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Heaven in Your Eyes

Madam Hydra



As soon as the exchange was completed, Heero quickly headed for the
store exit with the disk containing the data for their next mission
securely tucked away in his jacket pocket. The Wing pilot still
wasn't sure why the informant had insisted on a personal meeting
instead of electronically transmitting the data file over the 'net,
but he hadn't been in any position to argue. They needed the
information and having to meet someone in a bustling music store was
almost nothing, considering the other sorts of things he and the
others had done. Wary of the possibility of a trap, he had taken
extensive precautions, just in case, but the transfer had gone off
without a hitch and Heero was on his way back to their temporary
quarters... and Duo.

His sudden slowdown in his walk gave some hint at his reluctance to
face his fellow Gundam pilot and his abnormal behavior.

To casual observers, Duo might appear to be his usual loud,
rambunctious self, but Heero knew better. Something within Duo had
gone strangely... quiet. The disturbing stillness was only noticeable
when Duo thought he was unobserved or ignored, especially by Heero. 

But in this regard, Duo was wrong. Heero was incapable of *ignoring*
Duo, even during the rocky beginning of their acquaintance. And after
they had become comrades and eventually lovers, Heero found himself
noticing more and more about Duo. Not the words that poured seemingly
nonstop from Duo's mouth, but rather Heero constantly observed Duo's
body language... every turn or tilt of the head, every gesture from
those lively hands, every twitch from that long braid, every single
breath and heartbeat....

Something was wrong with Duo and Heero wasn't at all sure just what to
do about it. Should he do anything about it? After all, he wasn't
Duo's keeper. Years of training told him to leave matters alone. As
long as Duo's work or concentration wasn't adversely affected, there
was really no reason to get involved. 

If Duo had been obviously angry or sulky, Heero probably would have
done just that... nothing. But the utter *wrongness* in Duo's
behavior wouldn't let him rest. It wasn't like Duo to hold back so
much of himself... and that emotional withdrawal frightened Heero like
nothing else could.

Perhaps 'withdrawal' wasn't the right word for it. It wasn't as if
Duo had turned cold on him. Far from it, in bed Duo had been even
more... well, 'giving' was the only way Heero could describe it. The
stillness only appeared when Duo was alone, when he thought that there
no one else around to see it.

It had to have something to do with their last mission... 

Heero's thoughts were jerked back to the real world as a dark-haired
teenage boy bumped into him. Heero merely gave the other boy a cold,
silent stare as he sputtered out a mish-mash of hasty apologies. They
each tried to get out of the other's way, but only ended up doing a
little sidestep dance. Finally, Heero stopped still and let the
dark-haired youth edge around him.

After a quick check to ensure that the vital data disk was securely in
his possession, Heero headed out of the store. He had taken only a
few steps when he stopped short and whirled around.

(His eyes. He had violet eyes... just like Duo's....)

But the other boy was gone, lost in the rush of customers moving in
and out of the store. Heero scowled, then slowly continued on his
way.

Back at Quatre's estate, he fetched the disk from his pocket and
slipped it into his laptop. But instead of the schematics for the OZ
facility that was their designated target, he heard music.

Heero muttered a furious obscenity. That boy who bumped into him must
have switched the disks. But when he double-checked his jacket, he
found the real data disk, just where it should be. As the song played
on in the background, he thought, (So it really was just an accident.)

He turned his attention back to the music disk which only seemed to
have the one song on it. He was just about to eject the disk when
something in the lyrics snagged his attention. His fingers hovered
above the keyboard, then slowly dropped to the desktop. 

And as he continued to listen, Heero realized that one could find the
truth in the most unexpected places....

* * *

Heero slipped the music disk out of his computer and stared at it for
a long moment. He shut down his laptop, placed the disk on top of it
with unusual care, then left the room to look for Duo.

As he closed the door behind him, a stray shaft of sunlight turned the
disk settled on the disk and for a brief instant, turned it into a
shimmering, iridescent jewel.

* * *

Except for Duo, the maintenance area was totally deserted. Heero
silently weaved his way through the silent Gundams, then came to a
halt as soon as he caught a glimpse of his quarry. 

Unaware of the observer in the shadows, the Deathscythe pilot
continued to tinker with his Gundam's thermal scythe. Finally, Duo
stepped back to allow the diagnostic program to run. As he waited for
the results, Duo wearily ran his hand through his bangs and sighed.

-----------------------------------------
I can tell by the look in your eyes you've been hurtin'
You know I'll never let you down...oh no
And I'll try anything to keep it workin'
-----------------------------------------

Heero frowned as he observed Duo's still, unsmiling expression as the
Deathscythe pilot suddenly turned to stare up at the badly damaged
Gundam Wing.

(I hurt you somehow, Duo. I know it. And I want to fix it...
whatever it takes....)

-----------------------------------------
You gave me time to find out
What my heart was lookin' for
And what I'm feelin' inside
-----------------------------------------

Heero wasn't sure how he was going to accomplish that task, but he had
to try. After all, it was only fair, considering how patient Duo had
been with him. 

The corners of the Wing pilot's mouth twitched upward at that thought.
On first glance, patience and Duo Maxwell would appear to be two
mutually exclusive things. But while Duo was often impulsive, when he
set his mind on a goal, Duo could stick to that goal with amazing
perseverance. 

And Heero should know. After all, he had done everything imaginable
to discourage Duo's attention -- he had hit Duo, ignored him, insulted
him, used him.... And through it all, Duo stuck to his guns and
refused to back down.

Good thing, too.

-----------------------------------------
In your eyes
I want to see your love again
In your eyes
I never want this feeling to end
It took some time to find the light
But now I realize
I can see the heaven in your eyes
-----------------------------------------

Before Duo, the word 'lover' was just another word -- something that
was an unacceptable risk for himself and a vulnerability that he could
exploit against his enemies. But after Duo, the word had acquired an
entirely new meaning. The term no longer only represented emotional
risks and burdens, but it also meant pleasure, warmth... a source of
comfort.

Heero's thoughts drifted back to bittersweet memories of an earlier
mission -- bitter because of the horrible and tragic consequences of
that mission, but sweet because it marked the moment when his whole
world had changed....

-----------------------------------------
Can't you see I'm finding it hard to let go
Oooh all the heartaches
We've been through
-----------------------------------------

[two months ago]

The Deathscythe pilot perched on the edge of the sofa and stared at
Heero with a worried look on his face. For once, he wasn't chattering
like an idiot. From his seat on the floor, Heero was grateful for
that small mercy. There was enough chaos in his own head as his
thoughts went around and around in endless circles....

Nearly three hundred women and children dead. 

His fault.

Finally, Heero couldn't sit still any longer. He lunged to his feet
and stormed over to one of the brick walls and started pounding his
fists against it in grim, ferocious silence. It didn't take long for
the rough bricks to cut into his hands, but that only seemed right. 
His hands should be bloody, considering what he had done....

As soon as he saw the blood, Duo jumped up and grabbed at Heero,
yanking him away from the wall. Heero tried to twist out of Duo's
grasp, but the Deathscythe pilot refused to be budged, ignoring the
bruises inflicted by Heero's wild attempts to free himself.

"Heero, it's not your fault that General Corbin moved all those people
inside the factory complex! You didn't have any idea they would be
there!"

"I should have known. Somehow. Damn it... three hundred people. All
dead, because of what I did...."

"Corbin made damn sure that no one knew! Heero, listen to me! If he
had intended to use them as a living shield, he would have told us
that they were there, right? But he didn't! Don't you get it, Heero?
I don't know why, but that bloody bastard WANTED them to die in our
attack!"

"It's happened again. This is the second time I've been used like
this.... First, General Noventa, and now these people...."

Heero suddenly went limp in Duo's arms. In a low, harsh voice, he
whispered, "What's the use? No matter how hard I try, I keep making
things worse. I try to tell myself that I'm only doing what's
necessary to stop OZ's schemes. But if this is what happens, maybe
the cure's worse than the disease. Am I really doing any good at all
or am I just lying to myself? Maybe I should just... end it...."

"NO. Don't say that, Heero. Don't you understand? If you give up,
then who's going to stop people like Corbin from doing whatever he
pleases? What's to stop him from throwing away another three hundred
lives... or maybe even more, if it suits his dirty little plans?"

"If it's my mission to stop people like him, then I've failed
spectacularly. And if I've failed, there's no reason for me to keep
on...."

Duo grabbed Heero's shoulders and shook him sharply. 

"You don't have to be perfect to justify your existence, Heero! 
Everyone fails sometime. That's just the way things go. What's
important is picking yourself up and dealing with the pain when things
go wrong." 

And with those words, Duo abruptly pulled Heero close and hugged him. 
In a fierce whisper, the braided pilot muttered, "So don't quit on me,
man, just because shit happens and the mission goes down the toilet,
okay? I don't want to have to do all this crap by myself!"

-----------------------------------------
I never really thought I'd see this love grow
But you know what my heart's been looking for
And what I'm feeling inside
-----------------------------------------

Heero leaned back so he could get a good look at Duo's face and said
skeptically, "Hardly alone. There's Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei. It's
not as if you would actually miss me."

The Deathscythe pilot glared at Heero. "Of course I'd miss you! 
Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei are good guys and all that, but none of them
would be YOU. Every person's special, unique in their own way, and
they should be valued as such. There's only one of you, Heero. Hell,
we all might be expendable in this war, but that doesn't mean that
you're replaceable, at least to me!"

Duo suddenly leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss over Heero's lips.

"You're special. Never forget that, Heero."

-----------------------------------------
In your eyes
I want to see your love again
In your eyes
I never want this feeling to end
It took some time to find the light
But now I realize
I can see the heaven in your eyes
-----------------------------------------

[the present]

As he lurked in a dark corner of the hanger, Heero pondered his
relationship with Duo. More than the terrific sex, it was the sense
of uniqueness that Duo gave him that Heero valued the most. In Duo's
eyes, he wasn't a mere tool or weapon that could be used, thrown away,
or casually replaced. The impish grin Duo had when he was trying to
coax Heero into trying something silly... the ecstatic look as Duo was
consumed by pleasure and passion... that warm, tender expression when
Duo thought Heero was asleep... those things were only for him.

Duo made him feel wanted... cherished.

-----------------------------------------
We've been livin' on the edge
Where only the strong survive
We've been livin' on the edge
And it's something that we just can't hide
Oh this feeling inside
-----------------------------------------

The Wing pilot's eyes stayed on Duo as the Deathscythe pilot suddenly
scrambled effortlessly up the ladder leading to the work platform
located next to Wing's severely damaged torso area. When he got
there, Duo hesitated for a long moment, then slowly began to run his
hand along the jagged edges of the charred and torn metal around
Wing's cockpit.

As Heero watched, Duo leaned into Gundam Wing's cockpit and brushed
his fingers along the control panels. When he withdrew his hand, the
braided pilot stared at it and slowly rubbed at the dried blood
clinging to his fingertips. Without any warning, Duo abruptly slammed
his fist against the Gundam. As the dull clang echoed through the
hanger, Duo slowly bowed his head and stood there, shoulders shaking.

"Damn it, Heero... why did you try to... I thought I showed you there
was more to life than just some fucking mission and then you pull crap
like this...."

Heero inhaled sharply. During the last mission, Gundam Wing had come
dangerously close to ending up as confetti-sized gundanium scraps. 
Heero had weighed the odds quickly, but very carefully before
launching that last attack run, but he abruptly realized that his
actions might have looked utterly suicidal to another person. Was
this the reason for Duo's quietness... because he thought Heero had
actually tried to self-destruct?

But if so, Duo would have been totally wrong. Heero had no desire to
die... not now. For the first time in his life, he wanted to look
beyond each mission, beyond the fighting.... He wanted the chance to
figure the intricate puzzle that was Duo Maxwell. He wanted a
*future*... one with Duo.

The Deathscythe pilot had taught him that Heero Yuy was a person to be
valued -- not for his physical abilities or his various fighting or
terrorist skills, but rather for himself.

But while Heero knew he had no intention of self-destructing -- unless
absolutely necessary, of course -- he abruptly realized that Duo had
no way of knowing about the change in Heero's attitude. Certainly he
had rarely, if ever, given Duo any clues about his own feelings.

Duo continued to mutter in a choked voice, "Life's too damn short for
guys like us anyway... why the hell do you want to just throw it
away.... I don't know what more I can give you.... What else can I
do to make you understand!?"

Heero had seen enough. His refusal to reveal his feelings was causing
Duo's suffering and pain. There was only one way to fix it....

-----------------------------------------
In your eyes
I want to see your love again
In your eyes
I never want this feeling to end
It took some time to find the light
But now I realize
I can see the heaven in your eyes
-----------------------------------------

Lost in his own pain, Duo was oblivious to Heero's approach until he
felt someone walk up behind him and grasp his shoulder. Before Duo
could react, he heard Heero's quiet words.

"I'm sorry."

Duo froze and his violet eyes went wide as a pair of strong arms slid
around his waist and gently pulled him back against a familiar, warm
body. The braided pilot's breath caught as he felt Heero rest his
head against Duo's back.

They stood there, unmoving. Finally, Duo choked out, "Wha-what for?"

"For not telling you."

Duo uttered a weak chuckle and nervously babbled, "Like that's a big
surprise. I swear, Heero, you could give a rock lessons on...."

"Duo, stop pretending that nothing's wrong. Stop trying to act like
you're not hurting inside."

Heero's quietly spoken words totally scuttled Duo's attempt to slip
back into his usual careless, nonchalant pose. The Deathscythe pilot
took a deep breath, then said unevenly, "For not telling me what?

"For not telling you how important you are to me."

Duo blinked and started to turn around, desperate to get a look at
Heero's face, but the Wing pilot's gentle, but firm grip kept him
still.

"You thought I was trying to self-destruct, didn't you?"

With their bodies pressed so close together, Heero felt Duo's faint
twitch of dismay.

"Yes, I was taking a big risk, but it was a calculated risk, Duo. 
Believe me, suicide has been the last thing on my mind for quite some
time."

"Wha-what does that have to do with me?" Duo muttered.

"Because that's the lesson you've been trying so hard to teach me,
right? That my life shouldn't be carelessly thrown away. That I'm
important, to you at least."

"Hell, everybody has to die some time. I... I just don't see the
point of rushing it, you know?" Duo waved his hands in a vague,
incoherent gesture.

"I can't promise you that I won't self-destruct...."

Duo coughed to clear the tightness in his throat. "I know that. It's
part of the job description...."

"But I would very much rather stay alive and be with you."

"H-H-Heero?" Duo sounded like he had been clobbered on the head with
a very big stick.

"Do I have to repeat it?"

"Yeah... yeah, if you don't mind... I'm... I'm not sure...."

Still hugging Duo from behind, Heero allowed himself a small grin,
then said in firm, precise tones, "I want to be with you for as long
as I live. In other words, I love you."

Duo's knees wobbled and for a startled moment, Heero thought his lover
was about to faint. He watched as Duo first pinched himself, then
anxiously checked the temperature of his own forehead.

Heero snapped acidly, "No, this isn't a dream and you're not
delirious, Duo."

However, the Wing pilot felt a severe pang of guilt. Was his
declaration of love so unexpected? Was it so totally unbelievable? 
Had he acted THAT cold and unfeeling toward Duo all this time? 
Although Duo had never actually said that he loved Heero, Duo's
behavior had made the words quite unnecessary for Heero. Clearly, the
reverse had not been true for Duo.

"What's wrong?" he finally asked the braided pilot.

"It's just that... when you want something so badly... when you dream
of something for so long and so hard... it's a hell of a shock when it
actually happens...." Duo still sounded very much out of it.

"Hn."

They stood on the catwalk and allowed the minutes to pass as Duo
luxuriated in Heero snug, possessive grasp. Finally, Duo glanced over
his shoulder at the Wing pilot and said softly, "Uh, I love you, too."

"I know," Heero replied in a perfectly dead-pan voice.

"You... you.... Aw, hell! Have I been making a total fool of myself
all this time!?" Duo moaned in dismay.

Heero squeezed the Deathscythe pilot sharply, startling a soft squawk
of surprise out of him.

"No. I'm just observant."

Duo muttered, "Unlike me, you mean."

"Not at all. It seems that I'm very good at hiding my feelings from
you." The Wing pilot took a deep breath, then added softly, "Maybe a
little too good."

Duo blinked as he tried to process that little bit of information. 
Eventually, he said, "Uh, Heero?"

"What?" The Wing pilot found the sheer novelty of this dazed and
unsure Duo rather... enticing, but if he wanted to take advantage of
Duo's wonderfully confused state of mind, he had better hurry. It
wouldn't be long before Duo bounced back to his usual loud,
boisterous, and confident self. In that case, he shouldn't waste this
opportunity.... Heero nibbled lightly at the nape of Duo's neck and
got an involuntary shiver of response. 

"Can I ask... what caused you to... I mean, why tell me now?" Duo
asked in a now breathless voice.

Heero thought back to his brief encounter with another violet-eyed
boy. Was it sheer luck, fate, or something else that brought that
music disk into his possession? Heero quickly shrugged off the
question. How he found the song wasn't important. The only important
thing was the boy in his arms.

"You could say that I was... inspired by a song," he murmured huskily
as he slid his hands under Duo's shirt and lightly ran his nails
teasingly along his lover's stomach. 

After that, Duo was too distracted to ask any more questions.

-----------------------------------------
Ooh yeah I can see the heaven in your eyes
Oh baby I can see the heaven in your eyes
Heaven in your eyes
Oh heaven in your eyes
I can see the heaven, heaven in your eyes
Heaven in your eyes
-----------------------------------------

 

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