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The Reason



/I figured it out
I was high and low and everything in-between/

    'When did it start?  How should I know?  I figure it just happened, but
even I know that's close to impossible.  I love that cold and hardened
soldier with all my heart.  That's the problem.  If I don't tell him I feel
as though my heart will break, and if I do tell him to stop this from happening,
I'm sure that he would be happy to make it so.'
    Duo looked at his reflection and ran his fingers through the end of his
braid.  He smiled cheekily, but then frowned.
    'I'm by myself.  No need for the smile.'
    Duo turned away from his reflection, ruffling his bangs slightly as he
thought.  What would the other pilots think of him if they knew his feelings
towards Heero?  Well, first, they'd laugh and then Heero would try and kill
him like he had been promising for so long.
    He shook his head.
    'Not like I wouldn't welcome the attention.  It's not like he ever talks
to me unless he has too.  At the most, we are very good partners.  At the
least, I'm a necessary distraction to complete the mission. '
    Duo sniffed slightly struggling to control his emotions, 'Shinigami
doesn't cry, so I won't let it go.  Heero, why can't you see how much I care?'

/I was wicked and wild, baby, you
know what I mean
Till there was you, yeah,  you/

    Quatre looked around the cramped dinning room, "Where is Duo?"
    "He probably got lost," snorted Wufei barely looking up.
    Quatre looked uncertain, "It's not like Duo to miss a meal.  Should I go
get him?"
    "No, he needs some time to himself," Trowa answered placidly.
    "What do you think Heero?" asked Quatre innocently.
    Heero looked up crossly and grunted, "Hn."
    "Is that a yes?"
    "Is that a no?"
    Quatre huffed and sat down in his chair hard with a pout evident on his
face.  He crossed his arms and took on the appearance of an upset little
child.  Wufei raised an eyebrow as he tried to keep a slight smile from
forming on his face.
    "Still, I agree with Quatre.  Something is wrong with Duo," Trowa said
sipping his tea lightly.
    Quatre perked up beaming with the attention from Trowa.  Trowa didn't
seem to notice, not like that ever stopped Quatre from hoping.
    "I'll go see what is wrong with that Baka," Heero said placidly walking
away from the other pilots.
    Wufei raised an eyebrow before turning the page to the newspaper, "I
believe that you owe me something, Trowa."
    Trowa frowned, "Not until he finishes it, Wufei."
    "Wait a minute, what are you two talking about?" Quatre asking looking
back and forth between the two silent pilots.
    Wufei snorted, "You'll see."

/Something went wrong
I made a deal with the devil for an
    empty I.O.U./

    Duo looked out the window silently.  The stars winked and sparkled,
promising always to be there.  Duo allowed a ghost of a smile to perk through
his mournful face.
    'I'm always alone aren't I?  Always, I am Shinigami.  Nothing can stay
with me for long.  I kill everything I touch.'
    Heero leaned against the door frame silently wishing he could help the
braided pilot.  But what could a perfect soldier do to aide his partner?  Duo
shifted his weight suddenly and Heero stiffened.
    "What are you doing?" Duo's wide eyes blinked.
    Heero found himself swimming in violets, twirling around and around in a
helpless dance.  That stupid baka had no idea what was going on.
    "The others want to know what are you doing."
    Duo shrugged and turned away, "Nothing."
    "Do you know what today is?" Duo asked suddenly.
    Heero thought for a few minutes before shaking his head slightly.  Duo
    "Never mind then."
    "Fine, get your butt downstairs and eat."
    "I'm not hungry tonight Heero."
    "Fine," Heero called stalking out of the room.

/Been to hell and back, but an angel
    was looking through./

    'How could I have been so stupid?  Why would he have the slightest idea
what today means to me?  It has so much meaning, so much pain.  But does he
    That stupid cold hearted bastard, he has no idea how much I care.  What
must I do?
    Damn it, look at me.  I'm disgracing their memory on this day by thinking
of another man!  Shit, when did everything get so confusing?  When did
everything get so fucked up?  Correction, when did I get so fucked up?  I
    Stupid question, I already know that there isn't any.  But is there?
Maybe, they showed me something after all.  They showed me that there are
people out there that actually care.  They tried to show me that there is a
God.  I know there is a god.  I've seen him.  I am him.  There is a

/It was you, yeah, you
It's all because of you/

    Heero growled low in his throat and made his way around the other pilots.
 He didn't want their attention.
    "Hey, Heero!"
    'Damn it Quatre, must you be so observant?'
    "What's wrong with Duo?"
    Heero shrugged and walked away.  Quatre sighed and sank lower in his
seat.  This was sure to be a boring night without Duo's talking.

/You are the reason/

    'What had he said?  Do you know what day it is today?  Baka, he's not
giving me any clues to why he's upset.  Maybe there was something to that
braided pilot that I haven't realized was there.  I must find out his
    Heero tapped on his laptop's keyboard with military efficiency.  The
monitor lit up with quick fire events and news-articles.  They paused on one
specific article.
    Heero stiffened and lip-read the title, "The Maxwell Church Massacre."
    He frowned slightly and turned off the computer leaving the perfect
soldier in all surrounding darkness.

/You are the reason I wake up
    every day
And sleep through the night/

    'Heero, his name runs off my lips like a prayer.  Exactly like a prayer.
Something unobtainable from all.  "The perfect solider" cannot fall in love.
Why do I bother?  It's not like he cares.
    But no matter what I do, I can't get his image from my head.  Its the
first thing I see as I awake and the last thing I imagine as I fall asleep.
Heero, why can't you care for once?
    What must I do?'

/You are the reason, the reason
In the middle of the night/

    'Baka, baka, baka.  Why didn't he tell me?  Stupid me, why should he?
It's not like I actually gave him the reason to think that I actually care.
Duo, my Duo, why must you continue to hide beneath that smile of yours?
Simple, the same reason why I hide beneath my mask.  Because we can't handle
our own emotions, that's why.
    What can I do to ease your pain?  Duo, please don't hide anymore.  I
can't bear to see you in pain.  It looks as though my perfect mask has a
crack in it.  Pity, I don't really care.'

/I'm going down 'cause I adore you
I want to floor you/

    'I'll show you how much I care.  Then Duo, you'll be mine.  You won't
belong to something that happened in the past, you'll belong to me and me
alone.  Just accept me Duo, and everything will be fine.
    Shinigami, you are not.  You are life, and I am death.  We take on each
others' true roles, but no longer.  I'll show you the true me if you show me
the true you.  Duo, this is your chance, please don't fail me.'
    Heero left his room with little noise.  It was time to see Duo and fix
the wounds that were hidden so well.

/I'm giving it up
No more running around spinning
    my wheel/

    'What was I thinking?  Father Maxwell forgive me for I have sinned, I
have loved another man.  Sister Helen forgive me for becoming what you
feared.  I am Shinigami, I am a Gundam pilot.'
    Duo glanced at his image once more before letting his body fall to the
hardened mattress.  He sighed once and let sleep claim him.  Duo didn't
notice nor care that the door was slightly ajar and the object of his desires
was watching him quietly.

/You came out of my dream and
    made it real/

    "Heero," Duo whimpers thrashing wildly, "please."
    Heero's face softened as he let himself in the room, shutting the door
silently behind him.  The room was lit up from the moon's soft light
cascading onto the pilot of Deathscythe.  Heero's breath caught in his
throat.  Duo was magnificent.
    "NO!" wailed the braided Shinigami bringing Heero back to the present.
    He frowned not wanting to let Duo know that he was here, but if he didn't
wake him up then he would suffer in the throes of a dream.  Heero cringed
recalling his nightmares and wondering what Duo had nightmares about.
    "Heero," he whimpered, "don't kill me...please."
    Heero's throat constricted, 'Duo has nightmares about me killing him?'
    The thrashing continued urging Heero to do something.  He moved up
slowly, almost reluctantly and shook Duo slightly.  Duo didn't wake, but his
thrashing quelled slightly at Heero's touch.  He smiled and pulled back his
hand to leave.  Duo cringed, his brow wrinkled in pain.  Heero paused as
though the pain had seared his own body instead of Duo's.
    Making a quick decision, he slowly pulled back the covers to lay down
beside his partner.  Heero frowned as the thrashing and moaning continued.
Then as soon as they started, the thrashing stopped.  Heero sighed a sigh of
relief, but froze as he heard sobs.
    'Duo's crying?'
    Hesitantly, Heero gathered Duo into his arms.  Duo froze and hiccupped
once before beginning to softly cry again.  Heero began to stroke his back in
soothing circles intent on calming the pilot.
    "Shhh, its okay.  I'm here now."

/I know what I feel
It's you
It's all because of you/

    Duo snuggled close not realizing the warmth that spread through his body
was Heero holding him close.  For the first time in a long time, Duo felt
safe.  That was saying something.
    Duo shifted slightly as he was waking up.  He was too warm.  Duo froze as
he realized the reason for this.  He looked up owlishly at a pair of cobalt
blue eyes that seemed to seep into his soul.  Duo blushed slightly.
    "Uh, Heero can I ask you a small question?" Duo asked confused.
    "Aa," he answered.
    "Um-why are you in my bed?"

/You are the reason
You are the reason I wake up
    every day
And sleep through the night/

    Heero glared at Duo before slowly making his way out of the bed, "You
were having nightmares again and its starting to show in your performance."
    Duo hanged his head, "Oh."
    Heero snorted and walked off to the door, "Wait!"
    Heero turned around to face Duo.  His face softened again at the sight of
Duo hugging a blanket close.  Eyes wild, Duo motioned Heero to return.  Heero
cocked his head slightly.
    "Stay with me, please?  I don't want to have another," whispered Duo.
    "Aa," answered Heero after a short period of thinking.
    Duo moved over slightly to give Heero more room to lay down beside him.
He raised his hands over and behind his head.  Heero stared at the ceiling.
    "Yo, Heero.  It doesn't feel the same," commented Duo uncomfortably.
    "Well, what did you do different?"
    "Do you want me to show you?"
    Duo gulped, "Ah, yeah..I guess."
    Heero snorted and gathered Duo in his arms, "Baka."
    Duo stiffened at the feel of Heero against him.  Indigo eyes wide he
stared at Heero's muscular chest and gulped again.
    'Oh shit, I'm getting a little aroused by this.  I hope he doesn't
notice,' thought Duo silently.
    "Duo?" Heero's voice sent tremors through his body, vibrating Duo.  Duo
    "Why where you....dreaming about me-"
    'Oh shit.'
    "I wasn't dreaming about you seriously, Heero," Duo coughed nervously,
" why would I dream about you?"
    "Baka," Heero snorted, "don't lie."
    Duo laughed nervously, "Um-so what if I was?"
    "Why were you saying 'don't kill me Heero'?"
    Duo froze, " guess I was talking in my sleep?"
    "Baka, you always are talking."
    Duo chuckled, "Aye, but what if I didn't?  The only one who would talk
out of the five of us is Quatre and the Q-man can be too shy for his own good
    "Are you afraid of me?"
    "Me, SHINIGAMI, afraid?  No."
    "Your lying again," Heero said softly.
    Duo jerked away, "No, I'm not."
    Heero pulled the smaller boy closer to him and buried his nose in his
hair.  He took a deep breath of the clean scent of Duo's hair.  Duo found
himself relaxing in Heero's grasp.
    "I would never hurt you Duo, not intentionally."

/You are the reason, the reason
In the middle of the night/

    Duo gazed upwards startled, "Are you serious?"
    Heero nodded his cobalt eyes afire.  Duo gulped again.
    "Even if I said something that scares you, you wouldn't hurt me, at least
    Heero nodded again.

/I'm going down 'cause I want you/

    Duo looked down, 'Oh shit, now what do I say?  I can't just blurt out
that I like the guy!  What would he say then?  I mean, shit, I don't even
know if he likes me like that.'
    Voice in his mind whispered, 'Then why is he holding you?'
    'No!  Its impossible he can't like me like that.  He's the perfect
solider not able to have these kind of feelings, hetero or homo.'
    'That's not true....'
    Heero gazed down at Duo who was deep in thought, 'I wonder if he knows?
He must know by now.  That baka, he doesn't realize does he?'
    He smirked, 'I guess I'll have to show him then.'
    "Duo?" he whispered into his ear giving the other shivers.
    "I want to do something.  Just tell me when to stop, okay?" he told Duo
softly brushing away some of his bangs from his face.
    Duo's voice caught in his throat as he nodded slightly.  Heero softly
began to stroke his hand against Duo's lithe body.  Duo shivered again and
pressed into Heero's questing hand.  Heero smiled as he began to investigate
the other's body.
/I want to touch you
I want to floor you/

    Heero's questing hand slowly removed Duo's clothes while the other
removed his own.  He searched every part of Duo, leaving no place untouched
by his fingers.  Heero frowned slightly as his hand brushed by scars on Duo's
chest.  Duo blushed slightly.
    "Knife fights on the streets."
    Heero nodded and whispered into his ear, "You're beautiful."
    Duo ducked his head, "No I'm not."
    "Why?" asked Heero as he traced one scar, "because of these?"
    Duo shook his head, "Did another touch you?"
    Duo didn't respond, but shivered slightly.  Heero frowned and brushed
past another scar giving this one more attention than the last.
    "You are beautiful to me."
    Duo jerked up and glanced into his cobalt blue eyes, searching for
mockery.  Finding none Duo gave Heero a small smile.
    Heero nodded slightly and replaced his hand with his mouth and tongue.
Duo hissed slightly and arched his back at the feeling.  Heero smiled and
sucked on one of Duo's nipples, swirling his tongue along it.
/You are the reason, baby
You are the reason/

    "He-ero?" gasped Duo.
    "Hm?" he asked pulling away.
    Duo grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it, "What are you doing?"
    "Making you mine," Heero answered kissing him deeply.
    Duo moaned underneath Heero.  He arched his back as he felt Heero stroke
his swelling member.  Duo jerked violently at the feel of Heero's fingers
entering his puckered hole.
    Heero pulled away looking the panting Duo in the eyes, "If you want me to
stop I will.  Do you want this?"
    Duo nodded slightly.  Heero swooped down and captured his lips with his
own.  Heero pulled away again and Duo looked up at him hurt.
    "Don't you want me?" his lip wavered.
    Heero pulled him into a crushing hug, "Of course, I just don't want to
hurt you.  We can't do this without lube."
    Duo smiled and rummaged through one of his bedside drawers, "Always carry
a bottle with me, since.."
    "Ssh," Heero whispered as he took the bottle, "just relax."
    Duo nodded and stayed still as Heero rubbed the lubricant on his own
member and then moved to Duo's neglected passageway.  Duo groaned and panted
along with Heero as they finished their lovemaking.

/You are the reason I wake up
    every day
And sleep through the night/

    They lay thoroughly sated and sweaty, but content.  Duo lay nestled in
Heero's arms with Heero softly stroking Duo's hair.  Duo sighed and snuggled
closer, breathing in his lover's scent.
    "I'll never leave you, you know that Duo?"
    Duo nodded, "Neither will I."
    A knock from the door made Duo groan, "Go away!"
    "Um-Duo do you know where Heero is?  Trowa says that he can't find him,"
asked an anxious voice recognized as Quatre.
    Heero chuckled, "I'm in here Quatre."
    Duo laughed imagining Quatre's flushed face, "Yes, um I'll tell Trowa
that, um."
    Duo laughed again pinching Heero's nose, "You're naughty."
    Heero kissed Duo, "You have a problem with this?"
    "Not at all," chuckled Duo.

/You are the reason, the reason/

    Wufei laid out his hand as Trowa patiently handed out several credits.
Wufei then counted every credit with known patience.
    "Now will you tell me?" Quatre sighed.
    Wufei raised an eyebrow, "Didn't you find out this morning Quatre?"
    Quatre blushed.


Whoohooo!  My second GW fic is finished.  *wipes the sweat of her forehead*
that took forever!  Anyways, on to the 1*4 fic that I promised Cola.  *Dodges
shoes thrown in her direction*

song by Celine Dion

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