Three hours after they'd stepped onto the bus, Kevin and Alex stumbled out of the recording studio, every creative muscle in their brain exhausted.

Kevin sat down on the bed and searched for the TV remote while Alex headed toward the front of the bus. They'd decided to call it a night for the song writing and watch a movie. It was late, but they'd have all day on their busses the next day to sleep. They were having a good time just being around each other and neither wanted to call it a night.

"Kev, you want something to drink? Eat?"

"Drink maybe, whatever you've got."

A few minutes later Alex walked back into the room carrying a couple cans of something cold, a bag of chips and a bag of freshly popped popcorn. He sat down next to Kevin and handed him the popcorn and one of the drinks.

"I just wanted a drink, Bone." Kevin said lightly.

Alex shot him a knowing grin. "Yeah, and five minutes into the damn movie you'll be bugging me for popcorn."

Kevin laughed. It was true. He couldn't watch a movie without it.

"Thanks," he said, grabbing the bag from him.

Alex nodded, then grabbed the remote from him and hit play. He'd put a movie in earlier and had never gotten to watch it. As the movie progressed, they were both aware of how close they suddenly were to each other. When it had started, they'd been in their own space on the bed, backs leaning on pillows propped against the headboard.

An hour later, after several stretches and lots of shifting to set down and pick up their drinks they discovered they were in the middle of the bed together, thighs and arms touching. They both realized that if they turned their heads to look at each other, their faces would be only inches apart. Instead, they continued to watch the movie, trying to ignore the effect being so close to each other was having on each of them. Finally the movie got done and Alex almost leapt off the bed in his hurry to put some distance between them.

Kevin sighed in silent relief. One more minute and he couldn't have been responsible for what he did. He watched as Alex busied himself putting the DVD away and picking up all their trash. He wondered absently when Alex had become such a neat freak. His house, his bus, his hotel rooms, were always a disaster area.

Alex kept looking for things to occupy himself, because that way he wouldn't have to turn and look at Kevin on his bed. Earlier he'd been all right with that, but after the thigh and arm touching, he was far from all right. He wanted to drop what he was doing and attack him. He hardened at the thought.

Oh great. Now he was hard. Kind of a difficult thing to hide in a pair of sweatpants with nothing on underneath. He silently cursed himself for that. He never wore underwear when he had sweats on. He made a vow that from that day forward, he'd start to.

As he walked out of the room carrying their empty drink cans and empty bags from their snacks, he mumbled something about going to the bathroom.

Kevin watched him go, nearly groaning as his gaze dropped to his ass. He had a small ass, but Kevin loved it that way. The sweats he was wearing hung low on his hips, outlining it perfectly.

He shifted on the bed, adjusting himself slightly as he waited for Alex to come back. After a few minutes, he looked at his watch and realized it was almost five in the morning. His eyelids started to droop. Shit. He was tired.

He moved down the bed slightly so he was laying down and closed his eyes. Just a few minutes of rest and he'd get up and go up to his room. He turned toward the side of the bed Alex had occupied moments earlier and grabbed the pillow, pulling it close and inhaling the scent that was Alex.

Alex stood in the small bathroom staring at his reflection in the mirror. What the hell was he going to do now? On the one hand, Kevin wasn't attached. That excuse was out the window and he was left with the very real possibility that something could happen between them, which, truth be told, scared the shit out of him. Too many feelings would be involved, at least for him.

Then there was still the issue of the guy at the bar and whether or not that was a regular thing for Kevin. He didn't know why it bothered him so much anyway. It's not like he'd never made out with some random guy from a bar. Hell, Kevin had caught him getting head from one of them.

Alex's cock got harder yet just thinking back on that. He turned away from the mirror and leaned back against the sink running a hand through his platinum hair. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, willing his erection to go away.

"Alex, get yourself under control. You can't be thinking about that now." He mumbled to himself.

Great. He was talking to himself now. Not good. This whole situation was too much for him right now. He couldn't do this. He wasn't ready for all the feelings that would come with it. Fuck, for all he knew, Kevin didn't want any part of it anyway. Sure, he'd responded the times Alex had come on to him, but that didn't mean he wanted to pick up where they left off the other morning.

A few minutes later, he'd gotten his body under control enough so that he could walk out of the bathroom and into view of Kevin without being embarrassed. He took one last, deep breath before opening the door.

Walking into the bedroom, he stopped short at what he saw. Kevin was snuggled down in the bed…his bed….curled up with his pillow, sleeping. Alex just stood there watching him for a while. He looked too good, so right, sleeping there in his bed. He knew that he'd never look at that bed quite the same way again.

Finally, after what must have been fifteen or twenty minutes of just plain staring, Alex looked away and around the room, his eyes settling on the door that led to the front of the bus, trying to decide what to do. He was exhausted and the last thing he wanted to do was go all the way back up to his hotel room and crash there.

He looked back at Kevin again. He wanted to climb in with him. He wanted to feel his arms around him, his body next to him as he fell asleep. He hesitated a moment more before making his decision.

He climbed into bed, telling himself it was Kevin's own fault if he wasn't happy waking up next to him in the morning. Why should he have to go all the way back into the hotel and up to the top floor just because Kevin had fallen asleep in his bed? Not to mention the fact that he'd already turned in his keycard at the front desk. Nope, he wasn't going through all that at…he glanced at his watch….five-o-seven in the morning. Kevin would just have to deal.

He ignored the little voice in his head wondering if they'd wake up and pick up where they left off in the hotel room the other morning. No. He wouldn't think that way. He wasn't staying there for that reason. He was simply too tired to go through all the work it would involve to get his room back.

"Yeah right," he muttered under his breath.

Great. Now not only was he talking to himself, he was arguing with himself. Maybe sobriety had come too late. He must have drank away the few sane brain cells he'd had. Now he was insane and sober. Fucking lovely.

He curled up on the empty side of the bed, laying his head on his arm. He didn't even have a pillow because Kevin had his in a death grip. Oh well. Life sucked. He closed his eyes, determined to get some sleep.

A second later his eyes popped back open. Suddenly he had the oddest sense of deja vu as he felt Kevin's arm creep around him and pull him to him. Alex made a half-hearted attempt to break free of the older, stronger man's hold, but it was pointless and soon he felt himself spooned against Kevin, no way out. Not that he really wanted one…no. This was what he'd hoped for, to fall asleep in Kevin's arms again.

There was one problem though, he was horny. Kevin's crotch was pressed against his ass and it was turning him on. He couldn't catch a break. Well, that wasn't true. He did catch one break. He had his pillow back. When Kevin had reached for him, he'd let go of it and Alex had snatched it back. As for the rest… he was rock hard, with no chance of release in his immediate future. Fucking wonderful.

Nick walked over to Alex's bus around nine in the morning humming a nonsensical tune, balancing jelly donuts in one hand and two cups of coffee in the other. He had a feeling Alex had stayed up late last night and would need the caffeine and sugar to get a jump start. They had a last minute interview or he would have just left him to sleep.

Since his hands were full, he kicked at the door, yelling for Alex to open up. He kicked a couple more times and when there was still no response, he cursed under his breath, thinking maybe Alex was in the soundproofed studio. Setting the drinks down, he fumbled with the door. After he got it open, he bent to pick the drinks back up and headed inside. It was quiet. Either Alex was asleep or in his studio. Nick set the donuts and coffee down on the table.

Walking toward the back of the bus, he called out, "Bone! Hey! You awake? Bone! We've…."

His voice trailed off at the site he was met with. Alex was laying on his back, arms thrown out to either side, legs spread and Kevin was laying half on top of him, one arm thrown across him, the fingers of that hand laced with his. One of his legs was in between Alex's and his groin was pressed into the smaller man's hip. Nick's gut spasmed. He stood frozen to the spot.

Kevin stirred. He'd heard someone yelling a minute ago. It had sounded like Nick, but in his semi-conscious state, he couldn't be sure. He shifted again, feeling something warm and very un-mattress-like beneath him.

He forgot about possibly hearing Nick as he tried to open his eyes to see what, or who, was under him, but his hair was in his face. Intending on brushing it out, he lifted his hand. 'What the…' he thought to himself as he found his fingers tangled up in something warm. He tried to shake free, but whatever had his hand was holding on tight.

Alex floated slowly back down to earth, to his bed. He'd been dreaming of Kevin. They were snuggled in bed together, just cuddling. He was so happy his heart wanted to burst. Something had happened though, a voice, shouting at them from the dark, breaking the moment.

As he pulled free of the dream, he felt someone moving his arm around. Correction, his hand, which in turn was jerking on his arm. He was holding on tight to whatever it was. Opening his eyes slowly, he blinked against the dim light in the room and looked over at his hand. He blinked several times to make sure he wasn't seeing things. He was holding someone's hand, Kevin's hand.

He turned to look at Kevin, who he now realized was laying half on top of him, his face right next to his on his pillow, hair in his face. Alex then realized why he was trying to get his hand free. He let go and watched as Kevin pulled his hand to his face, pushing his hair out of the way and opening his eyes. Their gazes locked and time froze, neither saying a word or moving a muscle. All either of them would have to do would be to move a mere inch or two and their mouths would be touching.

Alex licked his lips, repeating over and over to himself in his head, 'I will not make the first move this time, I will not…' His eyes widened a second later just before shutting in pleasure. He didn't have to make the first move, Kevin did it for him.

Kevin didn't know how the two of them had ended up sleeping together this time and he didn't care. All he knew was that there they were, in Alex's bed, Alex underneath him, his mouth inches away and he couldn't resist. He had to taste him. His hand came up to cup the side of Alex's face as the kiss deepened, mouths opening, tongues touching.

Nick watched all this, transfixed, frozen to the spot. He wanted to run away, to get out of there as fast as possible, but his legs just wouldn't cooperate, so he stayed….and watched. The way the two of them were kissing wasn't just lust, it was love. Nick could see it as plain as day. Of course, he'd known Alex felt that way, but he hadn't been sure how deep Kevin's feelings ran. Watching them there like that though, he knew and it hurt. He watched as Kevin slid more fully onto Alex and Alex wrapped his arms around his neck.

That got Nick moving. He did not want to see any more. He hadn't wanted to see what he did, but he wanted to see them actually make love less. He started to back out of the room, trying to be quiet. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side. He misjudged where he was going and instead of backing into the hall, he backed into the wall with a soft thud.

Kevin jerked his head back and looked around, locating the source. Nick. Oh shit. He'd forgotten about him, about them. Alex and Nick. Nick looked like his world had just crashed in on him. Kevin felt like shit.

Pulling himself up off of Alex and off the bed, Kevin tried to apologize. "Nick, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…don't blame Alex. I came on to him. Shit. I'll just get out of here. Sorry."

Alex watched, shell shocked as Kevin pulled away from him and apologized to Nick. Why was he…? Oh shit. He thought they were together. He'd meant to tell him last night that they weren't, but the timing had never been right. They'd been so at ease around each other, connecting, just enjoying being together. He hadn't wanted to ruin it by admitting he'd lied to him.

Kevin looked around, located his shoes and grabbed them. Without wasting any time, he started out of the room.

Alex pulled himself together then and started to explain, "Kevin, wait I…."

"No, Alex, it's ok. I shouldn't have come over last night. The whole thing was a mistake. I'm sorry. I've got to go." Kevin didn't meet Alex's or Nick's eyes as he spoke.

Alex felt like he'd been punched in the gut as he silently watched Kevin disappear through the door. A mistake. Kevin thought coming to the bus, the time in the recording studio where they had made some amazing music, the movie, the time they'd spent together, everything, was a mistake. He should have known better than to hope there was some feelings behind it on Kevin's part, that it meant something to him too. It hadn't meant jack. He'd just been spending an evening with a friend. Meanwhile, Alex had felt like they were starting something and even though it had scared him out of his socks, a part of him had been insanely happy about that. Now though, it was tainted. Last night, the kiss this morning, none of it had mattered to Kevin.

Nick watched as tears slid down Alex's cheeks. He felt like an ass. He should have left the instant he saw the two of them. He shouldn't have stood there watching and he sure as shit shouldn't have tried to back out of the damn room instead of turning around and watching where he was going. He wanted to kick himself.

He watched as Alex turned away from him and curled up in a ball on the big bed. He looked at him, then at the doorway, then back at Alex, torn on what to do. He should go after Kevin and explain what was going on to him, maybe fix some of the mess he'd made, but he couldn't leave Alex alone and miserable. Decision made, he headed over to the bed and sat on the edge of it, reaching a tentative hand out to his friend.

"Bone, Alex, I'm sorry man. I wasn't…I didn't know. I tried to leave without making any noise. I'm so sorry."

And he was. No matter what his feelings were, he was his friend first and foremost and seeing him this unhappy was killing him.

Silent tears ran down Alex's face as he lay there, staring at nothing. He vaguely heard Nick apologizing to him, felt his hand at his back, rubbing softly, soothingly. He needed that right now. To be held. He felt so alone. He turned around and grabbed at Nick, melting into his arms. He buried his face in his chest and sobbed, something he as a rule never did, but lately, seemed to be doing a lot of.

"It didn't mean anything to him. Last night, this morning. He thinks it was a mistake, Nick. He doesn't want me, doesn't feel anything for me that way."

Nick didn't know what to say. The kiss he'd witnessed looked anything but meaningless. Kevin did feel something for him, he knew, but how could he get Alex to see that? He didn't have a clue.

He still hurt too. Seeing them like that, even though he knew there would never be anything between him and Alex, had hurt. He needed to hold him just as much as Alex needed to be held, so he didn't say anything. He just sat there and held on as Alex sobbed against him for another man.


Chapter Twelve
MAKING AMENDS, MENDING LOVE Contents