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Closer: The Spamfic


Duo, Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre are lounging around the living room.  Suddenly, the door slams open, splitting it in half.  Heero stalks into the room.

-you let me violate you-

All of them look confused, staring at one another.

-you let me desecrate you-

They finally notice its Duo he seems focused on.  The other pilots sloooowly back away from the flailing Shinigami pilot.

-you let me penetrate you-

Duo's jaw drops.  "I never!!!"

-you let me complicate you-

Duo starts backing away as Heero approaches.  "Umm, Heero?"  The last word ending in a squeak as Heero pins Duo to the wall.  The braided boy mouths..

-help me-

The other pilots shake their heads frantically.  Nuh-uh we ain't goin' near _him_

-i broke apart my insides-

"Ano... you jumped off a 30 ft cliff again and set your own bones again?"  Heero simply smirks and lowers his head.  Duo's eyes widen into sizes approximating the size of his gundam's elf like feet.  He mouths, before his lips are firmly covered by Heero's...

-help me-

Wufei's eyes start to swirl.. and a tinge of red appears underneath his nose as Duo becomes more... vocal and Heero more aggressive.  Trowa and Quatre simply stare as Duo's frantic flailing becomes less and less noticeable.

-i've got no soul to sell-

Heero peers down.  Hn.  Duo forgot to breathe, oh well.  He slings the unconscious pilot over one shoulder and firmly stalks down the hallway to the bedroom, marching over pieces of the broken door he had burst through.  The other pilots can only stare...

Duo awakens on the bed, eyes still glazed over, to see Heero leaning over him...

-i want to fuck you like an animal-

Duo's eyes start to roll up in his head, the whites showing.  Heero snorts irritably and whips out... "Sex for Dummies, the yaoi edition" for hints.  He tries something subtler.

-i want to feel you from the inside-

Duo starts to slooowly creep away from the bed.  Heero's too busy flipping through the err.. help manual to notice.  Heero clears his throat and tries again.

-i want to fuck you like an animal-

Duo falls off the bed, landing with a loud THUMP.  Heero finally looks up and narrows his eyes.  Duo sweatdrops and starts backing away, crabstyle.

-my whole existence is flawed-

Heero calmly approaches Duo, eyes fixed on his prey... err... victim errrrr... mate to be?  Duo, on the other hand, is frantically trying to open the door.  But too late, Heero is right in front of him...

-you get me closer to god-

As a last resort, Duo whips out his gold cross and hold it in front of him protectively.  Heero sweatdrops slightly...vampire?  He smirks, well he'd definitely like to sink his teeth into some of the choicer bits of Duo...  Finally the door opens and Duo collapses on the wooden floor, rising up to run away.  It's Wufei to the rescue!!  Blindfold firmly in place to ensure he doesn't see anything, he had opened the door, allowing Duo to flee.

-you can have my isolation-

After much running, not to mention random screaming, Duo frantically peers around as he crouches in the bushes, breathing a sigh of relief as it seems he is alone.  Unfortunately for him, the bewildered boy fails to note the bright blue eyes glaring at him from one side of the green enclosure.

-you can have the hate that it brings-

Duo is jumped!! The cornered boy lets out something between a whimper and a prayer before he really can't say anything.  *discreet cough*  He is down for the count folks!!  The narrator adjourns, chicken hearted as she is, for a spot of tea to the boos and hisses of the readers.  The bushes move at a rather frantic pace.. over and over and over... The narror thinks she shall have some scones to go with that tea....

-you can have my absence of faith-

Finally a shaking hand emerges from the bushes.  Is it?...  A tousled head of dark brown emerges, it's Heero, looking rather worn out.  He sweatdrops as a slim hand drags him back in.

-you can have my everything-

The bushes move again and again and again and gee, the narrator decides to order a ten course meal while she's at it.

-help me-

This time Heero looks rather frantic as he drags himself from the bushes, Duo clinging to his leg.  Spandex boy tries frantically to shake Duo off but to no avail, Duo's as clingy as a high school boy on his first make out session with the captain of the cheerleading squad... or in this case the captain of the football team....

-tear down my reason-

This time it's Heero stalking for cover with a cheerfully smirking Duo bouncing right behind his tail.. sort of like the Looney tunes cartoons with the cat mistaken for a skunk and Pepe le peu right on her tail but the narrator digresses....

-help me-

Heero has been caught!!  Duo has used his braid like a lasso and yanks Heero flat on his back.  Heero, with a stoically resigned expression, is dragged back towards those oh so convenient bushes.  The narrator pauses to take another tea break.

-it's your sex i can smell-

The narrator pauses, amongst several assorted moans, groans, whimpers and Duo's cries of "Dammit man!!  How do you hide _that_ in those shorts without gelding yourself?"  and Heero's "Urusai."  "Shut up"  "Quiet", to contemplate the several different meanings of sex as a verb, as a noun, an adverb, and adjective, as a way of life even... then flees for her life as angry lemon hungry readers chase after her.

-help me-

The narrator screams this while running around and around those oddly animated bushes, still chased.  The lemon starved readers throw err real lemon, the fruit kind, and cute little packets of lemon flavored Jell-O at her.

-become somebody else-

Duo tries to crawl out of the bushes this time, looking exhausted.  He is trampled by the mob of crazy girls running 'round and 'round the bushes.  The boy shrugs and decides to join in, whooping and hollering with the best of them.

Heero emerges from the bushes as well, looking... not too happy at being interrupted.  He mutters Duo's name intensely several times but can't be heard over the shrieking.  Finally, he whips out his keyboard from his aaaaaaaaaall purpose casa space *smirks*.. and types in something.  A speaker system emerges from.. the same storage space and it booms out:

-i want to fuck you like an animal-

Everyone is flattened to the ground by the sheer force of that sentence.  Duo sweatdrops slightly, as everyone, chaser and chasees alike, back away from Heero.

"This seems awfully familiar...."

-i want to feel you from the inside-

Heero tackles Duo to the ground with a low growl, and Duo eeps.  Everyone leans forward eagerly, while the narrator takes another tea break... But then a HUGE bush falls out of the sky and lands on top of the wrestling twosome.  Everyone facefaults.

"Itai!! Dammit Heero, why never a bed??"

"You ran away the last time I tried that."

"Oh yeah.. well, still!!"

"Omae o korosu."

"Can' t you say anything else?"

-i want to fuck you like an animal-

Sweatdrop.  "Please don't tell me that's going to be your phrase from now on."


-my whole existence is flawed-

"Well that's not _my_ fault!!"


-you get me closer to god-

"Ano.. Heero, I hate to break in on your fun, but it isn't god you're getting closer to."

"Omae o koro.... i wanna fuck you like an animal."


-through every forest, above the trees- (btw Heero stopped singing ^.^;;)

The two finally emerge from the bushes... only to have another bush drop on them.

"What the hell??"  Duo spews out curses as he flails in the bushes, and not in the fun sense either.

Heero's response is much more effective.  He blows up the bushes and stands there slightly smug and triumphant... until another bush falls on both of them.

-within my stomach, scraped off my knees-

"You've both been put on Bush Watch TM."


"Yup, until you can control yourselves.  Bushes will follow you everywhere you go for the protection of the innocent, pure minded, minors."  The last said wheezingly as the narrator tries not to drop dead laughing.  Innocent and pure minded her....

-i drink the honey inside your hive-

"Now what?"

"i want to--"

"Ha~i, hai."

-you are the reason I stay alive-

~~~and thus Duo learned that when Heero said Omae o koro*cough* i want to fuck you like an animal it meant "I love you and I am hot for your bod."



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