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Why Quatre Doesn't Wear Slippers




Duo dropped his head on the bar, mumbling quietly to himself. "No fair not fair dinnnt even do anythin'"

The drag queen on the stool next to him looked amused. "Problems, lover? Tell Mona. I *love* to listen."

Duo perked up. Finally, someone who would understand! He smiled muzzily through the smoky air at Mona's carefully made-up face. He pushed himself upright, and signaled for another vodka shooter.

"It's like this: see, I live with four other boys--"

"Mmmm, cozy", said Mona, leaning in towards Duo and batting his eyes.

Duo waved his hand irritably. "Shhh! I'm telling a story here. Okay. So. I live with four boys, see, and we've got hardwood floors. You understand?"

"OOO, I *do* understand. I *love* hard wood, myself."

"Yeah, who doesn't? So smooth. Anyway, it's just me and Quatre at home. He's the little blonde one." Duo gestured with his hand, indicating a person of perhaps three feet tall.

"A midget?" Mona asked. "This is getting interesting."

"Whatever. He's short. So he's wearing these little camel slippers, running around, teasing me."

"You have a thing for camel slippers?"

"No, no, no! He stole my CD, and I was trying to get it back. So he runs through the dining room, slips on the floor, and hits his head. Out cold." Duo signaled for another shooter. The bartender just shook his head. Duo sighed, and continued his story.

"Well, I gotta help him, right? I mean, he's my friend and all. So I get some ice. To put on his head. But I don't have a towel. So I put the ice in my shirt, and put it on Quatre's head.

"But he's still out cold. So I gotta elevate his feet. To increase the blood flow to his heart."

Mona sighed. "What I wouldn't give for some increased blood flow." He winked at Duo.

"Yeah, it's good for the heart. Anyway, so I'm kneeling in front of him, I got his legs on my legs, all raised up, you know. And the ice slips off. So I lean forward to catch it, and Quatre's legs fall down. So I'm kinda between his legs, with no shirt on, leaning over him. And that's when Trowa walks in."


"Yeah, Quatre's boyfriend. He's only got one eye."

Mona put his hand on Duo's thigh. "I've got one eye I could show you."

Duo blinked at him. "No, you got two. They're kinda bloodshot, though. You should get some eye drops."

Offended, Mona removed his hand.

"Anyway, Trowa was a little upset. Thought I was taking advantage of camel boy. So he pulls me off. By my braid, which really hurts, I have to say. And then he punches me, right in the eye! See?" He leaned forward, almost falling into Mona's splendid (but store-bought) cleavage.

Mona cupped his hands around Duo's face, almost purring. "Oh, do you have something in your eye, lover?"

Duo pulled away. "No, it's *under* my eye. See the bruise? So I run from Trowa, but I can't see well, and then *I* slip on the floor, and fall over the couch, right on to Wufei."


"Another one of my roomies."

"And is *he* deformed in some way? Midget, one eye?"

"No, he's fine! He's a dragon."

"A dragon?"


Mona licked his lips, and moved his hand back to Duo's thigh. "You mean a reptile? Like a trouser snake?"

"No, just a regular dragon. I think he thought I was coming on to him. You know, throwing myself on him, no shirt and all."

"And he didn't *like* it? Your roommates have bad taste, sweetie."

Duo winked. "Actually, I think he *did* like it. The downstairs neighbor paid a visit, if you know what I mean." He winked again, and then nudged Mona in the ribs. Mona winced visibly.

"So what was the problem?"

"Well, he's shy. I think he wanted to be asked."

"Some of us *like* a forceful man." Now it was Mona's turn to wink.

"Well, not Wu-man. He punched me in the nose. Then Trowa come over and started hitting me, too."

"Ah, so it's a threesome now, is it?"

"That's what Heero thought."


"My boyfriend."

Mona rolled his eyes. "*Why* are all the good ones taken?" He sighed. "And I suppose Heero is some kind of animal, too?"

Duo sighed happily. "A rabid weasel. Well, most of the time. But he was pretty upset. He threw Wufei *and* Trowa right through the patio doors."

"What did he do to you?"

"To me? Nothing! I grabbed a shirt and ran like hell."

"And that's how you ended up here with me." Once again, Mona batted his eyelashes.

"Yep! They'll probably have gotten it all figured out by now. I'm just waiting for Heero to come get me."

"How will he know where you are?"

"Oh, I come here all the time."

Mona shivered deliciously. "I'd be *more* than happy to help you with *that*, sweet pea." He eyed Duo, who seemed lost in a drunken haze. With careful deliberation, Mona dumped his drink directly in Duo's lap. He didn't seem to notice.

Mona picked up a napkin, and began mopping up the spill, copping the occasional feel, as Duo continued his story.

"Yep! That's how I ended up here--" From the corner of his eye, Duo saw Heero enter the bar, a single rose in his hand. Both Duo and Heero realized what Mona was doing at the same time. Duo meeped. "--with a big ol' drag queen fondling my balls in front of my boyfriend!"

Mona removed his hands immediately, and put them on his hips. "I am *not* big! I just have a large frame, that's all!"

In an icy rage, Heero stalked up to the bar, grabbed Duo's braid, and yanked him off the stool. Still holding the braid, Heero dragged Duo out of the bar, oblivious to the whistles and catcalls of the patrons.

Just as he got to the door, Duo yelled out, "And that's why we don't let Quatre wear slippers!"

Mona sighed and slumped against the bar. He gestured for another beer. "What I wouldn't give for a hard wood problem like *that*!"



that's it. what did you think.

i hope you liked it, draco, 'cause i don't think i could do it again.



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