Chapter
18: Ring Of Hate.
Clare sat alone in the office;
she was finding it hard to just get on with things since JC had told her
that he and Alyson were getting back together. They'd never actually been
a couple, they'd only shared one kiss, but she couldn't help feeling like
she'd been cheated on. JC had been the one to kiss her so why had he suddenly
decided to leave her high and dry with a broken heart. Clare was confused,
she'd had many sleepless nights and was finding it more difficult to work
around him as each day passed. She was finding it near impossible to be
professional and brush her feeling's aside just so she could get on with
everyday life.
She was almost done with the
update on the official web site when the phone startled her. It hadn't
rang all morning which was unusual but it had pleased her because it had
meant she was able to work without interruptions.
"'Lo." She started. "No he's
not around… I'll give him your message but in future, could you not call
him at this number, I'm not his personal secretary!"
Clare put the phone down,
her heart felt like it had stopped beating but she knew she was still alive
because she felt an aching in her chest and a sickening jealous streak
run throughout her whole body. It had been Alyson. How dare he give her
the number to my office! She thought to herself as she made her way to
the games room where they were all hanging out.
"'Sup?" Chris asked her as
she appeared in the doorway with thunder and pain in her eyes.
Clare's eyes moved in the
direction of JC and Chris didn't need to know anything else except to hide.
She looked fit to erupt and he didn't want to be the one to get in her
path. He walked around the pool table to take his shot as Clare's glare
was met by JC.
"I've got a message for you,"
she stated. "Alyson wants you to call her," she turned to leave but just
as quickly turned back to him, "Oh and JC, I am not an answering service
nor am I your personal receptionist, so don't use me as one. In future
if you want personal calls, give out your cell phone number, not the number
to my office because if I get any, and I mean any, personal calls for you
again, I will break both of your legs!"
~~~~~*~~~~~
Lisa stood outside her class and
peered inside through the glass window. The professor wasn't there yet
so she could still escape if she wanted to.
When she'd got up that morning
she hadn't felt like going into Uni. But she'd forced herself to make an
effort although now she was there she didn't know why she'd bothered.
She took one final look inside
the room and knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate so she headed out
of the building.
It's not like I'll be missing
anything important anyway. And I am ill.
She'd been vomiting and suffering
from insomnia lately and she wasn't sure why. So much was happening in
her life right now. Libby in hospital. Joey's proposal. Extra study. It
could be a number of things.
She sat in her little car
and rested her head back on the seat. Oh no, not again! I can't be sick
again!
~~~~~*~~~~~
As Clare watched Chris and Joey
attack Justin for the basketball she rolled her eyes at Lance with a smile
before she saw someone stood in the doorway to her office, through the
corner of her eye. She looked up to see JC looking back at her. Then she
noticed a figure behind him… a woman… Alyson.
Clare instantly saw red, what
the hell is she doing here?
She resisted the temptation
of walking over and hitting JC for being so insensitive. Instead she shot
him a look colder than ice as Alyson presented her left hand, right under
her nose. The light coming in through the window caught the gem causing
Clare's eyes to dart down at it. She felt like her heart was about to tear
in half. The shock winded her. Engaged!
JC looked at Clare as his
new fiancée flashed her ring around the room in excitement, like
a girl with her first Barbie.
Clare's eyes shot back to
JC, was he expecting her to smile? Why should she? It would only make him
think she was happy that his life was going so well and that she actually
approved of this new addition to their lives. A smile for her right now
would be one filled with pain and anger, heartache and loss. She knew JC
wasn't hers to own but she loved him like nothing else so to offer her
'Congratulation's' and 'Best Wishes' would be morally wrong especially
when all she wanted to do was tell him he was making a mistake. That she
was the one for him not Alyson.
Chris and Justin looked at
Clare waiting for a reaction but she didn't give one. She just got up from
behind her desk and left without a word.
~~~~~*~~~~~
The sun shone brightly and burned
Clare's shoulders as she walked thoughtfully across the beach; her bare
feet being gently massaged by the grains of sand with her every footstep.
She sighed trying to fight back the tears in her eyes and swallow the lump
that had formed in her throat at just the thought of JC and Alyson.
Alyson! She'd always disliked
that name and no one knew just how much she'd come to hate it within the
last hour. It was a name that stuck in her throat like a thorn from a rose.
She stopped and turned to
face the ocean to her side, she glanced across the beach, it was practically
empty which she was thankful for. At least if she did break down into fits
of crying and screaming she wouldn't humiliate herself in front of too
many people.
Suddenly her legs gave way
and she collapsed onto the hot sand beneath her. She closed her eyes and
willed herself not to cry but it didn't work and soon enough the tears
of pain, her heart breaking, were flowing down her face. She sat and sank
her feet into the sand; she was so lost in her thoughts that everyone around
her seemed to disappear.
~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~
It was her first day as the
Principal of the fan club; she'd never worked with a band before so she
was kind of looking forward to it, even though she was nervous.
As she flicked on the car
stereo and sang along to 'N Syncs hit, 'Tearin' Up My Heart' she thought
about how weird it was going to be working for them, she'd always liked
their music but she'd never thought about them like the top teen sensation
they were.
She pulled up outside the
fan club building and was greeted by Donna Wright, the wife of Johnny the
guys' executive producer, who introduced her to Jamie King, who was to
begin her job the same day.
As Donna showed her into
the office that would become her own, where the guys were sat waiting to
meet her, she'd began to feel nauseous. But as each of the guys introduced
themselves making jokes at each other's expense, she'd felt at home, like
she belonged there.
Later in the day as she
sat at her desk alone in her room, JC walked in presenting her with a cheeseburger,
large fries and a strawberry milkshake from McDonalds.
"A diet of champions."
He had told her as he sat down opposite her at her desk.
They talked for two hours,
just getting to know each other and she knew then that they'd become real
good friends, never dreaming for a second that she'd fall in love with
him like she had. But wouldn't change how she felt about him, not now,
he was far too important to her.
~~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK~~~~~~
Suddenly she was brought back
to reality by the shrill ringing of her cell phone. She glanced down at
it, she didn't want to talk to anyone right now, she needed time alone,
so why had she brought the damn thing with her.
The ringing stopped, but just
as she breathed a sigh of relief it started again. She ignored it for a
second time, a third and a fourth… okay, you win, she thought angrily as
she picked up the phone and pushed the receive button without even glancing
at the number presented on the screen, "Yeah!" she answered as she wiped
her face.
"Where are you?" she heard
a voice the other end ask. The reception was poor and she could hardly
hear over the traffic in the background.
"Where are you?" she asked
back.
"In the car looking for you,
where are you?"
"In my own hell!" she replied
bitterly.
"Oh yeah and, where is that
exactly?"
"Why you wanna know?"
"I wanna know how you're doin'."
"I'm doin' fine Chris, just
peachy!"
"You wanna talk?"
"Not really. I prefer to keep
things to myself, there's less chance of me appearing human that way besides
it is so much fun to deal with things alone. It's not as if my heart is
aching for a man who's just announced his engagement to his ex. I had her
kidnap already planned but I guess that an impossible task now 'cos no
doubt they'll be joined at the hip!" she spat back sarcastically.
"Talk to me!" she heard him
plead.
"Sorry, I'm just not in the
mood for talking at the moment. I just wanna sit here and use up all my
energy wishing my heart was made of stone because I can't deal with how
I'm feeling right now. I'm having trouble with my emotions and it's scary."
As she finished talking the
phone line went dead.
A frown crossed Clare's face,
Wow! That was easy. Usually he'd demand I talk with him! She shrugged and
placed the phone down on the sand next to her.
"I knew I'd find you here!"
she heard Chris' voice say from above where she sat.
"I guess it wasn't hard considering
I come to the same place whenever I need some time to myself!" she said
with a shrug. She was secretly pleased he'd found her but wasn't about
to let on to him, "I really gotta find another thinking spot."
"So come on, talk!" Chris
continued sitting beside her.
Clare told Chris all the feelings
she had for JC, from the minute she realised she was in love to when he
told her he and Alyson were trying again. She'd usually turn to Libby with
matters of the heart but Chris had an uncanny knack of being in the right
place at the right time lately and although Clare had just wanted to disappear
from existence, she was relieved he'd been there to listen to her.
~~~~~*~~~~~
"Come on you know I can always
tell with you!" Sara said smiling at her elder brother as he dumped his
bag down on the couch in her apartment.
It was a cosy little place.
It had two bedrooms but was only really big enough for one person. She
bought it in her first year with the boys. It over-looked the beach just
like Clare and Libby's apartment but she was further down the coast so
her drive home from the fan club was almost twice as long as theirs.
"What about you? Are you dating
anyone yet?" Jason asked his sister trying to change the subject.
"I could be. But we're talking
about you here. You've got that look in your eye."
"What look?"
"That 'ooh she's so perfect'
look."
"Oh and how does that go exactly?"
Sara laughed, "you know. So
come on tell me about her!"
"She's a colleague but it's
no biggy. We only went out once. I didn't want to be subjected to more
than one night of absolutely no conversation!"
"So was she blonde?"
"Now Rose, that's not nice!"
Sara smiled and raised her
eyebrows in agreement.
"Tell me about Mr. Wonderful!"
Jason asked quickly.
"Nothin' much to tell. His
name is Nicholas. He's tall, bright and handsome!"
"And where d'ya meet him?
Am I gonna have to do my big brother act and gruel him?"
"I don't think so, he came
with a money back guarantee!"
~~~~~*~~~~~
Clare was sat in her office trying
to get some work done but was failing miserably. All she could do was picture
JC with Alyson. She got up and walked over to the window that overlooked
the front of the building.
The dark sky blanketed the
fan club grounds and everything was silent.
Silence! She hated it. Silence
gave her mind the ability to do overtime and think about things. Things
she didn't want to remember right now. She closed her eyes. All she could
see was Alyson stood in her office flashing that engagement ring with a
smile on her face that could cover the whole of Florida.
She opened her eyes and looked
out of the window to see a black jeep pulling up next to her white one.
It was Josh. She watched him climb from his vehicle and she sighed, she
didn't want to see him right now. She already felt like a knife had been
stabbed through her heart, she didn't need him here to twist it.
We both know that I
shouldn't be here, this is wrong
And baby it's killing
me; it's killing you
Both of us trying to
be strong
I got somewhere else
to be, promises to keep
Someone else who loves
me and trusting me fast asleep
I've made up my mind;
there's no turning back
She's been good to
me and she deserves better than that
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the
eye and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
when you start to cry
I can't let you see
what you mean to me
When my hands are tied
and my hearts not free
We're not meant to
be
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do to turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't
love you
Maybe we'll meet again;
fate is a place and time
So you can get on with
your life, I've got to be cruel to be kind
Like Dr. Shavargo all
my love I'll be sending
Yet you will never
know 'cos there can be no happy ending…
"What are you doing here Josh?"
Clare asked him as she saw his shadow appear in the office doorway through
the window.
"We need to talk." He replied
simply.
"No! All the talking was done
earlier when you walked in here and stamped on my, already broken, heart
with your size 11 boots. Don't you think you've tortured me enough?" she
paused, too weak to fight. "I'll get over it if you just leave it. Just
go home."
"I can't just leave it." he
said walking toward her.
"Why? Your job not done until
you've used up every ounce of my being and caused me to 'lose it'!" she
turned to face him, "You've succeeded okay! My hearts breaking, I may never
love again! Is that what you want to hear? Are these tears what you came
to see? Because if they are, you can turn around and go now. Go back to
your life knowing you've successfully broken someone's heart."
"It's hurting me too!"
"You made this decision, not
me! You were the one who decided to go back to her, so if it's hurting
you that's too bad! I've got no sympathy for you. Sorry, but I'm having
enough trouble dealing with this whole situation without needing to think
about how you might be feeling. That may seem selfish but that's how it
is right now! You were the one who captured my heart and then threw it
away!"
"We've been friends for two
years. Are you just going to throw that away?"
"We can't be friends anymore.
Not after this. That'd just be wrong. I'd have to pretend I was happy for
you and I can't do that! It wouldn't be the same now, sorry, but it doesn't
work like that!"
"So I guess this is it then?"
Clare nodded slowly, "As much
fun as it was, it's over!"
JC sighed. He knew he'd lost
everything he ever had with Clare. He hated the reality of it all but she
was right, they couldn't be friends after this. He turned to walk out of
the office; "I'll always love you."
The words made the tears start
as she watched his reflection leave the room. She closed her eyes.
~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~
As Clare stood at the sink
washing dishes from dinnertime, JC walked into the apartment.
"Hello," she had said surprised
but pleased to see him, "what you doin' here?"
"Thought I'd come and see
what you were up to and I wasn't expecting this. I didn't even think you
knew how to wash dishes!" he replied with a smile.
Clare took her wet hand
and ran it down his face. JC smiled mischievously and placed his hand into
the soapy water. He pulled out a cup filled with water and poured it down
her top.
"Chasez!" she yelled turning
to see him running into her bedroom. She grabbed a cup of her own, filled
it and went after him. "Oh Joshua!"
She walked into her room
to find him lay on her bed and smiling back at her. As she stood beside
the bed, she presented him with the cup from behind her back. He got up
to his knees and forced the cup from her before pouring it over her head.
She screamed in shock and scolded him playfully before she pounced. He
lay on the bed with her straddled across him dripping her hair in his face.
He pushed her over and sat on her. She laughed helplessly, "Gerroff me
you lump of lard, you're heavy!"
~~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK~~~~~~
~~~~~*~~~~~
Lisa looked down at her plate
and picked up her fork. Joey had come over to cook for her because he'd
noticed she hadn't been eating as well as she should.
Joey sat and watched her poke
at the pasta with the instrument and looked at her. She was lost in her
own world. She hadn't been looking after herself lately which was so unlike
her. He sighed heavily and dropped his fork onto his plate causing the
clash to bring Lisa from her thoughts and to look at him.
"What?" she asked meeting
his glare.
"Are you gonna eat that voluntary
or do I have to force feed you?"
"I'm not much in the mood
for food." She replied placing her fork down and getting up from her chair.
Joey followed after her, "What
is it? What's wrong?"
Lisa shrugged.
"Come on tell me. Is it me?
Have I done something wrong?"
Lisa shook her head.
"Well then, what is it?"
"I dunno Joe. Don't hassle
me please, just hold me, I need a Joey hug from my big bear."
"Come here." He said nudging
her into his arms, "Tired?"
She nodded sleepily and closed
her eyes. Joey ran his fingers through her hair and she was soon asleep
but it wasn't for long.
"Lisa, where are you…" Joey
called as Lisa shot out of his arms and from the room.
She got to the bathroom in
just enough time.
"That's it! Tomorrow you're
going to see a doctor!" Joey said from the doorway as she stood at the
sink washing her face.
"I can't tomorrow, I've got
lectures all day!" she replied with a shrug.
"You've been throwing up for
days now. It's not normal! You've got to see someone!"
"And I will," she said walking
out of the bathroom, "Just not tomorrow!"
Chapter
19: Getting Away.
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