Alex pressed his back against the seat, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to remember to breathe. They were on decent to the airport in Orlando. He hated flying and being sober now just made it worse. Except for the flight six weeks ago to rehab when he'd been in withdrawal hell and barely aware of his surroundings much less whether he was in the air or on the ground, he hadn't had to fly sober for a long time. His nerves were shot. He felt a comforting hand on his knee and opened his eyes slightly to see his mom smiling at him from the seat next to him. He smiled back, his eyes full of love.

"Thanks for coming to get me mom."

Denise smiled at her son. Her heart was bursting she was so happy. He looked healthier than he had in a long time and the light was back in his eyes. That light, that spark of life, had been missing for what seemed like forever. "Like I'd be anywhere else."

The plane landed and they got off. Alex stopped short when he saw a tall guy with a hat and sunglasses on standing off to one side. His lips curled into a smile. The guy may have fooled the girls walking past him, but Alex knew that disguise anywhere. Nick.

Alex just stood and watched him for a minute, their daily conversations since he'd been away floating through his head. At first, Alex had been able to talk about nothing but Kevin and had even told Nick about all that happened between them in Boston.

Slowly though, that had changed. Oh, the love was still there, as strong as ever, always would be, but he knew it could never be, and somehow that realization had helped him get past the obsessive part of it.

After that realization, his and Nick's conversations have veered off in other directions. They'd talked about everything from Nick's video game collection and Alex's next tattoo, whatever that might be, to relationship issues the both of them had. They were closer now than they had ever been.

Nick slowly turned in his direction and saw him. Alex smiled at the way his face lit up and watched as he ran towards him, nearly tackling him right there in the airport. Laughing, Alex dropped his backpack he carried everywhere as Nick lifted him off the ground in a bear hug.

He hugged him back and repositioned the blond's hat, which had almost fallen off when he'd grabbed him. It wouldn't be good to get recognized now. Neither of them had their security with them.

In an amused voice, Alex said, "I'm happy to see you too, Kaos."

Nick put him back on his feet and let go of him, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry, it's just, you look so good, healthy I mean, and I missed you."

"Thanks." Alex smiled back. Bending to pick up his backpack from the ground, he added, "Let's get out of here."

Denise smiled at her son, the smile being replaced with a look of concern when he turned and headed out to the car. Denise followed behind, watching them joke and laugh, their glances lingering longer than they should. She knew her son was bi, had for a long time, although he'd only recently told her while he was in rehab. That wasn't the problem.

No, the problem was that it looked like something might be happening between Alex and Nick. She loved Nick like a son, but he just wasn't the person for Alex. She also had an idea of Alex's feelings for Kevin. He hadn't told her that part, but she wasn't blind, she'd known that for a while too. She just hoped Nick and Alex didn't get themselves into something that would only end up hurting everyone in the end.

Later that evening, they were at Nick's house, playing video games. Nick had just beat him for the third time in a row. When Nick pulled out Mario Cart, Alex flashed back to that day Kevin had admitted to him that things weren't going well with him and Kristin.

Kevin. Shit. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about Kevin, or Kevin and Kristin. Things were probably fine between them now anyway. He stood, needing to get out of that room and clear his head.

"I'm gonna go grab a snack, want something?"

Nick shook his head and Alex headed out of the room. A moment later he was at the refrigerator with the door open trying to find something to eat. He heard Nick come up behind him but didn't acknowledge his presence immediately.

"Nervous about seeing the rest of the guys tomorrow?"

Alex almost jumped at how close to his ear Nick's mouth suddenly was. "Yeah. I am."

Nick reached out and began to massaged Alex's tense shoulders. In a husky voice he said, "Let me help you get some of that tension out."

Alex knew he should stop him, that where this was heading wasn't good for either of them. They'd become closer than ever this last month and a half and he didn't want sex to come between them. He needed a friend more than he needed a lover right now.

But oh, did Nick's hands feel good. So when those hands slid from his shoulders down his arms, massaging as they went, Alex didn't object. And when they left his arms completely and circled his waist, he allowed that too.

It wasn't until Nick pulled him back against him and let him feel his arousal that Alex found it inside himself to put a stop to it. And he started to do just that, turning in Nick's arms to look at him. The only problem was that it was hard to talk with Nick's mouth suddenly on his. Still, he tried, but opening his mouth only succeeded in giving Nick access and soon his tongue was inside his mouth and Alex was moaning and kissing him back.

One kiss, he told himself. It had been so long since he'd been close like this to anyone and it felt so good. And then he was wrapping his arms around Nick, one hand at the back of his head, holding him close as the kiss went on and on.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was really only minutes, they separated, looking at each other warily as they both tried to regain their breath.

Nick was the first to speak. "Shit, Alex, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You just, God, you look so good, healthy, happy, and damn if that isn't a turn-on."

"Hey don't worry about it. I was kissing you back. It's not like you attacked me or anything." Alex ran a hand through his hair and chuckled, trying to break the sudden tension in the room.

"Alex, what's going on between us? I mean, I know you still have feelings for Kevin and all, but, you feel something for me too, don't you?"

Alex looked up and caught the nervousness in Nick's eyes, the fear of rejection. "You're right. I still have feelings for Kevin." He watched as Nick's shoulders slumped and he looked away to stare at a spot on the floor. "But you're also right about the other thing. I do feel something for you. There is something going on between us, I just don't know what it all means."

Nick's blue eyes shot back up and locked on Alex's brown ones. "So what do we do?"

"Nothing. At least not right now. I need to get my feet back on the ground. It's taking all my willpower not to go buy a bottle of Jack right now." He told him honestly. "I have to concentrate on staying sober. Getting into something with you would just make my life so complicated and I can't handle that right now. Ok?"

Nick smiled at him, his eyes shining with an unnamed emotion. "Ok. And thanks."

"For what?"

"Being honest."

A while later Alex lay alone in the bed in Nick's guest room. He hadn't felt like going home. Sara was there. They hadn't actually broken up, but it was all but over. Much to the irritation of his mom and the guys, he'd let her stay in his house and spend his money while he'd went away to rehab.

They just didn't understand. He felt guilty for what he'd done to her. He'd dumped all his shit on her and she'd been there for him. He'd treated her like crap and she'd turned around and told him she loved him. How could he just kick her out?

The answer was he couldn't, so here he was in the guest bedroom of Nick's house, staring up at the ceiling, horny and thirsty. Horny from thoughts of Kevin that wouldn't go away, not to mention the kiss he and Nick had shared an hour earlier, and thirsty for some JD to take the thoughts away.

He knew the cravings would always be there, they had pounded that into his head enough in rehab, he just hoped to God they wouldn't always be this powerful. He was fighting with everything inside him at that moment not to take off for the nearest bar. He was so tense every muscle in his body was screaming for relief.

A knock sounded at the door, nearly making him jump a foot in the air. "Come in."

Nick opened the door and swallowed hard at the sight of Alex laying on his back on top of his sheets in only his boxers, arms resting behind his head. The man had no clue how sexy he looked at that moment. Nick knew though and he tried to ignore the stirring in his own boxers.

"Did you want something Kaos? Or did you just come to stare?"

Alex's question, along with his harsh tone pulled Nick from his musings. "Uh, I uh, just wanted to check to see what time you want to get up tomorrow. We have rehearsal at nine."

Alex took a deep breath, not taking his eyes off the ceiling. "Seven-thirty would be good, if you're up that early."

Nick nodded. "That's fine. K, night Bone."

"Night." The word came out almost as a bark.

"Alex?"

Alex sucked in a lung full of air not sure how much more conversation he could stand. Between his horniness and his alcohol cravings, Nick was working his last nerve. "What Nick?"

Nick hesitated at the edge in Alex's voice, but he had to know, so he asked, "Is everything all right?"

That question, asked by that concern-filled voice, made Alex snap. He knew he was snapping. He knew he shouldn't, didn't understand why he was, but before he could stop himself, he was up and across the room, standing inches from Nick.

"No Nick, everything's not fine. Half of me wants to fuck the living shit out of you and the other half wants to run to the nearest bar and down a fifth of JD. Any other questions?"

Nick stared down at him. Not sure whether he should be turned on or pissed off by what he'd just said he wanted to do to him. As far as the drinking went, he'd tie him down to the bed before he'd let him out that door to start on that path again. Tie him to the bed…that image alone swayed his feelings toward turned on rather than pissed off. His gaze dropped to Alex's mouth and he licked his lips absently.

Alex's eyes flared as he watched Nick's tongue dart out to moisten his lips. It was the last straw. He reached up and grabbed Nick by the back of his head and pulled him down to him, crushing their lips together.

Nick hesitated only a second before wrapping his arms around Alex and pulling him close. He'd wanted this for so long now. Since before Alex's rehab. That had been the main reason he'd finally decided to share a suite with Howie back in Boston. He couldn't stand listening to Alex and his various conquests anymore without going crazy wishing it was him.

What started out as pure lust brought on by frustration and anger, turned quickly into a searing, passionate kiss. Alex kept his hand at the back of Nick's neck, running his fingers through the short hairs there while his other hand ran up Nick's bare chest, stopping to tweak a nipple as he went. That elicited a throaty moan from Nick, which in turn got Alex harder.

Both men were nervous about what they were about to do because of their friendship, but not enough to stop. They both needed it, needed each other, although for different reasons. Nick's lips parted as Alex's tongue licked at them and then his tongue was in his mouth licking at other places. Nick moaned.

Alex's free hand traveled down Nick's bare chest towards the waistband of his boxers. He half expected Nick to stop him, but he didn't. He was glad. He needed him. Needed to feel close to him. Get his mind off alcohol and Kevin. His fingers traced the elastic of his boxers before slipping inside and tracing the line of his cock. He felt Nick shudder at his touch and smiled against his lips.

Nick knew that for Alex this was a way to forget for a while, but for him, it was something more and that scared him. He didn't know what to do and then Alex was touching his cock and all thought fled. He shuddered under Alex's fingertips as he teased him mercilessly with feather light touches.

Nick pulled his mouth away from Alex's and took in several deep breaths before letting him guide them both to the bed. After they were laying down, Alex on his back, Nick on his side propped up on an elbow, Nick dipped his head to kiss his neck. He traced his way up to his earlobe, sucking it in and nibbling as his own hand found it's way into Alex's boxers and wrapped itself around his cock, stroking it slowly as Alex continued to stroke his. They both moaned. He kissed his way back down his neck, stopping along the vein that always popped out whenever Alex sang. He licked a line up it, then began sucking on the skin covering it.

Alex shuddered underneath him. Nick smiled. He'd found one of his spots. He wondered how many more he could find before they were through. He pulled his hand out of his boxers and moved so he was laying on top of him, arms resting on either side of the smaller man to hold himself up. One of his legs was in between his, their hips pressed together, trapping Alex's hand between them, which was still on Nick's cock but no longer moving. Nick kissed down to the hollow of his throat and sucked there, earning another moan and a whispered 'fuck' from the older man. Nick moaned himself as Alex's grip on his cock tightened in reaction.

"Baby, this ain't gonna last long if you keep that up." He said hoarsely.

Alex took the hint and pulled his hand out from between them, settling it on Nick's ass and squeezing. He loved Nick's ass. It was so round and firm. He'd wanted to squeeze it for a while now. He looked up at him as Nick's eyes fluttered shut. "Shit, Alex, that's just as bad."

Alex chuckled deep in his throat. "What's the matter? Is your ass one of your spots Nicky?"

"Uh huh." Nick managed to say as he nodded.

Alex's response was to bring his other hand around and squeeze both ass cheeks at the same time. "Feel good, baby?"

Nick groaned and rubbed his erection against Alex's. Alex groaned too. They were torturing each other with all this foreplay, but it felt so good, he didn't want to stop.

"God Nicky, I've want to squeeze this ass of yours for so long. I love the way it looks, the way it moves when you walk. Shit. I want to see it bare and sticking up at me while I shove my rock hard cock inside you. Do you want that Nicky? Do you want me inside you?"

Nick whimpered at the feelings Alex was stirring in him by talking and touching him that way. That raspy voice of his was dripping sex and the images he was invoking with his words had Nick on the verge of coming and they hadn't really even done all that much yet.

Alex took that as a yes and pushed Nick's boxers down under his butt so he could caress the bare flesh of his ass. He slid one finger down the crack of his ass until he found his pucker. Teasingly he pushed against and around it, circling it, rimming it, but not entering. Nick started grinding against him in response, unable to hold still.

Alex pulled his hand away and stuck his finger in Nick's mouth. Nick obediently sucked until Alex pulled it out again and brought it back to his pucker. As his finger entered, he leaned up and sucked on the hollow of Nick's neck, shoving his finger in hard at the same time. He rubbed his prostate and Nick came moaning his name.

Moments later, Nick regained his voice. His forehead was resting on Alex's shoulder, his arms still propping his body up. Without moving, he mumbled against his skin, "Shit that's embarrassing. I haven't cum that fast since I was like, fifteen I think. Damn."

Alex laughed. "I thought it was great."

"Excuse me?" Nick squeaked, still not moving.

"It's quite the ego booster to make the Nick Carter cum like it's his first time."

"Fuck you, Bone." Nick said, but there was no heat in his voice.

Alex's voice dropped an octave, dripping pure sex once again. "Maybe later. Right now I want to fuck you. That is, if you still want me too."

Nick shivered at the tone of Alex's voice. "Hell yeah."

He finally moved, bringing his mouth to Alex's shoulder and kissing it, then on impulse he nipped it. Alex moaned and bucked up against him.

"Don't tell me, one of your spots?" Nick asked.

"Anywhere you bite is one of my spots. I love teeth. Anywhere."

Nick leaned back down and bit again, this time on one of the many tattoos on his biceps. When Alex moaned and bucked again, Nick mumbled against his skin, "Hmm…I'll have to remember that."

"On your back, Nicky." Alex suddenly growled.

Nick did as he was told. In the next instant, Alex was straddling his thighs, pulling down his cum stained boxers. Nick lifted his hips to help him. Alex scooted down his legs until he had the boxers off. Kneeling, he slid his own boxers down and leaned forward, bracing himself with one hand as the other slid the material first over one lifted knee then the other, then off him entirely.

He crawled back up the length of him again, licking his lips and looking at his dick hungrily. Nick moaned, his cock springing back to life at the mere thought of Alex's mouth on it. Instead though, Alex snaked out his tongue and began licking all the cum off Nick's stomach. Nick squirmed underneath him, horny as hell. Then Alex licked a line up his now throbbing cock.

Nick grabbed the sheets on either side of him and moaned. It felt so good. But it was nothing compared to what Alex did in the next instant. He opened his mouth fully and sucked Nick in, not stopping until his cock hit the back of his throat. Nick cried out, bucking up into his mouth. Alex continued to suck him off for another minute or so, before suddenly releasing him. Nick whimpered and opened his eyes to look up at him questioningly.

"Roll over Nicky. I want to see that nice round ass of yours."

Nick couldn't turn over quick enough. He groaned when he felt Alex's hands on his ass, gently kneading his flesh. Involuntarily his hips started moving against the bed below him. He couldn't believe he was humping the damn bed, but he couldn't stop either. What Alex was doing felt so damn good and he was so hard because of it. He cried out his name when Alex bent to kiss and bite at the spots he'd just been massaging. He let out a startled yelp when Alex pulled away and smacked his ass hard. "Get on your hands and knees, Nicky."

Nick scrambled to do just that, spreading his legs for Alex to kneel between. It was Alex's turn to groan then, staring down at his round white ass. God that was a sight. "Shit, Nicky. You don't know what it does to me to see you like this."

Nick turned his head and locked eyes with Alex over his shoulder. "Show me."

That was all the encouragement he needed. He hopped off the bed and went in search of something to lube up with, finding some lotion in the guest bathroom. He climbed back on the bed and positioned himself behind Nick, who hadn't moved an inch. He squirted some lotion on his hand and tossed the bottle on the floor next to the bed as he prepared himself for what he was about to do. Nick looked over his shoulder and watched him, getting even harder yet at the sight of Alex with his eyes shut stroking himself, rubbing the lotion all over his cock.

A moment later, his eyes opened and he stared into Nick's. In an even raspier voice than normal, he asked, "Nicky, are you sure about this? Because if you're not, you gotta tell me now. I won't be able to stop if we go any further."

Nick knew it was now or never. Alex had just given him an out. The words he left unsaid hung in the air between them. This wasn't the start of a relationship. It was just something between friends that had to end there because Alex couldn't handle more. Nick knew all this, but none of it mattered. Nothing mattered but that moment in time and the feelings Alex was giving him. He could live with the consequences.

"I'm sure Alex. Fuck me." With that, he turned his head back around and braced himself for what was coming next.

Alex stared at his ass for a moment, totally unprepared for that answer. He'd really thought Nick would back out. But he hadn't and fuck did his ass look sweet staring up at him that way. He couldn't resist anymore. He reached out a lubed finger and worked it into Nick's ass. He felt him clench around him and moaned, knowing how good it was going to feel to have his cock in that hot, tight ass. He worked another finger and then another in him, hearing Nick's sharp intake of breath.

It didn't take long to figure out that Nick didn't get fucked all that often. He was so tight, almost virgin tight. That knowledge only served to turn Alex on more. He couldn't wait any longer. He pulled his fingers out and placed his cock at Nick's entrance. Grabbing his hips, he pushed slightly until just the head was in him.

"Fuck." Nick said on a breath, his voice pained.

"Sorry. Damn you're tight baby. Don't do this often, huh?"

"No. I usually give." Nick said, eyes squeezed shut.

Alex pushed in the rest of the way, gasping as Nick's tight ass completely engulfed him.

Nick sucked in air, trying desperately to relax. What he'd left out of his admission to Alex was that he'd only taken it one other time in his life and that had been years ago. He'd wanted to see what it was like. While it had felt good after the initial pain, he'd found it left him feeling vulnerable. He didn't like that, so he never did it again.

Now though, he didn't mind feeling vulnerable. Somehow it was all right to give himself to Alex, maybe because they were such good friends. He knew he shouldn't have, because he was already feeling way too much for him, but at that moment none of that mattered. All that mattered was that he was being filled by him and he loved it. Pain and all.

After a few heartbeats, Alex said, "Fuck, Nicky, I gotta move."

"Do it Alex. Please, I need it too."

Alex pulled out slowly, thrusting back in just as slowly rotating his hips slightly each time making sure he hit Nick's sweet spot. He kept the rhythm going that way for a little while, both of them panting and moaning at the pleasure rushing through them.

The pain for Nick was long since gone. All he could feel now was wave after wave of pleasure as Alex's hard cock stroked his prostate on the way in and the way out. Nick moaned louder as Alex started picking up the pace. He pushed back against him as he thrust forward, needing to feel him deeper still.

"Fuck, so close…so good, Nicky…so tight," Alex moaned.

Nick shoved himself back against him harder. "More, need more…harder…"

Alex let go of all restraint and started slamming into Nick full force. The bed shook with the forcefulness of the thrusts, the headboard hitting the wall repeatedly. "Shit…Nicky, cum for me. I'm not gonna…last…gotta cum…"

Nick groaned every time Alex slammed into him, hitting his prostate hard. Without either one of them even stroking his cock, his balls tightened and he felt the rush take him over. He screamed out Alex's name as cum surged out of his cock.

Alex heard him scream his name at the top of his lungs and felt his ass spasm around him and knew Nick was cumming. It was his undoing and he came too, screaming Nick's name as he emptied himself deep inside him. He thrust a few more times as he rode out his orgasm before pulling out and falling to the side on his back, eyes closed, completely spent. Nick collapsed on his stomach, head turned to face Alex. They lay there for a while as their heartbeats and breathing slowly returned to normal.

Nick recovered first, and reached out a hand to touch Alex's cheek. Alex opened his eyes and looked into Nick's blue ones. What he saw there scared him. He saw emotions in Nick's eyes that he couldn't return. He hoped to God that Nick understood this could only be a one time thing. He didn't want to hurt him, but he didn't want that kind of relationship with him either. Then he remembered Nick's admission that he didn't normally get fucked.

His eyes clouded. He had to know. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you let me inside?"

Nick closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again to stare into Alex's, knowing his next words would either draw Alex closer to him or push him away. "Because I trust you."

Alex's gut clenched and he shook his head. "I don't deserve your trust."

"Yes you do. Don't worry. I know what I got myself into. I know this wasn't the start of a relationship or anything. I'm ok with that. I just wanted this, whatever we had here just now. If it ends here tonight, or tomorrow or a week or month from now, that's ok too. I'll be fine."

Alex didn't know what to say to that. So instead, he grabbed him and kissed him, pulling him into his arms. Several moments later, their lips separated and they lay there wrapped in each other's arms and slept.


Chapter Two
MAKING AMENDS, MENDING LOVE Contents