Video Boys (Teaser - part 3)
Tigress Pern
Heero glared at Dr. J. How could the man seriously expect him to complete this mission with his very limited experience?
"Do you understand your mission?"
"Hai." Heero replied while he mentally cursed. The man nodded, then opened the door to his lab.
"Then get out of here. I have to another appointment in fifteen minutes that I must prepare for." With that the doctor hastily escorted Heero out the door. Heero scowled at one of the other scientists as he passed him. Pushing the door of the office building open, he walked out into the street and headed home. What was the man thinking? He didn't know the first thing about seducing women!
The mission that Dr. J had set before him was to seduce and date the very popular Miss Relena Darlian. Both she and Heero attended the same school, so he knew who she was. That was the easy part. Getting here to like him enough to date him was another. The only reason he has me going on this ridiculous mission is because she has LOTS of money and he needs the cash for his research projects, Heero thought angrily as he turned a corner.
It had started raining, but Heero hadn't noticed until he was soaking wet. Considering he was wearing only a tank top and spandex shorts, he thought it prudent that he went inside. There was a video store on his right that looked warm and dry enough. Heero walked through the automatic door and stood dripping on the newly placed carpet. Looking about him, he read the name of the store on banner just above the new releases section.
OZ Video Rentals. Everything you ever wanted and then some. The sign proclaimed. Heero shrugged. Suddenly an idea hit him. Walking up to the young Chinese boy reading a magazine on fencing at the counter, Heero cleared his throat.
"Can I help you?" the boy asked not looking up from his magazine. Heero felt embarrassed an uncommon and unwelcome feeling.
"I'm on a mission." He said flatly feeling that at the moment the truth was the best way to start things off with.
"What sort of mission?" The clerk asked raising an eyebrow.
"I must get a girl to date me." He stated. The clerk put down his magazine. Running a hand over his tightly pulled back hair, the clerk sighed. Now that he'd put that blasted magazine down, Heero could read his nametag. It said WUFEI in even block letters.
"I think we have some tapes on how to get a girl to date you. Let me check in the back real quick." Wufei said. He hopped over the counter and proceeded to the back while Heero waited. He returned a few minutes later with a black case. The title read How to Get a Girl, Instructions by Duo Maxwell. Wufei handed the tape to him.
"That one should do it. Do you have an account with us?" Heero shook his head. "Then I'll need you're name, see some ID, and your next of kin."
"Next of kin?"
"Just in case." Heero could guess what for, but didn't want to think of it. Although the idea of seeing Dr. J's legs broken would be damned amusing.
"That tape is a seven day rental. If you want it longer, you'll have to bring it back to renew it. Like you do with library books." Heero nodded that he understood. Glancing out the storefront windows, Heero noticed that the rain had let up enough that he could make his way back home without getting further soaked. Wufei picked up his magazine again and watched Heero leave out of the corner of his eye. A slow smile crept across his face as he watched him disappear. He counted to ten before he heard the automatic doors open again. Glancing up at his next customer, he silently prayed that he could take his lunch break soon.
Heero sighed as he removed his boots. The tape lay on the bed next to him still in its case. He'd come home to an empty house. Not that there normally was anyone there. Considering both he and his "brother", Trowa, were rarely home at the same time with them each being out on different missions, Heero was used to it. Still, he wished Trowa was home, maybe he could give Heero some advice on how to pick up girls. Although, something told Heero, Trowa wasn't any better than he was. After all, they both were the strong silent types.
Staring at the VCR in front of him, Heero wondered if Dr. J had repaired it like he said he would. Nothing was worse than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich getting jammed into it, to make a VCR rebel. That was the last time Heero agreed to a mission that involved small children. Taking the tape out of its case, Heero stuck it in the VCR and turned on the TV. He felt around under his bed for the remote, then hit play. It took a moment to fast forward through all the static at the beginning of the tape. Suddenly a cheerful looking boy with his chestnut hair pulled back in a braid appeared on the screen.
"Hi! I'm Duo Maxwell and I'm here to give you advice and show you how to get a girl to date you!" he pointed his two-dimensional finger at Heero. Heero sat on the edge of his bed as he listened to Duo happily begin to explain how to pick up a girl. Starting with lines you should and shouldn't say. "Asking hey baby, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this is a sure way to get slapped or a drink thrown in your face." Heero sighed; this wasn't what he needed. He needed the right lines so he could ask Relena out. He grabbed for the remote, which he'd put down, but knocked it off the bed. It landed on the floor upside down. All Heero heard was a "fitz" sound as the VCR suddenly started jumping weirdly. Scooping up the remote, Heero strode over to the VCR and promptly hit it.
"Stupid peanut butter." He growled as the picture on the screen realigned itself. Unfortunately, it didn't stay that way and began to jump again. Heero grimaced and hit the stop button. Suddenly sparks flew out from the VCR, stinging Heero's hand. He leapt back just as his entire TV and VCR began to glow. Heero wasn't sure what happened next. One moment he was standing in front of the TV the next he was flat on his back with something heavy on top of him. Electricity arched about him and the dead weight that was currently pinning him to his bed. The thing on top of him moved and he heard a vaguely familiar voice speak.
"Oi, hey, are you all right man?" Heero slid his hand under his pillow, drew out a gun and aimed it at the figure now perched just above him. Violet eyes widened.
"Where did you come from?" Heero demanded keeping the weapon trained on the boy on top of him.
"From there." He pointed behind them to the TV, which had gone to complete static. Heero narrowed his eyes.
"Omae o korosu." The boy paled.
"You don't have to kill me. REALLY. Besides you wanted my help in getting a girl to date you right? I mean that's the reason you rented my tape isn't it?"
Suddenly Heero began to grasp what the boy was saying.
"You're the guy in the video." He nodded. "And somehow you've come out of the video." Again, he nodded.
"Yep! I'm Duo Maxwell, Instructor of the Heart." Duo announced. "By the way, who put peanut butter and jelly in the VCR? That stuff was playing havoc with my tape!" Heero lowered his gun. He wasn't going to shoot Duo, yet. This had to be a dream, Heero reasoned. People don't pop out of videos.
"How did you get out of the video?" Heero asked cautiously. Duo by this time had moved off of him and was busily staring at the VCR.
"Not completely sure. Normally I stay IN the tape. It's probably has something to do with your screwy VCR." He tapped the clock counter. "Well, at least something works on this thing. Listen, as long this tape is running I'm here. So don't hit stop or I'll disappear. Now," Duo twirled around, his long braid trailing behind him. "You were in need of some help?" Heero had the sudden dreadful feeling that he was in for the ride of his life.
"Why didn't I say no to the mission?" he asked Duo started lecturing about pick up lines.
Trowa stared at the picture Dr. J hand handed him. His eyes betraying no emotion, he carefully set it back down on the desk. Dr. J leaned forward and retrieved it.
"You have no choice in accepting this mission." He said casually. Trowa knew that. Seeing that he wasn't getting a response from Trowa, Dr. J continued.
"I want you to woo this girl. Get her to date you and if necessary marry you." Trowa nodded. "Good. You may leave."
Trowa silently got up and left the office. The other four scientists watched him walk through the lobby without causing any sort of disturbance.
"I can't believe he gave the same assignment to both of them." Master O commented once Trowa was gone. "We need the research money and donations from both the Darlian and Catalonia families would be welcome."
Dr. G replied turning and going back to the lab. The other three shrugged and followed. No sense in interfering with J's plans if it could get them more money.
It was still raining outside. Trowa opened his umbrella and walked out into the downpour. Wading across the parking lot, which had become a lake in his absence, he began questioning the reasoning behind Dr. J's decision. What was he thinking asking him to date or marry Dorothy? He didn't have any experience in that type of relationship. There was no time for one when he could be called on a mission at any time. As he walked down the street he noticed a video store. Pausing, he read the sign in the window. OZ Video Rentals. Everything you want and much, much more. That hadn't been there last week, Trowa thought. They must have just moved into that old building. Out of curiosity he crossed the street and opened the door. Shaking out his umbrella, Trowa glanced at the boy standing at the counter. He was reading a magazine. He set it down as Trowa approached. Glancing down at the article the clerk had been reading, Trowa raised his eyebrow at the "How to Duel and Win" article.
"May I help you?" Wufei asked. Trowa remained silent. Wufei furrowed his eyebrows. "Hey! I asked if you needed help."
"I want to know if you have any instructional videos." Trowa said, his voice remaining even and calm.
"Sure. How to Fish, How to Waltz, How to Disarm a Bomb, How to ."
"Woo women?" Wufei blinked.
"Woo women? Ah. I know we have how to date, but to woo. Let me check on that." Wufei quickly vanished into the back. Trowa waited patiently, scanning the titles of the new release shelf and making mental notes on which he hadn't seen. It was a long list.
Trowa hoped his VCR was fixed. The little brats that had been Heero's last mission had snuck up stairs and vandalized it. He didn't know a kid could stuff that much bread, jelly, and peanut butter into one electrical appliance. Dr. J had sworn he'd fixed it, although Trowa didn't completely believe him. Truth be told, Trowa would have repaired it himself if he hadn't been so busy with missions. Maybe this one would allow him some free time to do absolutely nothing. He hadn't done that in forever.
Wufei returned trophy in hand. He set the tape on the counter.
"This one should fit your needs." He said as he began pulling out forms for Trowa to fill out. "I'm going to assume that you're not a member of our video club?"
Trowa nodded. "Okay, now if you'll just fill out these forms, in triplicate." Trowa sighed and did as he was told. With that done, Trowa picked up the tape and left Wufei to his magazine. With umbrella under one arm and video in the other, he walked out into the now sunny day.
"You're not taking notes." Duo complained as he sat in Heero's computer chair, backwards. "How are you going to commit the pick up lines to memory if you don't write them down?" He flopped forward, resting his chin on the back of the chair.
"I don't need to take notes." Heero told him flatly. He was staring at Duo intently trying not to think about how the young man had entered his home. If he kept his mind off the fact that Duo was a character on an instructional video, it was easier to accept that he was sitting in that chair. Duo frowned.
"Okay, fine. If you screw up it won't be my fault."
"I won't fail in my mission." Heero stated.
"Fine. Your mission, as I understand it, is to get this girl named Relena Darlian to go out with you so this Dr. J person and his associates can get some grant money. The Darlian's are one of two main benefactors to this research project and if you get the daughter to like you, she'll influence the father." Duo said in a bored tone. He dropped his arms down, letting them hang limp at his sides. "I think that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of."
"I don't question the reasoning behind this mission. I have accepted it and will not fail."
"Okay, okay. Geeze! Listen, why don't we do a little role-playing. I'll be Relena and you attempt to ask me out." Heero nodded. Duo sat up and crossed his arms across his chest. His good mood from earlier returning. "All right. Pick me up!"
Heero got up from the bed. As he walked towards Duo he suddenly felt his stomach knot up. What was wrong with him? All he had to do was repeat some of the silly lines Duo had taught him, right? That was easy enough, so why did he have this mounting feeling of dread. The short distance between him and Duo suddenly became miles. Heero swallowed and shoved all thoughts aside, except for the list of pick up lines he'd memorized. Here went nothing and everything.
"Hey baby, what's your sign?" Heero said blandly.
Duo rolled his eyes.
"Stop." He said. Heero stared at him in puzzlement.
"Excuse me?"
"You asked what's my sign and I replied, stop. It's a bit of a joke. You have to be prepared for rejection." Then Duo frowned and got up from the chair. "You didn't do that right."
"I said what you told me to."
"It's not what you said, but HOW you said it. You need to be more, um, perky? You know, up beat, chipper."
"I don't do chipper." Heero stated glaring at him. Duo chuckled nervously.
"I can see that now. I'll have to think of better lines. Or maybe it would be better if you didn't talk to her at all. How is your poetry?"
Heero clamped his hand over Duo's mouth. Duo tried to continue talking, but Heero held his index finger to his lips, signaling for silence. The braided video boy relented. There was a knock at Heero's door.
"Hai." He called out, a bit louder than he'd meant.
"Heero, I'm back. I have a mission that requires me to be home for a few weeks." Trowa said from the other side of the door.
"So do I." Heero answered. Every muscle in his body remained tense for the next few minutes as Heero waited to see if Trowa would talk more. He didn't. That was to be expected though. Heero slowly removed his hand from Duo's mouth.
"Who was that?" Duo asked when at last he could speak.
"My brother."
"Your brother? How old?"
"We're the same age."
"Twins?"
"Adopted."
"Oh."
"I don't want him to learn about you. As long as he's in the house, remain quiet and in my room. It could jeopardize my mission if you leave." Duo nodded understanding. The fewer people who knew about him, the better.
"I guess this concludes our lessons for today." Duo commented. Heero nodded and slipped over to the door to check to see if Trowa was about. He wasn't.
"I'm going to the kitchen. Stay here." With that, he crept out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. Duo flopped down on Heero's bed and glanced over at the TV. The counter on the clock read that his tape had been playing for twenty-seven minutes and fourteen seconds. He only had 167 hours, 32 minutes and 46 seconds left. Not a lot of time to accomplish what he had been asked to do. He lay down and stared at the ceiling.
"This is going to be one tough assignment."
Trowa hung his coat in the closet. The tape lay on a pillow of his bed still in its case. Glancing over at his clock, he decided that it was too close to dinner to start watching the tape now. Instead he sat down at his computer and called up his email. There were three messages from various teachers. One stating that there was to be an exam on Monday and the other two were just announcements. School was going to be hell tomorrow, especially after being gone for a mission. He turned off the computer and went to dig out a history book from under his bed. Might as well start studying for the test.
Presently Heero knocked on his door.
"Hai." Trowa said. Heero opened it slowly and stood in the doorway. Trowa looked up from his book.
"Heero?"
"I'm going out for a while." Heero said. "I should be gone only two hours." Trowa nodded. That was fine with him. That meant he could watch the video without having to worry about Heero walking in on him. Not that he was really all that concerned about it, but the thought of having to watch a "how to" video on dating didn't thrill him. Heero left closing the door. Trowa returned to his studies. Something caught his attention. It sounded like Heero snarling at someone, but there was no one in the house except them. He thought he heard someone "eep", but dismissed it as the house making noises again. With Heero gone and his studies completed for the night, Trowa decided it was time to watch the tape. He turned on the power to the VCR and TV. Slipping the tape in, he sat back on his bed to watch. A pleasant looking blond with blue-green eyes and warm smile appeared. Trowa leaned forward as the person spoke.
"Hello, my name is Quatre Raberba Winner. Today I will give you advice on how to properly woo a woman." The person in the screen said. Trowa found a pad of paper and pencil. He waited patiently while Quatre went through the proper ways to greet a woman you wished to court. Writing down everything, Trowa had to stop and hit rewind more than once to make sure he'd gotten it all. While setting it down after he'd rewound nearly to the beginning for the third time, Trowa missed the nightstand and the remote dropped to the floor. It landed right side up. Trowa leaned over to pick it up and the pad of paper slid off his lap and landed on top. He heard a distinct "fitz" sound and glanced over at the TV. The picture was jumping sporadically. With a heavy sigh, he got up and slammed his fist down on the VCR. It worked and the jumping stopped, but only for a moment. Frowning, Trowa decided that he better press stop or else the tape would be ruined. He really didn't want to pay the fine for a damaged tape. Sparks snapped at his finger as he pressed the button. Leaping back, Trowa noticed that the TV had begun to glow oddly. The next moment would always remain hazy in his mind. But the end result was the same as Heero's.
Trowa found himself flat out on the floor with another body on top of him. He tried to move, but was pinned unless he could get his arms free and roll the other off of him. In the background he could hear the static on the TV. The other person moved.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry." A familiar voice apologized. "This has never happened before." Trowa looked up into blue-green eyes. "I'm Quatre Raberba Winner."
Duo watched Heero eat the cheeseburger. Somehow he hadn't pictured the gun-toting boy to eat fast food. He absently twirled the straw in his milkshake.
"Aren't you going to eat anything?" Heero asked.
"I'm not hungry," Duo replied. "Besides I'm a Video Boy and we don't normally eat. Of course, we don't normally come out of the TV either."
Heero had dragged Duo out of the house, mainly to keep him away from Trowa. First Heero had hauled Duo all over the neighborhood so that he could get the lay of the area. Just in case Duo needed to make a quick escape. Not that Duo was all that interested in the quickest way to the sewers. They'd ended up at the closest St. Mack's and had been there for about twenty minutes. Heero had finished his second cheeseburger and was sipping his lemon-lime drink when a young woman passed by them. He looked up with a start and stared at the back of Relena Darlian's head. Duo noticed him staring and turned to look.
"Who's that?" he asked. "Some girl you like?"
"My target." Heero replied. Duo grinned.
"Great! Now's your chance to ask her out! Come on." He leaned over the table and grabbed Heero's hand. Heero pulled his hand away.
"Not now."
"Why not?" Duo demanded. "You said you'd memorized all the pick up lines. Now listen, just get up and go talk to her. It's not that difficult."
"Says who?" Heero snarled. He couldn't do it, he wasn't ready.
"You're right. It might be difficult for you. After all, you act like a stiff board. Oh! Wait, she's walking back this way!" Heero pulled his eyes away from Duo's too anxious face and looked up at Relena. She recognized Heero from several of her classes and smiled at him. He just stared like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi-truck. Duo kicked Heero. Heero winced then shot him a death glare.
Relena wondered what was up with them. She knew Heero, but didn't recognize his friend. Maybe she, or was it a he, it was hard to tell with that meter long braid, was from another school. No matter, Relena walked out the door, her dinner in hand.
"God! You missed your big chance!" Duo exclaimed. "She walked right past us and all you could do was stare! I can see you're going to need more training before I let you anywhere near a woman again." Duo growled and took a sip of his milkshake. He was so frustrated that he didn't realize that he was drinking the chocolate concoction until he'd sucked down a quarter of it.
"I thought Video Boys don't eat." Heero hissed as Duo's face began to pale.
"We don't. Why the hell did I?" He shook his head and shoved the milkshake away. "What the fuck is happening to me?"
* * *
Quatre sat on the edge of Trowa's bed as Trowa mulled over the events of that evening thus far. One, he'd been given a mission. Two, he'd rented a tape. Three, he'd watched the tape. Four, he'd dropped the remote. Five, the TV and VCR had gone screwy. Six, he'd ended up on the floor with a blond Video Boy in his lap. Seven through about ten involved Quatre and him trying to figure out exactly how six had happened. After nearly an hour, they hadn't.
"We'll just have to face it. Until my tape finishes, I'm stuck here. I'm really sorry if this inconveniences you." Quatre said. During the course of investigation in exactly what had caused Quatre to appear, they'd made a discovery. If Trowa hit the pause button, Quatre literally paused. It had happened by accident. Trowa had picked up the remote and attempted to turn the volume down on the TV and touched the pause button instead. After that moment of shock and terror, mainly on Quatre's part, they quickly deduced what effect fast forward and rewind would have on him. "The least we can do is start some lessons in wooing." Trowa sighed and sank into the computer chair.
"I agree. That seems to be the best course of action. I suggest that you stay in this room until further notice. I will have to explain this to my brother, if he even believes me." Trowa rolled his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.
"I'm sure he will. He is your brother after all."
"We're adopted."
"Oh, where are your parents?"
"They are on an extended holiday in Mongolia." Trowa didn't elaborate. Quatre shrugged and swung his feet back and forth, trying to think of something to say. "It's late. I have school in the morning. Why don't you take my bed and I'll sleep on the floor?"
"I couldn't do that!" Quatre exclaimed. "It's your room. I'm the intruder."
"You're my guest until further notice." Trowa told him. "Now, do you have anything to sleep in?" Quatre simply stared at him.
"I only have what clothes you see on me." He said indicating his tan slacks, pale pink shirt with the purple-gray vest over top. "I never expected to come OUT of my tape." Trowa opened his dresser and found a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt for Quatre to wear. Quatre thanked him and left the room to change.
While he was in the bathroom, Trowa took the opportunity to do the same. He'd have to talk to Heero in the morning about Quatre. Maybe he could let him have their parent's room or maybe the guestroom. Either way, there wasn't anything he could do tonight.
Quatre returned wearing the slightly oversized shirt and sweats. Trowa stared at him and realized for the first time that Quatre was shorter than he was. He's about Heero's height, Trowa thought as he dug a sleeping bag out of his closet. Trowa had all sorts of survival, camping type gear stored in there including a working camp stove. Rolling the army green bag out next to the bed, he didn't notice Quatre watching him. The blond sat on the bed, his blue-green eyes taking in every move that Trowa made. "Do you want a pillow?" Quatre asked. Trowa looked up from making sure there was enough room for Quatre to sneak out if he needed the bathroom. Quatre held up one of the two pillows that adorned his bed.
"Thank you." Quatre handed it too him without a word.
"Tomorrow, I want to start giving you proper lessons. By the way, who is the girl you're trying to court?"
"Her name is Dorothy."
"Oh." Quatre replied. "That's a nice name."
That's not what I'd call her, Trowa thought, but he didn't share that with Quatre. Instead he reached up and turned off the overhead light.
"Good night Trowa."
"Good night."
