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Welcome sports fans to he Really Pathetic News Network sports section.
Here we will provide the latest scoops on the strange to the just plain
loopy sports. No we probably won't cover the big stuff like football,
baseball or basketball but it will be just as fun.
Alternative Fuel Racing Just Got Interesting
By Grey Sports
It used to be that alternative fuel vehicles were just slow, wussy and
boring. When someone told you they were driving a car powered by the biggest
nuclear fusion reactor readily available that meant that they were driving
a solar powered pushcart that could do maybe fifty kilometres an hour,
down hill with a backwind.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for alternative fuels, I simply do not consider
racing a car that runs on almost as much alcohol as it’s driver to be
appealing.
Thing have changed recently, with rules being relaxed as to exactly what
qualifies as an “alternative” fuel.
This is why the race where the Goth powered car caught my attention.
Apparently the driver, Abe Veffner coupled his wife’s engineering expertise
with a little social knowledge to develop possibly the most innovative
design in years.
The Goths, approximately six of them, are put into the giant hamster wheel
on the back of the car, a stereo with Spice Girls music plays behind them
while a Marilyn Manson CD lies just in front of them.
“At first they were climbing over each other to stop the stereo, then
to get the CD, now they’ve worked out that they don’t get their black
pants so dusty if they work together, and that’s how I power the car,”
states Abe.
Apparently Abe experimented with a number of social groups. Hippies were
either too stoned to move or too weak from the munchies to be of much
use. Similarly religious groups failed to provide power, as they would
spend their time praying for release, which Abe eventually had to give
them.
Professional protesters who always wanted to be locked up for their beliefs
were the first step in the right direction, providing a willing pool of
people for the wheel, even if a certain lack of motivation was hampering
the project.
Goths apparently provided a pool of people willing to be put into the
wheel (something about how they liked being caged) and with the right
music were easily motivated.
With this vehicle in the race things became interesting, finally a vehicle
that could actually move.
Consequently there are a number of new alternative fuel racecars being
designed. One promising design would be powered by the useless rant of
talkback radio personalities, potentially providing cleaner fuel and cleaner
airways.
Innovative designs such as the car that might run on curse words would
be almost perfect for rush hour conditions, while the vehicle designed
to be powered by the combined paperwork of the Microsoft anti-trust suits
offers solutions to other forms of mounting pollution.
Whilst perhaps not feasible for every day use these vehicles are proving
that human innovation can provide entertaining solutions to environmental
problems.
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