For Alex, the next few weeks were a blur of cities, hotel rooms, tour busses, concerts, alcohol, drugs and sex. He avoided Kevin and Kevin did the same. He and Nick barely talked, even though they somehow kept ending up in two bedroom suites together – that is until last night. Nick had announced that he was sharing the two bedroom suite with Howie. He’d had enough of him.

Alex had had enough of himself too. He wondered if he should just end it. Who would really care? Not the guys. They barely even looked his way anymore. They only talked to him when they absolutely had too. He was just a necessary nuisance to them. In an unspoken agreement, they called a truce on stage night after night, but even then, things were strained and the fans and critics noticed.

Yes, maybe that was the answer. Just go off somewhere and slit his wrists, watch the blood drain out, along with his life. Or maybe he could OD on some drugs. He was sure he could find something that would put him to sleep so he’d never wake up again. Never feel again. That’s what he really wanted. Not to die, just to not be so miserable all the time.

Marcus pulled him out of his musings with a hand on his shoulder. They were currently in Boston and Alex was out partying at a club. He’d just picked up a guy and had him waiting in his limo. He turned to Marcus and nodded letting him know he was ready. He snuck out the back with Marcus to avoid a group of fans that had found out where he was and had formed a crowd out front.

Sliding into the seat next to the nameless guy of the moment, he sat back, allowing the other man’s hands to wander over him. He closed his eyes and pictured Kevin in his head as the man undid the belt and pulled down the zipper on his black leather pants. Moments later, they pulled up to the hotel, but by then Alex’s dick was in the guys mouth and he had no intention of getting out of the limo until he got off, so he hit the intercom and told the driver and his guard to stay put for a couple minutes.

Leaning back again, he urged the other man on. "Yeah, that’s it, suck it deeper."

He emphasized his statement by grabbing the man’s head and thrusting his cock up into his mouth, not caring if the other guy gagged or not. He continued to pump in and out, moaning as he got closer and closer to his release.

He was nearly there when the door to the limo burst open and Kevin’s body filled the opening. Alex’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the opened door and the rush of cool air that hit his face. By then he was too close to the end to stop, so he continued to fuck the guy’s mouth while keeping his eyes locked with Kevin’s. A minute later he went over the edge staring into the green depths of the object of his fantasies, groaning loudly as he came. It was the best orgasm he ever had.

Kevin just stood there, one arm braced on the door, one on the roof of the limo, staring at Alex. His mouth went dry and he found it suddenly impossible to swallow. He was at a loss for words. He’d been standing in the lobby of the hotel signing some autographs when he’d seen Alex’s limo pull up. When no one got out, he’d gotten curious and decided to check it out.

He hadn’t known what he’d expected to find, but what he did find definitely hadn’t been on the list of possibilities. He’d also never expected to get instantly hard from what he saw. Watching Alex get off in that guy’s mouth while staring at him with hunger in his eyes was the most erotic thing he’d ever witnessed. Even more erotic than watching him jack himself a month ago.

The guy sat back on his heels, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, looking from Alex to Kevin and back again. Alex casually tucked himself back into his pants and zipped himself up, still staring at Kevin, the guy on the floor of his limo all but forgotten.

In a husky voice dripping with sex, he asked, "Like what you saw Kev?" He arched his brow, his eyes roaming down to Kevin’s crotch and the obvious state of arousal he was in.

Kevin gaze dropped from Alex’s eyes to his mouth. He cleared his throat, his mouth going from suddenly dry to suddenly watering with the thought of kissing the younger man. He didn’t utter a word of response though. He couldn’t. He didn’t move either. He couldn’t even think straight at that moment.

Alex chuckled, enjoying the apparent power he had over the older man at the moment. "Earth to Kev, you gonna stand there all night, or can I get out now?"

Kevin finally pulled himself together and stepped slightly to the side. Alex climbed out, purposely brushing his hip against Kevin’s crotch and smiling at the gasp it brought to his lips.

Suddenly he remembered his temporary lover. Turning back to the limo, he stopped him with a hand on his shoulder as he tried to get out. "Not tonight babe, but thanks for the blow. My driver will take you home. Just press the intercom thingy and tell him where you want to go."

The guy’s face clouded, but looking from man to man, realized he didn’t have a choice. Even if Alex had wanted him to come up to his room, the other man, the tall, intimidating man, was looking at him like he wanted to beat him into the ground. Sitting back, he nodded his head in resignation, watching as the door shut without a further word spoken.

Alex pushed past Kevin and headed into the lobby, getting stopped by some fans. He signed a few autographs as he made his way across the room to the elevators, Marcus leading the way. When he got there, he stumbled in, Kevin on his heels, Marcus and Carlos, Kevin’s bodyguard, holding the screaming girls at bay. The ride up was awkwardly quiet, Kevin not wanting to say anything in front of Marcus or Carlos, Alex not wanting to talk to Kevin period. He knew the questions that would come out of that and he had no desire to answer them. When they hit their floor, Alex rushed out of the elevator and made a b-line for his room, key card already in hand.

He almost made it. Almost, but not quite. Just as he was about to slam his door shut, Kevin was suddenly there, filling it with his body, demanding entrance. Alex looked up into his electric green eyes and sighed defeat, preparing himself for the inevitable lecture.

"Let’s get this over with. Come on in, I’d rather the whole floor doesn’t hear."

Kevin stepped in, wondering what the hell he was doing there, in Alex’s room, alone with him after the way his body had reacted to what he’d seen. He stood just inside the room, his back to the door, not sure what to do next.

Alex shot a funny look at him when there was no lecture forthcoming and asked, "What’s wrong with you?"

That got Kevin’s attention and he exploded. "What’s wrong with me? I catch you getting head from a guy in your limo outside our hotel with fans all over the place and you want to know what’s wrong with me?"

Alex was buzzing from the alcohol in his system and answered sarcastically, "Give the old man a hand, his eyesight ain’t gone yet."

Kevin grabbed his arm as he turned away, yanking him back and pushing him against the wall. With a hand gripping either arm, he stared down into Alex’s chocolate brown eyes, noticing how beautiful they were. Beautiful? Did he just think that Alex’s eyes were beautiful? Maybe he was the one who should be drinking.

He thought about what Howie had said weeks ago in that locker room about Alex waking from that dream and professing his love for a guy who was straight. "Are you gay?" He hadn’t planned on asking that, it’d just come out.

Alex laughed. "No man, I’m not. I’m bi."

"Bi?"

Not comfortable discussing this with Kevin of all people, he decided to go for shock value, hoping to get him to back off. "Yeah, you know, like Nicky. I’ll fuck anything with a hole. Well, as long as it’s human anyway..."

Kevin tightened his grip unconsciously searching his eyes for answers. "I know what it means. Why didn’t you tell any of us before?"

Alex winced at the pain of Kevin’s fingers biting into his arms. He was getting more irritated...and more turned on by the minute. "Nick knows."

"Why? Are you fucking him?"

Alex glared at him. "That’s none of your damn business and neither is me being bi."

Kevin’s face darkened. "If you get caught and it hits the papers it is."

Alex snorted. "I’ve been doing this for years and haven’t even gotten caught by you guys, let alone by a fan or the press."

Kevin released him suddenly and took a step back as the memory of what he’d seen in the limo caused him to stir in his jeans again. He licked his lips and said in a quiet voice, "You got caught tonight."

Alex’s eyes flashed with hunger as he stared at him, the memory of moments earlier causing him to harden too. "Yeah, I did, didn’t I? You never answered my question."

Kevin swallowed at the look on his face, his eyes dropping to his mouth. "What question?"

Alex took a step toward him, reaching up and brushing a lock of hair behind Kevin’s ear that had escaped his ponytail. He smiled knowingly at the way the other man jerked from his touch. "I asked you if you liked what you saw."

"What the hell kind of question is that? You were getting head from a guy. Why the fuck would I like to see that?" Kevin responded, trying to convince himself as much as Alex that he hadn’t liked it.

Alex made a tsking sound with his tongue. "That’s not an answer Kev."

Kevin’s stomach flip-flopped. What the hell was happening? Alex’s raspy voice had taken on an even huskier tone and it was turning him on. He felt like he was from another universe suddenly. Alex was making a pass at him…and he was letting him. He ignored the voice in his head reminding him that he’d secretly wanted him to for the past month ever since he’d opened that bathroom door.

Alex couldn’t believe it either. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought Kevin would actually want him. But here they were, inches apart, bodies pulsing with need and not a damn thing standing in their way.

Alex closed the space and pulled Kevin’s head down to his. He pressed his lips against the older man’s and tilted his head to fit their mouths together more fully. He snaked his tongue out and licked Kevin’s lips, loving the taste of him immediately, just like he’d known he would.

When his mouth opened in invitation, Alex groaned, his tongue darting in to mate with his. Kevin reached out and wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist as Alex’s free hand traveled down Kevin’s chest toward his stomach. Their tongues licked and tasted and tangled inside each other’s mouths, both fighting for dominance, neither giving an inch. Alex’s hand reached the top of Kevin’s jeans and slid lower, feeling the evidence of how much he was enjoying the kiss.

Kevin groaned into Alex’s mouth, unable to believe the sensations rushing through him. He slid his hands lower, hesitating only an instant before grabbing Alex’s ass. He felt Alex’s body shudder, then Alex’s hands were suddenly on his ass, squeezing and yanking his hips to him.

Kevin could feel his erection against his. Wave after wave of heat flowed through his body. He’d never felt anything this intense before. The fact that it was Alex giving him this feeling both confused and excited him further. He didn’t know what was going to happen next, only that he was powerless to stop it, whatever it might be.

Just then his cell phone rang, jerking them both back to reality. Kevin jumped backwards as if burned. Reaching for his phone, he held it up to check the caller ID, visibly paling when he saw who it was. His face reddened with shame and he turned his back on Alex while he answered.

"Hey Kristin, what’s up baby?"

"Just wondering where you were. I left you down in the lobby with all those fans a while ago. You’re not still there are you?"

"No, I’m not. I’m up here. I’m just in Alex’s room, uh, talking. I’ll be there in a minute, ok?."

"Sure honey, don’t keep me waiting too long."

Kevin hung up the phone and sucked in a deep breath. Not turning around he said, "That was Kris wondering where I am."

"I heard." Alex said flatly.

"I gotta go." Kevin replied without much conviction.

"Then go. It’s not like I wanted you here in the first place." Alex retorted, the feeling of rejection burning his insides.

Kevin’s shoulders slumped. For some insane reason, he’d hoped he would ask him to stay.

Alex felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. Not unlike the way he’d felt when Kevin had announced his engagement to her so long ago. Reaching around Kevin, he opened the door and gave him a push to get him out of his room. Kevin didn’t resist and in the next moment, Alex was leaning against the door, all alone in his room, wondering if what had just happened between the two of them had been some sort of hallucination.

Pushing away from the door, he headed over to his bags, digging around inside for some coke. Finding the little black pouch, he clutched it in his hand and headed over to the table in the corner of his room.

He’d been doing more and more of the shit lately. He’d long since run out of the stash he’d gotten off that girl a month and a half ago. He’d had to find a supplier on the road. It hadn’t been hard. Some of the roadies he partied with had connections in the cities they hit.

He only used the stuff when his problems got really bad. Like that morning a few weeks ago after he threw that bottle at Nick’s head. That had been bad. He’d had the stash on him when Kevin had grabbed him. He was just thankful that it hadn’t fallen out of his pocket during the struggle.

That day was bad, but this was worse. Making out with Kevin, the man of all his fantasies for the past eight and a half years, then getting dumped for someone else, a woman, no matter that it was his wife, definitely qualified as the worst feeling in the world. He needed to forget, or at least to not care. The coke would do that.


Chapter Fifteen
BROKEN LOVE Contents