OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTER Sayings
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
We get the picture
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change.
The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.
Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are
paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay
on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are
schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number
to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are
delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing
you are holding
on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.'
Signs That You Have Had Too Much Of The 90's
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You now think of three espresso's as "getting wasted."
You no longer own a real deck of cards because all your favorite card games [solitaire, spades, and hearts] are all played on your computer.
Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?"
Your friend's daughter sells Girl Guide Cookies via her web site.
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you`ve been giving me have really helped, but I`m afraid that you`re giving me too much. I`ve started growing hair in places that I`ve never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my testicles."
A man comes home from work one day
and he says to his wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what
happened! She's got a red and white
bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway,
it's not a big deal but it feels good."
The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?"
The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"
The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"
She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but it feels good!"
