Acid

You left a good drug on my tongue
And I know and I know and I know
I should write about the dizziness
'Cause I can't talk to the constellation
Like I want and I want yeah I want
'Cause I know too well what's good for me

You just dropped your bomb
Like blood on Tuesday night
But I can't do that can't do
I gotta keep my good composure
And swallow everything I want to say
Like everyone else you found a pretty face
And you're all set for life

Hey I'll always wish I was with you
Hurt me you can't kill me whatever you wanna do
Hey I'll always wish I had your hand
It would take away the acid if I thought you'd understand
But I don't think you'd understand

You say it happened like the movies
Yeah in a shot in a shot yeah you got
All the things you were looking for
I got enough indigo to wash away my heart
No you gotta keep me on this side of the great wide sea

Now I think I might get myself all 1967 on you
Run screaming to the balcony
But I can't do that can't do
I gotta keep my good composure
And swallow everything I want to say



And now here's a message board post from my friend Sara on the topic of acid:

part 1 - I feel like I'm on acid.

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Posted by aperson on 02/7/98 at 14:02

That's because I am.

I ran into an old friend last night (if we're throwing the word friend around lightly), she was already gone and she literally put a tab of acid on my tongue with hers.

Ummm...

Okay.

Rather than spitting in disgust, "what the hell" thought I. Once more, for sake of old times.

Havn't done this is ages...remind me to never do it again. I'm mostly alone now (I definately feel it), I'm back home and nobody around. I could sit and think, or sleep, or write this down like a wuss and throw it away tomorrow.
But no....I'm going to fess up to myself. I'm putting it all here for all to see and it will likely make little or no sense later. And I won't remove it. It'll stand here as a testimony to my immaturity.

Drugs really really suck.

It's been almost nine hours since I dropped and thirty-one or so since I woke up yesterday. I feel like I could run a marathon (or maybe fly it), but if asked the sum of two and two would have to write down and call back later.

I'm beyond hallucinogenic and mind expanding. Now I'm just really high and stoned and dumb. I took my mind on a little trip it didn't want to go on so now it's going on a short vacation to repay me.

I hate not being able to think straight.

Some book I can't remeber that had the word "shcitzophrenic" in it's title and I swear was written by someone by the name of Philip K. Dick, said that if you want to know what it's like to take LSD without doing it...imagine sitting through Ben Hur twenty or so times without the midpoint intermission.

Yup.

That's about it.

In the amount of time it takes for a clock to tick, you are between breaths, between thoughts, and you don't care...meanwhile I am on acid, and I am careening from one side of the Universe to the other, but not without stopping off to meet some friendly but sometimes (often) crying African tribal-type people. Maybe their tendancy for tears sais something about my mental state. and all of this from the safety of my own head.

Time is so slow.

LSD could potentially be an amazing tool for psychiatrists etc to use, but it would scare the living hell out of all of their patients.

You spend what is actually a few hours, but is literally your entire lifetime twice, going over every little thing in your mind ad infinitum.
If you are relaxed and happy...acid is Nirvana...if you are a little bit anything other than relaxed and happy...acid is a hell that only time can save you from.

I've spent a bit of time reading this and the Nat board and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I think, by habit, "these people can't fucking speak english" and then go, "Wait, no...maybe they're speaking very clearly and I'm just on acid"

I hate not being able to think.

If you could actually enjoy visual hallucinations, it would be very cool. You cannot. I have spent a lifetime searching for a way and it doesn't exist. You pick a drug that shows you "pretty stuff" and I've done it at least once. Every damn time, it gets you way too fucking high to enjoy yourself. The faces coming out of the walls and the people smiling and dancing on the ceiling and the fireworks going off all over the carpet would be amazing and likely frightening if I were in a normal state of perception...alas such things could never be observed in a normal state of perception. This is because these little people do not exist. I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm on acid.
None of this is real.

I wish it would end.

End.....NOW....okay...NOW....

nope. Still really dumb and really stoned.

I have now done this exactly four times. I have met people who have done it dozens (even hundreds). That is absolutely astounding. There has to be something wrong with them. This isn't like pot or alcohol or something that comes and goes and everythings fine...this is an event...it takes you over completely and when it gives you back to yourself is not up to you. It's infuriating. Frustration takes on a whole new meaning. How anyone could do this more than once in one year is mind boggeling. Once in a lifetime is plenty.

It feels amazing for a while. Like you can fly anywhere in the universe and find the answer to anything. I always am asking those around me to ask me questions...hopefully something really deep that I'll dig up some amazing answer for.

But they can never give me good enough questions. When you feel like you have all the knowledge and wisdom the universe ever has and ever will see all at your fingertips, but you're on the clock...what do you look for? What do you think about? I can never do it my self, so I'm constantly "ask me something, ask me something!"

Perhaps that whole universe of knowledge and wisdom is simply my mind, and the knowledge and wisdom at my fingertips is only potential knowledge and wisdom that is around me everyday, and I'm on a race to get as much of it as I can before I get old and die.

Or maybe I'm just on acid.

I anticipate a chemical feel, even though I've done this before and know that the chemical feel I dread will not come.
Alcohol is so chemical...so pure...it's disgusting...nothing so pure and vile could be natural...

I don't get that chemical feel, though. I wish this wasn't enjoyable at all...then it'd be easier not to do.
Acid is way too fucking intense.

Like all your life all these emotions and thoughts and various little musings all pile up in your mind with no real order...and it gets really cluttered and messy....then acid is a little blue dot that starts at the very front and goes all the way to the very back but not without going through every little place in between. It rips your mind open and out, you feel everything you've ever felt in your life, even those unfortunate things you wish you hadn't.

Then you get mentally emotionally (spiritually?) exhausted. I wonder if it's worth it.

Timothy Leary thought so.
I bet the surgeon general doesn't.

Now here I sit...exhausted. Waiting for my mind to come back to me.

I feel like I'm in line at the DMV, and I've been there for a decade or so, and my joints hurt, and cobwebs are forming around me...and just as soon as they get around to me I'll get my brain back.

And *THEY* are every little asshole I've ever met in all my life, and who I've crushed in my own mind, and often in the minds of those around me, because they deserved it....and now they hold it against me.

GIVE ME BACK MY BRAIN YOU BASTARD INFERNAL SUBSTANCE!

I just looked at the clock...It's been exactly two minutes since the last time I did that. I'm still in for at least a few more hours of this bullshit. Fuck LSD and fuck the DMV.

Hehe...that sounded funny. Almost like something somebody on acid would say. I don't know why the call it frying....it's not anything at all like frying...it's more like being in lay-away.


part 2 - I feel like I'm on acid.

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Posted by aperson on 02/7/98 at 19:39

In reply to: part 1 - I feel like I'm on acid. posted by aperson on 02/7/98 at 14:02

I read this stuff JAF wrote (I think it was JAF) and it was very confusing. Something about....lots of wierd stuff....

And I read this stuff Pip wrote and it was very confusing. Something about natalie portman playing basketball and then there was michael jordan and she was blasting somebody between the eyes with princess-lea-cinnamon-bun hair on her ears.

Boys are wierd.

And although I've never met natalie portman and i know very little about her I doubt that she would like to do any of those things.
I certainly, would not.

Oh yea...I'm on acid.

Don't worry Sara...it'll make more sense tomorrow.

It's raining like a sonuvabitch out there. I usually like the rain. This is just terrible, though...the skies are opening up and pissing all over the damn place....like in Austin Powers, where he won't fucking stop, and it's not fucking funny, and every fucking pubescant boy my age and older is laughing their asses off all around me, and I'm thinking, "IT'S NOT FUNNY!" "WHAT IS SO DAMN FUNNY THAT I JUST DON'T SEE HERE!"

It did get kinda funny later though...like when he was wrestling the guy in the stall with tom arnold in the other one...haha...

I wish I was back to normal again....altered senses of perception suck.
Sorry...I like my normal senses of perception. Who said they live to distort reality? Morrison? Props to that, man, but you're a fuckin' wacko. You made some damn good music but you're one fuckin' looney tune. How a person could do this when they know whats coming....how the hell did I do this?

I know what it's like...I've done it before...why did I do this again? Oh yea...maybe it had something to do with that tongue of that girls going into my mouth...oh yea...that's probably it. Damn that bitch...I should have been rude and spit it out. Fuck manners.

hehe..manners...I can just see miss manners talking about the proper way to react when some girl you never really liked and you havn't seen since highschool puts her tongue *in your fucking mouth*. like *INSIDE* my goddamned mouth. Like there are maybe a few tongues in the world that I would actually want to let in there at this point in my life, and maybe not even them, and this stupid arrogant bitch thinks she can come along and put her tongue *in my fucking mouth* like she owns the damn place.

And that tongue happened to have a tab of blotter...
which ended up on mine...
and I was too immature and bored to spit it out...

I am so fucking ashamed and disappointed in myself...

and I wonder how many hands have touched that piece of paper that went into her mouth and then into mine...i wonder if it had been in anyone elses mouth...I wonder how many tongues have touched hers before it touched mine and how many grimey acid blotters have been on all those tongues. I wonder how many guys she's sucked off with that tongue.
stupid whore.

getting her gross all over me.

I wish I hadn't just thought about all that.

Now I feel gross and disgusting and vile and naughty. ewwwwwww....

Heed my advice on this one...if you ever feel the urge to take LSD, don't fucking do it without a damn good reason.

I won't up and say it's a terrible thing that serves no purpose because that would be false.

But don't ever take it on a whim. Don't ever say "what the hell" it's just not that kind of thing. It's not to be taken lightly. It pulls you through way too much shit.

If you *ever* do it...do it once. And plan ahead. Be in a nice happy place surrounded with only nice happy things, and relax, be on vacation, and lounge around reading for a few days. Then drop.
then go all nucking futs and talk about how the Universe is so clear and open and all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration.
How everything makes sense and it's all so clear and the doors of your perception have been opened. And hope you're in a good mood for all this, because it takes a long damn time. Maybe I'm going out on a limb here but...say two or three years "normal time".
You're bound to feel really damn shitty at some point in there...but reassure yourself it's just a stupid drug and you'll come down eventually and this eternity you've spent and are spending wandering this desolate soil is actually a few hours. no less than four. no more than twelve. And prepare to wallow in your own misery for a while.

Then take about a week off to just recuperate. To piece yourself together. You may actually emerge a better person.

But then never do that shit again.

I'm going to post this now and I'll read it later. For all I know it's a bunch of unintelligable nonsense. Hopefully I'll really embarass myself and then I won't do this ever again.

bad
bad
bad
(and if this is all really wierd and strewn and you're thinking "this isn't really Sara" rest assured it is actually me, but I'm on acid and I apologize...it'll never happen again.)

Oh and BTW, if you ever *do* feel possessed to drop acid, don't look in a fucking mirror. Please for the love of all that is holy and pure, don't look in a fucking mirror.

Stupid me, goes and looks into a mirror and all of a sudden I'm turning into my sister who I just met and she's all fucked up but shes me so I'm the one whos fucked up but she looks just fucking like me and shes going to be all fucked up. And now I feel all responsible and guilty and maternal and shit.

And that little moment there lasted more than you could ever fucking imagine....so damn long. Don't ever look into a mirror while on acid.

bad
bad
bad
bad
bad

It is so windy outside.
I think my house is going to fall over.
It probably won't. I'm just on acid.

none of this is real.

And I was outside a while ago standing in the rain like some wierdo on acid except I don't really look like a scary wierdo on acid so this stranger lady who was all nice and seemed kind of upset was asking my opinion on this tree that was in her front yard that was falling over from the wind and she was asking me what direction I thought it was going to fall because she wanted to know if her house was in danger and she wanted my opinion and I wanted to be very nice but I said, "I'm on acid, lady, and I don't know."

She looked honestly frightened.

oops

And this is, like, the biggest storm and the thunder is so loud and people's trees are falling over and I would be loving every second of nature's fury if I were only sober.'

I'm going to shutup now.

I'm on acid.

None of this is real.

This sucks.


Followups:

explanation - aperson 02/7/98 20:02

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Posted by aperson on 02/7/98 at 20:02

In reply to: part 2 - I feel like I'm on acid. posted by aperson on 02/7/98 at 19:39

I wrote all of this early this morning. It, for whatever reason, wouldn't post, so I tried to post it in two chunks. I thought that that didn't work either but now, hours later, I see that only the first chunk is there. So I copied and pasted and posted the second chunk just now.

Now everything here is in it's entirety.

I'm more-or-less normal now.

Thank God.

Although my brain will be in a cloud for at least a few days.

Damn me.


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