Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 10/4/06

Accusations of Match Fixing in Supervillain Contest
By, Grey Sports (Continued from pure entertainment)

While not a single commentator, politician, parental group or disinterested organisation of busybodies could possibly be surprised with the amount of cheating that has gone on in the so called Supervillain Olympics, the notion that a group of villains could cheat in a manner to deliberately lose is somewhat alien.
Well, except maybe for the Bizzaros, then again that’s just what they do and allowances have been made.
Indeed Doctor Doom’s excellent showing to date, not to mention Lex Luthor’s bribery attempts, Joker’s threats and Poison Ivy’s flower arrangement (we’re not sure if it’s supposed to be a threat or not) would indicate that villains are giving their all in order to become the top dog.
Even the likes of the Riddler have purchased extra amounts of Venom from Bane, not involving himself due to the heavy sales of his performance enhancing drug, seemed to indicate an all out contest for dominance from a group that will pull no punches.
All that changed at the latest event, the high jump.
True to form Doom strapped on his jet pack and made an easy leap over the bar, the Joker showed off his latest Jack-in-the-Box shoes, Ivy was carried over by loyal plants and Magneto, taking up the villain mantle especially for the games, wowed everyone by flying over the bar, pausing directly above it and the using his powers to drive the frame into the ground.
Disappointingly it was Doc Octopus who let everyone down. Rather than using his cybernetic arms to haul himself over the bar he instead landed upon it, crashed to the ground and had nothing better to say than “oops”.
Now rumours abound that Rhino will throw the discus, uh, in the sense that he’ll lose deliberately, and that Two Face will bow out early to star in “The Fugitive 3: We’s Chasin’ Hippies”.
She-Hulk has gone on record as stating that these events may be connected. Speculation is rampant that Scarlet Witch is helping out father Magneto, whose part time wearing of the black hat has left him at something of a villainous disadvantage.
This would make sense and be perfectly find in an evil sense, except that last anyone saw of Scarlet Witch was to go on Jerry Springer on the fateful “My father’s a megalomaniacal, super powered freak who cross dresses and worships Snoopy” episode, where it became clear even though Springer filters that father and daughter are once again on the outs.
Speculation by undisclosed members of the Fantastic Four state that they suspect infamous trickster Loki to be responsible for this. If so, why start with Octopus, Rhino and Two Face? Far more understandable would be Joker, after the starter block incident no one likes the Joker.
Okay, before the starter block incident no one liked the Joker, that’s not the point.
Under other circumstances this would be assumed to be a part of some sort of gambling scam, but with this crowd, it may just be that someone thought the most villainous thing to do is jerk us around.
Oh great, it’s working.


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