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Witch's Faith
"Thanks for the help, Buffy... kinda fun, isn't it?"
"I wouldn't rate it in the top ten dates of all time, but I wouldn't want you to lose your job!" Buffy had helped Faith dig thirteen graves in just a matter of hours, catching up on work Faith had missed due to fighting Jatharal. Buffy did not, however, share Faith's enthusiasm for the work. They now sat on a low monument, leaning on each other back to back, lost in their own thoughts.
"Buffy," said Faith eventually, in a tiny voice, "I don't want to be bad anymore."
Buffy reached back to put her hand on Faith's. "You were never bad, Faith. You had some problems. We all have."
"I don't want to have those problems! I want to do the right thing, every time! Like you!"
"Don't think that about me, Faith. I have done some terrible things. Everybody makes mistakes."
"That doesn't make me feel any better. That doesn't help the man I killed. That doesn't help the people I have tortured... and... raped!" Faith leaned forward sobbing, pulling away from Buffy.
"Faith, you have saved more lives and made more sacrifices than anybody should ever have to!" Buffy turned around and sat behind Faith, her legs on either side of Faith's hips and her body leaning over to surround Faith comfortingly. "We were out of control with Elise. It wasn't just you, it was me. I feel really bad about that too... but we were just not in control."
"I need to be in control!" shouted Faith. She leapt up and began pacing, unconsciously reinforcing her statement by escaping from Buffy's embrace. "I thought I would never do anything that bad again! I almost felt good about myself! And now I'm just waiting for the next time I'm out of control!" Faith fell to her knees in the grass. "I think the Council is right. I should be locked up or killed."
"Faith! You stopped me, remember? You got yourself under control and you helped me! And that let me get under control. And we stopped." Buffy rose and stood close beside Faith, putting on arm on her shoulder and leaning her cheek into Faith's. "I think together we are strong enough to beat this."
"Really?"
Buffy thought. "Yeah, I think so. Tell you what... promise me you'll kick my ass if I ever do anything like that again."
Faith laughed through her tears, "I'll try! But you have to do the same!"
"It's a deal. And if we even start to feel that vampire obsession–even a little bit–we have to tell each other. OK?"
"OK." Faith nodded, feeling a little better. "I don't think I'll ever feel OK about what we did, though. About all things I've done."
"Me neither. But we'll go on, and we'll keep doing good. That's all you can do."
Faith nodded again, and squeezed Buffy's hand on her shoulder. "We'll go on." And Buffy began to cry. Because in fact, she knew what Faith didn't. That they would not go on. Not both of them.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" It broke Faith's heart to see the Slayer crying so hopelessly.
"Faith, promise you will be OK if something happens to me."
"What do you mean? Nothing will happen to you!"
"Slayers don't live long, Faith. We're always in danger. I need to know that you will be strong if I die."
"I will kill myself!" Faith said without even having to think.
"No, Faith! Promise me you won't. Promise me you will live, and keep doing good."
Faith had started crying again herself. She couldn't even bear to think about this. "I will try." That was all she could promise. "You have to promise the same thing!"
Buffy knew what she was asking of Faith. If Faith were the one to die, Buffy knew she would want to follow her. And she too could only promise so much. "Fair enough. I will try."
Buffy did not feel any better at all. She felt worse. She had crossed a line. She wasn't merely fearing the Oracle's prophesy anymore. She was planning for it.
Mrs. Betts was very confused. Something was going on between Faith and Elise... something sexual, and something more. Elise had helped Faith slay Jatharal. But what was the connection? And how was Buffy involved? The Watcher had summoned Faith to the Magic Box to discuss the likely negative outcome of her trial, but Faith had shown up with a plan already begun for going after Elise yet again. It really seemed as though Faith wanted to be on the right side, wanted to defeat Elise, but was torn. The Watcher's gut feeling was that Faith's desire to do good was sincere... yet she had passed up at least two chances to slay Elise already. And she had brought out the worst in Buffy... from threatening Mrs. Betts herself, to joining Faith's unspeakable sexual union with Elise.
The reality of the situation was that the Council was not trying to decide if there was any good in Faith. The Council was trying to decide if there was any risk in having her at large. And at this point, even if Faith did try one more time and succeed in slaying Elise, Mrs. Betts' report could still never be as clear-cut and positive as it needed to be. Mrs. Betts expressed approval of Faith's plan, but her heart was heavy.
"Everyone's more afraid of us than her, now," Faith was concluding, toying with something in her hands, "so it shouldn't be that hard to get reports on Elise's whereabouts. But we have to track her down soon before she gains power again."
"You think she will?"
"I think she's done it again and again for many years. I don't think she ever gives up." Mrs. Betts winced at the slight note of admiration that crept in to Faith's voice occasionally when speaking of Elise. "She's been claiming that she killed Jatharal, for one thing, and there were a few witnesses who saw her near where he was slain." Faith did not reveal the secret Mrs. Betts already knew, that Elise had indeed played a role in the slaying.
"So Buffy and I will be checking with Spike and all our sources several times a night while patrolling. We'll be ready to go after her as soon as we know where she is." Faith hoped she and Buffy would have the strength–this time–to resist the dark desire that Elise elicited in them. "I suppose you'll want to be there?"
Mrs. Betts nodded. "Call me when you know her location. It would be best if my report says I saw you slay Elise first hand."
Faith nodded and stared thoughtfully at the strange wooden object in her hand. One of Faith's carvings, Mrs. Betts thought. It looked a little like a shapeless sea sponge with a peg sticking out of it.
Mrs. Betts peered at the carving. "Is that... is that a vampire after being staked?"
Faith smiled. "Yes! Nobody else could tell! The dust cloud was kinda tricky." Then her smile faded. With any luck, Elise would soon become drifting dust at Faith's hands. Somehow, instead of arousing her instinct to hunt and kill, that thought made Faith feel sad.
Faith found Willow alone in the room she shared with Tara, studying. She was not attending college this semester, but she still hoped to be able to test out of a class or two and get credit.
"Willow... I took something away that I gave to you. I wanted to return it." She set something down on the shelf beside the statue of Willow. Willow had once been reaching out to another figure, of Faith, but Faith had destroyed that in a fit of self-loathing. Now, a wooden Faith once again lay on her stomach, head in hands, beside the tiny Willow.
Willow picked up the replaced figure of Faith. This one was different. This time, Faith was happy.
Faith hugged Willow from behind. "Thank you, Willow. Everything good in my life is because of you. Tara is very lucky."
"Oh, Faith!" said Willow, deeply moved. She rose and hugged her former lover. "What about Buffy?"
"Even Buffy. I even have her because of you. I know what you did to bring us together. I... don't know what to say... I love her so much. Thank you."
Willow looked into Faith's eyes, suddenly sad. Had Buffy told Faith about the Oracle? No... Faith's eyes were not haunted in that way. But Faith noticed Willow's expression. Everyone seemed so sad and afraid lately, just beneath the surface! Faith assumed it was because of her trial with the Council. But she and Buffy would slay Elise and that would turn out just fine! Mrs. Betts wasn't so bad, and she didn't know about Faith's contact with Elise anyway.
"You two seem perfect together. I'm glad Buffy's willing to give it a try," said Willow, driving her fears from her mind.
"What do you think my chances are?" asked Faith, nervously.
"Of making it work?"
"Yeah. Of her loving me back. I love her, and she knows it, but... she doesn't love me. You know her so well... I wanted to get your advice."
"Maybe she does love you, Faith, maybe she's just too shy to say! She's never had a girlfriend before."
"No. She does care a lot about me, but she doesn't love me. I hope she will someday, but she said she doesn't. She wanted me to know that, in case it made things too hard for me. And... she won't kiss me." Faith's eyes watered.
"Why not?"
"She said it would mean more than I thought. She didn't feel right kissing me if she didn't love me." Faith started to cry.
"Oh, Faith!" Willow hugged her friend. "I don't know what to tell you, except... it's hard for her too. I do think she could love you back, though. I really do."
Buffy and Faith moaned and gasped, embracing tightly on their sides with legs interlocked. Each girl pressed her wet sex against her partner's thigh, making slippery sucking sounds with every thrust of their hips. They were becoming accustomed to one another's quirks. Faith did not try to kiss Buffy no matter how desperately she wanted to. And Buffy resisted the powerful desire to roll on top of Faith, holding her tightly and shielding her from the uncertain future.
Faith reached orgasm first, and Buffy noted every twitch and whimper, savoring her lover's responses. And then she climaxed herself, squeezing Faith just a little too tightly, perhaps, but not for long.
As always, Buffy's joy was soon dampened by fear and sadness. The more wonderful the moment with Faith, the more cruel the realization that time was running out. Did they have a year? A day? An hour? How many more times would they make love? Maybe this time was the last? Maybe the next one? Buffy held Faith close, trying to concentrate on her body heat, on the coolness of Faith's fluids drying on her leg, on the smell of Faith's hair... anything but the future.
And then, for the first time, Buffy admitted something to herself. She faced the doubt that had been lurking in the back of her mind ever since Faith had moved into her bed. Did she really feel this passionately about Faith? Did she really want a lesbian relationship at all? Or had she dived into this simply out of desperation at the thought of losing her dear friend? Had she done this because of the Oracle, and not because of her true feelings? It wasn't a question Buffy could answer. She was too close to it, and it was all so very strange for her. And anyway, what did it matter? Being with Faith felt good, and for the time they had left, that was enough.
Faith heard Buffy sigh and could tell something was very wrong. She tried to tell herself Buffy was worried about Mrs. Betts and the Council's judgment. But looking into Buffy's tortured eyes, she knew it was more. It was something about the two of them. She wanted Buffy to tell her. She wanted them to work it out, whatever it was. But what Faith saw in Buffy's eyes was so terrible and frightening that Faith could not bring herself to ask about it.
Willow recognized Buffy's knock and smiled. She accepted her role as matchmaker and counselor for the Slayers, and she knew Buffy would probably be seeking her out just as Faith had. She doubted that Buffy would want to talk about the Oracle, though–she had been silent on that subject since Willow had told her, and Willow could understand that.
Buffy entered, but she did not talk about Faith at first. She wanted to discuss Willow's magic. "You and Tara did great back there... I just worry about you... you know."
"It's OK Buffy. You should worry. I had a real, dangerous problem. I guess I always will. Using my magic again like that felt great. Then, afterward, I tried to decide if I would have been able to stop myself. If I had my full powers again, I mean... If I hadn't used everything up, would I have started back down the same path I did before? And I decided that I would have wanted to... but I would have let Tara stop me this time. So I really think I'll be OK, even when my powers are all back again. I've kinda given up control of my magic to Tara, and I let her tell me what I'm ready for. That would have really peed me off at one time... I had to be in charge and I wouldn't take any criticism from anyone. But not since I was with Faith. Being in charge was not always an option with Faith. The Slayer thing, you know. Super strength. And that was OK. And it's OK now with Tara–more than OK. Kind of ironic, really... the price I have to pay for all my scary power is to let someone else have power over me. But there's nobody I'd rather give that power to than Tara."
"You two were meant for each other," said Buffy, smiling at her old friend.
"Yes.... Like you and Faith, maybe?"
"Why do you say that?"
Willow shrugged. How could she explain what she felt seeing the two of them together? Tara agreed... so did Dawn.
"Well, that's what I really wanted to talk to you about, actually."
"I know." Willow smiled slightly. Buffy was getting shy and it was very cute.
"Well, um, we... I want to... it's kinda private..." Buffy blushed and stammered. "I wanted to ask you... I wanted advice about..."
"Sex, Buffy?" Willow put a comforting hand on Buffy's arm.
"Yeah, uh, some sex type stuff."
"Let me guess, what she does is great but you want to do better yourself."
"How did you know? Did she say something?" Buffy suddenly felt very insecure.
"No. But I've slept with her, remember? I know you have no complaints about her pleasing you."
"Well, you're right. She doesn't complain either, but it's just... I'm new to this. I kinda wanted to know what... she might like."
"Have you used your mouth on her? Or just your hands?"
Buffy blushed even deeper. "I use my mouth too."
"How is that?"
"Well I like doing it, actually. It grossed me out big time at first, but not any more. And I think I'm pretty good at it. I know what feels good, so I do it."
"It sounds to me like you're doing just fine, Buffy!"
"Yeah, but... I want it to be even more special. If there's stuff you know she likes, or doesn't like... I thought maybe you could tell me."
"OK, well, there are a few things Faith and I did together that were new to me, but she was really into them. And Tara and I do them now. Three things, really."
"So... what are they?" asked Buffy, suddenly apprehensive. And more than a little jealous.
"Well, she loves food and sex. I'm sure you can be creative. One day she served all my meals to me on her... well, different parts, but it was yummy!"
Buffy's eyes widened. This was the kind of thing she wanted to know, but it was still a little shocking somehow. But she'd already had sex with a woman... she could get over anything! And food and sex, after slaying.... that could be very exciting. "Wow... what else?"
"Faith likes to be in control. I guess what we did was bondage, really, although it was all magic... she shut my sprite up in a jar and left me helpless. And then she made me very happy... but I'll spare you the details. Something for you to think about, anyway. But don't try that on her–I couldn't even get on top of her without her freaking on me."
Buffy nodded, "Yeah, I've figured that one out! It kinda hurts my feelings. I want her to trust me!"
"I know what you mean. She can't help it, though."
"I guess not. But, she should trust me.... but, what can you do?" The Slayer shrugged. "What's number three?"
Willow told her, actually getting a bit shy herself, and Buffy's hand flew to her mouth, eyes wide. She had thought she could get over anything... but perhaps not this!
All eyes stared apprehensively at the covered container. All eyes except Tara's... she seemed completely unperturbed. This was the third container... surely there could be no more! But there were. Dawn just kept returning to the kitchen... again and again. Eventually she was beaming over no less than seven covered dishes of every shape and size. The celebration of Faith and Buffy's new relationship had begun.
First the lid came off the salad. It certainly looked appealing–as good as anything from a restaurant. Everyone poked nervously at their portions, searching among the lettuce and tomatoes. Dawn's caramel chewies seemed to be absent for some reason.
Soup was next. "You must have been working all day!" said Faith, impressed. It was broccoli soup without tuna.
The rest of the meal was equally delicious, and Dawn was showered with compliments.
"You really like it? Tara got me a cookbook!"
Tonight, Willow thought to Tara. Anything you want! Anything at all. As many times as you want!
Tara smiled. She would gladly accept this reward. You're welcome! I couldn't believe I was able to find a cookbook Dawn liked.
"I'm going to write a cookbook of my own someday," continued Dawn, excited.
"I'm sure it will be a success, Dawnie," said Buffy encouragingly.
After dessert–a fabulous peach cake–Buffy thanked her friends. And especially her sister. "This was really sweet of you guys." Faith nodded her agreement.
"Not so fast," said Willow, "we have a little gift for you two!" She handed Faith a small, flat package wrapped in blue paper.
"I picked them out!" said Dawn.
Faith unwrapped and opened the box. She pulled out a large silk scarf, in a black-and-pink zebra print. Buffy took it from her. "Very pretty, thank you!" she said.
Faith took out another scarf. And another. And another. All alike. Buffy frowned briefly. Four? But she quickly smiled, "Thanks, guys!"
Faith smiled too, but it took her a little longer. Unlike Buffy, she knew what she was looking at. She had enjoyed scarves like these–and stronger restraints–with past lovers. She knew Willow was being thoughtful, and probably assumed that Faith would be tying Buffy with them. But Faith had the suspicion that Buffy would not see things that way. Hidden behind her smile of thanks was an inexplicable but very real fear. "You picked these out, Dawn?"
"Yep! It was Tara's idea, though."
Just remember to wear them when you go out once or twice, Tara transmitted to both Slayers, Dawn has no idea what they're for.
Judging by Buffy's expression, neither of the Summers girls understood this gift. Willow explained, telepathically, and Buffy blushed. But she looked at Faith, and back at the scarves, and found that part of her was rather looking forward to this little experiment.
Continue to Episode 28 – Bound.
Faith leaned forward and kissed Buffy's neck, in place of the deeper kiss that she still craved. She sat back, looking at Buffy lovingly but still unsure how to proceed. That meant Buffy, the inexperienced one, had to take the lead. She tied a scarf to her ankle, and the other end to the bedpost. One look at Faith told her the dark Slayer was aroused by this, so she attached her other leg in the same manner, smiling seductively. Then she lay back again, and held out one wrist to Faith.
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