"Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Taylor stood at the bottom of the stairs and screamed in horror at the top of his lungs.
Mrs. Hanson came running down the stairs. "What is it Taylor?" She asked her son exasperatingly.
"It happened again!" Taylor looked like he was on the verge of tears.
"What happened again honey?"
"Look!" Taylor held up a red silk pair of briefs. On the back 'Tay's buns go here' was embroidered in white thread.
"I'll take those!" Diana quickly tore them away from her son and threw them into the wastebasket. "Really! The nerve of some people!"
"I think we should get those MOE people to check my mail more thoroughly," Taylor pouted scornfully.
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A few minutes later, Diana went out to the store leaving Taylor in the livingroom.
"Why is everyone obsessed with my butt?" Taylor wondered aloud. "I mean it's not that great....." Taylor craned his neck to see if he could get a glimpse of his butt. He turned in circles trying to see it.
Ike walked in just then and stood in confusion. "Tay, you look like a dog trying to chase its tail."
"Ike, I need your honest opinion about something." Taylor gave up on trying to find a good view of his butt and walked towards his brother.
"Okay, what is it?"
Taylor chewed his lower lip. He seemed to be contemplating whether or not to share his dilemma.
"Taylor tell me! I don't have all day!"
"All right all right!" Taylor seemed hesitant again.
"Taylor what is it?!" Ike put his hands on his hips.
"Is my butt really that perfect?" Taylor turned around and bent over.
"TAYLOR!" Ike kicked his brother's butt so that Taylor went head first and flipped over the couch.
"Since the whole world seems to be so pre-occupied with it, I just wanted to know...." Taylor rolled onto the floor. "After all, I am the one that gets the most sickening butt-related gifts," Taylor pointed out.
"Oh yeah I'm so jealous...I really wish that I had a bunch of sick middle-aged women sending me thongs with secret cameras in them!" Ike rolled his eyes.
"S-secret cameras? Do you really think there might be one of those in the underwear I got today?" Taylor nervously eyed the silk briefs sitting at the top of the wastebasket.
"Who knows? It's possible." Ike took pleasure in knowing that he was scaring his brother.
Taylor looked at the underwear in the garbage. "Well Ike....I really love playing MMMBop and I'm so glad that we don't have any girlfriends because we really don't have time for them now at this point in our careers..."
"What are you talking about? Why are you saying that crap that the media publicist made you memorize?" Ike looked very confused.
"You know....." Taylor waggled his eyebrows and gave Ike a long, meaningful stare, as if to say, play along!
"Taylor! Is this about the underwear? There is no freakin' hidden camera!" Ike plucked the briefs from the garbage with the tips of his forefinger and thumb. He dropped it in a garbage bag, tied it, then through it out the backdoor and into the alley.
He came back inside. "God Taylor, sometimes you're really so stupid that I can't even believe you're my brother!"
"I maybe stupid..." Taylor said, then he added, "which I'm NOT, but everybody does seem to have a fondness for my wonderful buttox."
Ike threw a disgusted look at Taylor. "Well maybe if you didn't wear such tight-ass leather pants all the time then maybe it wouldn't seem that way. I swear...those pants you had on the other day were wedged up your buttcrack and everytime you turned around all the fans would scream."
"Oh.....that's why they were screaming! I thought it was because you tried to do that guitarist jump thing and tripped over the amp cords and fell."
"I meant to do that! Anyway, your butt isn't that great. Don't get too full of yourself. It already looks like you flaunt it with those tight pants. And last week you could see the outline of your tighty whities through the brown ones suede pants you had on." Ike grunted.
"Fine....whatever...." Taylor turned on his heel and walked upstairs, exagerrating his steps and shaking his butt to mock Ike. Halfway up the stairs, he turned around to face his brother. "You're just jealous!"
"Oh like hell I'm jealous!" Ike yelled. He was answered by Taylor giving him the hand. Taylor was acting way too girly and it was scaring him. He pounced and chased his brother up the stairs. Taylor locked himself in the bathroom.
Giving up, Ike sighed and walked down the stairs shaking his head. Sometimes he wondered if his parents had adopted Taylor.
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~*Later that night before a small local concert*~
The whole Hanson family waited in the livingroom for Taylor. Impatiently, Diana said, "Ike go upstairs and see what's taking your brother so long."
Ike began to head up to Taylor's room, but before he even left the livingroom, Taylor came downstairs. The whole family burst out laughing at what he was wearing.
"What?!" Taylor threw his arms up in desperation. "First you tell me that my pants are too tight...now what's wrong with them?!"
Ike pointed and laughed. "Y-your pants...they're...." he tried to catch his breath. Indeed, Taylor did have on a strange outfit.
Taylor sported huge baggy jeans with more pockets in them than he could count. They reached about a foot past his toes and dragged on the floor as he walked. A chain descended from a belt loop and banged against his hip. Taylor's lower body was lost in the pants, and if he didn't have a belt on, they would have fallen off easily.
He also had on a tight black tanktop with those gigantic pants...Ike just hoped that that the tabloids wouldn't be there to see this. "Tay...you look like you're a ghetto boy."
"So! That's what I'll do! It's a new Taylor Hanson. No more sunshiney golden boy....it's the dark woo fang street rat." Taylor went up to Avie. "Hey...what's up Homie G. Funk?"
"Mommy! Taylor's scaring me!" She covered her eyes.
"I don't think so Taylor....go upstairs and change," Walker said.
"Okay! I just got a new pair of pants that I've been dying to wear!" Taylor scampered upstairs eagerly.
Moments later he returned happily with a pair of black leather pants on that were tighter than any pair they had seen before. And for Taylor, that's a pretty tight-ass pair of pants! Taylor sort of waddled to the door.
Walker shook his head sadly after his son. "Maybe those baggy pants weren't so bad after all...."
All The Way To Albertane
You Are My Hope
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