A couple days later, they were in Kansas City, getting ready for a sound check. The last four days had been filled with traveling, PR commitments and concerts every night. After the concert that night though, they had a night off. Kevin for one, planned to just sleep and sleep. No one had better wake his ass up or he'd ream them a new one.

It had been a hard couple of days since he and Alex had that talk. It was exhausting pretending you weren't heart-broken, especially around the object of your heart break while he flirted with and was touched and kissed by someone else when the two of them thought no one was looking.

"Kevin, you're up man." Alex said, walking into the backstage room.

Kevin pulled himself from his thoughts and nodded at him. Grabbing his mic, he headed out of the private room reserved just for the group.

Alex watched him go. There was something wrong with him. He'd been quiet the last few days, keeping mostly to himself. He wondered if it had anything to do with what happened between them. He'd thought they'd straightened that all out, but maybe not.

Alex smiled as Nick wrapped his arms around him from behind and leaned down to his ear to whisper, "Hey sexy."

Alex turned in his arms and let him kiss him. He knew he shouldn't. Hell, Kevin wasn't even around to witness it, but it felt good to be held. He didn't like being alone and when he was with Nick, it made him forget for a little while that he was. Pulling away he looked up at him and said, "One of these days we're going to get caught by someone other than Kevin, you know."

Nick shrugged. "By who? Well, besides Brian. You told me what Howie said to you on your bus the other day, so we know he wouldn't have a problem with it and Kevin already believes it. Would it be so bad if Brian found out? I'm sick of hiding who I am from him anyway. At one time, we shared everything. I miss that."

"Then talk to him. Don't let him find out by seeing us kiss. There are better ways to tell him you're bi than that."

Nick laughed. "Ok, got me there. Maybe I'll have a talk with him tonight. Will you be all right without me? I don't want you to be alone and tempted by anything, or anyone."

"No, do that, it's a good idea. You can't worry about me so much, Nick. I have to deal with my drinking by myself. And as far as being tempted by a certain someone, I'll probably spend the night on my bus after the show tonight anyway. I've got a couple songs I'm working on. And I'm sure I won't feel like coming back to the hotel afterwards, so I'll just crash there, far away from him."

Just then Kevin walked off stage and saw them. His back stiffened slightly as he approached, but he did his best to hide his feelings. "Nick, you're up."

"K." He leaned in to give Alex a quick kiss before taking off.

Kevin watched the kiss and wanted to reach out and yank Nick away from Alex. He did not like seeing them kiss. Unfortunately, it seemed to be a regular occurrence lately. Whenever he was around them, he ended up seeing Nick kiss him at some point or other.

After Nick left, an uncomfortable silence filled the room. Kevin sat on one of the couches and stared at nothing in particular as Alex busied himself with getting something to drink from the refreshment table. After a moment, he turned back to Kevin, his earlier worries resurfacing.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, Kev? Is everything all right?"

Kevin looked up at him and forced a smile. "Sure, Bone, why wouldn't it be?"

Alex shrugged. "No reason, just, well, you seem really down lately."

Kevin looked down at the floor, rolling the microphone back and forth in his hands. "Just got stuff on my mind. Nothing important."

Alex walked over and sat next to him. "Want to talk about it?"

Kevin swallowed hard. Having Alex that close was not a good thing. "Not really. I'll be fine."

Alex reached out and put an hand on Kevin's forearm, stilling his movements with the mic. "Is it me? Did I do something?"

Kevin turned to Alex, staring in his worried brown eyes which, along with the rest of his face, especially his mouth, were suddenly way to close. "No, Alex, it's not you. You're fine. Better than fine. I've just got…things I need to work through."

Neither of them moved for a full minute. They just sat there staring in each other's eyes. Then Alex heard Nick's voice as he started to sing a few notes for the tech guys and he jumped up, remembering he wasn't supposed to be alone with Kevin like this. Running a hand through his hair, he mumbled something unintelligible and headed out the door.

Kevin took a deep breath and leaned back against the couch, squeezing his eyes shut. He wondered if this tension between them would ever disappear. At that moment, he doubted it.

After sound check, they all decided to head to dinner together. Half an hour later they were seated in a private room of a local restaurant at a round table. Alex and Nick were seated next to each other, Brian was on the other side of Nick, Kevin was next to Brian, and Howie was between Kevin and Alex.

After they ordered dinner, Nick asked, "Hey Bri, where's Leigh?"

"She went home for a few days. She'll be back by the time we hit New York." He looked dejected, lonely.

Remembering what he'd told Alex earlier about having a talk with him later, he said, "Oh, cool. Haven't had you to myself in a while. Want to get together after the show and do something?"

Brian's face lit up. He'd figured he'd be all alone tonight since Alex and Nick seemed attached at the hip lately. "Sure. Sounds good."

Alex smiled. He knew Nick and Brian didn't spend much time together anymore and the both of them looked like kids in a candy store at the prospect.

Kevin watched the exchange, then his eyes settled on Alex who was smiling at them. He was going to be alone tonight. He wondered if he'd mind if he kept him company. Even though things had gotten a little weird between them earlier backstage, he was not looking forward to going back to the hotel after the show and being alone. And he didn't think he was quite up to going clubbing with Howie again so soon after what had happened the last time. No, clubbing was definitely out of the question.

"Earth to Kevin, come in Kevin." Nick sing-songed, reaching across the table to wave his hand in front of his face.

Kevin blinked, then turned his head and focused on Nick. "What?"

"Brian was talking to you dude."

Alex turned his attention to Kevin, his brows knitting together in worry. Something was wrong with him. He knew that much. He just wished Kevin wasn't so damn private all the time. He tried to deal with too much all by himself most of the time.

Kevin turned to his cousin. "Oh, sorry Bri, I was thinking."

Brian snorted. "I see that. I asked when Kris was going to come out on the road."

Kevin looked down, his napkin suddenly becoming very interesting. "Oh, um, I don't know."

Alex watched Kevin closely during the exchange. When Brian had mentioned Kris, Alex's stomach had tightened and his back had tensed. He wasn't looking forward to seeing her and Kevin together anytime soon.

Just then, the waitress showed up with their dinner salads. He continued to watch Kevin, not missing the look of relief on his face. Why didn't he want to talk about Kristin? He wondered.

After a short pause, Brian stated, "Leigh misses her."

Kevin reached out and picked up his fork, pushing his salad around on his plate with it. "Well, Kris has this thing going in LA…"

Brian asked, "You can't convince her to come out at all? Not even for a few days?"

Kevin shook his head, still not looking at anyone. "Don't think so."

"That's too bad, because Leigh was really looking forward to spending some time with her…"

Kevin threw down his fork and it bounced off the plate and against his water cup with a loud clatter. In an angry voice he said, "She's not coming, can we drop it?"

Kevin's outburst was met with complete and utter silence at the table. He buried his head in his hands and sat there, taking deep breaths, trying to get himself under control. He felt like shit for blowing up at Brian that way, but damn it, he didn't want to talk about her and he didn't want to lie to the guys anymore. Maybe it was time to tell them.

Lifting his head from the table, he looked around to discover the four of them staring at him intently. He focused on Brian. "Listen. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. You didn't know."

"Know what, Kev?" Alex asked, his heart in his throat. He had a feeling…just a feeling, but it was a strong one. He didn't know what he'd do if he was right, but when Kevin turned to him, a pained look in his eyes, he knew he was right.

Kevin turned to look at Alex, their gazes locking. "Kris and I are over. She filed for divorce. I signed the papers. It's all just a formality now."

Alex's heart stopped. Questions raced through his mind. Questions he needed to be alone with him to ask him. Questions that could change both their futures.

Nick watched what was going on between Alex and Kevin and suddenly felt the little bit of happiness he'd found with him, however temporary and artificial, slipping away. He wanted to cry.

Kevin stood and mumbled something about needing to be alone for a few minutes, then turned and left. Brian and Alex stood at the same time to go after him. Nick reached up and put a hand on Alex's arm, shaking his head, his eyes pleading with him.

Alex looked down at him for a long minute trying to decide what to do. He wanted desperately to go to Kevin, but he knew too that it was for the wrong reasons. It was selfish. He wanted to know if the break up was because of him. Nick looked like he needed him though. And Brian could take care of Kevin. It wasn't the right time to ask Kevin the things he wanted to anyway.

Alex sat back down and Brian took off after Kevin.

Howie watched all this go down with intense interest. He had the distinct feeling the group was turning into some sort of bad soap opera. He had seen the hope in Alex's eyes, then the way Kevin and Alex had stared at each other while Kevin made the announcement and Nick's reaction to all that had Howie's mind working in overdrive.

Nick had been scared. Like this meant he might loose something, make that someone, he cared about because of Kevin's announcement. With the way Alex was staring at Kevin and vice versa, he had a pretty good idea who that someone was.

Nick sat next to Alex fighting for control over his emotions. Part of him wanted to hit Kevin. Hard. Another part wanted to burst into tears and yet another part wanted to hold Alex close because he knew it would probably be the last time he could.

Alex watched the emotions play across Nick's face and reached out a hand, touching it to his cheek. He vaguely heard Howie stand up and mumble something about the rest room.

Nick stared at Alex before leaning in for one last kiss. He knew it was time for the charade to come to an end. Alex had only wanted to fight his feelings for Kevin because of Kevin's marriage. Now there wasn't a marriage any longer and Kevin hadn't been cheating on Kristin.

Alex kissed Nick back as a way of thanking him for everything he'd done to help him. Nick's hands came up to cup his face and Alex reached up and rested his hand at the back of his neck, his other hand on his thigh, kneading the muscles beneath his jeans affectionately.

Howie walked back in from the bathroom just then and saw them. He didn't know what to do. Should he give them their privacy and leave again? Or should he make some sort of sound to let them know he was back? His decision was made for him a second later when Kevin and Brian reentered the room. He cleared his throat loudly, breathing a sigh of relief when Alex and Nick broke apart quickly.

Alex's eyes flew to the door in time to see Kevin staring at him. Alex doubted Brian had seen anything by the way he was turned to Kevin and still talking to him, but Kevin? Alex wasn't sure if he'd seen them or not. He didn't know why it mattered anyway. Kevin knew about them. He'd seen them kiss often enough over the last few days. Why should it matter now? 'Because now you know he's single and you want a chance with him, dipshit,' a voice in his head taunted. He did his best to shake it off.

Nick knew Kevin had seen them. He'd been facing the direction of the door while he and Alex had kissed, and when Howie had cleared his throat, Nick's eyes had flown open a second before his lips left Alex's and his gaze had locked with Kevin's. Kevin had a kicked in the gut look on his face. Nick felt bad. He knew deep down that Alex and Kevin should be together, he was just having a hard time getting his heart to accept it.

Kevin and Brian sat back down and Kevin turned to the rest of the guys. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys before now. I just, well, you know me. Always trying to handle everything alone."

Howie reached out and patted Kevin on the shoulder. "It's all right. You just weren't ready to talk about it. Now that we know though, I hope you come talk to us about it when it starts to get you down. Ok?"

Kevin looked at Howie and smiled. "Sure. Thanks."

Brian watched, lost in thought. When he'd went out to talk to him, he'd found him sitting on the ground out back of the restaurant. He'd had his head in his hands and had been crying. He'd sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around him. Kevin had dissolved into sobs, rattling on about his failed marriage, how he'd married her for the wrong reasons and how he had feelings for someone who was with someone else and didn't feel the same way about him.

When Brian had asked him who, Kevin had tensed up and pulled away, wiping at his cheeks with the back of his hands. He'd mumbled that it didn't matter and stood. Brian had stood too, trying to talk him in to telling him. He'd even joked that it had better not be Leigh, which had gotten a half-hearted smile from Kevin and a return comment that he liked being among the living so it really wasn't in his best interests to fall for his cousin's wife. Brian had laughed at that.

After a few minutes more of talking, they'd headed back to the others. When they'd walked in to the private room, Brian had seen Alex and Nick kissing out of the corner of his eye. He'd been shocked to say the least, but didn't let on he'd seen anything because they'd all had enough drama for the evening already. He figured he'd talk to Nick later about it since they were hanging out that night together anyway. So, he'd continued to talk to Kevin as if he hadn't seen a thing. Then he'd noticed the kicked in the gut look on Kevin's face when Kevin had noticed Alex and Nick. He'd been hurt, but not shocked. Obviously he'd known about them.

Now, as Brian sat there listening to his band mates talk among themselves about this that and the other thing, he studied Kevin closely, trying to figure out why he'd had that look on his face when he'd seen them kissing. Who was it for? Alex, or Nick?

After a minute a lot of things started to fall into place. The way Kevin had looked directly at Alex when he'd announced the divorce, the way Alex had stared back. How Kevin had impulsively remodeled Alex's whole bus at his own expense, something only Brian knew. The others all thought management had paid for that. The lingering hugs between Alex and Kevin Alex's first day back, the way Kevin had so thoroughly lost his temper at him that day in Boston.

Until now Brian had wondered at the fact that Kevin had actually kicked his door in. Sure, Kevin had a temper, but never that bad. And then there was the way Kevin had sounded every time Brian had called him with an update on Alex. He'd always sounded so hopeful when he asked if Alex wanted to see him and so dejected when Brian inevitably told him no.

Brian shifted his attention to Alex. Did he know about Kevin's feelings? If Brian had to guess, he'd say yes. He also didn't think Alex was as immune to Kevin as Kevin thought he was. After all, hadn't they all tried to get Alex to get help for his drinking? But in the end it had been Kevin who had gotten through. And it had been Kevin who had held his hand and reassured him when Alex had told them he needed help. It baffled him why Alex had refused to see Kevin while he was in rehab, though. That one he'd have to think about some more.

And then there was tonight. When Kevin had taken off, Alex had stood to go after him. Brian had watched Nick grab his arm to stop him and Alex fight an internal battle whether to stay or go. Brian had wondered at that, but at the time had been too worried about his cousin to give it much thought.

As they finished up dinner, Brian sighed. His head was racing. So much to absorb in such a short period of time. He had a feeling even more was going on that he had no clue about. He looked at Kevin and Alex trying not to look at each other, but sneaking glances when the other wasn't looking. He looked at Nick, who was in the middle of an animated discussion with Howie about some fan. He made a decision. He was going to get to the bottom of this and he was going to do it tonight, starting with Nick.


Chapter Ten
MAKING AMENDS, MENDING LOVE Contents