A couple minutes later, Nick was knocking on Alex's door. When he didn't get an answer, he tried the knob. Unlocked. Good. He climbed into the bus and looked around for him. Not seeing him anywhere, he headed toward the back of the bus. Seeing the closed door to the studio, he crossed to it, clutching tight to the evidence of Kevin's love in his hand.

Alex was deeply immersed in the song he was working on when all of a sudden the door to his studio burst open. He jumped a mile in the air, his heart nearly beating right out of his chest.

Tossing down his headphones, he exclaimed, "Jesus Nick! What the fuck are you doing? You scared me half to death!"

Nick shot him a sheepish grin. "Sorry. You should really lock your door though, any fan could have gotten on here."

Alex shot him a look. "I was afraid that if I did and someone came knocking and got no answer, they'd kick in my door. Seems to be becoming a habit around here."

Nick laughed. Sarcastic Alex. That was a good sign. It was the first sign of humor he'd shown in days.

"Come out here for a minute, ok? I've got something to show you."

Alex eyed what Nick was holding suspiciously. "What?"

"Just come here." Nick said, turning and walking out of the room.

Alex was too curious not to follow him. "It had better not be a porno or something, because if it is, I might have to kill you. I haven't gotten laid in so long, it's not even funny man."

Nick laughed. "You got laid just over a week ago. I know, I was there."

Alex flopped on the bed and snorted. "Well, for me that's a while, especially considering that before that it was six weeks. Dude, that's like once in almost two months. I'm horny, ok?"

Nick popped the evidence, a video tape, into the VCR and sat next to Alex, holding the remote, but not pressing play yet. "If you're still horny after tonight, it's your own fault."

Alex tensed. He'd just been kidding about the porno, but now Nick had him nervous. "What's that supposed to mean? Nick, if you mean you and me…again…well, hell. You know I'd be up for it if it wouldn't hurt you, but it would, so I don't think…"

Nick rolled his eyes, trying not to get turned on by the back asswards offer Alex had just made. "Bone, shut up, ok? I'm not talking about us. I've got something here you need to see, so just be quiet and watch."

Alex shut his mouth and nodded. Nick looked serious all of a sudden. He turned to the TV as Nick hit play. After a second, it became apparent what it was. There was John Norris on TRL and he was talking about him. Then he watched as the rest of the guys came on the screen. His stomach turned. They were all so upset. Nick was near tears, Brian and Howie had closed off looks on their faces that Alex recognized well as their defense mechanism to hide their emotions.

He couldn't look at Kevin. Looking at Kevin hurt too much. He'd avoided looking at Kevin in any situation whenever possible the last few days. His eyes moved back and forth between Brian, Howie and Nick. When Nick broke down and started crying, Alex's eyes teared up. He still felt so much guilt over what he'd put them all through. He looked away.

"That's enough, Nick. I get the point. I fucked up. I told all of you I'm sorry and I'm trying my best to make up for it."

Nick's jaw dropped. How had he missed it? Then he realized he probably hadn't even looked at him. "Alex, damn. I didn't bring this here to lay a guilt trip on you. I brought it here to show you something. Someone who loves you. Watch again and this time don't ignore Kevin."

Alex shook his head. "Nick, I can't…."

"You can and you will." Nick commanded. His voice softened on the next part, "Please. Just trust me. I'm your best friend, remember? I'm trying to help here, not hurt you."

Alex studied his face and nodded, trusting him. "Ok. Let's get this over with."

Nick hit rewind until he found the right spot, then hit play again. "Watch, Alex. Look in Kevin's eyes. Really look."

Alex did and what he saw there floored him. Suddenly Howie's words that day on the bus came back to him. Kevin had almost cried. That hadn't seemed real to Alex when Howie had said it. But now he could see it for himself. There were so many emotions shining in his green eyes - pain, hurt, love.

Nick watched the emotions play across Alex's face, knowing the exact moment he figured it all out by the sudden lack of color in his face. After the tape was done, he hit stop.

"So you see it now, right? You can see that he loves you?"

Alex shook his head, trying to deny it. "But, that could just be, you know, brotherly love right?"

Nick looked at him in disbelief. "You're not really that dense are you?"

Alex stared hard at Nick. "Nick, my God. I mean, it just…he…fuck. You mean it's been right there in front of my face this whole time?"

"Yeah, it has."

Alex got up and started to pace, things falling into place. The signs had been there all along, he'd just been too afraid to see it. A knock at the door startled them both. They looked at the clock on Alex's bedside table. Shit, it was time to head into the arena.

"Fuck. I need to talk to him Nick. How am I supposed to make it through the next few hours knowing this and not being able to talk to him about it?"

Nick stood and grabbed him by the shoulders to stop his pacing and force him to look up at him. "You've made it almost nine years, hiding your feelings, you can make it a couple more hours."

Alex looked deep into Nick's eyes. "Thank you. You'll never know how much this means to me. I'm glad you didn't give up. I know you've been trying to tell me this for a while now. I was just too stubborn to see it."

Nick nodded. "You can say that again. But your welcome. And while you're handing out the thank you's, throw one Brian's way too. He knows everything. He came over earlier and I needed to talk. He's the one who convinced me not to give up trying."

Alex felt a twinge of weirdness at the thought of Brian knowing what was going on, but from the sounds of things, he didn't object, so Alex let it go. "Sure, will do."

The knocking started again, followed by a muffled, "Hey in there! Time to get inside!"

Alex recognized Marcus's voice and yelled back that they'd be right out. Turning back to Nick, he motioned to the tape in the VCR and asked, "Why have you been carrying this around with you?"

"I got it from a fan who had it in his head that you and I are star-crossed lovers. He thought that maybe if he showed me my reaction to you going into rehab that I'd figure out my feelings and come running to you."

"About that Nick…"

"No Alex, it's ok. I really don't want to talk about it again. I'm dealing. I just want you to be happy and I think Kevin is that happiness for you."

Alex reached out and pulled Nick into a hug. "Thanks, man. You're a good friend."

Nick pulled back and smirked. "I know. Now we'd better go before Marcus has an aneurysm."

Sure enough, Marcus was knocking again and threatening bodily harm if he didn't get his ass out of the bus. They headed out front, Alex mumbling under his breath that there was something seriously wrong with his bodyguard threatening his well-being. Nick just laughed. The old Alex was back.

Backstage, it was down to minutes before show time. Alex was bouncing off the walls with excitement. For a change, he wasn't having an anxiety attack about performing. He chalked it up to being in love with someone who loved him back. He hadn't had a chance to talk to him yet, but he'd caught the looks Kevin sent him when he thought he wasn't looking. He still couldn't believe he'd been so blind to it all this time.

Kevin watched Alex curiously. Something was different with him tonight. He wasn't freaking out about performing for one thing, and he was….glowing…there was no other word for it. Kevin's face fell. He looked like he was in love. He glanced over at Nick and saw that he was in a much happier mood than he had been since that morning he'd found them kissing. He looked away and willed the tears not to fall. Alex and Nick must have straightened things out. He tried to tell himself it was for the best. They were happy together. That was a good thing. Alex deserved to be happy. He just wished it was him making him that happy and not Nick.

When it came time for hugs, Kevin dutifully made the rounds, avoiding Alex as usual. It hadn't been a problem the last two nights, because Alex had been avoiding him too. Not tonight though. Tonight, Alex sought him out and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tight. Kevin stood there dumbfounded for a full thirty seconds before loosing his battle with his will power and hugging Alex back just as furiously.

Alex melted into his arms, not caring who saw. He was in the arms of the man he loved and who loved him back.

As he finally pulled away at the announcement that it was time, he whispered in his ear, "After the show. We need to talk."

Kevin could only nod, too caught up in the shivers running through his body from Alex's breath as he'd whispered to him to be able to think straight, much less vocalize his thoughts.

Then they were on stage, starting the show, no time to think about much else besides that. When Not For Me started, Kevin all but groaned, remembering that part of the song called for them to grab their crotches. That wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that he had to stand next to Alex while they did it.

When the part came up, Kevin couldn't help but look at him out of the corner of his eye. He thanked God, or at least the wardrobe people, for the shades they all had on. He didn't need to get caught checking him out. With the hug and the whisper still fresh in his head, he started to get hard as his hand cupped his cock and his balls and he watched Alex do the same. God...that man was pure sex on stage.

When the part was over, he was forced to turn and follow Alex for a short distance, another part of the routine and it didn't help his little, or rather not so little, problem. Staring at Alex's ass was not a good thing after watching him grab himself.

Belatedly Kevin realized he was still holding his own crotch. He let go, trying to act nonchalant and not let his embarrassment show, hoping no one had noticed. Looking out at the crowd, he almost laughed. Yeah, they were in front of thousands of fans and the concert was being broadcast over the web. Sure. The chances of no one noticing were slim to none.

A little while later, it was time for them to each go out on stage alone for a minute with the audience. Brian went first. As he walked by Alex, Alex grabbed his arm and asked him to stall for a minute. Brian nodded and headed up on stage. Kevin watched Nick walk over to Alex and start to talk to him. He could see Alex was nervous and it killed him that Nick was the one calming him down instead of him.

After a couple minutes, Alex reached out and pulled Nick to him and gave him a hug, then lifted his microphone and said, "I'm ready Rok," before heading toward the stage.

Unable to stand not knowing what was going on any longer, Kevin grabbed Nick's arm and pulled him aside. "What's going on?"

"What are you talking about Kev?"

"What does Alex need to talk to me about?"

Nick shrugged. "You'd have to ask him that."

Kevin stared hard at him. "You know though, don't you?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Tell me." Kevin ordered.

Nick shook his head. "No. I tried to tell you for the last few days, but you wouldn't have anything to do with me. Now you can just wait until Alex gets the chance."

"Nick…" Kevin warned.

Anger flashed in Nick's eyes. It wasn't fair that he seemed to have gotten stuck in the middle of this. Sure, he knew that Alex and Kevin should be together and he'd done everything he could as Alex's best friend to see that they were, but at the same he had feelings for Alex still and he was getting frustrated with dealing with all of it.

Snapping, he shoved a finger into Kevin's chest as he lit into him. "Don't Nick me. You completely shut me out. I needed to talk to you, remember? That day I sent your driver into your bus after you, I told him to tell you it was important, but you blew me off, along with every day since then that I've tried to get you alone to talk to you.

"Nick…" Kevin tried to interrupt to say he was sorry for the way he'd acted the other day, but Nick kept going.

"Do you know why I was beating on your bus that day? Or why I called you on your cell phone when you ignored me?"

Kevin pulled his eyes away from Nick to star at a point on the wall. He wasn't proud of the way he'd acted that day. "I figured it was about what you caught me and Alex doing…"

Nick interrupted again, shaking his head. "No, Kevin. It was about Alex. He was pretty bad off after how you told him everything had been a mistake. He had me scared. But you couldn't be bothered with that. You were too caught up in your private pity party. I've got no sympathy for you and you don't intimidate me the way you used to, so back off."

Kevin let go of Nick's arm and stepped back, completely taken off guard by Nick's outburst. He could see in his eyes he had hurt his feelings. He hadn't meant to do that. He'd just been so wrapped up in self pity, he hadn't paid much attention to anything beyond himself the last few days.

"You're right. I blew you off. I'm sorry."

Nick was stunned to say the least. It was a rare occasion when Kevin apologized. Now he'd done it twice in less than a week. Had to be some sort of record.

Suddenly the anger was gone and he was left feeling slightly awkward. Usually when he blew up at Kevin, Kevin blew up right back at him. This was a new experience for the both of them.

Just then, they heard Alex's voice drift down from on stage. "I'm gonna let my friend Nick come say high to you."

That was Nick's cue. He turned to head for the stage, but paused and looked back at Kevin over his shoulder. "Thanks for the apology, but you need to talk to Alex about this, not me. It's his place to tell you, not mine."

Kevin nodded and then Alex was coming off stage to hoots and hollers and cheers from the crowd as Nick passed him, shoving him playfully in the shoulder as he went by.

Nick's voice could be heard drifting down as he said to the crowd, "I was just waitin' down there to come say hi to you guys…"

Kevin wasn't paying attention to that though, he was busy watching Alex, watching him smile like he was on top of the world. His observation was cut short when Alex turned toward him suddenly and their eyes locked. Before he knew what was happening, Alex had walked over to him and grabbed him, pulling him into a hug.

"I just wanted to thank you again Kevin for getting me to see I needed help. If it wasn't for you, who knows where I'd be right now." Alex said against his ear by way of explanation as he held him tight.

Just then, Nick came running backstage as Howie ran up for his moment with the crowd. Neither Kevin nor Alex noticed him watching them with a sad look in his eyes as they hugged though.

"You're welcome." Was all Kevin could manage to say in return as he held him tight, tears threatening his eyes. It was as if the past few days of tension and awkwardness between them had never happened. It felt good.

Then they heard Howie say, "I wanna wish you all a great show tonight, and God bless you all."

Knowing that was Kevin's cue, Alex and Kevin pulled apart from each other. Kevin smiled down at him as he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "Now I'm going to go out there with tears in my eyes, damn it. This is all your fault."

Alex just smiled at him as he turned to leave. Impulsively, he reached out and smacked Kevin on the butt as he headed away. Kevin whipped his head around and shot him a shocked look as he continued toward the stage.

Alex laughed at Kevin's expression and his mic picked it up, the sound carrying through the entire stadium. He could have cared less. He was on top of the world and he wanted Kevin there with him. Tonight, after the show, he was going to make that happen.

Then there wasn't any more time to think about it as Kevin introduced the next song and they all headed back on stage, singing and dancing and having a blast. Nick of course, was as touchy as ever. Kevin watched as he all but outright flirted with Alex and Alex took it all in stride. He tried not to feel jealous. He knew Nick was just being Nick, but it still bugged him. Were the two of them together or not? One minute it seemed like they were, the next Alex was shooting him, Kevin, hot stares.

When they headed backstage again, Kevin pulled Alex aside. "Are you two together?"

"Me and Nick?"

"Yeah."

Alex stared at him for a second. He'd wanted to talk to him about this later, but he could tell it was really bothering him and now that he knew about his feelings, he could understand why. "No, Kev, we're not. We never were."

"Never?"

"Well, we did sleep together that one night, but other than that, no. It wouldn't have been fair. I've been in love with someone else the whole time. It's a long story and I promise I'll explain it to you after the show. Right now though, I think the tech guy's looking for you." He said, nodding in the direction of a guy shouting Kevin's name and looking around for him.

Kevin cursed under his breath. He wanted to know the rest, if the person Alex had been in love with was him, but it was going to have to wait. He had to go intro the band. With a quick glance around to make sure no one was watching, he pressed Alex against the wall with his body and brought his lips down to his for a quick, hard kiss. Alex responded immediately, moaning into the kiss and grinding their hips together, getting them both instantly hard. Then Kevin heard his name being shouted again and he pulled himself back to reality.

Stepping away from Alex he licked his lips and stared into his eyes…eyes that showed every emotion he was feeling. Kevin didn't have to wait after all. He had his answer, at least to the question of who he was in love with.

Reaching out, he cupped Alex's cheek as Nick's words drifted through his head about Alex being bad off after he'd told him everything had been a mistake. "The other night when we recorded that music and watched that movie, the night I said was a mistake…I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean it. It was special to me." He kissed him one last time and then he was gone.

Alex stood there for a moment longer, braced against the wall, trying to get himself under control. He could only imagine the problem Kevin was most likely having at that moment, hard and out on stage in front of all those people. Sure, it happened to all of them from time to time, but it never got easier or less embarrassing. It was hard to pretend nothing out of the ordinary was happening when you had a tent in your pants. And oh, would Kevin have a tent. He had on those white pants that had some give. Nothing to hold it close. Alex groaned at the thought. His own problem was never going to get better thinking like that.

Then there was what he'd said to him. He didn't think that evening was a mistake. Alex got a silly grin on his face as he joined the rest of the guys. Nick looked at him curiously.

"What's up with you, bone?"

"I just found out he doesn't think it was a mistake."

Nick smiled, knowing exactly what Alex was talking about and happy for him, even if it hurt a little inside at the same time. Brian and Howie looked at each other confused. Brian turned back to ask what he was talking about, but it was time again to go out on stage so he didn't get a chance.

By the time the wardrobe skit came up, Alex and Nick were having a blast joking around and messing with each other on stage, and Alex and Kevin were flirting full force. Kevin had decided by that time too, that it was his fate to be permanently hard around him. After Brian and Howie and then Nick disappeared into the trunk, it was just he and Alex left on stage. He winked at Alex and threw an arm around his shoulders, then turned to face the audience.

"It's the AJ and Kevin show now."

AJ tried to ignore the little shivers running up and down his spine. The AJ and Kevin show. That sounded nice. Not on stage, just, in general. In life. A life together. He wanted that. He hoped Kevin did too.

He pulled himself back to the present as the crowd cheered and he and Kevin bantered back and forth for a few minutes before it was time for him to go down into the wardrobe.

Looking back at Kevin over his shoulder, he smirked and said, "Beauty before Age, Kev."

Kevin watched him disappear, cackling in the way that only Alex could. Kevin rolled his eyes. God he loved him, craziness and all.


Chapter Fourteen
MAKING AMENDS, MENDING LOVE Contents