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Ya Shoulda Not Found Ze Scroll…

Tabris Angel of Blood

The scene starts at the G-boys’ secret base of ops…

Duo: "Geez, Wu-man, why are you always pissed off when you mention your dead bro?"


Quatre ::bein’ blonde:: "No?"

Trowa: "He meant ‘do not ask again’."

Heero: "Hn."


Everyone else: "Dammit, Wufei."

(Mariemaia steps in)

Mariemaia ::looking around:: "What’s goin’ on? What’s with Chang again?"

Trowa ::sighing:: "Being an asshole again …"

Duo: "How’d ya know!?"

Mariemaia ::repeats:: "’Dammit, Wufei’….."

Heero ::blunt:: "No swearing, Mariemaia."

Mariemaia: "I didn’t say that, you guys did."

Quatre: "I didn’t say that! I said nothing! I cannot CUSS!!!" ::starts goin’ berserk::

Mariemaia ::backing away:: "Okay, calm down…"

Heero: "Why don’t you all calm down and watch some TV."

Duo ::bein’ gay:: "TV! TV! TV!"

Trowa: "I think the boob tube rotted his brain a little too much…."

Quatre ::just as hyper as Duo:: "WHEE!"

Wufei ::prissy:: "I must find that scroll…." ::grunts::

The Gwing party goes off to the living room to watch some quality MTV and Toonami.

Mariemaia ::staring/sighing hopelessly:: "Man, you guys are so indolent."

Heero ::typing:: "That’s them, not me."

Quatre ::panicking’:: "I’m not indolent! What does that mean?"

Trowa ::calming Quatre:: "It mean ‘lazy’."

Duo ::at the TV:: "SUGOI!"

Wufei ::to himself:: "Darnit… how am I going to find out when he’s dead?!"

Duo ::staring at the commercials:: "Damn commercials."

TV Announcer dude: "Want to know something from a dead spirit? Would you like to settle your differences with a long deceased sibling?"

Wufei ::jumps up:: "OH MY GOD! THEY CAN READ MY MIND!"

TV Announcer dude: "Then call Lily the Medium! The most renowned psychic in the city! Call 1-800-345-8762 now to start your way to the deceased!"

Trowa: "Looks like this is it."

Quatre ::happy:: "Finally! You can settle that argument with your brother!"

Duo: "Whoa, maybe I can ask her for a date."

Heero: "Like she’d go out with you."

Mariemaia: "Cold, really cold…"

Duo: "Shut the hell up…"

Trowa: "Well, anyway, just for Wu-man, we’ll call Lily." ::dials phone::

Trowa calls Lily (blatant author insert …heh).

In about a few minutes, I come in….

Lily: "Konnichiwa…I am renowned Medium, Lily, AKA Lillith-chan!"

Trowa: "So glad to me you, uh, what can we call you?"

Lily ::evil smile:: "Lillith-chan’s fine…"

Trowa ::backing away:: "OK, What’s with being named after a demon queen from the Jewish Bib-’’

Wufei ::busts in/interrupts:: "YES! NOW YOU CAN CALL MY DEAD BROTHER!"

Lillith-chan ::eerie:: "I must warn you, the dead must not be bugged for personal gain, such as money and greedy stuff like that."

Wufei ::ignorant:: "Whatever! Just go! NOW!"

Quatre ::whiny:: "Don’t get mad!"

Duo ::checking me out:: "Ooo, nice legs, figure…..hmm…."


Heero: "Duo, stop it."

Trowa: "We’re broke as it is. Be glad that she’s giving us a discount."

Mariemaia: "Only ‘cause Quatre’s got the money."

Quatre: "ME?!"

Wufei ::ignorant:: "All right, all right. Just hurry up and get my dead brother."

Lillith-chan: "Gather at the table and hold hands."

(All hold hands)

Lillith-chan: "Okay, what’s the Chinese dude’s brother’s name?"

Wufei ::pissed:: "His name is Shen-li….okay, okay, get going now…"

Lillith-chan ::holding up hands:: "Calling the spirit world. Calling the spirit world…"

Voice from the crystal ball: "Please state your area code please."

Lillith-chan: "Area psy2."

Voice from the crystal ball: "Connecting. You are currently connected to line 8."

Duo: "This is weird."

Mariemaia ::staring at crystal ball:: "Prodigious…"

Trowa: "Shh."

Lillith-chan: "I ask for the man called Shen-li….::to Wu-man:: What’s his last name?"

Wufei ::pissed:: "Chang…"

Lillith-chan: "Shen-li Chang…."

Voice from the crystal ball: "Connecting call."

::dial tone, then ringing::

Wufei ::impatient:: "Come on, come on….."

Voice: "Hello? Hello? Who’s this?"

Duo: "T-T-Treize!?"

Trowa: "GAH!" ::collapses::

Lillith-chan ::rubbing temples:: "Oh please… I thought I disconnected his number from my phone book…"

Mariemaia ::jumps:: "WRONG NUMBER!!"

Heero: "Oh no."

Quatre ::panicky:: "I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD!"

Mariemaia: "He sounds like he’s been on Cloud 9 too long."

Voice: "Mariemaia? Are you there?"

Mariemaia ::nauseated:: "Yes…I don’t want to be now…."

Voice: "Remember you are still a Kushrend-.."

Wufei: "Lose it! You are tying up the line! Now hurry up and get Shen-li on the line."

Lillith-chan: "Reconnect line to SHEN-LI CHANG! Dammit, the connection lines suck up there in area 8."

Duo: "Wait! Before you do anything, where’s the TV remote?"

Lillith-chan ::looking in crystal ball:: "I see….I see….a…."

Duo: "Uh-huh?!"

Lillith-chan: "A TV remote!"

Trowa: "Yes! Now we can change the channels."

Lillith-chan: "I see a TV remote in between the last two couch pillows."

Duo: "YES!"

Duo runs to the living room and finds the remote in the couch, then runs back to the kitchen.

::dial tone/ringing::

Voice: "Hello?"

Wufei ::pissed/impatient/excited:: "SHEN-LI!"

Voice: "Nani? Who the- oh, it’s you. What do you want?"

Wufei: "Where in China did you hide your ancient Yuani scroll?!"

Voice: "There is nothing you would want with the scroll. That’s how I died after all…."

Wufei ::pissed:: "Ergh, dammit, otoko, TELL ME WHERE IT IS!"

Voice: "Give up your search and leave it be."


Voice: "All right, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s in a secret panel in Nataku."


Voice: "But remember, I warned you…." ::fades out::

Lillith-chan: "Okay, you had your séance, cough up the cash…."

Heero: "Quatre."

Quatre ::pulling out money:: "Uh, how much was it?"

Lillith-chan: "Hundred flat."

Quatre: "Okay." ::hands money::

Wufei ::pushing me out:: "All right…..we don’t need you anymore. OUT!" ::rudely pushes me out::

Lillith-chan: "You should listen to your brother’s warning."

Wufei: "Can it!"

(Shuts the door on me)

Lillith-chan: "Oi vai…." ::goes on to count today’s profits::

The G-boy’s make an expedition to the hangar. They go to the last one, the butt end, Nataku.

Wufei: "I should have known that he put that in Nataku…" ::thinks to self::

Duo: "Shut yer yabberin’."

Heero: "…."

Trowa: "Y’know, we should observe the warning that Lillith-chan gave us. I mean, Wu-man’s dead brother’s tone of voice sounded serious."

Quatre ::panicking’:: "Ooo, I have a really bad feeling, Trowa…."

Wufei ::ignorant:: "Bah, hocus pocus stuff. It does not mean anything to me, the great Chang Wufei!!" ::climbs into Nataku::

Duo: "What about the date? That girl was sooo kawaii!"

Heero: "Whatever."

Duo: "Nani?! You didn’t think she was cute? Huh? Mr.-Drool-When-She-Came-In? HUH?!"

Heero ::blunt:: "I didn’t drool, that was you."

Wufei : "!! I FOUND THE CONFOUNDED THING! THE SCROLL!!" ::shows the scroll::

Quatre ::shivering:: "Oooo, Trowa……the bad, icky feeling came back to me…."

Trowa ::hugging Quatre:: "It’s all right, little one. The bad feeling will hit the baka in head, ::gestures to Wufei:: ANY TIME SOON…."

Duo: "Yeah, in a kagillion years…"

Heero ::duh blah:: " ‘Kagillion years’ is irrelevant."


Trowa ::still holding Quatre:: "Okay."

Quatre ::snugglin’:: "Trowa…."

Trowa: "Shhh little one. I told you tha-’’

Quatre: "I know, but look at the black light coming’ from the scroll!"

Everyone (sans Wufei): "NAN DESU KOKORAN?!?" (What is that stuff?!?)

Wufei ::laughing maniacally:: "WAHAHAHAAHAA! I FINALLY KNOW THE SCROLL’S POWERS!!!"

The black light turns into another Wufei.

The peanut gallery (everyone else) ::freak out:: "YAAAAAHHH!!!! OH MY LORD!!"

Quatre: "It’s inhuman!"

Mariemaia: "It’s impossible!"

Duo: "IT’S SCARY!!!"

Heero: "Naze?"

Duo ::backing away:: "THERE’S TWO OF ‘EM!!" THAT’S WHAT!!"

Trowa: "Wha-…."

The black light Wufei goes up the other Wufei’s nose. He collapses for a little bit. The others look on while Wufei gets up and is…

Mariemaia: "POSSESSED!!"

Trowa: "Holy-!"

Quatre: "Oh shit-akii mushrooms."

Heero: "That’s nothing worse than Treize’s face."

Screwed-up Wufei: "Grrrrwwwlll…" ::turns around::

Duo: "Oh my god……HE’S GONNA EAT US ALIVE!!"

Screwed-up Wufei: "Bwahahahahahaha…….you’re…..all……mine……"

Everyone ::eyeballs pop out:: "YAAAAAHHH!"

Mariemaia: "WHAT?"

Trowa: "He’s gonna eat us!"

Heero ::duh blah/sarcastic:: "Run….call the Air force… the FBI….."

Duo: "We need her!"

Quatre: "Her?"

Trowa: "Dare?! (who?)"

Mariemaia ::runnin’:: "No time! Better run for it!"

The G-boys and Mariemaia hike it around the secret base of ops. Wufei is just about to kill Quatre until Trowa suggested to:

Trowa: "Shut him in the green house! It’s the only way to keep him from decapitating us with his bare hands!!"

The gang locks the poor sap into the greenhouse and then holds the door shut.

Trowa ::being crushed by everyone:: "SHIT! CAN YOU LAY OFF!! I’M LOSING CIRCULATION TO MY WHOLE BODY!!"

Duo ::crushed by Quatre and Heero:: "I’d love to, but I sorta have a problem!"

Trowa: "Sheesh!"

Heero: "Wait, Mariemaia…."

Mariemaia ::obedient:: "HAI!"

Heero ::crushed by Quatre:: "Get……the……medium……Lillith-chan!!!"

Mariemaia: "OK!" ::runs off::

Mariemaia: Runs off to me, Lillith-chan the Medium! I am flossing my pearly whites out, getting ready for a show.

Mariemaia ::tired from running:: "*Wheeze*, *Puff*……I……need……."

Lillith-chan: "Help? You already had the séance."

Mariemaia: "But……guys…..need…….."

Lillith-chan: "Lemme guess, the stupid one found ze scroll…."

Mariemaia: "How’d ya know that?!"

Lillith-chan ::standing up:: "I’m a psychic, ‘member? Let’s go now, before Mr. El-Mucho-Headache-Shoulda-Not-Found-Ze-Scroll becomes a prob." ::cussing to self in Japanese::

Mariemaia: "Uh, right."

Meanwhile, the G-boys (sans Wufei, the mad cap) are have a little problem themselves…..

Trowa: "Yikes! I can’t hold him in for long!!"

Heero: "Just try until Mariemaia comes back."

Duo: "Heero! Yer touchin’ my privates!"

Heero ::pissed/duh blah:: "Shut up, you horny bastard."

Duo ::whispering:: "Keep it down….dun wan’ anyone to hear…."

Trowa: "Disgusting."

Quatre: "Oh please! A little decency please, I’m only a lil’ child!!!"

Duo ::pissed:: "Lil’ child my ass!!"

Mariemaia: comes in with me, whilst the guys are trying to hold Wufei in. I walk up to them.

Lillith-chan: "Well, well. Let ‘im find the scroll, huh?" ::cusses to self in Japanese::

I go through (literally) the door, find a crazed Wufei, take a good look at him, and sigh.

Lillith-chan: "Well, Mr. El-Mucho-Headache."

Screwed-up Wufei: "NA?!"

Lillith-chan ::sighin’:: "Okay, you had your lil’ jaunt in the baka’s body, you demon. ::starts glowing:: Back to where you came from."

I send the weirdo demon back to the scroll. Wufei is still a little drunk and crashes through the door where the guys are.

Duo ::crushed:: "OW!"

Heero ::double crushed:: "Kuso! Get off!"

Quatre ::triple crushed:: "Owie! Owie! Owie!"

Trowa ::bottom of the pile:: "What……about…….." ::collapses::

Mariemaia ::sighing’ hopelessly:: "You all look pathetic."

Lillith-chan ::dusts off jacket:: "All right that’s a hundred plus ten for the express service."

Quatre T_T…: "We’re out of money….."

Trowa T_~: "What can we do? Wufei wasted it all for the stupid scroll."

Heero: "So that means…."

Everyone: "We’re broke!!"

Lillith-chan: "Well, down on your money and you had a service. Yer gonna hafta come up with a way to pay. Or else…."

Duo ::panickin’:: "WE DON’T GOT MONEY!!! Can’t you give us a discount??"

Lillith-chan: "Nope, gomen."

Heero: "What do you suggest then?"

Mariemaia ::shushing Heero:: "Quiet! She’ll-’’

Lillith-chan ::smiling maniacally:: "Come with me…."

I start having them do chores and errands for me. Lesson learned for them: Let Wu-man handle his own crap and sibling problems.

Mariemaia ::washing dishes:: "Yup."

Heero ::dusting table:: "Next time, let’s tie him up when he thinks about it."

Duo ::polishing crystal ball:: "That’s a given."

Quatre ::cleaning floor:: "WHEEEEE!!!"

Trowa: "At least."

Okay, so maybe Wufei learned his lesson, but I still made him clean the toilets.


Lillith-chan ::whacks him with a mallet:: "Shut up, you buttmunch!!"



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