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The Shrimp Catastrophe



An hour later, Wufei finally emerged out of the bathroom, and with several hints (some violent), he managed to send everyone off to their own separate rooms so he could have his time with Duo.

"Ahem," Wufei cleared his throat as he knocked on Duo’s door. "Are you up, Maxwell?"

"…You talking to me????" a muffled voice said loudly.


"Why no. I am not up. I’m not even awake. In fact, unless it’s dinner soon, leave me alone!" Duo’s muffled voice said.

"Well…dinner’s going to be ready soon," Wufei lied.

"Really?!" Duo said cheerfully, hopping out of his room. "When???"

"In an hour."

"WHAT?!" Duo exclaimed angrily. "That’s not soon!"

"Soon enough," Wufei reasoned as he dragged Duo into the living room. He sat Duo down at a small table he set up and sat across from him. "You know, Maxwell," he began, "we never spend any time together? Why is that?"

"Um, ‘cause you’re kind of boring and you insult me a lot," Duo said bluntly, wondering what this all was about.

Wufei stared at him. "…Okay…. Well, how about we spend a little time together before dinner?"

"Uh, what kind of time? We aren’t going to be doing anything boring, are we?" Duo asked, leaning back in his chair. "I hope not, ‘cause I could be sleeping by now."

"Don’t worry. We’ll do something fun," Wufei said as he got out a deck of cards.

Then it flashed in Duo’s brain. "What the hell did you so to your hair???????"

"Oh, this?" Wufei asked, patting his new "Hilde" hairstyle.

"Yeah. What the hell is it?"

"Oh, I just thought I’d go with something different today…. How do you like it?" Wufei asked, fluttering his eyelashes at Duo.

"It kind of looks like Hilde’s style…. Are those fake eyelashes?" Duo asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Yes," Wufei smiled with love, "how thoughtful of you to notice!"

"Um, could you please take them out? They’re kind of giving me the creeps. Oh, and could you please do something about your hair? It reminds me too much of Hilde and I’m afraid I might hurt you on accident."

Wufei growled as he ripped his fake eyelashes out angrily and took down his hair. He put it up in a bun instead, and again, his thoughts began to wander. He wondered what Duo looked like with his hair down…. Wufei reckoned that Duo only let his hair down in bed. What it must be like to be against him with all that hair surrounding you…? It must be incredibly sensual while you and him are –

"Yo, Wuff-man!" Duo said impatiently, snapping Wufei out of his thoughts. "Listen to me! What, are you off in your own world, buddy? I was asking you what game we’re playing!"

"Oh, uh, Old Maid!" he perked up. Thinking of Duo, even being with Duo while playing Old Maid…. Nataku, this might turn out to be a big night for me…

Raising an eyebrow, Duo asked skeptically, "Old Maid?"

"Well, yeah! This is one of the most fun games around!" he exclaimed with uninhibited excitement. Hell, this game might even rival possible sex with Duo…

"Er, um, yeah…." Duo yawned, humoring the Chinese boy. "Sure…I’ll play with you…I guess."

"Oh really?" he asked in excitement. "All right! Let’s play!" At the speed of light, he dealt the cards and smirked proudly. "I am so good at this game."

"Er, um…yeah, Wuff-man, yeah," Duo mumbled. He fanned out his cards and said in a dry voice, "Pick a card, any card." God, this is so boring.

"Um," Wufei said, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth in deep thought. "I choose…THIS one!"

Duo snickered as Wufei’s face went pale. "I thought you said that you were good at this game! Wufei, you’re an old maid!" What does he see in this game, anyway?

"Well, I, uh, I," Wufei stammered. "You were just lucky, Maxwell!"

"Ah, get over it," Duo smirked as he dealt the cards. I’m kind of glad I’m not sleeping right now…knowing my luck, dreams of what happened in the bathroom might form. What was that all about? What was he after?

Wufei lightly fanned himself with the cards and said, "Come on, let’s see if you’ll be so lucky THIS time!" So he likes games. As do I. Mm, he’s probably a big fan of bedroom games, also. I wouldn’t mind letting him win at those kinds of games….

Duo, with lacked enthusiasm (cards really didn’t hold his appeal), randomly picked a card and set it down. He then fanned out his cards for Wufei. "Isn’t this so exciting?" he said in a dry voice. "Come on, pick a card. I can hardly stand the excitement." Is Hilde actually right? Does Trowa actually see something in me? Hopefully nothing besides what I try to show. What about Heero? Does he…?

"This one!" Wufei said with real enthusiasm, bringing Duo out of his thoughts as he picked a card. "Oh! I am SO good! It’s not the Old Maid!"

"Uh, yeah, Wuff-man…you’re a real pro," Duo yawned as they continued this until Duo had only one card and Wufei had two. I would give anything to stop this…god, it’s so boring.

"Oh, you are SO going to be an old maid, Du-buns!" Wufei giggled. Yes, giggled. Wufei giggled.

"Du-what????" he asked, hopefully not hearing Wufei correctly.

"Er, um, nut n’ honey," Wufei said, turning red. It occurred to him that Duo might not take lightly to pet names from him…. Damn.


"Um…never mind. Just pick your damn card," he sulked, the realization that Duo might not favor him dawning in his little Chinese brain.

"All right," Duo said as he picked a card. "Aha. Clear."

"WHAT?????" Wufei screeched. "I CAN’T BE THE OLD MAID AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Face it, Wuff-man, you’re an old maid! You’ll never get married and you’ll just be old! …And, and, and…and a maid!" Duo said, giggling insanely from Wufei’s outburst. Ha, maybe there is some fun and appeal in this game, hidden as it may be. His thoughts got to him, hitting an unknown weakness. He stopped laughing and shuffled around in his chair uncomfortably. He couldn’t hide his reaction to this, no matter how hard he tried.

"Grr! Damn it! But I’m the best!!!!" Wufei sputtered. "Injustice!"

"Ah, but now Duo’s the best!" Trowa reasoned, coming into the room.

Enlightened, Wufei agreed.

"You know, dinner’s ready, Duo," Trowa said as Duo rushed to the table.

"Uh, the rest of us are just going to eat out," Wufei said, going back to his room with strange sullenness.

"Well, I guess it’s just going to be the two of us then," Trowa said. "You know, we never get to spend any time together. That’s a shame, eh?"

"…Depends on your definition of shame," Duo muttered. We spent time together today when you appeared when I was getting ready to take a shower. I know what time together is all about….

"You know, how about we eat dinner together, just the two of us?" Trowa said, getting Duo a plate and serving him the shrimp meal.

"…Doesn’t look like I have much of a choice. Sure. Why not?" Duo said with unusual quietness as he stared at the food on his plate. "Um…is that shrimp?"

"Yeah…you do like shrimp, don’t you?" Trowa asked, hiding his anxiety.

"…What the hell happened to it????????" Duo asked, turning a piece over with his fork.

"Nothing!" Trowa said suddenly. In a calmer tone, he said, "Um, ah, it’s just a, uh, rare shrimp…yes, rare…that um, is pink on one side…and charred black on the other."

"And these shrimp swim around with one pink side and one charred side? I didn’t know that there were certain kinds of charred marine life…." Duo said, turning the shrimp over to its pink side. Hmm, such oddities when being with Trowa. It looks kinda cool, though. I guess there’s an appeal in everything.

"Uh, yeah. Charred fish are the uh, oddities of the sea…." Trowa said nervously as he lied. I’m beginning to hate anything that requires a response. He desperately wanted Duo’s approval of his cooking since everyone else kept joking about it. "Try it."

"Try it?????" Duo panicked. He could live with half-charred shrimp, but this was a major offense to his digestive system – this was Trowa’s cooking! Being blunt, Duo said, "Trowa, you can barely operate a microwave. What in hell makes you think I can trust your cooking????"

"It’s fine," Trowa muttered angrily as he poured them both glasses of wine. My chance with Duo shot to hell.

As Trowa turned away to quickly down a full glass of wine, Duo quickly scraped and buried his food into a nearby plant pot with a blooming, prosperous plant. "Mm! Mm!" Duo lied as Trowa turned around. "That was wonderful, I admit, Trowa, you’ve outdone yourself!"

Startled, Trowa started to blush – very uncharacteristic for him – but he tried to hide it the best he could. Perhaps my chance is getting better? "Oh, thank you," he said quietly, but secretly thrilled that Duo "loved" his cooking. Then he became a little down when he looked past Duo. "What happened? That plant was so healthy a minute ago…."

Duo looked back and stifled a giggle. The plant he buried Trowa’s cooking in was all brownish black and wilting severely. …I feel kind of bad, leading him on like that.

"Well, at least you liked my cooking," Trowa said, perking up. "Maybe you’d like seconds?"

"What?!" Duo exclaimed. Now he really felt bad for leading Trowa on. "Er, um, oh no, that’s fine. I’m stuffed! I really don’t need a second helping of that!" Duo said, panicking. It occurred to him that he liked seeing Trowa happy. God, the guy hardly shows any emotion…it’s kinda nice when he shows that he is a mortal after all.

"Oh come on," Trowa smiled slightly. "You ate it so fast you couldn’t have gotten enough. You can have it all, since I don’t like seafood." He picked up Duo’s plate and put more of the shrimp stuff on it. He set a glass of wine near Duo and said, "Here’s some wine if you like." Trowa sat across from Duo at the table and sipped from his refilled glass of wine. …He is so wonderful. Mm, his eyes are definitely his best feature.

"Er, um, thank you," Duo muttered. Why is it whenever I’m with Trowa, I never say the things I mean to say? I can’t hide myself like when I’m around everyone else? It’s like his eyes penetrate my soul… Quickly, Duo glanced up and met Trowa’s eyes. He held the gaze longer than he wanted to. …His eyes…are startlingly beautiful. Duo felt himself become weak in the knees and started to concentrate on how to escape eating the shrimp catastrophe on his plate. He quickly downed the glass of wine. It was hot and burning against his throat…it was like it’s warmth filled him up. Whew! That’s it! "Wow, I don’t have any room! Can you believe that? Your food’s wonderful, Trowa, and the wine is excellent. Thank you!"

"Oh…so you don’t want it anymore?" Trowa asked with a sad expression on his face.

Duo’s heart fell. "I do," he recovered, "but I’m so stuffed that I couldn’t possibly eat another bite. Save it, and maybe I’ll have it for lunch tomorrow."

"Oh, all right," Trowa said, cheering up as he cleaned up the kitchen and the dining room. …It’s nice that he’ll lie to make me happy.

Whew, that was close. He was just so sensitive about it…was it because everyone else teased him about it…or was it because of me? Duo thought to himself. I suppose there’s beauty and appeal in everything…I wonder what, if anything, Trowa sees in me? He…he’s just so damn complex…or is he? Mm, we’re not that different after all.

"I’m just so happy that you like my cooking," Trowa said, smiling on the outside, but indifferent on the inside. The night didn’t turn out quite the way I had planned… "It’s just that everyone else kept teasing me about it, and I’m just really glad that you like it." But you don’t, so that’s still okay. You never lie, but you did because you knew it made me happy. I think that’s why I love you so much.

Of course…of course, it was because everyone teased him. Of course. Why would he just want to please me? Duo put on a pleasant exterior as he lied, "Well, I have no idea why they would do that! It’s absolutely wonderful!" Inside, however, he was churning.

Another lie. To anyone else, I suppose this would be unacceptable. …But he never lies…he’ll ride roughshod over your heart to tell the truth…but him lying to make me happy…well, I suppose that’s acceptable because I guess it shows that he doesn’t want to hurt me. I doubt he would want to hurt anyone, but… Through his internal thoughts, Trowa had been packing the leftover shrimp into a little baggy. What he didn’t realize, though, was how tightly he had packed the shrimp. Not bothering to give the shrimp another glance, he tossed it in the freezer. In addition to being burnt on one side, the poor shrimp were now squished together. Had Trowa actually looked at his handiwork with the shrimp, he would have thought that it resembled stew.

The whole time, Duo had been watching Trowa silently. He supposed that it was unusual for himself to remain that long without talking, but with Trowa…what is there to talk about? When his eyes touch yours…it’s as if he already knows everything, so discussion is not really needed…I can’t hide when I’m around him…dammit. Those…those deep, green eyes…God, I hate them…no…I suppose I love them? What’s it called when you hate something, but at the same time love it? Damn, I have got to start talking or he’ll…I guess I just don’t want to prove Hilde right by him knowing that I actually might be falling in love with him. "Ah, well, ah, dinner tired me out…. I think I’ll go take a nap right now," Duo said as he tried to slip away. I want you to…but please, don’t follow me. I don’t think I could say no to you right now.

"Aw, but I’d thought we might watch a movie together," Heero near-pouted as he appeared in the kitchen "I haven’t been able to spend time with you that much."


"Damn," Trowa muttered softly as he slipped away.


"Oh yeah, thanks for not poisoning Duo with your cooking, Trowa," Heero said.

Trowa scowled at him and went off somewhere.

…Trowa… "Thanks, Heero," Duo whispered, though his heart was disappointed. Jokingly, to relieve the frustration, he added, "I thought he might have cooked dessert!"

"How did you survive?" Heero whispered, guiding him to the couch.

Duo pointed to the brown and wilting severely dead plant and said, "It took the bullet for me. Brave soul."

Heero laughed and sat Duo down on the couch. "It’s a James Bond movie. I know you like those," he said as he put the tape into the VCR and pressed play.

"Oh, who’s playing him?" Duo asked (his ears perking up like a little kitten’s at the sound of his idol). James Bond, awesome! All thought of refusing Heero and joining Trowa, wherever he was, was tied up in a little package and roughly thrown out the window.

"Um, Roger…." Heero said, trying to remember what the lady at the video counter had said.

"…Moore. Which one is it?" Duo answered quickly.

"Um, Diamonds Are Forever," Heero answered.

"What’s it about? I can’t remember," Duo said sadly at the mere thought of him not remembering a James Bond movie.

"Um, he’s got a gun…" Heero said nervously. He honestly had no idea what it was about, either.

"He’s always got a gun," Duo said as his eyebrow twitched.

"Okay, then, um, he’s got a girl."

"He’s always got a girl," Duo said as his eyebrow twitched even more.

"Um… there’s some diamonds," Heero said hopefully.

At that point, Duo’s eyebrow nearly jumped off his head. Out of frustration, he grabbed the little video box thingy and read the back. "Ah! It’s this one! With the diamonds!" he said happily. God, Heero is such a dolt.

It was Heero’s turn for eyebrow twitching.

"And you call yourself a James Bond fan!" Duo said to him in disgust as he put the little video box thingy down.

"I never called myself a James Bond –" Heero said before Duo smacked him.

"Shh! The little naked ladies are dancing, so shut up! This is my favorite part!" Duo chided.

While the little James Bond naked ladies danced around, Heero watched Duo give all his attention to the naked ladies and became very jealous. So jealous that he began to wish that he was a James Bond naked lady dancer. That idea was quickly dismissed because he thought that while he was in Hollywood being a James Bond naked lady dancer, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei might have a better chance with Duo while he was gone! He couldn’t let that happen! Heero began feeling very happy that he was sitting next to Duo on the couch and secretly taunted the naked lady dancers with the thought that he was closer to Duo than them.

A little while into the movie, Heero slipped his hand on Duo’s knee. Duo didn’t notice, though, because he seemed to be thoroughly mesmerized by Q’s new invention. However, at the scene that all James Bond movies have where he’s doing some girl, Heero decided to move his hand to Duo’s thigh. He didn’t notice this, either, since the girl’s body captivated him…. At another point, Bond was doing another girl (Heero began to lose count) and Heero decided to caress Duo’s thigh a little to get his attention. He didn’t even flinch.

Getting a little frustrated, Heero said, "Hey, Duo."

There was no response. Duo just kept on watching the movie.

"Duo!" Heero said as he snapped his fingers in front of his face.

No response.

"Duo, Duo, Duo, Duo…." Heero said while his fingers walked up Duo’s chest. Very firm and muscular…mmm. He poked his nose with his finger. "Duo?"

Still, no response.

"What, are ya dead?????" Heero exclaimed, getting up into Duo’s face and blocking his view of the movie.

Almost like a robot, Duo moved his head to see.

"Hmm," Heero muttered as he thought. "…Duo-kun," he said in a singsong voice as he pinched Duo’s cheek hard.

Not even a flinch.

"Duuuuuooooooooooooo…………." Heero sang as he sat in his lap and put his arms around him.

No response.

Hmm, this situation might be in my favor… Heero put his lips on Duo’s and waited.

No response.

Careful not to obstruct Duo’s view of the television, Heero began to kiss Duo passionately. However, what fun is it to kiss lips that won’t kiss back? He rubbed Duo’s chest and nibbled on his collarbone.

No response.

Running his hands through Duo’s hair, Heero lightly bit Duo’s ear and let his tongue explore. Still, what fun is it to play with someone who won’t play back?

Discouraged, Heero slid off him. Duo was still enchanted by the movie. "Mmm, Duo, Duo, Duo, Duo!" Heero muttered huskily as he wrapped his arms around Duo’s neck tightly, somewhat choking him.

Other than a slight hack, nothing.

"…What the hell is wrong with you?????" Heero exclaimed, backing away from Duo. He sighed and turned to the movie. Giving up, he laid his head on Duo’s shoulder in defeat. It was nearing the end of the movie. Getting an idea of how he could take advantage of this situation, Heero put his hand on Duo’s thigh once again and began caressing it.

When the credits began to roll, Duo snapped back to attention and noticed Heero’s hand on his leg. "…Um, Hee-chan? Why is your hand caressing my thigh?"

"What? …I’m sorry, is this your leg???? Thought it was mine (*the line that made me write this whole fic J *)," Heero said suddenly, surprised that Duo had moved. Sulking, he slid his hand off Duo and crossed his arms somewhat bitterly.

Real honest mistake, Heero.

…Is Heero? …Was Heero? Hilde’s words came rushing back to him – about how Heero, too, might have feelings for him. …No! Trowa’s enough…Heero… I…I’m not sure about you, Heero, but I know…I know that I’m falling in love with Trowa. Please don’t complicate this, Duo silently pleaded.

"So, dj’you like the movie?" Heero asked, slurring his English. A bad habit from Duo, I’m afraid.

"The movie…um…yeah…oh shit…."


"I can’t remember what it was about," Duo said sheepishly.

So this is why he can never remember and James Bond movies…. Heero smirked in his thoughts.

"Holy shit, look outside!" Duo exclaimed suddenly, racing to the window. "There must be like three feet of snow out there!" He pressed his nose against the window and felt Heero’s hand on his back.

"Hmm, seems like we’re going to be snowed in, tomorrow…." Heero trailed off.

"Duo!" Quatre said, making his entrance. "Yeah, they said that there’d be a blizzard tonight.

"Ah cool," Duo said, making smudge marks on the window.

"You warm in that shirt I got you?" Quatre asked, hugging Duo’s shoulders as Heero muttered to himself, leaving.

"Uh yeah, I’m fine," Duo said, suddenly looking at Quatre and getting up. Trowa…I wonder if he’d still be awake. Even if all we did was talk…I…

Not knowing another way to approach it, Quatre said bluntly, "Wanna dance?"


Saving himself, he quickly lied, "I’ve been thinking of taking this dance class and they say that you have to know a couple of steps to get in, so I was wondering if you could help me see if I know anything."

"Um, okay… Why can’t you get Heero or Wufei to help you though? I –I ’ve had a busy day."

"C – cause, um, we never do anything together! That’s why!" Quatre blurted out.

Hearing that line too often and knowing that particular one was a lie, he replied, "We do too do plenty of stuff together! I’m tired! I want to go to sleep!" A lie maybe…but I am tired… When he was tired, he thought, it probably wasn’t a good idea to see Trowa….

Quatre sniffed and lied, "F-fine. I j-just won’t take the stupid class, then. None of the other guys want to help me, either."

"Fine," Duo said, rolling his eyes. "I’ll help you with your damn dance." God, it’s getting later and later…

Getting stubborn and hoping to send Duo on a guilt trip, Quatre crossed his arms and said, "You don’t want to help me so I’m not going to take the class!" You have something else on your mind… Is it Heero?

"I will help you, Quatre," Duo said in a forced tone. He’ll…he’ll be waiting for me, right?

"You don’t want to, so don’t," Quatre sniffed. Who is it? Heero…Trowa…Wufei…? I…it’s obvious that it’s not me.

"OK!" Duo complied as he skipped off to his room. As he did so, he noted that the light in Trowa’s room was off. His heart fell as he realized that Trowa was probably already asleep. Well…I won’t disturb him now.

"…Damn him," Quatre muttered as he marched after Duo. Well, no chance anymore. There’s still plenty of room left over to toy with… "Duo," he whispered as he knocked quietly on his door.

"Huh?" Duo whispered back, opening the door. Is this about the dance thing? I hope it’s not…cause if it is –

"I just had a really great idea. It’s kind of a compulsive action for me, so I’m really excited," Quatre whispered, walking into Duo’s room.

"You? Compulsive?" Duo whispered in mock horror as he closed the door behind him.

"Yeah!" Quatre giggled. "Let’s jump on the bed!" …It’s quite convenient that Trowa and Heero’s rooms are next door…

"What?" Duo whispered in shock. "You jumping on the bed? Whoa, what did you eat Q-man? …You ate some of Trowa’s shrimp catastrophe, didn’t you? Didn’t you?"

"I know, it just seems like a fun idea," Quatre whispered as he got up on Duo’s bed. "I bet I can jump higher than you!"

"Yeah right, as if! You’re on, man!" Duo said as he jumped up on his bed and started jumping.


…Outside Duo’s room…

"Quatre???" Heero whispered in shock as he, Wufei, and Trowa were huddled against Duo’s door, listening. All they could hear was the bedsprings squeaking and the occasional giggle from the two. …The hell???????

Trowa, equally shocked, shook his head in disbelief. Quatre…?????

"Never did like that Winner kid," Wufei muttered angrily. "This is an injustice." Winner!!!!!!

"I’ll say," Trowa muttered. Quatre?????

"Ooh, Quatre is so going to get it…" Heero said with his fist clenched with pale knuckles. Then he muttered, "Omae o korosu…." Quatre and Duo???????

"Ditto," Wufei seethed. That Winner kid and my braided baka…!

Trowa just nodded his head. …QUATRE?????


…Back inside Duo’s room…

"Hey, wait a sec," Duo whispered, stopping his jumping. "You’re such a bastard, Q-man. You’re just mad that I won’t dance with you so you’re jumping on the bed with me. You never let me jump on the bed and you’re going to yell at me later!"

"Duo, would I do that?" Quatre smirked, remaining calm. Inside, he was giggling insanely. Duo had him pegged on the spot.

"Yes!" Duo said as he guided Quatre to his door and opened it. "That’s it, Q-man, shoo shoo!"

Quatre just giggled as he saw the three other boys race to their rooms. He was laughing hysterically inside.

"…And you know what…. You’re probably going to make me change my sheets now!" Duo said loudly as Quatre laughed all the way to his room. Ooh, he may seem innocent on the outside, but I assure you he’s a manipulative little bastard, Duo thought to no one in particular as he laid on his bed. After two minutes of cursing Quatre, Duo fell into a deep sleep and had a dream that consisted of him washing everyone in the universe’s sheets.

[Rei-chan's Dirty Books]