Secret

Silverblade Shi-fox

*Song by OMD

[secret]

Heero looked out of the window of the hospital, watching the people passing by. It was all he could do until the doctor released him. The Japanese boy sighed as he watched a few couples walk underneath his window, he wished.....

Heero then had to do a double-take as a figure dressed in black paused in front of the building, shading his eyes to look up at the windows. That long braid was unmistakable, it could only be Duo. The American looked about to enter the hospital when Relena's monstrous - er, unique pink limo pulled up and the Queen of the World exited it and swept through the front doors of the building. Duo looked after her for a few minutes, Heero was sure he was glaring, before slumping off, hands in his pockets.

'K'so! Damnit, Duo! Get your skinny ass back here! I have something important to tell you......'

Heero was barely aware of his fingernails digging into his palms as he concentrated all his energy on getting that receding braided figure to turn around and go into the hospital and come up to his room. Duo paused for a moment, taking a step back towards the hospital before shaking his head and continuing on his way.

"K'so...." the Wing ex-pilot cursed tiredly, falling into the chair with a resigned sigh. He'd just have to go and find his Shinigami after all....

"Heero!"

Heero rubbed his forehead as Relena entered the room. He'd find Duo and tell him...just as soon as he took care of this last little piece of business....

**********

[I've got a secret and I can't explain
all the time I've waited for this day]

A dark-haired young man stepped off the ship onto the L2 colony spaceport grounds. He shifted the bag on his shoulder and headed off determinedly in the direction of the salvage yards. That's where Quatre had suggested that Duo would be.

Finally, he would tell Duo how he felt. He would tell the boy just how much he loved him.

The war was over, he could make this commitment now. After all his procrastination and excuses, he would finally go through with it.

Or Quatre would strangle him.

[all along I was never in doubt
I always knew it would never get out]

Heero winced slightly, remembering how he had parted with Quatre and Trowa. Wufei had been there as well, but hadn't contributed much to the conversation except snickering at the look on Heero's face.

/Quatre smiled at him, eyes bright. "So....have you told him yet?"

Heero shook his head.

The blonde boy blinked. "Why not?"

"It didn't seem to be the right time...."

Quatre gave him an incredulous look. "Heero, the war is over. Marimeia has been taken care of. You're free of Relena. And you haven't told him because you didn't feel the time was right?!?!?"

Heero shrugged.

"Heero...just when are you going to tell him?!"

"When the time is right."

"And when will the time be right?"

Heero shrugged. "Maybe never."

Quatre threw his hands up in the air with a sound of frustration. Trowa poked his bang - er, head into the room to see what the fuss was all about. Upon seeing him, the Arabian latched onto his arm and dragged him into the room.

"Trowa, Heero's being frustrating!"

Trowa blinked for a moment, then raised an eyebrow at Heero. Heero shrugged.

"He hasn't told Duo yet!"

Trowa blinked again, his visible eye widening. "Why not?"

Heero gaped slightly. "Trowa knows too?"

There was a choking sound from the corner of the room where Wufei had been trying to drink a glass of lemonade.

Quatre gave Heero an irate glance. "Of course Trowa knew! The only one who hasn't /seemed/ to notice is Duo! And I think that he probably has."

Heero threw a questioning look towards Wufei, to which the Chinese boy responded with a slight smirk and silent toast with his glass.

[there are things that I cannot tell
and there are things that you know damn well]

He groaned slightly and sank down into the nearest chair, hands over his face. 'They all know! Argh....' He blinked. 'Wait a sec....if Duo knows, why hasn't he said something? Why do I have to tell him?'

Heero didn't realize he'd spoken the last two sentences aloud until he looked up to find three pairs of eyes staring at him.

"What?"

Quatre took a deep breath. "Heero....Duo needs to hear you say it before it becomes real. For all he knows, he's just imagining it, the caring, the friendship, everything."

Heero blinked. He was doing that a lot lately....

The blonde rubbed his eyes then looked at the Japanese boy pleadingly. "Trust me, Heero. He needs to hear you say those words."

[this is getting very hard for me
I guess you better just wait and see]

Trowa nodded, holding Quatre close. He gave Heero a sympathetic glance. "I know what you're going through, Heero. You feel that him knowing you care for him is enough, even though you were not aware that it was so visible, that you don't need to tell him outright. Or maybe he does know, but doesn't feel the same and would be better off without you. Or perhaps you fear to ruin your friendship. It doesn't matter what your fear is, you must conquer it. You will never know until you get the courage up to tell him and you will only keep torturing yourself and him by putting it off any longer. You must tell him."

Heero stared at the brown-haired boy. He sounded so sure, as if he was speaking from experience.... His thoughts must have been plain because Trowa nodded once, slightly, but enough to confirm the idea. He then held the blonde in his arms closer, giving him a loving look. A brilliant melting smile was his reward for the small show of affection and Heero allowed himself to imagine what it might be like with Duo.... To hold the American in his arms like that, no fear of the others feeling disgust, and receive just such a smile.

Quatre's voice broke in on his reverie, "Heero? You have to see now that you must tell him...."

"I will tell him...."

Quatre smiled brightly, face shining.

"....when the time is right."

[shout!]

Trowa winced as Quatre threw up his arms again, face a mixture of amusement and pure frustration.

"ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Heero blinked.

Quatre glared at him, eyes narrowed, and Heero felt the urge to step back as the Arabian stalked towards him.

[this is all
this is all oh wo...]

"Heero, now listen to me," he began in an eerily calm voice, his eyes blazing. "You /will/ find Duo and tell him how you feel, or I am going to wrap my hands around your neck and bang that stubborn head of yours against the wall until some sense enters it. Got it?"

Heero nodded.

Quatre smiled again. "Good. He'll probably be on L2, most likely working in one of the salvage yards. See the both of you later."

Heero almost ran out of the room./

[secret]

Heero sighed again. Obviously, the secret that he'd thought he had was not quite a secret. But he still needed to tell Duo.

[you heard a message and the message was clear
all the time, you wipe away that tear]

He had sent a message to Duo to the address the boy had given Quatre. Duo's response had been enthusiastic.

/The braided boy's face was split in a cheerful grin. "Sugoi! It'll be great to see you again!"

Here Duo had paused, wiping something from his cheek that was suspiciously tear-like, but that could have been sweat.

"I've missed you."/

The last part of the message had contained a time and place to meet, but Heero couldn't get those words out of his mind....or the look in Duo's eyes as he had said them.

Perhaps he had some hope after all.

**********

[all I want is to hold your hand
to see the sun and to walk the sand]

He spotted Duo without any problem, standing in front of the sculpture in the middle of the park. The beautiful boy was helping a few small children feed the pigeons, smiling as if he hadn't a care in the world.

Heero was reminded of one of the best times of his life with this boy, sitting on the beach, watching Duo watch the sunset and moonrise. Carrying the American back to their tiny hideaway and the exquisite feeling of a soft, warm Duo snuggling up to him in his sleep.

If only.....

'Baka!' he berated himself. 'This is why you're here! To find out if it /is/ possible! Now go over there and tell him!'

[you make me sad and you make glad]

Duo turned and Heero felt his heart stop as he met those impossibly depthless indigo eyes.

"Heero, you came." Duo smiled warmly and indicated for Heero to join him as he walked down to the sluggish artificial river.

Heero walked over and sat down next to the other boy when they reached a part of the bank that was far enough away that their discussion wouldn't be overheard.

"So, Heero, what brings you here to L2? I know it's not just the pleasure of my company."

Heero felt the words choke in his throat and blinked back tears. He bit his lip for a moment before looking directly at Duo, who wouldn't meet his eyes.

"What makes you think it's not?"

The chestnut head started up at that, frantic eyes searching Heero's face for signs of mockery.

He found none.

"Heero.... I...man, I'm sorry.... I just...well..."

"Daijoubu, Duo."

Shinigami grinned at him, eyes curious. "So, what did you want to see me for?"

Heero gulped. "I....there's something I need to tell you."

[and now you see all my secret is is love
is love
is love
my secret is this love]

"What is it, Heero?" Duo's voice was gentle, his face relaxed, but eyes eager.

"I....."

"It must be awfully important to drag you all the way here just to see me."

"It is....it's the most important thing in my life."

Duo's eyes widened and he leaned forward slightly. "Tell me...."

Heero found himself drowning in that endless sea of violet-blue, the words coming from his heart before his brain could make any more excuses.

"Ai shiteru, Duo...."

Duo gasped, breaking through Heero's trance. He reached a trembling hand towards Heero, laying gently against his cheek.

"Are you sure, Heero? Think about what you're saying. I won't accept anything less than total commitment, so you'd better be prepared to give that if you truly mean those words. Think about it, Heero. Think about why you feel that way, the reasons, before you fully commit. I don't want you to ever think this was a mistake."

Heero stared at the boy in front of him. Why did he love him?

[every day you're always there
you comfort and make me feel
it's worth my while]

Duo was the first person that had ever treated him like another human being. True, at the beginning it had been annoying, but now....

Duo had become his lifeline, his truest friend and link to living. The braided baka had talked him out of suicide more than once and had discretely comforted him after a particularly hellish mission.

He made Heero feel like there was a reason to live, something to live for.

A reason to keep fighting for the peace, someone to fight for.

[and then I look around and you're not there
with every day you say care
and I'll be well]

Heero hadn't realized how much he depended on Duo to be there until the year that he didn't have the boy by his side, the year in between the war and Marimeia. It wasn't until then that he realized how much he loved the other boy, that it hurt to be without him.

Only Duo's parting words had kept him from just shooting himself during one of his periodic depressions.

/"Remember, Heero-man, we're buddies! We'll see each other again soon! Just promise me that you'll take care of yourself, alright? I don't want to have to haul your sorry ass out of a ditch, ok?"/

Duo had slapped him on the back with a grin, and then given him a fierce hug before jogging over to the transport.

It was those words and the hug that kept him sane during the following months.

Whenever he was ready to just give up and stop trying to deal with his pain and, though he hated to admit it, loneliness, he could just remember the warmth of that grin.

He slowly began to realize just how much he had come to count on Duo's presence brightening his days. It just wasn't the same without the noisy, talkative, reckless, cheerful, beautiful, sexy.... Heero stopped his mind as it became obvious where the train of thought was heading and turned it back towards answering Duo's challenge honestly.

Did he love Duo? Truly, completely? Was he sure?

Of course he was sure he loved Duo. It hurt too much to live without him and Heero refused to live like that ever again. It wasn't real life.

Duo was.

[this is all
this is all
secret]

He looked into those liquid indigo pools and very deliberately leaned close enough that their foreheads touched. Duo's lips parted and Heero gave into the temptation that he'd spent so much frustrating time resisting and touched his lips to those of the chestnut-braided boy in front of him.

The response was immediate. Duo sighed and leaned into the kiss, deepening what had originally been intended as a tender, gentle brush of lips into a passionate melding of tongues.

[I've got a secret and I can't explain
all I want is to hold your hand
all along I was never in doubt
to see the sun and to walk the sand]

Heero silently thanked Quatre and Trowa for persuading him to tell Duo. Now, dreams could come true. He could watch more sunsets with Duo, watching the other openly. They could walk along the street holding hands, Heero didn't care what others thought.

But he still needed to make sure that Duo heard and understood the depth of his commitment.

[this is all
secret]

Heero broke away only long enough to look into Duo's darkened eyes to whisper, "Ai shiteru, Duo. Forever and beyond."

Duo stared a moment before melting into his arms. "Ai shiteru, Heero. Until death and after."

Heero smiled at the phrasing before his mind was occupied with other matters as Duo kissed him deeply.

'Together forever, koibito. I should have told you sooner.... But, Duo....I will keep this promise... Forever, ai shiteru itsu demo.'

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