Alex moaned, pushing his head back into the pillow, allowing Kevin better access to his neck where he was greedily sucking. He clutched the sheets on either side of his body as his wildest fantasy came true. Kevin, here, wanting and needing him as much as he wanted and needed the older man.

A groan escaped his throat as he felt Kevin’s erection rub against his. He let go of the sheets and brought his hands up to fist in Kevin’s long dark hair, pulling his face to his for a deep, hard kiss. Their tongues mated, licking and exploring each other’s mouths. Kevin’s hips grinded against his own and he found himself close to an orgasm already even though they hadn’t really done all that much yet.

Damn, he had to get some control here. He didn’t want to cum inside his boxers like some teenager. He tried to move, tried to sit up but he couldn’t. Kevin was too heavy on top of him and he wasn’t letting him move.

Alex cried out in frustration, begging Kevin to stop, to let him up, let him love him the way he’d always imagined. Kevin just laughed at him, shocking Alex. What the fuck? Kevin ground his hips against him harder and harder, ignoring his pleas for him to stop. Alex writhed underneath him, clutching the sheets and arching his back as his orgasm got closer and closer.

Kevin was talking now. What was he saying? Alex tried to focus through the haze of his desire.

"Is this what you want, Bone? This what you’ve been needing?"

All Alex could do in response was groan.

Kevin laughed. "That’s what I thought. Horny little pervert, needing me to get you off. You’re sick. This is sick. Guys aren’t supposed to do this. Go find a girl, Bone. Get her to get you off."

Suddenly Kevin was gone, long strides taking him out the door as Alex lay there in shock trying to figure out what had just happened. He was painfully hard and needed release and Kevin had gotten him that way, then called him sick and left.

What the fuck was going on? Why would he do something that cruel? Alex turned on his side, curled up into a ball and sobbed. This couldn’t be happening. Kevin couldn’t think he was sick. He loved him, needed him. That wasn’t wrong, was it?

He felt hands on his shoulders shaking him.

"Alex, wake up. Come on, wake up!"

All that registered in his brain was that it wasn’t Kevin’s voice. He continued to sob, ignoring it.

"Alex! Wake up now!"

He tried to push the hands that were still shaking him off his shoulders, with little success. "Go away. Leave me alone."

"Alex, come on honey. It’s just a dream."

He shook his head and continued to cry, caught in limbo somewhere between sleep and awake. "No, he doesn’t want me. He thinks I’m sick."

Somewhere in the fog his brain was in, he heard a distinctly female sigh. "Alex, honey, he doesn’t think you’re sick. He doesn’t even know. You’re having a nightmare. Wake up, please!"

Alex finally started to come back to reality uncurling his body and rolling onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling. A nightmare. It had been a nightmare. The same damn nightmare he had been having for the past month. Fuck. Kevin hadn’t been there, hadn’t brought him to a near orgasm, then left him high and dry calling him sick. It was all in his head, like usual. He’d made the mistake of going to bed only half drunk and alone and was paying the price.

He reached up and grabbed fistfuls of his own hair as if he could somehow pull the thoughts out of his head that way. "Shit. Why does this keep happening?"

Female arms came around him, holding him close. "Because you keep torturing yourself, honey. You’ve got to put an end to this. Tell him. He won’t think your sick. Kevin’s not like that."

Alex accepted her embrace, dropping his arms to hug her back. Sarah. When had they gotten so close? When had he let her in on his deepest darkest secrets? He didn’t know how it had happened, just that it had. What had started out as a relationship of convenience had turned into a close friendship. Damn. If he wasn’t so hung up on Kevin, he and Sarah could have really had something.

He sighed in defeat. "I can’t tell him. If he rejected me, I couldn’t take it. We’ve been through this." Changing the subject, he asked, "When did you get in anyway? I thought you weren’t coming until later today."

She smiled sympathetically at him. She wasn’t dumb, she knew he was changing the subject on purpose, but one look in his tortured eyes and she didn’t have the heart to call him on it. "I wasn’t, but after your call yesterday I knew you needed some support, so I got an earlier flight."

Yesterday. He’d been a mess after Kevin had stormed out. He had sat on that couch, getting wasted off his ass, but it hadn’t helped. It’d just made him more emotional. So he’d done what he always seemed to do lately when he was upset about Kevin and there wasn’t anyone around to screw. He’d called Sarah. He cringed remembering how he’d broken down on the phone, crying like a little baby. She’d calmed him down though and that night he’d done something uncharacteristic. He’d stayed in. No clubs, no sex, just him half drunk watching movies on pay-per-view.

"What would I do without you?" He asked, choked up. Why did she care so much anyway? It wasn’t like he was worth it.

Reaching up to touch his cheek, she looked into his eyes and said, "Luckily you don’t have to find out."

Alex knew what she wanted, needed from him. He wasn’t blind. Somewhere along the line of their fucked up relationship she’d started to care about him. He didn’t know how or why, just that she did. He knew he should end things, that it wasn’t right. He shouldn’t let her care when he couldn’t return the feelings in the same way, but at the same time he couldn’t let her go. She was the only one who knew his secret. She was what had kept him sane these past months. He needed her and because of that he selfishly kept her hanging on.

Leaning in, he kissed her, feeling her lips respond against his immediately. They had a mutual understanding in this area. He needed her to forget Kevin for a little while and she needed him, well, because she cared.

Afterwards, they lay spooned in each other’s arms, naked and sated. "I’m glad you came early, baby."

"So am I. I feel so awful when you have that nightmare alone."

"Why do you care so much? I mean, what did I do to deserve it?" He asked, truly curious.

"I care because you’re a good man, Alex. Beneath all the drinking and everything, you’re such a beautiful person. I wish you could see that."

Tears rolled out of his eyes and he felt a lump rise in his throat. "God, I don’t deserve you."

She responded by turning around to kiss him, wrapping her arms around him in reassurance. In her head she thought, ‘Oh honey, you do deserve it and once you realize that, you won’t need me anymore and you’ll leave.’ Her heart ached at the thought, because she knew it was the truth.

A couple hours later, Alex was outside Kevin’s door, taking a deep breath before knocking. Kevin had called a group meeting and made it clear in no uncertain terms that they were all expected to show up. He hated these things. He didn’t used to, but then again, he hadn’t been trying to hide being shit-faced drunk back then either.

He couldn’t help it. As soon as he’d heard Kev’s voice on the other end of the phone, he’d ached for a drink. After every time he had that nightmare, he couldn’t be in the same room with the man sober for at least a full day.

Sarah had tried to get him to stop after the fifth shot, but he’d brushed her off, by that time turning into the jerk he was when he was drunk or buzzing. He’d thrown some money at her and told her to go do what she did best with it, spend it. He had watched apathetically as tears welled in her eyes and she turned on her heal, storming out of the hotel suite, leaving the money behind.

He pushed his sunglasses up his nose, hiding his eyes and held his breath as the door opened, preparing himself for the all consuming presence of Kevin, but it wasn’t Kevin that stared back at him, it was Nick. "Hey Bone, join the party." He rolled his eyes as he said it, communicating the fact that it was anything but a party.

Alex snickered as he stepped inside. "Yeah, a party. Where’re the women?"

"Well, one’s in your room if I’m not mistaken. I saw her show up early this morning." Nick replied dryly.

"Uh, not anymore, Kaos. We sort of had an argument and she went shopping." Alex admitted, plopping down in a chair in the sitting room of the suite. He didn’t catch the way Kevin’s shoulders tensed at his comment.

Nick noticed though, wondering when Kevin was going to realize his feelings ran deeper for Alex than mere friendship. He’d been watching him for some time now and could read the signs. Kevin had feelings for Alex. He’d almost called him on it earlier while Kevin had paced, bitching and moaning that he couldn’t figure out why Alex drank so much. Kevin had called the meeting half an hour before the time he’d told Alex so he could discuss his apparent problem with them first.

Nick had wanted to grab him and shake him and tell him to think, because it was obvious it had started when he’d announced his engagement. He knew of course, that Alex had feelings for Kevin. Alex didn’t know that he knew though.

In Nick’s opinion, it was hard to miss if you knew him well enough, and he did. They had gotten pretty close ever since Brian and Leighanne had gotten serious. Where it used to be Frick and Frack this, Frick and Frack that, it was now Kaos and Bone. Not that he and Brian weren’t still close too, they just didn’t hang out as much because Brian didn’t have as much hang time. Alex, never one to be tied down, not even if his girlfriend was in the next room, had time to hang out.

This last year and a half they’d spent a lot of time together and become close. Nick knew about Alex’s continued drinking and screwing around too – with both girls and guys. He didn’t want to say anything to the guys, feeling like that would be a betrayal of their friendship, but he was out of his depths here. He knew Alex’s problems were becoming serious, he just didn’t know what to do about it.

"Well, let’s get started. First, management has some concerns about the tour…," Kevin droned on and Alex tuned the words out, concentrating on the melodic rise and fall of his voice. In his drunken state it felt like waves washing over him. He chuckled at the corniness of that thought.

"Something funny Bone?" Kevin arched a brow at him.

‘Shit.’ Alex thought. "Uh, no. Go on."

Nick studied his friend, realizing he was wasted. Damn. If Kev realized it, the shit was going to hit the fan. "Yeah, Kev, it was my fault. I made a funny face at him. Sorry."

Nick and Alex locked eyes and Alex mouthed a silent thank you once Kevin turned his attention away to look down at the scribbled notes in front of him. Nick smiled and nodded, wishing he could fix what was wrong for his friend, but knowing there wasn’t much he could do. He’d drink too if he had to be around the person he loved but couldn’t have 24/7 while that same person appeared for all the world to be in love and committed to someone else.

An hour later, the meeting was finally winding down. Alex couldn’t escape that room fast enough. He’d begun to sober up while there and was itching for another drink. Standing, he said, "Later," and headed for the door. He made it out into the hall before Kevin caught up with him. A large hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks.

"Alex, can we talk a minute?"

"Uh, sure Kev, what about?" He responded, trying to ignore the wild beating of his heart at the close proximity to the older man. Self-consciously he pushed his glasses back up his nose to hide his eyes.

"Well, it’s about Sarah. Alex, are you really happy with her?" He asked, getting straight to the point about what was bugging him since Alex had mentioned her shopping trip earlier. He stared at the younger man, itching to reach out and yank his glasses off his face. He wanted to see his eyes.

Alex was thrown off guard by the question. "What the hell kind of question is that? I wouldn’t be with her if I wasn’t happy, now would I?"

"That’s not an answer." Kevin said, pinning him down with a stare.

Alex’s shoulders stiffened. "Because the question doesn’t deserve one. It’s none of your business anyway."

"I’m just concerned. The two of you fight so much…" Kevin started, only to be interrupted by the opening of the elevator doors.

Sarah stepped off and into the middle of...something. What, she didn’t know, but by the looks on Alex and Kevin’s faces, it wasn’t good. Approaching cautiously, she said, "Hey guys."

Kevin nodded stiffly.

Alex pulled his glasses off his face finally and stared at him for a long moment. The anger in his eyes could have melted steel. Without taking his eyes off Kevin, he said to Sarah in a sugar sweet voice, "Hi baby, I missed you."

He pulled her into his arms, finally breaking eye contact with Kevin to give her a long, deep kiss.

She responded immediately, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer. She knew this thing between them wasn’t going to last, but in the meantime, she meant to enjoy it while it did.

After the kiss was over, she smiled up at him breathlessly, their earlier argument forgotten. "I missed you too."

Alex smiled back, then turned to glare at Kevin as if saying, ‘I told you so.’ Turning back to Sarah he said huskily, "Let’s take this back to our room."

They left Kevin standing there alone in the hall, confused. He didn’t understand why she bugged him so much. It was obvious she cared about him, but equally obvious she had ulterior motives. He just assumed it was her career. Not once did he guess it was that she was just taking what she could get while she could get it from a man who’d never love her the way she loved him.

After Alex closed the door behind Sarah and himself, Kevin turned back toward his room, stopping short at the sight of Nick in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, shoulder leaning on the door jam.

"What’s your problem?" He barked.

Nick shrugged and pushed away from the door frame. Walking past Kevin to get to his own room, he commented, "Just wondering when you’re going to figure it all out, Kev." He stepped into his room and shut the door behind him, adding to himself, "And what you’re going to do about it once you do."


Chapter Three
BROKEN LOVE Contents