can do that." But before he did, John worked on getting them both naked. "You did lock the door, right?"

"Yes, John, I locked the door," Rodney parroted back even as he shrugged out of his shirt and helped John with his.

"Oh good. ĎCause this is all mine." Johnís mouth latched onto an already rigid nipple, and he nibbled gently.

Rodney groaned as he tangled a hand in Johnís hair and collapsed back against one of the lab benches, trying to kick his pants off over his sneakers.

"Every time I come in here, I want to do you over that damn bench," John groaned, helping Rodney finish undressing before moving between his legs, his eyes dark with arousal.

"Bad idea when anyone else is here; when weíre alone, excellent one," Rodney hissed, hopping up on the bench, dragging their bodies together as he did so.

"Fuck yeah," John groaned, arching against him. "Whereíd you hide the lube this time?"

Rodney smirked. "You could always interrogate me."

"Iíd rather do a cavity search, which means I need the lube." John reached under the bench and made a sound of success when he found the small tube where heíd expected it. "Predictable, Rodney. This is a good thing." He squirted some into his hand and pressed a finger against Rodneyís opening.

"Yes, well, I donít want to strain your mind too much," Rodney answered, gasping when Johnís finger slid into him.

"Very kind of you." John worked quickly to prepare Rodney, knowing that they didnít dare linger here, and it was only a few moments before he was sliding into his loverís tight heat.

"Though you can strain anything else you feel inclined to." Rodney hooked his ankles around Johnís back and pulled him closer, sliding his tongue into Johnís open mouth.

John hummed his agreement into Rodneyís mouth and immediately started a deep, rapid rhythm intended to bring them both to climax quickly.

Getting a hand between them to jack himself off, Rodney gasped and moaned, his other hand kneading convulsively at Johnís back before freezing into a claw as he came, his fingertips digging into the strong muscle beneath them.

"Fuck yeah," John rasped against Rodneyís throat, his hips thrusting several more times through the spasms of Rodneyís climax until he reached his own.

"So," Rodney gasped, once theyíd both recovered somewhat. "Next time in the armory?"

"Sounds great to me." John sat up reluctantly and offered Rodney a hand up before standing and stretching hugely, indifferent to his nudity.

Shuddering, Kavanagh saved and shut down the feed, frantically making notes as the next one cued up. "Fraternization, blatant disregard of Ďdonít ask, donít tellí, misuse of lab equipment," he muttered gleefully before looking at his laptop screen again.

The door to one of the supply rooms slid open, and Sgt. Stackhouse darted in, apparently trying to avoid being seen as he ducked behind a stack of boxes. Once the door closed again, he began pawing through the boxes, apparently looking for something in particular. After a few moments he let out a cry of success and ripped open a box, a cascade of shiny foil packages tumbling to the floor.

He snatched one up and nearly dropped it again as he frantically fought to open it. Finally successful, he nearly crammed the contents into his mouth, scarfing down the entire MRE as fast as he could. After the first, he went through two more before he finally slumped to the floor with a sigh of relief.

He sat there for a short time before climbing back to his feet so he could stuff the loose packages into his pockets. That done, he picked up another, unopened case, and left the supply room after cautiously sticking his head out to be sure no one was coming.

"Oh, Sgt. Stackhouse," Kavanagh murmured, shaking his head, "hoarding supplies where thereís the chance of a shortage. Youíre going to be demoted to the lowest rank possible after this!"

"I am not sure this is what the authorities had in mind for a physical examination," Radek Zelenka observed with amusement as he sat on a bed in the infirmary.

Dr. Carson Beckett chuckled as he leaned against the wall in the small area. "Well now, would you rather I perform an actual one on you?"

"Hardly. Though if you wish to demonstrate your skill at a prostate exam..."

"It would be my pleasure." Carson pushed off the wall and leaned in to kiss Radek. "And yours of course."

"I should hope so!" Radek pretended to huff indignantly, but he was already undressing, blue eyes intent on Carsonís face.

"Mmm," Carson murmured, watching appreciatively as Radek stripped, "I do love an obedient patient."

"A change from Major Sheppard, hmm?" Radek chuckled at Carsonís expression.

"A change from just about everyone on this bloody planet!" Carson laughed, shucking off his lab coat and approaching the examination table to stand between Radekís thighs, smiling down at him before kissing him again.

"I think youíre overdressed for this examination, doctor," Radek teased, running his hands over Carsonís thighs.

"Not for this part." Carson gently pushed Radek back down onto the table, leaning in over him to map the wiry torso with both lips and hands.

"Mmm, feels good. Is this where you fuck me while youíre fully dressed and Iím naked?"

Carson chuckled against Radekís nipple before nibbling on it until the other man moaned. "I could be persuaded to do that; do ye want me to put my lab coat back on to fulfill all of your examination room fantasies?"

"I wouldnít want you to get overheated. And this is good. It feels deliciously dirty to feel your uniform against my skin while Iím hard for you."

"Deliciously dirty, I like that phrase, love," Carson murmured, running his hands up Radekís thighs to frame his groin.

"Iím rather fond of the activity." Radek nearly whimpered as Carsonís hands rested so close to his erection without touching it.

Carson only smiled, shifting his hands to push Radek to his back and bring his legs up, spreading them wider so that he could admire the feast spread out before him.

"Well, are you just going to stand there looking, or are you going to do something?"

"Ordering the doctor around, are you, boy-o?" Carson asked, reaching for the KY jelly and slicking up a finger before circling the digit around Radekís hole. Radek moaned and pushed up to meet it, trying to force it inside him.

"Tease," he panted, fingers clenched on the edges of the table in a white-knuckled grip.

"Never." Carson pressed two fingers inward suddenly, stretching Radek.

"Carson!" Radek clenched down on Carsonís finger and began squirming, trying to entice him.

"Radek!" Carson answered, crooking his fingers to rub over Radekís prostate as he undid his own pants with his free hand.

"Yes, yes, weíve been introduced, now fuck me!" Radek babbled.

In answer, Carson pulled his hand back, steadied himself with one hand while he held Radekís leg with the other, and pressed forward, easily sliding into Radekís tight heat, groaning as he was encased in the familiar sensation.

"Oh God yes," Radek wailed, his bare legs wrapping around Carsonís waist, the uniform fabric slightly scratchy against his sensitive inner thighs. "So good."

"Aye, you are," Carson whispered, thrusting forward, his hands running up Radekís chest to cup his face as they kissed again and again.

"We are." Radek moaned with every thrust, knowing he wasnít going to last long.

Carson nodded, reaching between them to circle and stroke Radekís erection, each movement bringing him nearer to the edge as well. Radek gasped and rocked up, arms and legs tight around Carson as he rode the crest of the wave and then tumbled off with a cry of rapture, body spasming as he came.

Carson bit his lip to keep from crying out and slammed into Radekís body several more times, tensing, then collapsing as he came as well.

"Is everyone on this base a pervert?" Kavanagh muttered, adding those two names to his list.

Teyla walked into the detention area, and her eyes met the angry blue of Soraís accusing gaze.

"What do you want?" Sora snapped, getting to her feet and warily watching the Athosian womanís movements.

"We must speak." Teyla stopped outside the door, meeting Soraís eyes calmly. "I do not believe that you would refuse to see the truth."

"You left my father behind to die."

"Yes." Teyla nodded. "As he left others behind and because he shot someone rather than attempting to save them, thereby waking the Wraith. I regret his death, but the responsibility for it lies with him."

Sora closed her eyes and pursed her lips together, staying that way for a long moment. "I know that," she whispered.

Teylaís shoulders relaxed almost imperceptibly as the tension flowed out of her. "I thought you might wish to spar to alleviate your confinement."

"I doubt my guards will let me have weapons to practice with."

Teyla gestured to the guards, who reluctantly left the two women alone, only Major Sheppardís earlier orders making them do so. She reached down to the pack sheíd brought with her and offered Sora a pair of fighting sticks.

"Why are you doing this?" Sora asked, accepting the sticks and swinging them to test the balance.

"We were friends once," Teyla replied simply.

The flesh around Soraís eyes tightened, and she attacked, the crack of the sticks hitting together echoing through the detention area. "Yes, we were."

"I would not leave a friend alone." Teyla circled warily, watching Sora as she allowed the Genii woman to take the offensive for now.

"I would have killed you if I could have." Sora ducked and spun, aiming a swipe at Teylaís leg, trying to knock her to the floor.

"I am not you." Teyla easily evaded Soraís attack, though it was better coordinated than the last time theyíd fought when Sora had been blinded by her rage.

"If you were like me, you would at least be trying to attack," Sora panted, shaking her hair back out of her face and circling the Athosian woman.

"To what end? I am here to allow you some exercise and a change in your routine. I know my own skills and do not need to do violence to you to prove them."

Sora only glowered and attacked again, pushing herself to the limits of her abilities in an attempt to get any reaction from Teyla other than serenity.

Teyla smiled, pleased that her plan to distract Sora from her situation was working. She began to push the redhead harder, forcing her to exert herself.

A resounding smack on her forearm caused Sora to drop one of the sticks, but she recovered, now on the defensive, circling backwards as Teyla advanced toward her. Her gaze focused on the other woman, searching desperately for any weakness, but finding none.

"You are too eager to attack, leaving yourself vulnerable," Teyla said softly, moving in, dark eyes intent.

"Then what do you do when attacking is all that is left to you?" Soraís voice held a pain that had nothing to do with her recent injury.

"Then you give it everything you have. But only after you are truly certain that there are no other courses of action open to you. Attack is rarely the best option." Teyla watched Sora, her gaze warm with empathy.

Soraís expression crumpled, but she fought on. "And what would you do if you were in my position?"

"Seek the assistance of my friends."

"And if you have none?"

"You have friends, Sora."

"Who?" The younger woman scoffed, her voice raspy as she gasped for air. "I tried to kill you; my people invaded your base and now assume I am a traitor; there is no one left."

"I am not your enemy."

"Why?" Sora said plaintively. "You should be after what we did, what I did."

"You are not my enemy. Your people... as you say, after what they did, especially Commander Kolya, there can be nothing less than enmity between the Genii and the Atlanteans. But Major Sheppard heard your attempts to reason with your leader, and I... I understand grief."

Sora paused, not even noticing when Teylaís last move hit the stick from her hand, leaving her defenseless. "You are more forgiving than I," she whispered, sinking the floor to lean against the wall, her arms wrapped tightly around her torso.

Silently, Teyla knelt beside her and wrapped her arms around the younger woman, drawing her close to lean on Teylaís strength. For a long moment, Sora held herself rigid, her whole body trembling with tension, then she sagged, leaning into Teylaís embrace, a ragged sob tearing through her slim frame.

"I am always your friend, Sora," Teyla murmured, rubbing the Genii womanís back soothingly.

That comment provoked more sobs, and Sora buried her face in Teylaís neck, her arms going around the other woman as well. Holding her close, Teyla pressed a kiss to the top of Soraís head. The two stayed that way for a long while, even after Sora calmed, sharing comfort and companionship.

"I will be here when you need me," Teyla whispered.

Sora raised her head, her blue eyes watery but clear. "Thank you, my friend," she answered in an equally low voice before leaning in to brush a gentle kiss over Teylaís lips. Tilting her head, Teyla deepened the kiss momentarily before drawing back and easing away from Sora.

"I will return tomorrow."

Sora nodded and surreptitiously wiped her eyes, regaining her composure before rising and nodding. "I would like that."

Kavanagh watched Teyla leave the holding cell and cursed before frantically fast-forwarding through the rest of the footage from the detention area, shifting in his seat to ease the tightness around his groin.

It was a regular morning briefing, but Elizabeth, along with everyone else in the meeting aside from Rodney, couldnít stop darting sidelong glances at Major Sheppard. Finally, she couldnít hold out any longer.

"Major? Why are your teeth green?" His whole mouth was green, teeth, lips, tongue, and she couldnít begin to imagine why.

"Yes, Major, do tell," Rodney hissed, his baleful gaze promising dire retribution if John revealed the true reason. Thank god his own greenness didnít show!

"Green beans," John mumbled, leaving everyone none the wiser. Everyone except Kate Heightmeyer, whoíd been invited to join them that morning. She flashed back to a conversation in the messhall several weeks earlier, and once again, she spat a mouthful of coffee in someoneís face.

"Dr. Beckett! Iím so sorry!" she exclaimed, mortified.

Blinking in shock, Carson reached for a napkin and dried himself off. "íTis all right, Kate, though Iím not sure why a vegetable would elicit such a strong reaction."

Flushing deeply, she darted a flustered glance at first Major Sheppard, then Dr. McKay, but she didnít say anything.

"I had a bit of an accident with vegetable dye," John offered, color high on his cheeks as Kateís reaction made it clear that she had some idea of the truth.

"Why..." Elizabeth began, before shaking her head. "Never mind, Iím sure I donít want to know."

Rodney nodded violently. "It really is for the best."

"But we can tell you that the new green dye the botanists were experimenting with works really well," John grinned, looking particularly gruesome with his green teeth.

"John, will you stop it!" Rodney groaned, looking away.

John chuckled but stopped smiling, much to everyoneís relief.

"Yes, well, on to more relevant topics..." Elizabeth steered the meeting back on track.

"A clear sign Dr. Weir canít control her subordinates." Kavanagh wrote furiously. "And that Dr. Heightmeyer has bulimia."

"Dr. Kavanagh." Sgt. Bates appeared silently, his dark eyes unfriendly. "What exactly are you doing here?"

Starting so hard he almost fell off his chair, Kavanagh glared up at Bates. "This is my room, Sergeant; what do you think Iím doing here?"

Bates looked pointedly at the screen, where an image of the senior staff was frozen.

"Iím in the midst of writing my reports on the activities here," Kavanagh snapped, drawing himself up stiffly in his seat.

"It looks more like spying to me."

"Thatís because your intelligence is obviously inadequate; Iím collecting evidence."

Bates eyebrows rose. "The only people who have the power to authorize something like that are Dr. Weir, Major Sheppard, and me. And I know I didnít."

"I would think you would be pleased at what Iíve uncovered here; there is a disgusting amount of perversion running rampant in the city."

"Cockroach," Bates said with disgust.

"I knew this was all a huge cover up!"

Bates rolled his eyes. "Believe what you want, Doctor. But Iím fairly certain Dr. Weir and the major are going to have something to say about this. McKay too."

Kavanagh stumbled to his feet. "You wouldnít! You donít like any of them any more than I do!"

Bates drew himself up to his full height and gave Kavanagh a cold glare. "My personal feelings about them, whatever they may be, are none of your concern. They are the expedition leaders, and you will respect their authority."

"Once Iím able to send my report back to Earth, I doubt that will be the case much longer."

Bates rolled his eyes. Considering that there were no immediate prospects for communication with Earth, he decided not to waste his breath arguing. "You really ought to spend more time worrying about the Wraith and less about other peopleís personal lives." He turned to leave.

"You think this is funny?" Kavanagh shouted. "These people are supposed to be responsible for this mission and all of our safety, and all most of them care about is fucking each other!"

"And all you care about is fucking everyone else over."

"No, Iím trying to protect everyone!"

Bates stopped and looked over his shoulder, his expression one of pure contempt. "No, Dr. Kavanagh, the only person you care about protecting is yourself." He walked out, the door shutting silently behind him.

Kavanagh glared at the door for a long moment before the lure of the video feed became too much for him, and he turned back to the laptop, searching for more transgressions he could record.


  since 02-03-07



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