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Ask The Slitch Letter of The Week

Dear Slitch
Anyway Thanks for the help with my good buddy Lee Lawson in our last dialogue. So my question of the day is, does the Slitch see herself gettin Slitchy with other chicks or perhaps other Slitches.How is same-sex junction seen in the Slitches code?
PLEASE RESPOND ASAP,YOU SEXY BEAST. one,from The Took to the Slitch
MUCH FUCK,

Dear Tookster,
Lee Lawson was a lot easier than i thought, i had been in that situation numerous times before.... it seems to me that dating is just as hard for a slitch as for his type. In answer to you question though, I think that I could only have sex with a nother slitch, not a chick or any average girl, and only in the context of a threesome... I find myself a bit mortified by the thought of constant girl spew in my mouth, i dont know how yall handle but i am glad that you do. I can handle a mouth, face, or even belly full of male cum, but girl juice is not up my alley and there is no way to escape it. That is all I can tell you on that subject.
-The Slitch

Slitch Facts

1. The official Slitch drinks are beer and martinis

2. A Slitch will always surround herself with men and seldom have female associates

3. A Slitch must have at least one male advisor with whom she has never nor will she ever have sex

4. A Slitch should have sex with as many of her advisor's friends as possible

5. A Slitch must think long and hard before taking on a full time boyfriend, but having a boyfriend does not have to eliminate her Slitchie status

6. A Slitch has to feel at home in social situations and have a flair for charisma with complete strangers

7. A Slitch must acknowlege her own Slitchiness and coddle it as if it was her very life

8. A Slitch must drink like a man and fuck like a pro BR>
9. Any good Slitch has a thourough understanding of Necro's first album "I Need Drugs"

10. Finally a Slitch must plan and carryout plans to the best of her abilities to eliminate as many uncomfortable situations as possible

Ask The Slitch Letters Archive

dear slitch,
my best friend is on some seriously psychotropic drugs,he is sporadic, reclusive and watches tapes of himself banging his own ex-slitch routinely. He also pours malt liquor into his soul and wakes up in strange places in his house soiled.All this and he still gets to fuck these GORGEOUS TEXAS SLITCHES. what is it about these types that attract slitchdom? and why?

Reply ASAP,you SEXY BEAST.

Dear tookster,
You have asked of me the age old question of why are certain types of people attracted to each other. I have been pondering this question since the arrival of your e mail and my conlcusion is that I have no fucking clue. Maybe it is some cruel joke of a higher power to make sure that everybody has some really good times and some really FUCKING SHITTY times. The sad thing is, though I know that it won't work out, I was hoping that you would send me your friend's phone number, I'm due for some drama any day now.
-The Slitch

Dear Slitch
Sometimes when I drink beer I find myself having sexual intercourse with complete strangers, often very unattractive ones! Then Next Morning I will usually have an unexplainable headache in ccombination with a very dry mouth. Why do these things happen, and have they ever happened to you?
Love,
Confused Girl

Dear Confused Girl,
The symptoms you feel the next morning are medically called a hangover, and I think I get one everyday. As for the people you are fucking... Everyone goes through it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I have sex with ugly guys all the time, just consider it getting ready for a good one later, maybe you will impress him with your skills.
The Slitch

Dear Slitch,
I love OpenSource Output! Mark Bush is the cutest! Was he really in a boy band and do you have his phone number?
Missy Elliot

Dear Missy
I'm sure my boys at output will appreciate your input and I will personally have Mark email you with his phone number, I'm sure he'd love to talk to you
-The Slitch

Dear Slitch,
Recently I have been having some trouble with my calculus homework and I was hoping you might be able to help me in answering a few of the problems. I know that you are a slitch and probably not even a high school graduate, but you seem so wise, Please help.
-Dunce

Dear Dunce,
you are right, I have no insight into your calculus quandary, but I do have a way that you can help yourself... First thing is first, find yourself a REALLY ASSFUCKING UGLY calculus nerd, proceed to fuck his brains out, but stop just before he cums... Quickly and with a serious tone in your voice order that he do your homework if he EVER wants to cum... Soon he will be screaming the answers to every calculus problem in the book and shooting hot sticky cum all over your face. Remember though: The nerd MUST be UGLY, his ugly rating will be directly proportionate to the effectiveness of this scheme.
Good Luck,
-The Slitch

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