David's Funeral
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Finally we were able to hold our son. They weren't able to clean him up well because his skin tore very easily. His eyelashes were already gone and there was a small tear under his nose. We unwrapped his blanket and everything was perfect! What was the cause of his demise? We will never know. My mother held him after my ex-husband, who was awestruck. My mom was saying something to David because her lips were moving. I couldn't take my eyes off him. They finally gave him back to me, and everyone left the room so we could be alone with him for awhile. All I could do was sit and cry. We were totally unprepared for dealing with this tragedy. Why would we expect our third child to die after we had two normal, healthy boys?
The nurse finally took him to the nursery, and I did not see him again. She took pictures of him, both Polaroid and 35 mm. She told us we could see him any time, we could bring clothes for him, if we wanted. She also brought us his memory box.
Then we had the job of finding a funeral home, planning a small service, writing the death announcement. We decided not to have an autopsy done, because we didn't know how much it would cost, if our insurance would cover it, and we didn't want to have to send his body to Akron. We realized it would be Monday before we would get his body back, and it was Friday, Jan. 1st, 1999 when he was born!
I was able to leave the hospital on Jan. 2nd, during one of the worst snowstorms of the whole winter! I wouldn't let them take me downstairs in a wheelchair. I didn't want to be reminded that I should be holding a little someone in my arms. I mustered all my strength to wait in the hallway for my ex-husband to bring the car around. We then went to the funeral home.
We wrote his death announcement and had it sent to my hometown and my ex-husband's. We then picked out his casket. How small they were! We had two choices. We found out David had to have a larger casket because he was so long. He was 20 1/4 inches! We told them what we wanted on his temporary marker. Then we inched slowly home in the snowstorm.
At lunchtime, I called Neal's parents on their cruise ship! It cost $35 for a short ship to shore call. I didn't know if I had the right ship, but when Neal's dad answered, I asked him to sit down. I then told him his grandson was dead and that he had been born the day before. I then asked when they would be home. They said the next day, and they would call us. We then celebrated a belated Christmas, since I had not been able to make the 8 hour drive home.
We met with my pastor and our rabbi and planned the service on January 3rd. It was simple and had aspects of both our religions intergrated into it. I was so grateful to Rev. Dale and Rabbi Kevin. They worked very well together. They made calls for me to contact the people I wanted at the funeral. It was a private service and there were no calling hours held.
On Monday, we got up early and cleaned the house. Then I sent my ex-husband over to the funeral home with the clothes I wanted to put David in. I had knitted David a beautiful sweater, a light blue outfit,socks,booties and a beautifully decorated yarmulke that both his older brothers had worn. Neal's parents made it to our house through all the snow before the funeral.
The cemetary had a little red chapel across the road from Babyland that we could hold the service in, because it was way too cold to stand outside. Many of our friends were already there when we arrived. I cried when I saw the wreath I had ordered for his funeral. It was made from white and blue carnations with a light blue ribbon, which said "Baby." Everything went according to plan. We named him for King David and Yitzhak Rabin. We had hoped he would be a peacemaker and he was (temporarily). My doctor and his nurse were there, and my OB nurse from the hospital was there. I couldn't believe they took time out of their busy schedules to attend David's funeral. Then we went across the road to Babyland. David was to be laid beside a little baby girl that was stillborn on December 28th. As my ex-husband and the funeral home representatives lowered my third son into the ground, I thought it was all a bad dream. Neal had brought a bowl of sand from our children's sandbox and after we had a small service outside, (I have no idea what was said) we put dirt from a bucket into the grave and sand from the bowl. Both sets of grandparents and my twin brother put dirt in also. It was so very cold. I could stand on top of the hardened snow. We were in a state of shock. Then we turned our back on his grave and went home where all of our friends were waiting for us.
MAIL
