Did you hear about the blonde who
died drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
A Secret Service agent is standing
at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One,
and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm.
The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir."
Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas
Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea."
The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest
and the Bear family are just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits
in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge?!"
he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big
chair. He looks into his big bowl.
It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?!" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through
the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams, "For God's sake, how many
times do we have to go through this? I haven't made the porridge yet!!"
A man is driving down a country road,
when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer
is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets
out of the car, walks all the way out
to the farmer and asks him, "Ah
excuse me mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying
to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well I heard they
give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
God is talking to one of his angels. He says, "Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth." The angel says, "What are you going to do now?" God says, "Calling it a day."
Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock
knock jokes?
A: because they go and answer the
door.
Stolen car
A drunk phoned the police to report
that thieves had broken in to his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, steering
wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out
However, before the police investigation
could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came
over the line.
"Never mind," said the drunk with
a hiccup, "I got in the backseat by mistake."
