Duo Maxwell was, to put it bluntly, bored out of his mind.
Having snorked his lunch down less than three seconds after his butt hit the chair, he didn't think having to watch everyone ELSE eat was, as the great MS  said, a Good Thing. So, being a devious little creature, he decided to make everyone else miserable.
"Hey, Hee-chan, can I have one of your fries?" Heero eyed him coldly.
"NO." Duo pouted and kicked his roommate in the shin.
"You are so MEAN, Hee-chan. You can just go p..."
"Ah, ah, ah, Duo," Quatre nudged him gently in the side, "You know the rules." Duo rolled his eyes as Wufei pulled an old, wrinkled piece of lined paper out of his pocket.
"Rule Number Three," he read, with about as much dignity as a high-school student reading off a list of lunchtable rules can, "Pork will NOT be used as a verb by anyone at any time during the course of lunch." He smirked in Duo's direction. "So there."
"FINE," Duo snorted, turning to Heero, "F*** you with a rusty spork, you son of a goatherder's mother!"
Relena kicked him under the table.
"Mind your manners, Duo!" she admonished. Duo stuck his tongue out at her.
"And YOU can go suck a chicken!" This time Dorothy kicked him. HARDER. "Ow!" Duo shot her an evil glare, but she just stared at him. And stared. And stared. Duo shrunk back in his chair and hid behind his Biology book. "Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!"
"He's only scared because he knows you can kick his butt, Dory," Relena laughed. Duo shot her The Look.
"Ah, whaddayou know?" he snorted. Heero glared at him across the table.
"Well, *I* know SOMEBODY was kissing a certain SOMEONE in the hall and and they both got a detention for it!" All eyes turned on Duo. He tried to look innocent.
"It wasn't my fault! Zechs is just... that way." Duo muttered.
"I told you not to bother with my brother," Relena sniffed, "He's trouble with a capital T."
"And you're itch with a capital B," Duo remarked, "But none of US are complaining!" Relena nodded.
"Mmhm. Queen of the Bitch Club. And I'm PROUD of it!" Duo frowned, upset that his comment hadn't bothered the stubborn blonde. Well, he'd just have to try another tactic... he snatched a coffee creamer from Trowa's tray, thankfully WITHOUT getting caught, and clutched it tightly in the palm of his hand.
"You know what would really HURT?" he snickered, picking up the plastic knife left on his tray. Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "If you got stabbed in the eye with one of these!" Relena snorted.
"I'm sure it would hurt, but how could it ever happen?" she asked. Duo brought his fist up to his eye, never letting go of the creamer, and held the knife up to his curled hand.
"Well, you never know... one day you're goofing around..." he had to time this perfectly, "and then BAM! Someone bumps you and there goes..." A freshman was shoved to the side by an upperclassman, ramming into Duo and causing him to lose his balance, the knife going right through his 'eye'. Creamer spurted everywhere. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Auuuuuugh!" Relena screeched, jumping up from her seat, "Someone call the paramedics!" Dorothy grabbed the frightened girl's arm and yanked her down into her lap, stroking her hair.
"It's okay, Rena, it's okay," she soothed.
"No it's not, he's going to die!" Relena continued to scream, "He's bleeding everywhere."
"But blood isn't white," Trowa noted. Relena sniffled and looked up.
"Blood isn't white," he repeated, pointing at the spilled creamer as Duo writhed on the floor, "and one of my creamers is missing." Duo stopped moving and sat up. 
"Why, you little...." Relena seethed, standing up. Duo expected her head to spin around 360 degrees at that moment. "I'm gonna...."
"Would you like to play a game, Rena-chan?" Duo asked politely, standing and dusting himself off.
"Huh?" the girl asked. He pulled three quarters out of his pocket and sat down.
"I asked if you'd like to play a game." he reiterated. Relena sat, warily.
"Head," Duo replied, completely seriously.
"Head. The game is called Getting Head." Quatre spit milk across the table, narrowly missing Wufei.
"WHAT?!" Duo sighed.
"The game is called Getting Head. The object of the game is to...." he paused, letting the minds of his companions run amok through the gutter, "Roll these quarters as you would dice, and see how many heads you get. The person with the most after one round wins, unless there's a tie. If there is a tie, the people who tied continue on into a second round and so on and so forth until someone wins. Easy, right?" Dorothy grinned.
"Right. Let's play."
By the time the bell had rung, Heero had managed to win seven rounds out of nine. Since most of their lunches had remained untouched, they were thrown away without a second thought for the environment or people starving in third-world colonies. Duo managed to sit through three more classes (being sent to the guidance office for excessive sleeping in Physics II) before
he finally made it back to his room after basketball practice.
Heero was lounging on his bed, sans shirt, reading a comic book... well, he obviously wasn't reading it, it was upside down, for heaven's sake! Duo wiped drool of his chin and bounced over.
"Off my bed, Hee-chan, I am way overdue for a nap!" he grinned. Heero tossed the comic to the floor and crossed his arms, toned pectoral muscles rippling with the movement. Duo nearly swooned.
"I'm not moving." Heero said evenly.
"And why is that?"
"Because I won." Duo was puzzled by this statement.
"Won...?" Heero dragged him down onto the bed.
"The name of the game, Duo... the one we played at lunch."
"Getting Head?" Heero's smirk was oh-so-handsomely DEVIOUS.
"I won the most, didn't I?" Duo felt a little tingle running through his body to his most, ahem, 'sensitive points.'
"So, as my prize I should get..."
"Oh, no! Not on your life!" Duo squeaked. Heero pulled him down again and whispered in his ear.
"Are you saying you wouldn't enjoy it?"
"No..." Duo moaned, lust overriding rational thought, "Not at all."
"Well, then, shouldn't you..."
"But it's NASTY, Heero! I'm not putting that in my mouth! I don't know where it's been!" Heero glared, and Duo relented slightly. "Then again, maybe if you offer sufficient motivation..."
"Aren't I sufficient enough?"
"Yes, but..." Heero was giving him that sultry stare again...
Duo could do nothing but submit to his roommates blatant desires, and then stripped each other in order to get down to business, if you know what I mean.
As Duo's pants hit the floor, the three quarters fell out of the pocket and bounced across the carpet. One... two... three.
Well, isn't that ironic.
 MS- Martha Stewart- "It's a Good Thing."
 Duo's antics courtesy of Monsieur Drew Miller.
 Yes, this is a real game. Learned it from my sister.
 I was trying to make it a little more future-set... so I nuked (::cringe:: Gonna get
flamed for that...) the idea of third-world COUNTRIES. I'm not trying to be mean or anything,
Return to Reiko-chan's Dirty Books