Who The Hell Is Michael Miranda?
You may be wondering who is this loser who wasted his time building a website dedicated to a damn movie. Perhaps you feel like stalking him. Or maybe you want to know a little about him before you make death threats to him. Whatever it is that you plan to do, this page is all about him. Decide for yourself what is real and what is fake! Heh heh heh!
In a bloody, placenta splattered mess on Friday, March 21, 1980, Michael Presario (you're not going to know my real middle name, Reid) Miranda was born. Weighing in at a solid 16 pounds and 3 ounces (7.37 kg for you damn foreigners) and measuring 18 inches in length (.4572 meters, again for you metric system users), I was one of the most massive babies born in Hawaii that year.
Unable to walk or talk by the age of four, I entered Immaculate Conception School's preschool program at the age of four. There I would learn to walk and talk from a super breed of baboons that I befriended during recess. In the fifth grade, I won a T-shirt from Kauai Police Department's Drug Abuse Resistance Education (D.A.R.E.) program. By the end of that year, ICS closed its doors for good, forcing me to enroll at Elsie H. Wilcox Elementary School. There I would make some friends, like Matthew Pancho, Joshua Oxentine, Antonio Andolini, Clemenza Paizan, Vincent Vega, Pete Mitchell, Ferris Bueller, Andy Richter, Jay Sherman, Mia Wallace, and Dirk Diggler.
Then came intermediate school. Suckiest two years of my life, aside from joining the Mighty Kauai High & Intermediate School Band, where, under the direction of David Yukimura, I started to learn the alto sax. I have more memories of life outside of school because they were more pleasant. I recall one Saturday in the eighth grade when I was hanging out at Ferris' house. He got upset because I put two more miles on his dad's car. Afraid his dad would find out, he out the car on blocks and put the car in reverse, thinking the odometer would go backwards. In a fit of rage, he kicked one of the blocks and the car went through the garage's plate glass wall!
High school is where I did a lot of stupid stuff that some of my friends and I still remember. In the ninth grade, my friend Reid K. and I--no, that's too obvious. My friend R. Kawane and I were in the computer room, and this girl was waiting for her paper at a printer next to him. When her paper came out, she put her Watchamacallit™ candy bar on the printer and turned around. While she wasn't looking, I told him to grab her candy. He took it, we ran outside, and we ate it right at the computer room door. Whenever I think about it, I feel what we did was mean, but extremely hilarious. If you're wondering who the girl is, she was Jamie Olivas, Kauai High School class of '94. Heh heh heh. Please don't come after us, Jamie. This was a while back and it doesn't matter anymore.
During my senior year, I joined Kauai High School's new Frisbee team. In our first year, I guided our team to the first Kauai Interscholastic Federation Frisbee title. The ensuing fame was too much for me. I could not stand to look at a Frisbee for the next few months.
Now I am at the University of Hawaii at Manoa, majoring in civil engineering. I joined the marching band--the worst of all my classes. To all who plan to join the UH band, I warn you now--AVOID marching band (course number 419E). This band actually gives you homework!
From left to right: Raquel Sanchez, Tiffany Towers, Me, Sandra Honeycutt, Team Captain Ferris Bueller
Currently I am not on any varsity sports team, but I did join an intramural volleyball team. I did try out for my school's water polo team, but my horses kept drowning. I lost two horses in try-outs and another two at the YMCA. By request, I tried out for the Frisbee team, but, being rusty, I got hit in the mouth and lost all my front teeth. Now, because of this freak accident, I have no social life whatsoever. Well, not that I really had one before. Now I spend my free time in my dorm playing Minesweeper all day. Before it used to be just half the day.
Anyway, I must end my autobiography here. I'm trying to eat chips and salsa, but I can't reach the salsa container. I need to spend more time trying to get the salsa. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
That's me on the left on Times New Roman
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