First Howie, then Alex and Nick piled into the van. Alex in the back, half turned to the side, with his arm over the back of the seat, Howie and Nick side by side in the middle seats. When a minute or two passed and it became apparent Kevin and Brian weren't right behind them, Howie started to get tense. The MTV camera crew who were accompanying them to their concert didn't help much either as they busied themselves setting up.

Once the camera was turned on, Howie looked down at his watch again and said in a slightly annoyed voice, "We're supposed to be on stage in like…twenty-five minutes but that ain't gonna happen."

Alex responded, "No, we're on stage at 9:30 now." He knew because of having checked the itinerary earlier in the day for Nick when he'd been going crazy wondering where he'd run into JC at and when.

With slight relief in his voice, Howie commented, "We are now? Good."

Nick looked at the camera intently and said, "We're gonna be late."

Nick, Howie and Alex chatted for a couple minutes more, then Kevin showed up, still high with the adrenalin rush from what he'd done to Jamie as he climbed into the van. Seeing the camera turned on to him, he paused to say in a silly voice, "Well, what's goin on? Hey, welcome."

Howie, not amused in the least with how long it was taking to get out of there, snapped at Kevin, "Sit down! Get in the car, we've gotta go!"

Kevin ignored him and sat down next to Alex. Right behind Kevin, Brian climbed in, his eyes sparkling with his own adrenalin rush from his and Kevin's confrontation with Jamie.

"Hey I ran back and got the ah, bottle of champagne." It was then Brian remembered the cameras were on them and stopped himself before saying what else had happened, taking a seat next to Kevin and Alex.

Kevin however, was still pumped up from his confrontation with Jamie and didn't care if the world knew it. Looking at the camera, he said, "Yeah, we're gonna give Jamie Foxx a beat down later." As he said the last part, he smacked his fist into the palm of his hand to emphasize his point.

Alex watched him, seeing just how serious he was and felt a wave of desire wash over him. Kevin wanted to beat up the bad guys for him. He loved that and damn if it didn't make him horny as hell. He had to grip the back of the seat behind Kevin, where his arm was resting, tightly to keep from giving in to the urge to yank Kevin to him to kiss him senseless.

Nick looked at the camera as Kevin finished and commented, "Yeah, Jamie, you done messed up. You messed with Backstreet, man."

At the same time, Brian was leaning around Kevin to talk to Alex, saying, "He's like, it's apple cider, man, just apple cider!"

What Nick and Brian were saying pulled Alex back from his fantasies about taking Kevin in a van while all of them watched and a camera recorded it all. Suddenly he was stuck back in his reality and his reality sucked. He wanted a drink. What Jamie had done had come at the worst possible time. Not only had he missed his meeting again, but he'd been having cravings all afternoon like nobody's business.

Alex noticed the camera zoom in on him waiting for a comment. He had no desire to let on how much it had upset him, especially while the world was watching and especially considering the fact that Jamie could get a hold of the footage. He didn't want to give the other man the satisfaction of knowing he'd gotten to him, so he just said, "I ain't sayin' a word. I'm like a stealth, I'll just kinda sneak up on him."

Kevin's face took on a somber expression as he listened to what Alex was saying. He knew better than to buy the nonchalant attitude Alex was giving off, but at the same time he admired him for his restraint and gave his head a slight nod at Alex's words. Part of him wished he'd had that kind of restraint and hadn't resorted to violence with Jamie, but the other part of him was damn glad he had. Jamie had deserved it and so much more.

Nick turned around in his seat and looked at Alex, no more convinced by his act than Kevin was and asked in a quiet voice so the camera crew couldn't pick up on what he was saying if Alex was really all right.

Alex fought back the urge to rail at Nick for not letting it go. He knew his friend was just worried, but he really didn't want to talk about it.

In a slightly annoyed voice, he answered, "If I got pissed off at every damn crack that's made about me, I would…"

Howie interrupted, trying to lend his support to Alex's mature attitude about the whole thing. "Yeah, you just gotta accept it man, if they're talkin', hey, at least they're talkin'. It makes you more popular."

Alex paused to let Howie finish, silently thanking his friend for his support. He looked at Nick and prayed he'd take him at his word and drop it as he continued, "I just…I don't give a rat's ass, I really don't."

Nick knew Alex was lying through his teeth, but he suddenly realized right then was not the time to get into it. Still, he couldn't help the unconvinced expression on his face as he turned back around in his seat to face the front as he said, "Hey, that's cool man."

Staring out the window, Alex added quietly, "Do not even care." He wasn't sure who he was trying more to convince with his words…Nick, or himself.

The interviewer who was there with the camera guy sensed the subject was closed and threw out a random question about how they got picked to do the hip-hop award. Nick decided to answer, saying, "See MTV picks us to do, ya know, whatever they think is cool. And we go up for hip-hop and everybody looks at us like, 'What the heck, the Backstreet boys doin' hip-hop?' "

Out the side of Howie's mouth, he says in a weird voice, "Uh, they're not cool."

As they rolled down the highway and the interviewer asked another question, Alex ignored her, letting the other guys, specifically Nick, answer. He finally turned away from the window though, when he felt someone tap his hand to get his attention. Turning, he saw it was Brian, who looked like he had something important to tell him.

Before Brian uttered a word though, he cast a nervous glance toward the camera to make sure it was still focused on Nick and Howie. Alex caught the action and thought about his arm, which was still resting on the seat behind Kevin's back. He vaguely wondered if he should move it so it didn't look so much like he had it around Kevin, but he was distracted a second later before he could really think about it, by Brian leaning over Kevin and talking to him just above a whisper.

"Aje, you should have seen Kevin back there." Brian's blue eyes sparkled as he spoke.

Alex glanced at Kevin who remained stoically silent and staring straight ahead, then turned his attention back to Brian for answers. "What are you talking about Rok?"

Brian smiled. "He beat the shit out of Jamie."

Alex's jaw dropped, but he quickly remembered the cameras and yanked it closed, trying to not call attention to them as Nick rattled on. "What?"

Kevin spoke up then, casting an irritated glance Brian's way. He didn't look at Alex at all, not wanting to see his reaction to what he'd done if it was negative. "I didn't exactly beat the shit out of him..."

Brian interrupted. "But you would have if those stupid security guards hadn't pulled you off him."

Alex hardened in his jeans instantly. He knew he shouldn't be getting turned on by the fact that Kevin had attacked someone because of what he'd done to him, but fuck, he couldn't help it.

Swallowing hard he turned his attention to Kevin and asked in a quiet, raspy voice, "Kevin? You did that?"

Kevin sighed, realizing it was time to face the music. Turning to Alex, he was taken off guard by the raw lust and love mixing in the younger man's eyes behind his sunglasses. Nodding his head slightly, he said, "Yeah. I did. I just…sorta snapped after the champagne thing."

Brian butted in again. "He punched him in the balls first, saying that was for the low blow to you. Then he punched him in the stomach, but before he could get him again, he was pulled off. Jamie sank down the wall in tears."

Kevin watched Alex's reaction closely as Brian related the incident to him. Alex was staring at him intently and the sexual tension was nearly palpable between them. Brian looked back and forth between the two of them, picking up on it too and deciding they needed a private moment, or at least as private as they could get in a crowded van, so he turned and looked out the window, praying that the camera guy didn't pick up on what was going on between Alex and Kevin.

"You beat a guy up for me?" Alex's voice was filled with wonder.

"Don't sound so shocked. I love you. Jamie hurt you, I can see it, even if you won't admit it. I wasn't going to let him get away with it." Kevin said matter-of-factly.

"Fuck Kev…you don't know how much I want to grab a hold of you and rip off all our clothes, right here, right now."

Kevin swallowed hard. That was definitely not the response he'd expected. His cock twitched. Staring intently at Alex, he asked, "It turns you on that I went after him like that?"

Alex nodded. "Fuck yes. Holy shit Kevin. No one's ever done anything like that for me before."

Kevin glanced up front out of the corner of his eye to see that Nick was still talking to the camera. For a change, he was thankful for Nick's ability to grab attention. He didn't want any of what he and Alex were saying to get on camera.

Alex saw what Kevin was looking at and leaned in slightly, trying to give off the impression that he was talking to him about something like…the concert that night. "Kev, when I get you alone…I'm going to show you just how much what you did turns me on."

Kevin bit back a groan, his dick coming to full attention inside he pants. Before he could respond, the van got suddenly quiet as Nick finally finished telling his story. Kevin turned toward the front, reaching down to adjust himself so the bulge from his erection wouldn't be evident through his pants and skirt.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as the camera started to focus in on him and quickly pretended to have been looking down at his watch on his wrist to cover up for what he'd really been doing. He felt Alex lean in close, which didn't help his condition in the least, and vowed he'd get back at him later for being a tease. Alex had his own watch. He didn't need to lean in close to look at his.

Fighting to keep his voice calm and cool, he commented for the camera's benefit, "On a normal evening, we'd be getting dressed right now."

Alex fought back a smirk as he heard the nearly imperceptible quiver in Kevin's voice. If he hadn't been listening intently for it, he never would have caught it, but it was there. He'd gotten to him. He loved that he could.

Nick piped in from in front of them, breaking the spell. Alex sat back again as Nick said, "I'd be trying to listen to music, but Kevin be turning it down. I'd be trying to listen to System of a Down, ya know," Nick paused to make sounds like a song, then made a clicking noise and continued, "Oh, Kevin turned it off…"

Kevin leaned forward to defend himself…and get his mind of his tease of a boyfriend sitting next to him and said, "I need that chill out music, you know," Kevin closed his eyes for a second, trying to keep from smacking Nick as Nick interrupted him, then thought, 'Fuck it,' and reopened his eyes as he continued, ignoring Nick's comments. "Kinda chill. I need to chill, man."

Nick didn't wait for Kevin to finish as he added teasingly, "Kevin's like, all up in the mountains and stuff, you know, he wants to listen to those serenity CDs."

Next to Kevin, Brian sensed the tension building, knowing how on edge Kevin was with Nick right then because of their conversation earlier that day. Trying to think of something to say to distract everyone, he looked down at his watch and said, "We're making pretty good time."

Kevin wasn't having any of it though and decided to put Nick's ass in the hot seat, knowing Nick would fall for it, then get reamed out by Howie later in private. Pulling up a comment Nick had made to him earlier when Howie had been out of earshot, he said, "Nick thinks Howie's hair looks like Jon Bon Jovi's new haircut."

Howie tensed imperceptibly as Nick fell into Kevin's trap and turned his teasing on him. Grabbing Howie's face and forcing his mouth to open and close, he started to sing in a high pitched voice, "'It's my life, it's now or never,' " Nick let go of Howie's face and continued, staring right into the camera, "'Howie's gonna live forever.' "

At the same time as this was going on, AJ saw his opportunity to get back at Howie for his earlier comments about his choice of clothes for the evening and leaned forward to mess with Howie's hair, knowing how much Howie hated it when people touched his hair.

Howie just sat there as Nick and Alex messed with him, seeing red. He couldn't believe they were teasing him on camera like that. He'd be giving them an earful later. Mostly Nick, but Alex too.

Brian chose to ignore the craziness of his group mates, instead staring out the window again as they approached the place they were playing at that night. Seeing an older couple, he pointed and said in his southern twain, "Everybody thinks we're just for young people. There's a mom and a dad out there." He paused and looked to another spot where fans were gathering. "Oh yeah, there's some young people too."

Then there was no more time for talking as the van pulled up to the back of the building and they all climbed out to race inside and get ready for the concert. As Alex walked by the camera he leaned in and made one last comment, "Ahh, I can finally go..have…food!"

The concert went smoothly, with them getting on stage just in time. They all had a great time. There were a few moments when Kevin wanted to beat the shit out of Nick for hanging all over Alex and a few moments where Alex wanted to rip Kevin's clothes off and fuck him right there on the stage…at which point he realized he was becoming entirely to taken up with thoughts of fucking Kevin in public and thereafter tried his hardest to keep his mind off that.

There were also a few other moments when Kevin had thoughts of grabbing Alex and dragging him off stage to a dark corner to fuck him senseless, especially when he watched Alex thrust his hips at the crowd, or pull off his shirt, or drop down and hump the stage. He decided during that concert that it was hell having to perform with your boyfriend, especially a boyfriend who exuded sexuality and especially when you knew exactly how it felt to be on the receiving end of that sexuality.

All in all though, the concert went well. Once they were backstage and had all taken their showers, they hurriedly got dressed, anxious to get out of there.

Howie was the first to ask where everyone was headed afterwards. "Are you guys going to any after parties?"

Nick answered first, thinking about what JC had told him earlier about going to P. Diddy's party. "Yeah, I'm going to hit Puffy's I think."

Howie nodded. "I was heading there myself."

Brian shook his head. "I'm just going to go back to the hotel. Leigh's waiting for me." In his head he added, 'I hope.'

Kevin caught the sad note in Brian's voice and his heart went out to his cousin. "Alex and I will probably just go back to the hotel too."

Alex stiffened slightly. He didn't like Kevin answering for him without even finding out what he wanted to do. Especially when he had a sneaking suspicion that Kevin didn't want to go because he didn't want him being around alcohol or drugs. That made Alex feel like a child, or at the very least someone Kevin didn't trust.

"Actually Kev, I was thinking maybe we could go to Puffy's for a little while at least, make an appearance."

His statement was met with silence. The other four guys looked at him, surprised. Alex hadn't shown any desire to go anywhere near alcohol or drugs since he'd gotten out of rehab.

Kevin was the first to break the silence. "Alex, maybe that's not such a good idea. It hasn't been all that long…" His voice trailed off as Alex turned to stare at him.

Alex stiffened even further and said in an icy voice, "I wasn't aware I couldn't make decisions for myself anymore."

Brian, Nick and Howie all backed off a little to give Kevin and Alex some space, but not so far that they couldn't hear what was going on. They all had the feeling they were witnessing the couple's first fight.

Kevin stood and walked over to Alex, who was also standing by that point. "Alex, that's not what I meant."

Alex stared up at him. "Then what did you mean?"

Kevin shrugged. "I just…I'm worried about you, that's all. Like I said, you haven't been out of rehab for very long. I don't want to see you put any pressure on yourself that you can't handle."

Alex thought back to the bottle of JD he'd almost drank that day Kevin had rushed off his bus saying the evening they'd spent together, the evening he'd thought had been so special, had been a mistake. Damn. That JD was still stashed on his bus.

He didn't have time to think about that now though. He needed to get his point across to Kevin, make him understand that he could handle himself. He knew that might be easier if he actually believed it himself, but the truth was he wasn't at all sure if he could handle it. That was part of the reason he wanted to go tonight. To test himself. He needed to know if he was strong enough to say no to temptation.

In a quiet voice he said, "Kevin, you have no idea what I've been handling these last few weeks, so don't even try to tell me I can't handle going to some stupid party. That'll be a walk in the park compared to what I've dealt with since getting out."

Kevin didn't like the tone of Alex's voice or the look in his eyes at all. Alex was making him nervous. What was he talking about? He knew about the drugs in the suitcase, so that couldn't be it. What else was there? Had Alex come close to caving in to temptation at some other point? He wanted to know, but at the same time he knew right then wasn't the time to ask. The stubborn look on Alex's face told him that clearly.

"Alex, come on. Let's go back to the hotel and talk about this."

Alex stared up at him for a long moment. Nothing of what he'd just said had gotten through. "No. I don't want to go to the hotel and talk. I want to go out. I haven't been out since I got out. No parties, no dancing, no pool, no anything. It's driving me nuts. I'm going to the party. If you want to come, great. If not, I'll see you later."

Kevin's jaw clenched and his lips set in a firm line. There was no way he was letting Alex go to that party without him. "Fine. I'll go with. Later though, we are going to talk."

Alex nodded. He could accept that, even though the hard look in Kevin's eyes sent tendrils of apprehension running through his body. It was the second time today he'd gotten pissed at him and Alex didn't like it at all. It made him feel insecure, like if he didn't do everything just right, Kevin might leave him. He didn't like feeling that insecure about their relationship, but he did.

Without another word, Kevin walked out of the room, leaving the others to follow. Alex watched him go, fighting back tears as he picked up his backpack and followed him, leaving the other three alone.

Brian, Howie and Nick all looked at each other for a minute. Nick was the one who spoke first. "Is it just me, or did you guys expect that to uh…not go that well. I mean, there was no yelling, no…anything. They just sort of…both backed down a little in their own way."

Howie nodded. "Yeah. I mean, this is Alex and Kevin we're talking about. They've never fought that…amicably, especially with each other."

Brian shook his head. "There is no Kevin and Alex, close friends, near brothers anymore. It's Kevin and Alex, newly dating couple. It's a different ball game now."

Nick looked at Brian, trying to figure out what he meant by that. "Huh?"

Brian sighed, picking up his duffle bag as the other two followed suit. "There's more at stake now for both of them. They're in love. They're afraid if they fight, if they say how they really feel, the other one might walk. They're holding back. Just wait. A year from now, or six months from now, or hell, maybe even as soon as a month or two from now since they have known each other so long, they'll have a big blowout. It's going to happen guys. It's just a matter of time. They just don't trust each other's feelings enough right now."

Nick and Howie silently followed Brian, mulling over what he'd just said. It made sense. They just hoped that when the big blowout did go down, Alex and Kevin would still be an Alex and Kevin when the smoke cleared.


Chapter Twelve
LIVING LOVE Contents