You Sang to Me

Lady Murasaki

[Heero's POV]

The war is over. Has been for nearly two years now. I can't believe how far apart we've drifted over these years. During the war, through al the fighting, the five of us together were about the only thing that was real in that crazy world we lived in. Watching each other's backs in battles, knowing we could count on each other, trust each other with our lives. But I only now realize that perhaps the truest thing my life all those years has been you. The more time passes since you left, the more I grow to understand just how important you became to me. I'm not sure how or when I let you get under my skin. My training, everything I'd been taught spoke against letting myself feel anything and yet. Maybe it was the way you took care of me when I was wounded, or the way you soothed me whenever I had nightmares. Maybe. Who knows?

More than once I saw you looking at me with that strange haunted expression in your eyes when you thought you weren't being watched. Your eyes. I could drown in them if I only allowed myself to let go.

I think you might have loved me back then, but I could not allow my heart to respond. So I pushed you away, always away, even when my heart cried out and all I wanted was just to be held in your arms. And yet you never gave up; you always tried to share your zest for life with me, despite all the abuse you suffered because of me.

After the war ended, I wanted so desperately to tell you how I felt, but I was afraid. Yes, I, the Perfect Soldier who wasn't afraid to self-destruct, was afraid - of your rejection. I was afraid of the disgust I'd see in your violet eyes just before you would turn to leave me forever. So I waited, and then it was too late and you left. I thought it for the best then, but as the time went on I found out just how much I needed you. Your constant chatter, your exuberance - there was a void inside me only you could fill. And when you left, the emptiness became all consuming. The only thing that keeps me going now is the knowledge that you are out there somewhere, under the same sun. And maybe, someday I will find the courage to tell you how I feel. Until then, I'll be happy just knowing you exist.

Another day at work is over. I decide to walk home - it's a nice night. Quiet, sprinkled with stars. It's the kind of night you have always liked. There it is again - I'm thinking of you. Damn it, this longing - it grows stronger with each passing day! It's so intense it hurts. I have almost made up my mind. I'll write you a letter. There. This way, I won't hear snort in revulsion when you find out about my feelings.

I start crossing the street, still immersed in my thoughts. Yes, I think that's the way. I wish I could ask someone what to do. I've never been instructed how to deal with this kind of situation. It's so hard. A truck comes hurtling toward me from around the corner.

I never see it coming. The driver blows his horn urgently, just before he hits me. I never feel the blow. Suddenly, there is only darkness.

Quatre was just finishing up some of his more pressing business before going home when the call came through. He picked up. It was his secretary asking whether he'd care to accept a call from St. Sebastian's Hospital. It had something to do with Heero Yuy. Quatre said to put them through immediately.

"Mister Winner? I'm calling from St. Sebastian's. Sorry to bother you, but you are listed as the emergency contact for Mr. Yuy. Is he a family member of yours?"

"No, but he is a close friend. What happened to him?"

"Mister Yuy has been in a very serious accident. I think you'd better get here ASAP, sir."

"How is he?" Quatre asking, already making plans.

"Like I said, you'd better get here soon," the man said vaguely

After hanging up, Quatre immediately told his secretary to arrange his plane to be ready within the hour. Then, before he left, he made a few phone calls, one of them to L2.

Darkness all around me, so comforting, so soothing. It feels so good I don't ever want to wake up. I feel at peace like never before. No troubles, no disappointments. I shut down my senses and retreat further into the abyss. Quiet, so quiet. So serene.

"Is there any hope?"

"I don't really know the answer, sir. He's suffered extensive trauma to his brain. The swelling is pushing down onto the medulla and if it doesn't subside soon there's a good chance for a lethal outcome."

"Is there anything at all you can do for him?"

"No, I'm afraid not. We sit and wait. And pray for the best."

"Thank you, doctor."

Quatre turned away from the doctor just as the door into the hallway swung open and Duo burst in.

"I came as soon I could catch a flight out," he said, "How is he?"

"Not good, I'm afraid," the doctor answered.

"Can I see him? I'm a friend of his."

"Yes, but he's in a coma. He won't be able to respond to you in any way."

"That's OK. I just wanna see him, okay?"

"Very well. Follow me."

As the doctor led Duo to Heero's room, Quatre reflected that his American friend hadn't changed my over the past two years. Just grown a lot, gotten a bit more muscle. He still wore mostly black and his braid still reached down past his butt. And now there was deep concern written all over his expressive face. Quatre wanted to follow him into Yuy's room, but then decided that they needed some privacy and stayed in the reception area.

As I follow the doc into your room I keep thinking that this is all some demented dream. When I see you lying there, swathed in white bandages, an arm and a leg both in traction, another bandage around your head - I want to pinch myself so I'd wake up from this nightmare.

You are lying there, dying. And there's not fucking thing I can do about it. Damn it, Yuy, why do you always have to do this to me?! You are the only thing I care about and you keep trying to erase yourself from existence. I wish I told you before how I felt all these years, but I guess it's too late now. Too late for anything.

I cross over to the bed and kneel on the carpeted floor by your side. Vaguely I hear the doctor saying something, then the door clicks shut and we are alone. I touch your hand gently and whisper your name. Please, Heero, I need you. You can't die.

Darkness envelops me, draws me in. Deeper and deeper. Little by little, I give in to it. It's too hard to resist, so little by little I let go. I think there's not much left before I have to take that one final step and merge with the darkness. It's so easy to simply relinquish all control and drift away. I begin to slip off when I notice I'm not alone in the dark any more. There's someone still on this side, calling me, calling my name. This voice, it sounds so familiar, but I can't place it... Then, all at once it all snaps into focus. I recognize _your_ voice. And the darkness doesn't seem so enticing any longer.

Duo was kneeling by Heero's bed, clutching his hand like a lifeline when he felt a weak twitch of the fingers. He blinked, trying to ascertain whether Heero's hand had actually moved, or he was simply going insane. But then, there it was again. Duo froze for a second, then bounced to his feet and ran out into the hall, screaming for nurses. Once nearly half of the hospital's personnel were assembled because of the noise, he managed to explain what had happened. The doctors strode into the room, slightly suspicious. Duo was made to wait out in the hall.

He was pacing back and forth anxiously when one of the doctors came out to confirm Duo's discovery. Heero was indeed coming out of his coma. Apparently the swelling on his brain was beginning to come down as well. There was now a good chance for a quick and complete recovery.

It has now been over a month since I got out of the hospital. I was quite an invalid at first, couldn't use my legs. The doctors told me that an 18-wheller rolled clean over them before halting to a stop. The bones in both legs were shattered into tiny pieces. They'd had to do one hell of a reconstruction job. A good one, too, because I started to walk again about a week ago. On crutches, but still. All thanks to Quatre - he paid for everything. I don't know if I could ever repay him this debt. He probably wouldn't accept anyway.

And then. Then, there was you. When I opened my eyes the first time in that hospital room, you were standing there, leaning again the wall, looking at me. I thought I'd died and you were an angel, but then the pain kicked in and I realized I was among the living. At first I was confused as to why you were here. But then I gathered that Quatre must have called you along with the others when I'd had the accident. You probably came out of courtesy, nothing else, but I was happy simply to see you again. You hadn't changed much - just grown a few inches taller. You looked almost exactly like I'd seen you in the few dreams I actually can remember. I savored my moments with you, filed them away for later recollection. Memories I'd always treasure.

When the time came for me to be discharged, I was till largely immobile. I could hardly even wheel around in my chair, and so Quatre offered me to stay with him while I recovered. I declined, deciding it would be too much of a blow to my pride to have one of his servants fuss over me. Besides, I couldn't impose on Quatre - he'd done so much for me already. You were there for this conversation and, when I refused Quatre's invitation, you suddenly unglued yourself from the wall - and offered to stay with me for a while to help me around the house. My mind did a flip-flop then and I was toe stunned to say anything at all for several seconds. By then you'd thought it a no and started babbling some apology. I hastily shook my head and said I'd be grateful if you stayed. You gave me a strange look, like you were checking whether I was joking. Then you nodded. And stayed.

You told me you're going back to L2 in two days. I still haven't told you how I feel. I guess I'm still afraid to spin his perfect time we've had this past month. You know, this accident may just have been the best thing that could have happened to me. I got to spend a whole month with you. You'll never know how much this meant to me.

Granted, you cooked my food, and even tried to clean my apartment a bit, but that wasn't the most important stuff. It was when you declared you'd sleep on the couch in the hall so I'd call you easily if I needed something. When you stayed up all night to change my ice packs when the injuries hurt too much. When I'd wake up burning with fever and you'd be there with a wet cool towel to relieve the heat. When I'd awake from my nightmares and cry out and you would come in and soothe me. Sometimes you'd hum a song softly and I'd fall asleep again, comforted and safe.

I know this month hasn't been easy on you, by a long shot. You hardly got any sleep and most mornings I would see dark circles under your eyes. I told you to leave several times, but you just shook you head stubbornly and said that friends don't abandon friends helpless. Friends. I guess that's all you think of me as - a friend. Well, I suppose it's enough.

You leave tomorrow. You told me that you need to get back to work. You have things to catch up on. I nod wordlessly. Nothing lasts forever, I suppose, but I won't let you see the disappointment I feel.

You seem almost unhappy when I don't object to your departure. But then you just shrug and leave the room, leaving me alone. I hear you next door, moving things around as you pack your few belongings.

Then your voice comes through the door announcing you'll be on the terrace if I need you. I hear your receding footsteps and then it's quiet. Quiet like it always is when you are not here. I try to imagine what me life will be like after you leave again. I try to imagine the long dull days, nights empty and silent without your constant chatter.

And the more I think about this the more I realize that I can't let you go. That if I do I'll be the biggest idiot that ever lived. Suddenly it dawns on me that I'm not scared of disclosing my feelings anymore.

More than your rejection, I'd afraid of losing you forever if I don't attempt to hold you. I have to take this plunge for what it's worth.

I need you; I need you with me - forever. You gentle touches, your soft humming taught me that. I'm sure now, I'm deeply, hopelessly in love with you. I will tell you. I must.

I wheel my chair along the hallway, grateful that there are no stairs or steps in my apartment. I can wobble around a little now, but not much and it hurts terribly. Besides, I'm saving al my energy for what I'm about to reveal to you. I roll out onto the terrace and see you sitting on the rail, watching the stars. It's a beautiful night - clear and crisp. The sky is riddled with stars, twinkling and winking at each other. I stop a little ways from you and just watch you for a moment. I know you know I'm here, but you do nothing to acknowledge my presence. The breeze ruffles your bangs and you brush them out of your face impatiently.

Every move you make, or even when you are still - I savor them all. Slowly, I approach to position my wheelchair beside you.

"It's a beautiful night, ne, Heero?" you say. The stars are reflected in your eyes. I nod, taking my time, formulating the sentences.

"Duo, I... " You cut me off.

"I can't believe I have to leave tomorrow. I guess you'll be glad to be rid of me, ne? I'm surprised I haven't heard many omae o korosu's in my address lately. Oi, Heero! Are you there?" You wave your hand in front of my face and I thwap it away impatiently. Duo grins ruefully.

"Sorry, man. Don't worry, after tomorrow you won't have to deal with me anymore."

"Duo, shut up. I need to tell you something." You're suddenly very quiet, waiting expectantly, staring at me. I wipe the beads of sweat off my forehead. This isn't going to be easy.

"Duo, I wanted to tell you. Thank you for everything you did for me. I..."

"No problem, man! You know I'm your friend. That's what friends are for, right?"

"I wasn't finished. I'm not good at this, so I'll say it the best way I know how. Duo, don't leave. Please."

"Wha.?" You blink several times, violet eyes stunned, "What are you trying to say, Heero?"

I take a deep breath and jump in.

"I love you, Duo. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I do."

Your silence is uncommon and unnerving, and it frightens me. So I keep going, just to avoid looking at you. My eyes are downcast so I won't see the loathing I'm sure is written all over your face by now.

"I'll understand if you're disgusted, if you never want to be my friend. I'll understand. I just needed to tell you because it's eating me inside."

"Heero."

I dare to raise my eyes and look at you. To my utter surprise, there is no disgust or anger on your face. Instead, I see two huge tears rolling down your cheeks. I'm puzzled.

"Duo. Why are you crying?"

"I thought I'd never hear you say it!"

You are crying harder now, but at the same time there's a huge grin that is threatening to split your face in two. You throw your arms around me in a bear hug and I feel myself melt into your embrace. I thank you silently for accepting. I promise you, Duo, this time I'll make it right. I swear.

~~*Owari*~~

[You Sang To Me by Marc Anthony

I just wanted you to comfort me
When I called you late last night you see
I was falling into love
Yes I was crashing into love
Oh, of all the words you sang to me
About life, the truth, and being free
Yeah you sang to me
Oh how you sang to me

Girl I live for how you make me feel
So I question all this being real
Cause I'm not afraid to love
For the first time I'm not afraid to love
Oh, this day seems made for you and me
And you showed me what life needs to be
Yeah you sang to me
Oh you sang to me

All the while
You were in front of me
I never realized
I just can't believe
I didn't see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me

How I long
To hear you sing
Beneath the clear blue skies
And I promise you
This time I'll see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me

Just to think you live inside of me
I had no idea how this could be
Now I'm crazy for your love
Can't believe I'm crazy for your love
The words you sang just sang to me
And you showed me where I wanna be
You sang to me
Oh you sang to me

All the while
You were in front of me
I never realized
I just can't believe
I didn't see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me

How I long
To hear you sing
Beneath the clear blue skies
And I promise you
This time I'll see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me]

So, what do you think? C&C, please!!!

~Murasaki

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