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Rumpled Duo

Hi no Miko

Once upon a time there lived a King named Heero, since he could not find anyone to love and his advisor kept pestering him to get married (as well as telling him all the things a "real man" should and should not do), he decided that he wanted all of those of his kingdom who had remarkable talents to come and show him. Of them all, he would choose the one who was the most amazing. 

Relena, a very boring girl, was desperately in love with Heero. She could see no way to become his bride, as she had no truly amazing talents. However, her brother Mirialdo really wanted to get rid of her, so he knocked her unconscious and dropped her at the gate with a note saying that she could spin straw into gold. 

Now, Heero-sama’s advisor Wufei, had begun to fear that his king was a yaoi-boy so he snatched up this opportunity to force him to marry. 

"Your majesty, this girl is said to be able to spin straw into gold..." Wufei informed him.

 Heero (who really didn’t want to get married) was somewhat disbelieving of this statement. "If that is so, she will prove this talent. Only then will I marry her."

 Since Heero believed that there was no way that she could possibly succeed in this task, he also believed that he would be saved from marriage. Wufei wouldn’t even be able to say that he hadn’t tried to find a bride. ‘Saved.’ he thought. 

Now outside the castle, a lone boy stood. He had been cruelly turned away at the gate, since he did not meet Wufei’s standards. ‘There must be some way that I can get into that castle...’ he thought. 

Then he saw the forlorn princess in the dungeon... "Hey, Hime-sama! Let me in would ya?" he asked her through the bars. 

She looked up at him curiously, "Can you help me? I have to turn straw into gold or they’ll cut my head off." she broke off with a cry. 

"If you let me into the cell, we can make a deal." he told her cheerfully, a plan forming. 

Soon he had her promising to give him her first child in exchange for him turning the straw into gold. He didn’t really want her first child, but he thought that it was the kind of bargain one should make in this situation. 

Duo waived his magic braid over the stack of straw and voilá they had gold.

 He managed to break out of the cell, and went searching for the King Heero.

 Unfortunately, while he was out wandering and lost in the enormous palace, Wufei forced Heero to marry Relena. 

Two years later... 

"Urgh." groused Duo, "maybe I shouldn’t have taken lessons on finding my way around from that Ryouga guy." 

He wandered into a room and found Queen Relena rocking a bassinet.

 "Relena-ojoue-sama," he said. 

She looked up, "Oh no. You’ve come to take him, haven’t you? My little Heero Jr." she began to weep. 

‘Actually I’d settle for taking your husband...’ thought Duo. ‘Hey, wait a minute. If I take his kid, he’ll have to come after me, then he will be mine!’ 

"Yes." he replied firmly, "You made a deal. I made the straw into gold for you and now you owe me your first-born." 

Relena wept, "Isn’t there any way?" 

Duo was getting irritated with her helpless weeping all the time, and so he decided that he could play a little game with her. 

"Well," he said, "You could guess my name." he smiled, "I read that in a story once, there was this guy and he had a really weird name and nobody could guess it, and the queen had to, but she couldn’t and he was dumb enough to say his name aloud when one of her advisors was around but I’m not that stupid you don’t think that I’m dumb do you? so you could always do that I me---" 

"Ok! I’ll guess your name." She exclaimed, more to stop his talking than to save Heero Jr. 

She pondered for a moment, "Is it George?" 

Duo sweatdropped, "Do I look like a George to you?" he said flipping his braid.

 "Is it...Yakumo?" she asked, hopefully.

 "I’m not Japanese." he stated.

 "Is it...Mamoru?" she asked, grinning. 

He sweatdropped, was she deaf or what?

 "Is it...Jake McDonald-san?" 

"No!" he laughed (only a bit maniacally) 

"Is it ..." 

Three days later... 

"Is it...Jake McDonald-san?" 

"You asked that already. I’m bored, can I have the baby now?" he asked, yawning. 

Just then, Heero chose to wander in, "What are you up to now, Relena?" 

She burst into tears again, "Oh Heero-chan! He’s going to steal our baby! I promised him when he turned the straw to gold that he could have our first-born, but but..." she broke off. 

Heero raised an eyebrow and turned to look at Duo. "Duo?" he asked, "Duo Maxwell? Is it really you?" 

Duo nodded, his braid swinging. "It’s been a long time, Heero-sama, since we trained as Gundam Pilots when you were just the heir." 

Heero stepped forward, "You were the one that turned the straw to gold? It was you?" he grinned, an expression that was rarely seen on his face. "Do you know what that means?" 

Duo shook his head, "No, what does that mean?" 

"It means that I can legally divorce that twit, and marry you!" Heero exclaimed. 

Duo was ecstatic. "But what about the baby?" 

"What baby?" Heero asked, walking over to the bassinet. He reached in and plucked out a ragdoll with button eyes. It had the Kanji "Heero Jr." sewn on its shirt. 

"Oh really?!" Duo exclaimed, spinning about in his excitement. Unfortunately he had forgotten that he was holding his Deathscythe and accidentally decapitated Relena. "Oh no." 

Heero looked at Duo, "Oh, you poor thing, you must be so upset, let me comfort you." 

He led Duo to the royal bedroom and comforted him. It was the next day that the servants started calling him "Rumpled Duo". 


Note: Relena was sewn back together and she and her dolly live quite happily in the mental institution. Wufei was thoroughly disgusted by his employer, and was offered a new position by Relena’s brother. Duo and Heero married because a loophole in the ceremony performed for Relena and Heero said that if she couldn’t make straw into gold it wasn’t a legal marriage.

Author's note: If anyone happens to really like Relena Gomen. She irritates me, mostly because she seems to get in the way of Duo and Heero getting together in a lot of non-yaoi fanfics. I hate that.

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