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We were at Phuoc Binh and having a marvelous time, simply marvelous. Ambush patrols, Search and Destroys, the entire gamut of an infantryman's existence. The odd times we did stay in base camp we were treated to mortar attacks. Now it wasn't all work and no play, there was always the opera and the bistro (how soon we forget)! Someone with the burden of command came up with the brilliant idea of a roving night combat patrol. It took a regular Napoleon to send a dozen troops to walk in the rice paddies at night. This idea must have been conceived in an opium dream or a serious bout of delirium tremens, but conceived it was, as much as a hideously deformed child born of an incestuous liaison. I was one of the lucky ones chosen to go on this idiotic foray and luckier yet, chosen to be pointman. "How blessed can someone be?" I thought. I was thinking how jolly it would be to run into an NVA platoon. Yes, that would have been absolutely crackerjack. We set out and walked and walked, although I should not use the word walk. I was damn careful moving through the paddies and everyone, much to my surprise, was as careful as I was not to make more than the minimum amount of noise moving through the paddies. There was heavy cloud cover but sometimes the moon would come out and sometimes you could see far off hootches illuminated by the light. The moon had disappeared again when I heard a faint sloshing and equally faint sound of Vietnamese headed towards us. I am sure that they too heard us moving through the paddies. I knew goddamn well that they weren't ARVINS and when they were abreast of us, perhaps fifteen feet from us. Both of our files stopped. I know that they knew we were American because otherwise there would have been a verbal exchange. I hunched over and put my weapon on auto and breathed as little as possible. We stayed like that for minutes, I definitely did not want to be involved in a close quarter submachine gun quarrel in the pitch black of that Delta night. They started to move out again and that was all the hint that I needed, I stepped off and it was definitely a case of never the twain shall meet and I was glad of it. Eventually we set up and flopped over a dike when sometime later, we could see tracers lacing the air. It seems that they had an objective and it had been an ARVIN outpost. It was just another pointless mission in a pointless war. By J. Driessler
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| LOYALTY DAY
"Our much esteemed leader, Adolph Bush, has proclaimed May 1, as Loyalty Day. It will mark a day when all good and loyal Americans proclaim their patriotism by simple yet significant gestures that will affirm their loyalty not only to the Homeland but to cover their asses with the Gestapo as well.
On that sacred day, all good Americans will, if not already done so, will check their brains into their closest dry cleaner where it can be cleansed of any rational thought and brain activity not already eroded by reality television and talk radio.
On that most sacred day in May, good Americans will learn how to properly salute our glorious war machine as it rumbles down the street. For men, the proper salute is given by extending their right arm, their arm downward and after grabbing their tallywhacker, make a closed fist and yell out in a mindless frenzy: "I Am Loyal. I Have no brain. Long Live Empire. Bush in 2004."
For others, flipping their lips up and down with their index fingers will be sufficient." By J. Driessler
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