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Witch's Faith
Faith and Buffy had gone for a long walk, holding hands in the darkness. They had agreed to do their best in the hopes of a favorable judgment from the Council. They would not give up, even though there seemed to be little hope. But only after several hours of slaying with Buffy was Faith truly able to suppress some of the paralyzing hopelessness that gripped her. She had no idea that Buffy had herself been facing such feelings for some time.
Deeply depressed, but at least having the will to take action again, there were three things of vital importance to Faith. The first was showing her love to Buffy, and spending every possible minute–every second–together. The second was finding Elise, which meant diligently investigating every rumor or report that she and Buffy came across. And the third was saying goodbye. Just in case.
Tara was the easiest, and Dawn was the hardest.
Faith found Tara in her room and explained what Mrs. Betts had revealed about her trial. "Promise you'll take good care of Willow," she said, and was surprised to find the witch's arms around her, and the girl's tears falling on her shoulder. "I'll keep her out of trouble!" joked Tara, trying to be brave. She was letting out emotions she had been keeping hidden ever since she learned of the Oracle, and Faith was taken aback. "But you're not going anyplace," she added, with false cheer. "You think we'd let anyone take you away?" Tara was sweet, but Faith understood quite well that nothing could save her if the Council did not take her side.
Faith then found Willow studying with Buffy at the Magic Box, and took her aside into a back room. Her former lover broke down even harder than Tara when Faith told her about her chances with the Council. She and the redhead sat on the floor and rocked one another for a long time. Willow did not try to raise false hopes, and tearfully promised to look out for Buffy if Faith should be "taken away." Both girls understood what that really meant. Faith would die rather than returning to prison.
Faith put off talking to Dawn for several days. Elise was lying very low, and that bought Faith precious time. But she and Buffy had to make a great effort to track her down and cut that time short. Any more unnecessary delay would look very bad in Mrs. Betts' report.
Faith sparred with Dawn at the magic shop, helping the Key practice some defensive blocks and kicks, and enjoying the girl's company. Dawn was an eager pupil, and was becoming a promising fighter despite having only human strength. Soon she'd be ready for some basic moves with a wooden staff.
"Hey, I like what you did with the scarves," Dawn said when they took a break for lunch, which Willow and Tara and Buffy had brought. "They look nice on the bedposts."
Buffy blushed and Willow hid her mouth with her hand. Faith coolly replied, "Thanks, I thought they were pretty there." She and Buffy had not attempted to use the scarves again, but neither girl had put them away either.
"Tara put some nice purple ones on their bed last week," Dawn said, "but she took them right down again. I though they were nice, too. That must be why Tara wanted to get you so many of them."
Now Tara blushed. Willow looked at her with raised eyebrows. "I didn't know you had those, Tara.... I wonder if I would look good in purple?"
Tara searched Willow's face for signs of anger, but saw only amusement and affection. Maybe you should try them on, she thought toward her lover, smiling slyly. She had changed her mind about giving them to Willow, but perhaps she had been needlessly shy. Thoughts of Willow tied face down began to distract Tara from her meal.
After lunch, Faith took Buffy's sister out for ice cream. Dawn sensed immediately that something bad was coming.
"You know all about my trial with the Council, right?"
"Right. You're gonna slay that beotch Elise."
"Yes. Pretty soon I think. And then the trial will be over. But I found out some things..." Faith hesitated, unsure how to break this gently. "You see, Dawn, this trial isn't just about the way I am, it's about the way I seem to be. And to the Council, I seem pretty dangerous. Whether I slay Elise or not."
"That's not fair!"
"No, it's not... It's not Mrs. Betts' fault, either, she would like to help but there's not much she can do. But, Dawnie, I have to tell you... they might be taking me away soon. And I wanted you to know how much I love you before that happens." Faith's eyes had filled with tears, and Dawn's soon did as well.
"But they can't take you away if you're good!"
"I'm afraid they can. They are very powerful and I've done some very bad things that they can't forget."
Dawn was crying now, and her words were hard to make out. "But... they can't... how long would you be gone? I would visit you every day!" Dawn's ice cream dropped onto the sidewalk, forgotten.
Faith began to cry as well, despite promising herself she would not. "It might be forever, Dawn. And I won't be able to have visitors." Faith knew she should tell Dawn that she would be executed, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. She knew Dawn wouldn't understand why Faith couldn't go back to prison.
But Dawn was not stupid. She knew Faith was talking about dying. She looked at Faith in horror. "But you don't know yet! You could still pass the test!"
Faith nodded, sniffling. "Yes. I hope so. But Mrs. Betts warned me that my chances are very, very bad."
Dawn suddenly hugged Faith tightly. "You should run away!"
"I can't, Dawn. They'd catch me. And I'd be leaving Buffy, and my friends, and my home... I never really had a home before." Faith wiped a tear from Dawn's cheek. "I never had a sister, either."
Dawn pulled away. "You promised you would teach me staff fighting!"
Faith was taken aback. "I will, Dawnie, if I'm here..."
"You have to! You promised!"
Dawn turned around and ran back to the Magic Box without looking back. Faith did not follow at once, but sat on the curb shedding bitter tears.
Dawn burst through the doors and threw herself down on a practice mat, curled into a ball and sobbing. The other girls had left, but Anya was back from lunch with Xander, and Mrs. Betts had just arrived looking for Faith. Anya, who did not know Faith as well as her friends did, was nonetheless very upset and confused by everything that was happening. She watched Mrs. Betts sit down awkwardly beside Dawn. The Watcher knew exactly what was wrong, but had no idea how to help. She could play power politics, train Slayers, and fight demons, but comforting a crying girl was not in her experience. "There, there," she said, feeling foolish and helpless, and attempted to pat Dawn on the shoulder.
Dawn began hitting her. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"
Anya watched, frightened, as Mrs. Betts bowed her head and simply let Dawn hit her.
No one suffered as much as Buffy. She tried not to let it color her relationship with Faith, but of course it did. And she tried to persuade Faith that there was nothing wrong between them–that she was simply afraid like everyone else. But Faith could see that Buffy was holding something back, and it worried her terribly. And Buffy could not tell Faith about the Oracle. Especially not now, when Faith was already at her wits' end, facing the likely loss of everything–just when she had finally found all the love and friendship that had been missing from her brutal life.
Buffy spent nearly every waking moment going over what Mrs. Betts had said, and the words of the Oracle, looking for some possible way out. Some reason to have hope for Faith. She barely even slept. And then, one morning when she was home alone washing the dishes, it hit her. She dropped a plate into the water with a splash, feeling tremendous relief. And at the same time, a rush of new fear for herself. But she now knew that the Oracle did not spell doom for Faith.
She wondered if the others had figured out what she had. And in fact, they had. Mrs. Betts had realized it almost at once when she heard the Oracle's prophesy, and Willow and Tara had eventually figured it out as well. But nobody had spoken of it. Buffy felt slightly stupid. She supposed she was simply too close to this to think clearly. But as Mrs. Betts had pointed out, oracles are devious by their very nature. The Slayer's Oracle was bound to speak the truth, but it was still a demon, and twisting that truth was its only goal. At last, Buffy felt she understood the Oracle's true meaning. The demon had said more that it had seemed at first, but had concealed the truth very cleverly.
It was so clear to Buffy now. If the division of the Slayer was an abomination, then Faith's death would do nothing to right that. Another Slayer would be called when Faith died–the next in the line–and there would still be two Slayers. But Buffy had already passed her powers on to Kendra and then to Faith. Her death would not call another Slayer. Thus, to fulfill the Oracle's words, it must be Buffy who would die.
Despite having died twice already, Buffy had no desire to do it again. Her memories of Heaven had faded, and in any case, no Heaven could equal being with Faith. Buffy found herself very afraid now that she saw that her own death was written. But that fear was nothing compared to the joy she felt for Faith. She would die, but Faith would live! It was exactly what Buffy had wished for so desperately.
But Buffy's relief was short-lived. She followed her train of thinking a little further, and realized that the Oracle's words provided no protection at all for Faith in her trial by the Council. Because there was one other way the Oracle's words could be fulfilled. Both Slayers could die! A new Slayer would be called, and there would again be only one. So her own death was assured, and Faith too was in as much danger as ever.
Buffy slumped forward against the front of the sink, not even noticing her hair falling into the dishwater, and cried.
Each of the others had also privately followed the same logic, and they too understood that either Buffy would die or both Slayers would. But something occurred to each of them that did not occur to Buffy: perhaps the second possibility was the most merciful one.
Buffy had her own goodbyes to make now, her own promises to demand. She went to Dawn first, explaining gently that she was afraid something might happen to her, but that Willow and Tara would take care of her, and perhaps Faith too. Buffy did not know that Faith had just had almost the same talk with the Key the previous day. Dawn's reaction was frightening. She did not cry, or scream, or try to make Buffy take the words back. She simply went very pale, and swayed slightly, struggling for breath. Then she fell to her knees and vomited. Afterwards, she crawled over to Buffy and wrapped her arms around her sister's legs. She stayed that way for a long time, unable to cry, while Buffy's tears flowed like rain.
Buffy then went in turn to Spike, Xander and Anya. She told them at last about the Oracle, but made them promise not to tell Faith. Each of them took the news badly, and each tried to find some loophole, some way that Buffy could live. But they found none. For the second time in their lives, they cried over the cruel loss of their loyal and selfless friend.
Finally, Buffy went to Willow and Tara, soliciting their promise to care for both Faith and Dawn. They gave it freely, and all three girls held back most of their tears. Although none of them spoke of it, they all realized, looking into each others' eyes, that everyone had finally understood the meaning of the Oracle. Tara had long suspected that Willow had told Buffy of the prediction.
Buffy did not actually say goodbye, though, and her friends respected that choice.
After patrolling that night, Buffy and Faith stopped to check on Faith's basement apartment. Faith knew she would never move back there, and that she probably should get the rest of her things out. But the shabby, dimly lit apartment had a great deal of significance for Faith, and she found it difficult to leave it behind. This was the place where Buffy had faced Faith's self-hatred and refused to abandon her. The place where Buffy had seen Faith through from one of the darkest times in her life to the most wonderful. The place where she had first realized that she loved Buffy.
Everything was fine in the apartment, but neither Slayer moved to leave. It was an important place to both of them, and they both felt that when they walked out the door, the chances were good that they would never come back. So they sat on the edge of the bed, arms around each others' shoulders, lost in their own thoughts.
"The last few months don't even seem real," said Faith. "One minute I was in jail, and the next I was holed up in a stolen hotel room with Willow, of all people! Then suddenly I was here... and then I was with you..."
Buffy shared her own reflections. "All of this happened just because Willow and I had a fight, you know. I wouldn't let her come on patrol. That's how dangerous she had gotten."
"I know. I was pretty dangerous myself at the time! But she turned me around. She made me realize I wanted to be good. Willow is really something special." Faith smiled sadly, remembering her brief but passionate time with the witch. "She was the first person who ever loved me."
Buffy became suddenly still, and Faith realized that she was being insensitive to reminisce about Willow in front of her new girlfriend. "Sorry, B! She's something special, but my heart only has room for you." She hugged Buffy, but the Slayer just stared ahead without responding.
"She's not," Buffy croaked in a strange, distant voice.
"What?" Faith was afraid she had hurt Buffy's feelings badly.
"Willow. She's not the first person who ever loved you." Buffy turned slowly to look at Faith.
"What do–" Faith's question was cut off. Buffy's lips were on hers, and she was being kissed. It was a more powerful, incredible kiss than Faith could have ever imagined, and her entire being focussed on returning it. Their lips and tongues expressed more passion than sex ever had for either of them. Both Slayers felt whole in a way they had never even realized was missing from their lives. They completely forgot the terrible anguish and fear that they had lived with for so long, and in its place they felt the purest, eternal joy. Their love seemed more powerful than anything, even death.
Faith realized that Buffy had been right all along. When she kissed Faith, it did indeed mean something.
Continue to Episode 30 – Alone.
Faith shook her head. "Don't regret anything, Buffy. Not ever. We were who we were, that's all. You had Angel... there was something very deep between you, I know. And I was just messed up. Badly. It wasn't meant to be. This was."
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