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season 1
welcome to the hellmouth / the harvest
Mr. Flutie: Oh! Buffy! Uh, what do you want?
Buffy: Um, is there a guy in there that’s dead?
Mr. Flutie: Where did you hear that? Okay. Yes. But he’s not a student! Not currently.
Buffy: Do you know how he died?
Mr. Flutie: What?
Buffy: I mean – how could this have happened?
Mr. Flutie: Well, that’s for the police to determine when they get here. But this structure is safe, we have inspectors, and I think there’s no grounds for a lawsuit.
Buffy: Was there a lot of blood? Was there any blood?
Mr. Flutie: I would think you wouldn’t want to involve yourself in this kind of thing
Buffy: I don’t. Could I just take a peek?
Mr. Flutie: Unless you already are involved…
Buffy: Never mind.
Mr. Flutie: Buffy, I understand this is confusing. You’re probably feeling a lot right now. You should share those feelings. With someone else.
the witch
Xander: Hey, we’ve fought vampires. Anything else’ll be a walk in the park.
Giles: If I had the power of the black mass, I’d set my sights a little higher than making the pep squad.
Xander: Wow, you’ve got a killer streak I’ve never seen before. Hope I never cross you.
Willow: I do, too. Then I’d have to carve you up into little pieces.
Giles: Yes, the ducking stool! We throw her in the pond. If she floats, she’s a witch; if she drowns, she’s innocent … some of my texts are a bit outdated.
teacher's pet
Buffy: Dr. Gregory didn’t chew me out or anything. He was really cool. But Flutie showed him my permanent record. Apparently, I fall somewhere between Charles Manson and a really bad person.
Willow: And you can’t tell Dr. Gregory what really happened at you old school?
Buffy: I was fighting vampires? I’m thinking he might not believe me.
Willow: Yeah, he probably gets that excuse all the time.
Cordelia (just arriving): Here lies a problem. What used to be my table occupied by pitiful losers. Of course, we’ll have to burn it.
Buffy: Sad, you have so many memories here. You and Lawrence, you and Mark, you and John. You spent the better part of your ‘J’ through ‘M’ here.
the pack
Xander: Welcome to the jungle.
the puppet show
Buffy: And I don’t think we’ll e featuring Xander’s special gift…
Xander: Okay, some people are just jealous that they can’t burp the alphabet.
Buffy: So we’re back to drama. We’ll just do it quickly. Get in, get out. Nobody gets hurt.
Buffy: Pretty good. I never heard ‘Flight of the Bumblebee’ on the tuba before.
Lisa: Most people aren’t up to it.
nightmares
Xander: Okay, despite the rat-like chill that just crawled up my spine, I’m going to say this very calmly: Helllppp…
Giles: Are you all right? You look a bit peacked.
Buffy: Hospital lighting. It does nothing for my fabulous complexion.
Giles: Are you…sleeping all right?
Buffy: I’ll sleep better when we find this guy. Nothing like kicking the crap out of a bad guy to perk up my day.
prophecy girl
Xander bails, wandering off under the archway.
Buffy sits by herself on the bench, bummed.
Which is when the hail of pebbles starts.
The first few get Buffy’s attention, tiny hard pellets hitting the ground around her. She stands as more start coming down.
People – including Buffy – all run for cover as the real shower starts. Buffy stands under the archway, watching the hail come down.
Angle: Xander
Walking away, not near Buffy. He hears:
Student: Check it out! It’s raining stones!
Xander looks back over his shoulder.
Xander: Figures.
season 2
when she was bad
Hank: Oh, I’m spoiling her. Did I forget to mention that?
Joyce: What you forgot is that I’m gonna have to deal with another year of ‘Daddy would let me buy that.’
school hard
Spike (to Big Ugly): Would it kill ya, a little mouthwash every couople hundred years?
Xander: The important thing in punch is the ratio of vodka to schnapps…That was obviously far too sophisticated a joke for this crowd.
Buffy: I don’t suppose this is something about happy squirrels?
Giles: Vampires.
Buffy: That was my next guess.
inca mummy girl
Giles: You’re twisting my words.
Buffy: No, I’m just using them for good.
Ampata: He has a way of making the milk come out of my nose.
Buffy: And that’s good?
lie to me
Angel: Yeah, I eat too. Not for nutritional value – it just kind of passes the time.
what's my line part 2
Kendra: Your English is very odd, you know.
Buffy: Yeah – it’s something about being woken by an ax. Makes me talk all crazy.
ted
Willow: I’m just saying that if Tennille were in charge, she would have had the little captain hat.
surprise part 1
Jenny: I guess it makes sense. I mean, all of Buffy’s senses are heightened. Why should her intuition be different?
Giles: Precisely. It’s not unheard-of for the Slayer to start having prophetic dreams and visions as she approaches adulthood.
Jenny: Adulthood? Buffy’s seventeen tomorrow, Giles. Don’t rush her.
innocence part 2
Stage directions: A couple of soldiers pass. Xander suavely nods to them. They nod back and pass without comment, because they are extras.
Gypsy Man: You! Evil one!
Angel: Evil one? Oh, man, now I’ve got hurt feelings.
Gypsy Man: What do you want?
Angel: A whole lot. Got a lot of lost time to make up for. Say, I guess that’s kind of your fault, isn’t it? You Gypsy types, you go and curse people, you really don’t care who gets hurt. Of course, you did give me an escape clause, so I gotta thank you for that.
Gypsy Man: You are an abomination. The day you stop suffering for your crimes, you are no longer worthy of a human soul.
Angel: Well, that pesky little critter’s all gone. So we can get down to business…Don’t worry, it won’t hurt a bit…after the first hour.
Stage directions (regarding Xander and Cordelia): They haben der big smootchen.
phases
Xander (to Cordelia): Be gentle with me.
Cordelia (to Willow): You first. I wouldn’t want to be accused of taking your place in line.
Willow: Oh, I think you pushed your way to the front long before this.
Cordelia: Hey, I can’t help it if I get the spotlight just because some people blend into the background.
Willow: Well, maybe some people could see better if you weren’t standing on the auction block, shaking your wares.
Cordelia: Sorry, we haven’t all perfected that phony ‘girl next door’ bit.
Willow: You could be the girl next door, too. If Xander lived next to a brothel!
passion
Buffy and Willow receive the news of Jenny’s death
Willow (referring to “the talk”): So was it horrible?
Buffy: It wasn’t too horrible. (phone rings) Hello?
Giles (on phone): Buffy?
Buffy: Giles! Hey, we finished the spe –
Giles (on phone): Jenny…Ms. Calendar…she’s been killed.
Buffy: What…?
Giles (on phone): It was Angel.
Buffy drops the phone.
Willow: Buffy? (she picks up the phone) Giles?
Giles (on phone): Willow. Angel’s killed Jenny.
Willow: What? No…oh…no…
Joyce: Willow! My god, Buffy! What’s wrong? Has something happened?
becoming part 1
Whistler: There are three kinds of people that no one understands: geniuses, madmen, and guys that mumble.
becoming part 2
Stage directions: Yes, it’s sunrise. Sue me.
season 3
anne
Willow: Oh! That reminds me. I asked around about Andrew Hoelick, our gymnastic vampire, and apparently he used to like to hang out in Hammersmith Park and pick up grilles! Or, okay, that could be girls.
Stage directions: Carey (Production Designer) and David K (Set Decorator) blow their entire budgets for the year, and Gareth (Producer) and be seen in the corner weeping.
dead man's party
Joyce (about Principal Snyder): Have you ever noticed his teeth? They’re like tiny, little rodent teeth – horrible gnashing little teeth. You just want to pull them out with pliers.
faith, hope and trick
Mr. Trick: I believe this dance is mine.
Buffy: The music stopped.
Mr. Trick: But the beat goes on. Gimme whatchya got.
beauty and the beasts
Scott: Stable. Okay. Topics to avoid. The little men that live in your teeth…your compulsion to paint circus clowns…
Buffy: But if God keeps telling me to kill – it just seems snotty not to, you know?
homecoming
Buffy: Okay, how ‘bout…you vote for me and I don’t beat the living crap out of you.
Jonathan: That works good for me.
Buffy: Tell your friends.
band candy
Buffy: I love that you guys love torches.
revelations
Cordelia: Okay, but when there’s a big massacre, who gets the I-told-you-so?
Xander: You get the I-told-you-so.
Cordelia: Just so we’re clear…
Faith: The decorator just left. Cost me a pretty penny – but a motif like this don’t come cheap.
the wish
Giles (changed exposition): Anyanka raised a demon to ruin her unfaithful lover. The demon did her bidding – but then cursed her and turned her into a sort of patron saint for scorned women. Apparently the cry of a wronged woman is like a siren’s call to Anyanka.
amends
Joyce: You know, honey, I was thinking – maybe we should invite Faith to spend Christmas Eve with us.
Buffy: I’ll ask her. Worst she can do is – well, the worst she can do is serious bodily harm, but she’ll probably just say no.
gingerbread
Amy: Oh, God, and Mr. Nyman that thing he does with his face…
Willow: The thing with the face! When he makes a point, the – I always think he’s going to sneeze!
Amy: I thought I was the only one who saw it.
helpless
Buffy: I mean, there’s a plus side to being a regular girl. The whole not-bleeding-and-killing-and-dying experience.
Willow: As for example.
Buffy: Then there’s buying outfits without worrying if they’re good for bleeding-and-killing-and-dying in. There’s a lot of good to it.
the zeppo
Jack: That’s it. No way am I bringing him back after I kill him.
bad girls
Buffy: I know you think you can handle this. And you’ve gotten used to being on your own. You’ve got your tough loner act down pretty well.
consequences
Angel: You and me, Faith, we’re a lot alike.
Faith: Well, you’re kind of dead…
Angel: Like I said. A lot alike.
Faith: Sorry, buddy. I’m alive and kicking. In fact, I’ve got a bodily function that needs attending to pretty quick here.
Angel: You’re not alive. You’re just running. Afraid to feel. Afraid to be touched…
Faith: Save it for Hallmark. I have to pee.
dopplegangland
Devon: Hey, man, how’d you like to be our roadie?
Angel: Less than you’d think.
Xander: It’s all my fault.
Giles: What makes you say that?
Xander: I don’t know…Statistical probability.
enemies
Buffy: I can’t stop thinking about that demon.
Willow: ‘Cause of him being chopped up into little bits and all?
Buffy: Yeah, Will, let’s keep bringing on the visuals.
Wesley: You failed in last night’s mission because you lacked faith. If you had simply…’Lacked Faith.’ A pun. From me! Bet you never thought I had the funny in me, eh?
earshot
Buffy: Say ‘Uncle.’ Oops. No mouth.
choices
Script directions (for sounding the alarm): She grips the box, lifts it off the table and… WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP (there it is) AN ALARM BLARES!
the prom
Giles: Fine. You’re all suffering from a touch of spring madness, if you ask me.
Oz: Mine is more space madness. But I’ll feel better once I get used to the weightlessness.
Willow (to Oz): Promise me you’ll never be linear.
Oz: On my trout.
graduation day part 2
Xander: Guys, we blew up the school! It’s the best day ever!
season 4
the freshman
Sunday (about Buffy’s Class Protector award): What better way to say, ‘I am the very most of geek.’
Script directions describe UC Sunnydale library as “unbelievably gigantoid”, and Riley Finn as “a junior, tall and good-looking, with an open, honest face”.
Script directions: Riley smiles politely at this lamest of comments. Buffy trails behind the other two, awed by her own ineptitude.
living conditions
Buffy: I mean, she’d make anybody nuts. She has her outfits written up on index cards, and she gives them names like ‘Easter at the White House.’ I find that deeply, deeply disturbed. Don’t you?
Oz: I’m pretty sure the next part is about fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Kathy: I’m not. Those guys are after me.
Buffy: Funny. I’m seeing the skin, the eyes…
Kathy: So, I’m from the same dimension. But I’m not like them. They’re disgusting.
Buffy: What, they don’t live by the Kathy ‘system’?
Tapparich (subtitled): When you stop acting that way. I can’t tell you how much you’ve upset your mother.
Xander and Oz arrive. Xander presses his ear to the door.
Xander: I only hear talking. Maybe we got here in time.
Kathy (subtitled): You never let me do anything.
the harsh light of day
Willow: You know what else I love about college? How when the professor comes in, the class gets all quiet.
Buffy: Oh, I hate that. I’m always like, what? Did something scary come in? do I have to kill it?
Devon: Man, that looked like Harmony. Weird. I saw her get bit at graduation…I didn’t tell you?
Parker: Wow, I mean, you hear about stuff like that.
Buffy: Yeah, well, pool safety, important. Anyway…
Parker: Buffy? When you…drowned, whoever brought you back? They’re getting a big kiss from me.
Buffy: Xander will be so happy.
Xander: This is just, I’d say out of nowhere, but that doesn’t really capture the amount of nowhere which it’s out of.
Buffy: I think you two should go.
Spike: But the fun’s just starting: old friends, lots to drink…(jiggles the victim)
Xander: So…you’re my first guest at Casa del Xander – not the final name, still working on it.
Buffy: I thought Spike and Dru were a forever kind of deal, didn’t you? Where’s the commitment?
Giles: I’m disillusioned. I shall never love again.
Buffy: It doesn’t feel like it. To me, a lot of the time, it feels like stuff’s just coming at me, you know, and I’m reacting as fast as I can, just trying to keep going. Just – just trying to be on my feet before the next thing hits.
Parker: That sounds exhausting.
Buffy: It really is.
Parker: Okay, I’m a little confused now. I mean, I definitely go the idea you’d done it before. You were the one who was all over me. It was fun.
Willow: Well, from what I understand, pretty much. But it won’t always be like that. You’ve just had some really bad luck.
Buffy: I don’t know, Will. Bad luck just happens. I made this happen.
Willow: Well, why shouldn’t you, if it’s what you want? I mean, as long as it’s safe. Oh, Buffy, it was safe, wasn’t it?
Buffy: It was safe. It’s not that. It’s the whole time, I kept thinking, hey, look at me with someone who isn’t Angel. Look how much I’m no hung up on Angel anymore. Look how this is not all about Angel. God, how come I didn’t see it?
Stage directions (when spike and harmony enter the crypt): There is a dead demon here, withered and decayed and brown and crunchy, arrayed in finery on a carved wooden bier.
fear itself
Willow: Oz!
Xander: Will!
She appears, moving down the hall.
Xander: We’ve got trouble. There’s something terribly wrong with Buffy. She can’t even tell that I’m –
Willow: Oz!
Xander stops, defeated. She can’t see him, either. She looks around, upset.
Willow: Oh, God…Okay, guiding spell. Okay. Yeah. I can do it.
She takes off. Xander turns back and, with a mounting frustration, knocks a small pumpkin off a side table. Exits at a good clip.
beer bad
Stage directions: The vamps drop Parker. And they engage in a fast and intense slugfest. Buffy is even sharper than usual, if that’s possible. And to finish them off, a spectacular flip-toss, STAKING both vamps who SCREAM all their merry way to Hell.
Stage directions: INSERT – FAKE I.D. showing Xander with a big Tom Selleck mustache.
wild at heart
Willow: And I don’t want to be the kind of girl who freaks every time my boyfriend notices somebody else (next lines cut) – even if she is throwing herself at him like a twenty dollar ho.
Buffy: Please. Ten dollar ho. Fifteen, max.
Professor Walsh: I know how it sounds. But crazy is my specialty. And I definitely saw what I saw.
Buffy: Clearly we need to get you kicking some monster bootie, stat.
Veruca: Go ahead and cry – but you should have seen this coming. You can’t tame a wild thing. He’s not yours any more. He’s in you, he’d be thinking about me. No. Not thinking. It’s deeper than that. Why don’t you just try to relax now? In a minute or two it’ll all be over.
Xander: Love. It’s a logic blocker.
the initiative
Buffy: Giles I live in a dorm now. (next line cut) Filled with what the young people these days call ‘the young people.’
pangs
Xander: I didn’t mean – you’re an EX-vengeance demon. It’s totally different
Anya: Sure. It’s okay.
something blue
Buffy: So she did a good spell – but the plan kind of sucked. I mean, she’s the one stuck eating pellets out of a plastic cup.
hush
Cheryl: Well, you missed last week. We did a healing chant for Chloe’s ankle. She said the swelling went right down.
Nicole: What’s she doing on a mountain bike anyway?
Cheryl: She was trying to impress Justin.
Willow: I was actually talking more about real spells.
Stage directions: Tara’s room – Her room is wicca-y and also painted black and depressed-y.
Clock Tower – From up here we can see the whole town – or possibly much less than all of it, but I can hope – and the collective breaths snake all across town heading here.
One of the Gentlemen – He’s old, bone white, bald – Nosferatu meets Hellraiser by way of the Joker. Actually, he looks kind of like Mr. Burns, except that he can’t stop his rictus-grin, and his teeth are gleaming metal.
doomed
Xander: Look at you! You have knees! Very white knees!
Spike: Damn things keep doing that.
Xander: You know I’m not any happier about you wearing my stuff than you are.
Spike: That cannot be true. Don’t know how you let yourself be seen in this … wanker-wear.
a new man
Riley: My dad was out of work for a while back. He sells farm equipment. It was rough.
Waitress: You’re not Roger Moore.
Ethan: God’s truth. Tell her, Ripper.
Giles: What? Oh. He’s not Roger Moore.
Buffy: I’m so sorry about, you know, stabbing you in the heart.
the i in team
Riley: That panel – say something into it.
Buffy crosses to it, is about to speak, then stops.
Buffy: My mind’s a blank.
Buffy: Slick trap you set for me. Sorry to disappoint you, but I killed your two pets. There’s a couple of research grants down the drain. Oh, and about you trying to kill me? I’d say that’s an issue you and I need to discuss. So get ready. I’ll be paying you a visit. Real soon.
goodbye iowa
Willow: I bet you will.
Buffy: No. No bet. I will make it work.
this year's girl part 1
Buffy: Explosives, tear gas, grappling hooks.
Stage directions (faith’s dream): We cut back to the Mayor. He’s being horribly, brutally HACKED APART by Buffy with her knife. He’s real dead real fast. Finished with this prey, Buffy whips her gaze to Faith, impatient and peeved.
who are you part 2
Adam: You are here to be my first. To let them know I’m coming. I am the end of all life, of all magic. I’m the war between man and demon, the war that no one can win. You’re a part of that now. You have to show me you’re ready.
superstar
Spike: You’re a bleeding idiot, you are,
Jonathan. ‘Cuz you’ll be the first victim and you’ll be stone dead before you hi the ground. (then to himself, proudly) The worst kind of scum.
where the wild things are
Willow: But probably a lot less eloquent…and with the …evil…so, different than Martin Luther King. Let’s move on.
new moon rising
Jape: Yeah! Count me in for the crazy fun plan! I’m gonna feed the minions.
the yoko factor
Spike: Now that you’ve turned Super Wicca and you’re damn near Amish. All candles and hand-ground herbs…
primeval
Discussing Willow’s hacking skills
Willow: I’m scaring you now, huh?
Tara: A little. In a good way. It’s like a different kind of magic.
restless
Buffy: I think they might be in trouble-danger.
Stage Directions: Cheese man – a skittish, balding, bespectacled, little fellow in an old woolen suit. A voice not unlike Peter Lorres’s
Stage directions: And at this moment, as Giles continues to speck, he is suddenly DUBBED INTO FRENCH. We can see him talking, but we can’t understand a word any more than Xander can, unless we speak French, in which case la di da aren’t we intellectual, I’m not Joe DICTIONARY, ALL RIGHT?
Giles (french dubbing over): - the house where we’re all sleeping. All your friends are there having a wonderful time and getting on with their lives. The creature can’t hurt you there.
Xander: What? Go where? I don’t understand.
Giles (still dubbed): Oh, for God’s sake, this is not time for your idiotic games!
Anya rushes to them, worried. And dubbed.
Anya (with the dubbing): Xander! You have to come with us now! Everybody’s waiting for you!
Giles (dubly): Honey, I don’t – I can’t hear you…
Anya grabs his arm, starts dragging him.
Anya (dubbage): It’s not important. I’ll take you there.
season 5
buffy vs. dracula
Dracula: I know intimately what it is to be different. Human, but not quite...Of the world, but still an outsider...You see? We understand each other. Both of us are born of darkness, masters in the art of death-.
Buffy: No. Hold it. Enough with the darkness. I'm born of Joyce, pal.
A different version of Dracula's defeat:
Buffy arms herself with a lit torch, when Giles and Riley burst into the room:
The arrival of her entourage is the final straw for Dracula. He fixes Buffy with a final look, full of both pain and fury.
Dracula: What a shame. You could have been great, you know.
With that, he flings himself out the massive window-shattering it.
EXT. DRACULA'S CASTLE-NIGHT
Dracula, having changed into a wolf, comes flying out the window. He hits the ground and lopes into the dark woods.
the real me
Stage directions: Dawn (or perhaps someone who looks like her from the back) runs passt, flings open the back door and takes off. - referring to the fact that younger actors are only allowed to spend a certain amount of time on set and doubles are often used to fill in
the replacement
Stage directions: It's Xander lying unconscious where he fell. So who just went off with Buffy? Stay tuned. For this is only the...
BLACK OUT
END OF ACT ONE
out of my mind
Stage direction: She's got a blanket over her, a bowl of soup next to her, and enough pillows to feed an army that eats pillows tucked under her head. - referring to how well Buffy and Dawn are taking care of Joyce after her return from the hospital.
no place like home
Stage directions: A monk (not the old one, not the young one, but the surviving one) hastily resets a fallen candle...
Stage direction: BOOM! The door comes BLASTING off its hinges and lands, intact, ten feet from the dorrway, revealing not some hulking monstrous demon, but a GIRL. Real hottie, too. About Buffy's age. Whoever she is, she's a star and she knows it. Curly blond tendrils fall all around her shoulders, highlighting her sharp red business dress and killer pumps.
family
Stage direction: Tara is in the closet (no jokes, please)
fool for love
Stage direction (for a scene that was cut from the episode): We are in a Buddhist Temple. We hear a punch and Spike comes staggering back into frame, sporting a bloody nose. Before he can regain his footing a sword comes slicing into frame, just nicking the top of his eyebrow, cutting it open (the eyebrow where he's got his scar today)
shadow
Stage direction: GLORY'S POV - Push in on a phone book resting on the vanity, opened to (wait for it...yes...) the ad for "The Magic Box"
listening to fear
Stage direction: the girls are a bit wigged. Joyce smiles at them and nestles into her pillow, closing her eyes. Dawn and Willow look to Buffy: What the hell?
into the woods
Stage direction: Buffy's reaching (an 8:00 p.m. climax as the camera drifts away from them...
triangle
Willow: Um...Giles? Could you maybe make an angry face? 'Cause the smile is kind of scaring me. - when Giles returns early and sees the damage to the Magic Box
Stage directions: Buffy bursts into tears. Big honking crazy Lucille Ball tears, just letting go.
checkpoint
Willow: I didn't create the troll. I didn't date the troll. In fact I hate the troll. I helped deflate the troll. - recapping events from previous episode
Anya: And when I was seven, I had a pet dachshund that died from choking on a wiener, which I find ironic.
blood ties
Stage direction: Dawn makes her way down a street that she thought she knew, in a town she thought she grew up in. Now nothing is certain as she disappears into the deep, dark night...
crush
Stage direction: He waits for the straggling passengers, but none appear. And here's where we bait the schmuck. The porter looks around, then steps on the train.
i was made to love you
The original script of this episode ended with Spike asking Warren to build the Buffybot. The scene where Buffy finds Joyce is actually the teaser for the next episode and is not in the original pages of this script.
the body
Buffy: Mom died this morning. While we were both at school, she-
Dawn: No...
Buffy: I don't know exactly what happened, but, she's dead...
Dawn: No. NO NO no no you're lying she's fine she's FINE and you're lying oh no no please no you're lying she's fine, she's fine...
Buffy: Dawnie...
Dawn: It's not true it's not real it's not real ohhhhh noooooo...no...
- the dialogue from when Dawn's class is watching Buffy tell Dawn out in the hall
forever
Stage direction: Joyce's burial. In a real (i.e. not our parking lot) cemetery.
intervention
Giles Swahili chant translated: ...that which I am pledged to guard and guide, I hand over to you. Lead her to a place of safety and learning. Give her that which she needs. Show her the path...
tough love
Willow: But it's good-witch power, not bad-witch power. You know, Glenda-in-a-bubble, not Margaret-Hamilton-on-a-bicycle power.
spiral
Translation of Willow's russian spell: Air become fist!
the weight of the world
Stage direction: We cut to see BUFFY. Sitting, staring off into dead space, not hearing her friends, eyes open but deaf, dumb, and blind to the world around her.
the gift
Stage direction: He lloks up at her. It's possible - I'm not saying it'll definitely happen, but it's POSSIBLE - he may take off his glasses. Play with them somehow. Could happen. - referring to Giles
Stage directions: And Spike jumps over the whole defensive crazy line to land in the thick of minions, just fists and fury. (Fists, in fact, OF fury.) (Not David Fury.) (Though his fists are formidable.) (What, no I'm not sleepy! Hey, I'm in CHARGE here!)
Alternate ending to episode:
ANGLE: IN THE SKY
A rift opens and a huge dragon flies out, screaming as it sails past the girls.
Dawn: Buffy-
Buffy: I don't care! Dawn, I won't lose you-
Dawn: You have to! You have to let me go! Blood starts it, and until the blood stops flowing, it'll never stop. You know you have to let me...
ON BUFFY
As she takes in Dawn's words, knowing it's true.
ON DAWN
As, slowly at first, she takes a few steps away from her sister, toward the end of the platform.
ON BUFFY
Who does nothing to stop her.
ON DAWN AGAIN
A few more steps, faster this time, gaining speed until she is running toward the edge of the platform.
ANGLE: ABOVE THE END as Dawn reaches it and SWANDIVES right out and down toward the ball of energy.
CLOSE ON: DAWN
As she starts down.
CLOSE ON: BUFFY
As she watches, crying...
ANGLE: THE BALL OF ENERGY
AS Dawn's body sails down into and disappears in a white light, causing the energy to go even wilder.
CLOSE ON: The group, as they look in vain to see what has happened.
CLOSE ON: DAWN'S FACE
As she floats in the center of the maelstrom, being hit with the equivalent of a million jolts of electricity-
BUFFY-unable to leave the platform...
DAWN-her eyes slowly closing...
THE ENERGY BALL-exploding and suddenly contracting out of existence...
Dawn disappearing with it.
CLOSE ON BUFFY'S FACE
BLACK OUT
END OF SHOW
season 6
bargaining part 1
Stage direction: Now, we are inside Buffy's coffin. We can see Buffy's corpse. Suddenly, its eyes snap open and the corpse morphs back into live Buffy. Then her breath starts to come fast, horrified...
bargaining part 2
Stage direction: The Buffybot opens its mouth to say something to Buffy when the chains go taut and the robot is suddenly (as described) really REALLY violently, torn apart. Drawn and quartered. The crowd howls with delight...
On Buffy, her anguish and terror at seeing her own horrific death, wells up inside her and explodes into a scream...
after life
Stage direction: Unseen by anyone (except, you know, the TV viewers), Dawn slowly smiles. Her eyes are white.
flooded
Stage direction: The lair has been thoroughly upgraded since we last saw it. It's now a full-fledged make-out pad/mad scientist hang-out (basically Jane's new office). - referring to writer Jane Espenson
James Bond meets Freaks & Geeks (the Geeks part). - again referring to the Trio's hideout
life serial
Translation of Jonathan's latin spell: The task is a circle with her at the core. The time bends to the goal...
all the way
Translation of the Japenese incantation that Willow uses to decorate: Adorn with Happiness.
once more, with feeling
Giles: What does he want?
Henchman: Her...plus chaos and insanity and people burning up, but that's more big picture stuff.
tabula rasa
Stage directions: The demon has the head of a shark; smooth, pale flesh split by an unctuous smile. Several rows of teeth glisten. He wears tight sharkskin suit and stacked heel boots which bring him up to about 5'2". He never stops moving, ever; he's always pacing, always smiling. Smooth and dangerous somewhere between Christopher Walken, Truman Capote, and well, a shark.
smashed
Translation of Italian spell to humanize Amy: What was is no longer. What was done, undo. The danger passed, the trial no more, set it right.
Stage direction: The girl walks through the shadows, alone, seeming to sense foreboding. Hi, I'm Schmucky, I'll be your bait this evening.
wrecked
Stage direction: Buffy takes this in, freaking. Last night. SO wrong. And SO completely, mind-numbingly wild. Everything she's needed. Escape. Release. Ecstasy. With Spike.
Amy: I want to have fun, Willow. I've been in a cage.
Willow: There was a little ball. And you seemed to enjoy playing with those cardboard toilet paper rolls.
Amy: As cages go, it was fine. But I was still confined. I've got lost time to make up and if people don't like it, screw them.
gone
Buffy (while invisible): Watch who you bully, kid. She might be the next chosen one. - after stopping a bully from picking on a girl
doublemeat palace
Xander: We were all going to yell 'good luck on the new job,' but we don't have the kind of timing that kind of thing requires.
Dawn: So much suspense. It's like taking a pregnancy test...when they do that in pregnancy test commercials. - referring to waiting for chemical testing results on the burger
dead things
Translation of Jonathan's latin spell: Tame the will, release desire. Spring forth, fuel the fire.
Xander: According to this, they place the time of Katrina's death almost a full day before you saw her in the woods.
older and far away
Buffy: All the good ones got picked off by that lady with the wig. Lay off. - referring to her choice of work friend
Willow: I'll be fine.
Anya: This isn't some weird defintition of 'fine' that means hiding in your room and crying?
Willow: No.
Anya: Because we're tired of the crying.
In the original script ending, Buffy and Dawn are glad to be together, but on second thought, they bolt from the house together, happy to escape.
as you were
Stage direction: Riley Finn. Lokking intense, fit, and more handsome than ever in his stylin' lightweight kevlar battle gear. (The new scar he's sporting above his right eye don't hurt none.)
hell's bells
Dawn: I thought Xander and Anya couldn't afford flowers.
Willow: Giles sent 'em. Aren't they gorgeous?
Dawn: Yeah. I wish Giles was here.
Willow: Me too. And I'm sure he'd much rather be here than fighting that nasty demon-
Dawn: Da-e-mon. In England, it's daemon.
Willow: Daemon, too right. But Giles's got responsibilities. And so Anya and Xander have flowers. And flowers. And more flowers. Ooh, it's going to be so pretty.
normal again
Stage direction: The camera pulls back slowly, down the hall. Leaving the doctor and Buffy's parents helpless, and Buffy lost in a distant delusion.
entropy
Buffy: And, you know, maybe in a couple of months they'll let us visit the leather birthday jacket.
Willow: Can't help thinking maybe you were closer than you thought that day you went out with the addresses.
Buffy: And they sent the Psycho Demon to interrupt me.
seeing red
Xander: The tyranny of the clock must be overthrown.
Buffy: So how many coup d'etats is that?
Xander: Gereral Cirrhosis ahs seized control of the Liver Parliament. - after Buffy tells Xander it's a little early for her to be drinking.
villains
Translation of the warning given to Spike by the African villager: You can't go in there, it's very dangerous...Stop! You'll die! Stop!
two to go
Clem: We don't have a plan. Don't we at least need a plan?
Dawn: Buffy and her friends never have a plan. They just sort of...jump in and don't know what they're doing.
Clem: And this works?
Dawn: They never really let me come along. Guess we'll find out...It's okay. I mean they usually come back in one piece.
Translation of Anya's chant: Shield around us, never broken, shield surrounds us, keep us from harm...
grave
Giles: Which comes, in all its purity, from the Earth itself. - referring to the true essence of magick.
season 7
lessons
Stage direction: EXT. ISTANBUL-NIGHT
We see the (backdrop of the) city sprawling out beyond the rooftops.
Stage direction (later on in script): EXT. ENGLAND-DAY
No, really! Actual England. Not like that cheesy Istanbul.
Dawn: ...and my sister is a vampire slayer, her best friend is a witch who went bonkers and tried to destroy the world, um, I actually used to be a little ball of energy until about two years ago when some monks changed the past and made me Buffy's sister and for some reason a big klepto. My best friends are Leticia Jones, who moved to San Diego because this town is evil, and a floppy-eared demon named Clem. - Dawn's fantasy introduction to class.
beneath you
Xander: I forgot the high school's unwritten rules of hallway etiquette. Of course, no one ever explained them to me. They'd just stuff me ina locker till I drew my own conclusion.
Spike: William the bloody awful poet
Skipping down the lane
Good boy, bad boy,
All the sodding same.
same time, same place
Dawn: Instead everyone just keeps secrets, and suffers alone, and then we're supposed to be all sympathetic when they start ripping the skins off people or dragging their sisters to the basement! I may have some stuff to work through.
help
Anya: What a creepazoid. It's like he didn't just forget your birthday, but the day on which, in keeping with modern American tradition, one's life is celebrated. One's very self. He didn't celebrate your self.
But later...
Anya: But anyway, this boyfriend of yours - it sounds like maybe he was just trying to do what you wanted.
And later still...
Lulu: Thanks, you've been a big help.
She exits. Anya smiles. Until she realizes that she didn't wreak any vengeance. She looks up, but Lulu is gone.
Anya: Wait...
selfless
Translation of Willow's latin spell to summon D'Hoffryn: Blessed be the name of D'Hoffryn. Let this space be now a gateway to the world of Arashmaharr.
Xander: Something that involves grueling, hard labor. At fair market value taking into account your project's special needs. - suggestion for the price Anya must pay for reversing the spell
him
Dawn: And I'm even trying to understand that. A little. The rape part.
Buffy: He didn't. I mean, he tried-
Dawn: Not that. I just...you guys had sex a lot, right? It's not like you were strangers. Weren't you even...being kind of rough with each other? Anya said some stuff.
Buffy: I should have killed her when I had the chance. Dawn, it was complicated. But I'd broken it off with him. I didn't want it anymore.
conversations with dead people
In the original script Tara was the one to visit Willow. However, arrangements to have Amber Benson return was unsuccessful.
Tara: I'm sorry to wake you.
Willow: Ha...
Tara: Ha - what?
Willow: Is that like a dream joke thing? You're sorry to wake me, but I'm clearly not awake and if I was awake and you really were here, would you be sorry to wake me? I mean, after all this time and - oh God, I'm babbling. I'm dream babbling and it's the best dream of my life and I'm wasting it and-
Tara: I just meant, I liked watching you sleep
The script mentions The First by name, even though it has not been mentioned in the dialogue of the show.
sleeper
Stage direction: EXT. LONDON-DAY-ESTABLISHING
The bustling city. Sure, what the hell. Haven't we seen enough of the countryside? And if nobody recognizes it, super in one of those "London, England" title cards. That's the ticket. Anyway...
Anya: I...am here, obviously, because of the reason which I am about to tell you, with the following words, and that reason is...ush, clearly and obviously too, um...sex.
never leave me
Xander: I know. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I get that. But they don't. They need your answers. I does seem suspicious, you know, you buying the blood.
Andrew: That blood wasn't for me. I was just buying meat.
bring on the night
Stage direction: NOTE: It is VERY important that Giles does not touch or be touched by anything. He can walk and talk - but he can't fiddle or cuddle or caress. Got it?
showtime
The First (as Eve): And Chloe, honey...you don't have to worry about getting called to be the slayer before you're ready. You'll be dead before that happens. All o'you.
potential
Kennedy: Hey guys, we fit three more people in here and we can call the Guinness Book people. - referring to the large number of people in the kitchen.
the killer in me
Giles: Well, thank goodness I needn't worry myself with the idea of bad things happening in my absence. You getting shot, for example. Or throwing everyone in the basement and trying to kill them. Or Willow turning evil...
Dawn: Oooh, don't forget, Anya turned evil too.
Willow: The chip operates on intent, and Spike didn't intend to hurt...
first date
Buffy: In Beverly Hills.
Wood: See now, that detail takes the edge off my Little Orphan Robin story, but yeah, that was true.
Xander (asking his date): Did you hatch out of a praying mantis egg in the old high school?
get it done
Andrew: Welcome to our perfectly typical American household where nothing unusual happens.
Spike: What are you spilling next, that I bleach my hair?
Wood: But it has such a natural sheen.
storyteller
Wood: I think our biggest problem is here in the music room. I fear there could be open hostilities between swing choir and the marching band.
Buffy: I don't know if we can keep a lid on this all by ourselves. We might need some kind of help.
Wood: Like what? Police.
Buffy: We had to call in guards to keep the place from going up like a prison riot.
Andrew: Oh my.
Wood: The guards were still clearing kids out of there when we left.
lies my parents told me
Spike: It's sill me, Mother. Your William. Though Dru here seems determined to give me a pet name...
Drusilla: Yes. Like Willy. Or Bill. Or Lucien, Prince of Lies.
dirty girls
Faith: They say your other senses get better. Maybe all blind people are smokin' in a knife fight...Not sayin' it's likely.
empty spaces
Andrew: This one time, when I was in Sunday school, I woke up late, so my mom made me skip breakfast and I was really hungry, so I told the teacher I had to go to the bathroom, but I really broke into the supply closet and ate a whole package of communion wafers.
Spike: Yeah? Good on you, boy.
Andrew: But then I got sick for two days.
Anya: Andrew's got plenty of tears left in him. Just tell him they cancelled Stargate.
touched
Andrew: I spy with my little eye something that begins with a ...Y.
Spike: A Y? There's nothing here that-
Andrew: Yet another tapestry!
Translation of Willow's turkish spell to get Bringer to talk (according to script): You are getting very sleepy. Very, very sleepy. I do not have a pocket watch but then again you do not have eyes.
Actual translation: Eyeless man, speak to us. The man without eyes, speak to us.
end of days
Willow: It doesn't have any markings. Would it be so hard to include a little sticker? 'Hello. My name is Blank of the Blankthuselah, consult operating instructions before wielding.
chosen
Dawn: And the Master grabbed Buffy from behind and bit her. She tried to move, but he was too strong. He fed on her blood and tossed her in the water, cackling insanely as the bubles rose around her and she slowly drowned to death.
Vi: Do you have any other stories?
Dawn: She gets up again. It's very romantic. Guys, you gotta stop worrying. It's Buffy. She always saves the day. - Dawn tells the potentials a bedtime story.
Stage direction (following Dawn's question "What are we gonna do now?): Buffy looks at them, looks back at the crater, and we are in full close-up as she considers the question, a small smile creeping onto her lips as she decides on her answer.
BLACK OUT.
END OF SHOW.
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