The concert that night went great. The crowd was pumped, the group was pumped. No matter what was going on behind the scenes with their love lives, they left it all behind night after night when they got on stage.

That was something Alex's problems had given them all. A new appreciation for what they had together. They'd been on the brink of destruction, hating being together, hating performing together. Now it was like they were new again, whole again. A lot of that was due to Alex himself. He attacked the stage night after night with a newfound energy and dedication. It was impossible not to get caught up in his enthusiasm.

After the concert, they all showered and dressed. Nick, Brian and Kevin took off in one van, and Alex and Howie took the other van. Once they were back at the hotel, Alex hurried up to his room, leaving the others behind in the lobby with the fans.

He started packing all his stuff, not wanting to have to come back to his room in the morning to do it. As he shoved as much as he could fit into suitcase after suitcase, he chuckled over how much he collected at their different stops. He was a shop-a-holic, that was for sure, but it was one addiction he had no intention of giving up.

Eventually, he heard the others trickle up. First Howie, who stopped in his room only long enough to get ready before going back out, then Nick and Brian who were laughing and joking as they disappeared into Nick's room, shutting the door behind them.

Alex paused in his packing and smiled. He was happy the two of them were getting to spend some time together. He knew it bugged Nick that he and Brian didn't spend much time together anymore.

He thought about the conversation Nick was planning on having with him and he hoped it went well. Sure, Brian had strong beliefs, but he wasn't so narrow minded that he would actually be judgmental of Nick. That settled in his head, he went back to packing.

"So, which one?" Nick asked, holding up two video games.

Brian laughed. Typical Nick. They'd no more than walked in the room and he wanted to play video games. It had been a while since Brian had done that with him though, so he was looking forward to it just as much as Nick obviously was.

"Um, that one." He said pointing to the one in Nick's left hand.

Nick smiled and tossed the other one aside. A few minutes later they were in the middle of a bitter battle to the end. Brian was loosing big time. He was too distracted by thoughts of dinner that evening. Finally, he gave up trying to concentrate and shot a sideways glance at Nick.

"So, how long have you and Alex been together now?"

Nick froze. His back stiffened and his face heated. After a few tense seconds he pulled himself together and hit pause on the video game.

Turning to Brian he asked quietly, "How did you…"

"How did I find out? Well, not the way I would have wanted to, that's for sure. See, I had this crazy notion that if one of my friends, make that my best friend, ever discovered he was gay or bi or whatever, that he'd come to me and tell me about it. You know, it being an important part of his life and all. I didn't think I'd have to find out by seeing him kissing one of my other friends at the dinner table." Brian hadn't realized until that very second how much it hurt that Nick hadn't come to him about it.

Nick had the good grace to blush and looked down at his hands which were still holding the game controller. "Alex tried to warn me."

Brian stared hard at him. "Tried to warn you about what?"

Nick lifted his face and sad blue eyes met hurt blue eyes. "That I should talk to you about it before you saw something like that."

After a heartbeat, Brian responded, "Alex was right."

Nick's eyes started to water. He hated it when Brian got mad at him. It didn't happen often and when it did, it hurt. "I'm sorry Bri. Really. I didn't want you to find out that way. That's what tonight's all about in fact. I was going to talk to you, tell you."

Brian was still too mad to let Nick's obvious upset break through. "When? The minute I walked in you wanted to play video games. Not that I mind, it's been a long time, but still. When?"

Irritation flashed in Nick's eyes. He knew Brian was hurt and upset, but he was out of line with that one. "I didn't see you bringing it up the second you walked in either."

They sat staring at each other for a long minute. Finally Brian sighed, "You're right."

That surprised Nick. His eyes opened wide. "I am?"

Brian couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, you are. Neither one of us handled this right."

Nick smiled at Brian's chuckle, then his face turned serious. "I really am sorry you found out that way."

Brian nodded. "What's done is done." After a short pause he asked, "So, when did it start?"

Nick set down his controller finally and leaned back in the couch, getting ready to tell the whole story. Even the parts about Kevin. He hoped Kevin wouldn't be mad at him for 'outing' him to his cousin, but he really needed to talk to someone about everything.

Brian sat back and listened, not terribly surprised about the parts involving Kevin. He'd already suspected there was something going on there. He just hadn't known the full extent of it.

Nick told him about Alex's obsession with Kevin and how that had been a big part of his drinking problem. Brian suddenly understood why Alex had refused to see Kevin while he was in rehab, even before Nick got to that part. Nick also told him about everything that had went on between he and Alex, and Alex and Kevin before and after rehab. Brian's head was spinning with everything Nick was telling him. He wondered more than once how this had all happened under his nose without his knowledge.

After Nick was done, he voiced that thought. "How did all this happen right in front of my face without me having a clue?"

Nick smiled to let him know he understood fully. "One word, Bri, Leighanne."

Brian blushed. Nick was right. When Leighanne was around she was all he could see. He'd really been neglecting the guys since his marriage, especially Nick. He made a vow right then to change that.

"So, you and Alex aren't really together? It was an act?" At Nick's nod, he continued, "What was the point of the kiss tonight then?"

Nick's face clouded over. "For me it was the last kiss I'll probably ever get to share with him. For him, it was his way of thanking me for everything I did for him."

Brian nodded his understanding. "And how do you feel about that?"

Nick shrugged. "I don't know. How am I supposed to feel? Part of me is sad, because I care about him and wanted something more than friendship with him, but part of me is relieved, because I know it would never work between us in the long run and would probably just screw up our friendship in the process…hell, it almost did already."

"I wish I knew what to say."

"So do I. I'm so lost here. This is the second time I've had strong feelings for someone I shouldn't and I don't know why it keeps happening."

They were both quiet for a second, then Brian asked, "Mandy?"

Nick's brows knit together, the name from his past throwing him off. "What?"

"You said you had strong feelings for someone you shouldn't twice. Was the first person you were talking about Mandy?"

Nick's face turned five shades of red. He hadn't meant to admit to that. He'd been so lost in his thoughts, it had just come out. Now what was he going to do? He didn't want to lie to Brian anymore.

He took a deep breath, deciding he'd come this far, he might as well go for broke. "Mandy was my way of avoiding this person. He had someone of his own he loved and I knew that wasn't going to change. I used her as a distraction. Boy did that one blow up in my face. I ended up convincing myself I cared about her and she treated me like shit."

Brian was silent for a minute. He knew what had gone on between Nick and Mandy. He'd been there to pick up the pieces more times than he could count. Then the rest of what Nick had said hit him.

"The person you had feelings for back then was a man too? Who?"

Nick didn't answer, staring at a suddenly very interesting spot on the wall. How did you tell your best friend, your straight, male best friend, that you'd been in love with him at one point in the past?

Brian's eyes widened. "Don't tell me. You said the guy was involved with someone else, right? It wasn't Kevin was it?"

Nick's eyes flew to Brian's and he answered loudly, "No!" He hadn't expected Brian to draw that conclusion. Softening his voice, he repeated, "No."

Brian looked momentarily confused. "Well, who then? Do I know him?"

"Yeah, you could say you know him very well." Nick looked at him pointedly, praying Brian would figure it out so he wouldn't have to say it out loud.

Understanding dawned on Brian. In a whisper he answered his own question. "Me."

"Yeah."

Brian shifted in his seat, suddenly very uncomfortable. "Wow. I, uh, I don't have a clue what to say to that."

Nick shook his head. He could see the gears grinding in Brian's brain and he wanted to reassure him. "Don't worry, no need to say anything. I twisted my love for you as my best friend into something more. It was such a confusing time for me in general, Bri. I was still coming to terms with who I was and what I was, that I got it all turned around in my head. I don't feel that way anymore."

Brian couldn't hide his relief, relaxing in his seat once again. He loved Nick, but he was straight and very much in love with Leighanne. That wasn't going to change.

Another thought entered his head and he looked back at Nick. "Is that why you pushed me away when I announced my engagement to Leigh?"

Nick nodded sadly. "I'm sorry about that. I wish I could take it all back. I missed out on the most important time in your life to date because I was fucked up."

Impulsively, Brian pulled him into his arms. "Nick, God, don't worry about it. You were going through a lot back then and trying to deal with it all by yourself. I'm proud of how well you've handled things. Don't ever doubt that."

Tears fell down Nick's cheeks as he wrapped his arms around him. He hadn't known how much he needed to have this conversation with Brian until right that minute. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

It wasn't until half an hour after Nick and Brian had come up that Alex heard someone else coming down the hall. Turning, he saw it was Kevin as he walked past his open door.

Impulsively he called out to him. "Kevin!"

Kevin stopped in his tracks a couple paces past Alex's door. He remembered wondering earlier if Alex would want to hang out with him that night, but now, after confessing the truth about Kristin, he just wanted to be alone.

With a sigh, he backed up and peaked into Alex's room. "Listen Bone, I just…" His voice trailed off when he saw Alex's bags were packed and by the door. "What's going on? Where are you going?"

Alex looked at him confused for a second. He'd been lost in thought when Kevin hadn't replied immediately. He'd been trying to figure out what to say and what not to say to him about the whole Kristin situation. He looked to where Kevin was looking at his bags and let out a short laugh.

"Oh, that. I'm just heading down to my bus. Thought I'd work on some songs tonight. Figured I'd just crash there."

"Oh." Kevin didn't know what else to say.

After a short silence, Alex cleared his throat and asked, "Kevin, can we talk?"

Kevin shook his head, his face weary. "Alex, really, I'm not up for it tonight, ok?"

Alex studied him and saw the truth in that. He looked drained and tired and like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"Sure. But we will talk, right?"

"Yeah, just not tonight."

Kevin started to leave, but Alex's voice stopped him again.

"Kev?"

Shit. He'd said his name impulsively again, before he'd figured out what he wanted to say. He had to stop doing that. A second later though, an idea came to mind and he smiled.

"Yeah?" Kevin asked, turning back to him.

"I was wondering if you'd come down to my bus with me. I've got this song I'm working on and I'm stuck on the bridge."

Kevin started to decline, but Alex rushed on. "It's really bugging me. I was just hoping you could take a quick listen and give my your opinion on it. It won't take too long, I promise."

Kevin looked at him and couldn't refuse the pleading look he was faced with. What the hell. Maybe it would help him get his mind off his problems for a while. He ignored the little voice inside that said that was pretty farfetched considering most of his problem was him.

"Ok."

Alex's face lit up. He hadn't expected Kevin to say yes, but he had. He quickly grabbed his bags before the older man could change his mind and led the way out of the room.

Kevin watched him struggle with all the luggage and shook his head. Usually someone hauled the bulk of their stuff down for them. He reached out and took a couple bags from Alex.

His eyes widened at how heavy they were. "Damn, Bone. These two alone must weigh more than you. What did you pack?"

Alex laughed and kept walking. "First, how would you know? You've never picked me up. Your cousin's the one who seems to have an obsession with doing that. Second, you know me. I buy shit along the way. There's a little of this and a little of that."

Kevin chuckled, remember the last time Brian had picked Alex up. It had been at the TV Guide photo shoot they'd done earlier in the year. His smile quickly turned to a frown though as the bags started weighing down on his arms. He still didn't know how Alex had actually expected to carry all that down on his own.

"This doesn't feel like a little of anything to me. Feels more like too much of something." Kevin grumbled under his breath as he followed him to the elevator.

Once they climbed on to Alex's bus, Kevin grunted, "Where do you want these?"

"Just leave them by the door. I'll take care of them later."

"My pleasure." He said as he dropped them.

Alex gave him a sideways look. "You know, you didn't have to carry them down. I could have handled it."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. I could see how well you were handling it. You were about to fall over, with these on top of you. You never would have been heard from again."

Alex laughed. It was good to see Kevin joking around. He didn't do it all that often, especially the last couple days.

Grabbing Kevin's hand, he led him back toward the recording studio. "Come on. I'll play that song for you."

Kevin sucked in a breath when Alex took his hand. It felt so natural, so right to hold his hand. He never wanted to let go. As they passed through the bedroom, he tried not to look at the bed. It brought images to mind. Images of Alex sleeping. He knew Alex slept naked like he did. He did not need naked sleeping Alex pictures running through his head.

Alex couldn't believe he'd done that. Grabbed Kevin's hand that way. Not that he didn't like it. No, he liked it, just too much. He was screwed now though. If he jerked his hand away, Kevin would wonder why. So, he kept his hold on him, secretly loving how good it felt to do that. He almost laughed at himself. He was getting all mushy, silly grin and all, from holding Kevin's hand. Ridiculous.

Reluctantly they let go when they got back to the recording studio. After Kevin shut the door behind him, Alex settled in behind some of the recording equipment. He took a deep breath and looked up at Kevin.

"Ready?"

Kevin could see he was nervous about having him hear his newest song, so he smiled reassuringly. "Yeah, go for it."

Alex flipped a switch and the first notes of the song drifted out into the room. Kevin closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall as he let it wash over him. It was beautiful. When it hit the bridge, he heard immediately the part that was bothering Alex. He stayed quiet though, listening to the rest of the song.

Once it was over, Alex flipped another switch and the room was encased in silence. He stared at Kevin who was still standing there with his eyes closed. He'd never seen him do that before when listening to a new song, so he didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

"Well?"

Kevin opened his eyes and locked his green gaze on him. "That was amazing Alex."

Alex beamed. "Really? You liked it?"

"Liked doesn't even begin to cover it."

Alex fidgeted in his seat, suddenly self-conscious. "What about the bridge? Did you hear the part that's not working?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah. I've got an idea, if you don't mind."

Alex put his hands up in the air. "No, man, go for it. That's why I asked you here."

Kevin nodded and stepped forward, leaning over Alex's shoulder to back the track up to the bridge. Alex shivered. Kevin was so close he could feel his breath on his neck. It was driving him crazy.

Kevin regretted getting that close immediately. He wanted nothing more than to turn his head and close the few inches separating his mouth from Alex's neck.

Both of them pulled apart at the same time. Kevin straightened, and Alex hopped up out of the only chair in the room.

After a moment of awkwardness, Alex motioned for Kevin to sit down.

Half an hour later, they were both standing, eyes closed, listening to the music flow over them, right through the bridge that in Alex's opinion, was now perfect. After it was finished, they opened their eyes and looked at each other.

"What do you think?" Kevin asked.

Alex beamed. "Perfect. Thanks."

Kevin shrugged. "No problem."

Another awkward silence.

Kevin pushed away from the wall. "Well, I guess I'll get going."

Alex watched as he turned away and he suddenly felt desperate. "Wait, Kevin. Don't go. Um, maybe we could work on some other stuff together. I've got a few things started, but no idea where to take them."

Kevin hesitated with his hand on the door knob. He really wasn't looking forward to going back to his empty hotel room. Turning back, he nodded. "Sure. Why not?"


Chapter Eleven
MAKING AMENDS, MENDING LOVE Contents