Gundam Wing School
Sorceress Fantasia
Guess what? No, don’t. Cuz’ you’ll never get the answer. I bet no one has ever dreamed of this happening. The Gundam Wing boys are opening a school! There, students can learn each of the boys’ excellent attributes and talents, conducted by the boys themselves. The list below is an advertisement that tells everyone about the different courses that will be held.
The Art of Self-destruct
Here, you will learn that self-destruct is a must. You may say, ‘It’s just killing yourself, what’s there to learn?’ However, you will soon discover that you’re terribly wrong. And please don’t say that it’s pure committing suicide, because it’s not. It is a noble and elegant form of dying so that your enemies can’t get anything out of your mouth. And there are certain tricks lying beneath this art that only the experts, as in those who do so often, will know. Therefore, Heero Yuy, an utterly experience self-destructor will be conducting the course. He will teach you how to self-destruct but still be in one piece and possibly even live through the ordeal. Another thing taught will be when to self-destruct. There are several occasions that requires this skill. However, please take note that angering instructor Yuy and getting your head blast open by him is not called self-destructing. And by the way, the school will not be held responsible of all accidents. The fees are at the low, low price of $10,000 per semester. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 RIP-U OFF. Our operators are now standing by to take your money…er…calls. Thank you.
Releasing Your Stress (Wing Zero style)
Instructor Quatre Raberba Winner will be taking students up on this course. What to do when you’re under a tremendous amount of stress? And also anger? Or even hatred? Instructor Winner will teach you all there is to releasing stress, in Wing Zero style. You will learn how to lose control of yourself and go stark raving bonkers and kill everyone standing in your way. Therefore, please take note that by attending the course, you may pose a threat to your friends as you may turn against them. Thank you for your kind understanding. The fees are only $10 per semester. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 ARE-U MAD. Thank you.
Playing Duets
Are you going haywire because your duets with your friend is really horrible? Freak not, cuz’ your hero is here! Instructors Quatre Raberba Winner and Trowa Barton will be helping you out in this course. With them around, you will soon be able to play a duet with a complete stranger and yet still perform the best of music. The fees are cheap: only $500 per semester. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 MUSICALLY-INCLINED. Thank you.
Making Friends with Your Enemies
Some people always have a problem with making friends. Not only that, but they have also made a huge bunch of enemies. However, with instructor Chang Wufei around, there’s no need to worry. He’ll teach you how to make friends with everyone, especially your enemies! And most probably, your enemy will become your life-long friend! The fees are at the low price of $200 per semester. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 TREIZE-SAMA. Thank you.
Taking care of your hair
Hair is a precious asset to many, but few know how to really take care of it. Fear not, instructor Duo Maxwell is here to help. He will give tips as to how to protect your locks, preventing split ends and how to let your hair shine. After the course, your hair will be a pleasure to run fingers through. Not yours, though. Your lover’s! In addition, he will also be teaching you how to braid your hair. Fees are at $1000 per semester. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 I-LUV-BRAIDED-BAKAS. Thank you.
How to use gel effectively
Although many people has made extensive use of gel, few know how to truly use it effectively. Experienced instructor Trowa Barton will be holding this course. He will teach students how to use gel to create gravity-defying bangs. Who says that it can’t be accomplished. Just look at his bangs! Isn’t it the best example? The fees are at $500 per semester, excluding the money for the gel. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 CREATIVE-BANGS. Thank you.
Tying Ponytails
Ponytails are pretty cute, but you’ll have to tie it tight. Loose ponytails are ugly. Therefore, instructor Chang Wufei will teach you the correct method to do so. After the course, you will be able to tie ponytails that are so damn tight that you can get headaches from them! Therefore, to counter the side effect, instructor Chang will also teach you how to prevent the headaches. This is a one-month course only. Each lesson is $20. If you are interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 HEAD-HURTS. Thank you.
Talking to your Gundams
Are you bored stiff but has no one to talk to? Why don’t you try talking to your Gundam? Instructors Duo Maxwell, Quatre Raberba Winner and Chang Wufei have all adopted this habit and have found it to be a great pleasure. It gives you a feeling of companionship, friendship and also kills time. Best of all, the Gundams don’t talk back! The three instructors will tell you what to say, when to say, and how to talk to them. The fees depend on which instructor you are consulting. The fees are as follows:
Duo Maxwell: $1000
Chang Wufei: $100
Quatre Raberba Winner: $10
The hotline is at 1-900 TALKING-CRAP. Thank you.
Calling yourself Shinigami
Instructor Duo Maxwell is here to teach students how to call themselves Shinigami, but still remain cheerful and optimistic. You need not have a cheery personality to attend this course. After the course is over, students will be able to laugh at everything and everyone. Such personality is likely to attract psychotic and brooding people of the opposite sex. The fees are at only $1000 per semester. The hotline is at 1-900 U-LAUGH TOO-MUCH. Thank you.
Glare of Death
Learning how to scare people with a glare is a must. It will intimidate your stalkers and foes. Instructor Heero Yuy, having done that too many a times, will take charge of this course. However, take note that relying too much on it will render it useless after some time. So, make the best use of it only at the correct times. The fees are at $200 per semester. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 OMAE-O-KOROSU. Thank you.
And our two bonus courses held by specially hired instructors.
Getting yourself killed
Instructor Relena Peacecraft will impart her special skills to students taking this course. Students will learn how to irritate someone so much that he wants to throttle you. After the course is over, students are able to let someone try to kill you. This is one hard course that requires sheer determination and metal-will, because not many are that irritating. The fees are at $20,000 per semester. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 NOTHING-BETTER-TO-DO. Thank you.
Forking your eyebrows
You wanna be unique? Special? Why don’t you try forking your eyebrow? It will gain attention and you will most probably be in the limelight. Instructor Dorothy Catalonia is the perfect example. It is painless, and easy to do. The course is free. If interested, please call our hotline at 1-900 WEIRD-EYEBROWS. Thank you.
P.S. Wondering why the fees are so weird? As in, why some are so expensive, whereas others are damn cheap and even free? Well, it all depends on the instructor. Here’s what they say.
Heero Yuy: I need the money to repair Wing, after countless self-destruct attempts.
Duo Maxwell: Had enough of stealing and hacking into peoples’ bank accounts…
Trowa Barton: Need to be rich to be with Quatre.
Quatre Raberba Winner: I have enough money already, I guess.
Chang Wufei: Wanna perform a ritual for Nataku, so I need money to get some sacrifices.
Relena Peacecraft: I suck students’ money, then I can donate them to charity associations. Builds up my reputation.
Dorothy Catalonia: Wanna see everyone with eyebrows like mine.
Sorceress Fantasia @ 3rd July 2000
Last revised 4th July 2000
