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CV-10
"Well, I sent out thirty-four belated announcements and got back twenty-one letters and wedding cards. Plus a bunch of phone calls. And two pasta makers. That'll prevent some nasty fights, I'm sure." Trying to picture Faith making homemade fetuccini. Can't do it. Then again, I can't picture her digging in a flower bed, either, and she has plans for that one day.
I send a bulging yellow envelope around to her side and she pulls out a bunch of letters and cards. I see her eyebrow lift. "Whoa! I'd day some of your family went a little overboard with the cute little cupids and doves. I hope Anya didn't see these!"
"You keep those and give them back another time. The cards fall into four basic camps," I explain, wryly. "We have the medieval folks, promising us eternal agony in the fires of Hell for pretending to love each other. Only two of those, but good for a laugh. Simply priceless. Then we have the not-sure-if-this-is-a-joke crowd, who couldn't think of anything to say but "Congratulations." Five of those. And four people wrote very nice notes, all happy for us and demanding to hear all about it. They ask what we did when we worked together... I'm going with the 'exterminators' story."
"And the rest?"
"The other ten sent nice notes and checks. We bagged a little over a thousand! But it's going in the bank to wait for you. We'll go shopping together when you come home."
She gets real quiet and looks down at her lap for a while. "I'll confess, Buffy, I don't much feel like I have a home. Never did, really. The word 'home' to me mostly means getting yelled at by my drunk mom." A tear rolls down her cheek. I don't ask what's wrong. I know all the pain that haunts us both, and words won't help much.
She takes an envelope out of her pocket and dumps several scraps of paper out of it. I lean toward the glass. Oh... no... poor Faith! I guess there's some pain I didn't know about.
The scraps are what's left of the photo I mailed to her mom. She answered Faith's gesture with all the cruelty I've heard so much about. She tore up the photo and sent it back.
Faith bows her head and her shoulders shake, wracked by sobs. It's not nice to say, but... I hate Faith's mother. Hate her!
But Faith does have a home, even though she's never lived there, and I'm not going to stop reminding her of that.
I hit the button on the speakerphone even before I'm seated. "Any news?" Faith had a hearing before a judge yesterday, and I didn't sleep all night! I almost called her before coming. Will she be transferred? Will I get to be with her more from now on?
Faith shakes her head. "Denied. But I can afford one appeal. And I've kept on working long hours. So in a year or two I'll even be able to afford a third appeal, if my lawyer thinks it's worth it." My heart falls, but she seems philosophical about the whole thing. Subdued, but not crushed. I try not to let my disappointment show. I'm not sure Faith's lawyer is so good. She has almost no experience! But Faith and Angel seem confident in her.
Dawn's following behind. Faith spots her over my shoulder, and her face brightens at once. "I see you brought the Creature!" I put a finger to my lips and hiss into the speakerphone, "Shhh! Don't say that... she hates being reminded that she's not human. Don't even tease her about it."
Faith shrugs. "She is what she is. Maybe that doesn't have to be a bad thing." I just shake my head. They've been getting along so well on the phone that I thought I'd bring Dawn to see her. First time since the wedding. But Faith is being very insensitive about something that can really hurt Dawn's feelings!
Dawn sits down beside me and gives Faith a genuine smile for once. "Hi, Faith!"
"Hi, Creature!"
Oh, God! Why, Faith? But Dawn just sticks her tongue out at Faith, and my wife smiles mischievously. I shake my head, amazed. Nobody else could get away with a comment like that!
"Give me the latest gossip on Willow and Tara!"
Dawn smiles from ear to ear and reports that Willow and Tara have a new apartment together. "But I miss them being at our house. It's lonely now."
"I'm sure they miss you, too. Did they get the place with the yard in back? They told me about it last week. When they came to thank me for meddling in their private affairs."
"Yeah, it has a yard. And an extra room for me, I stay over there sometimes."
"The house does feel so empty now," I say. "It's weird. I know it's just Willow moving out... but it feels like we're getting ready for you to move in. Willow and Tara caught me clearing out a dresser for you, and they both just broke down crying."
"You're sweet, Buffy. But I won't be needing a dresser any time soon. The way my hearing went, I still have a shot at getting minimum security... but it's pretty certain I'll have to serve at least twelve of my fifteen years. There's almost no precedent for getting out any earlier in a case like mine."
"That's not fair!" Dawn starts to cry, shocked by this news. I shouldn't have brought her without knowing if the news was good or bad.
"Hey, Creature... I'll be out of here one of these years, and then you and me are going to have a girls' day out, just the two of us! That's a promise."
Dawn's crying even harder. I catch Faith's eye and I can tell she just figured out why. Dawn wants all three of us to be together. Like things were with Willow and Tara. Like things were with Mom and Dad long ago. But by the time Faith comes home, Dawn will be long gone. She might still be in town, but she'll be done with college and out on her own. And how pathetic am I gonna be, bouncing around that empty house by myself until Faith gets out?
She and Faith both like the idea of a family to come home to each day. They actually want to be under the same roof together. But neither one of them is ever going to come home to anyone but me. Alone.
"Dawn, will you get that?" I wrap a towel around myself, having just showered after a short patrol. Usually a phone call in the evening is either Willow or some phone company... but my heart always leaps in the hopes that it's my wife.
"Faith!" says Dawn, sounding as delighted as I feel. But her tone changes. "What's wrong?" I come down the stairs and Dawn looks really worried. "Here's Buffy." She hands me the phone, wide-eyed, and disappears into the kitchen. But she's listening.
"Faith, what is it?" I'm suddenly very afraid. It's not like Faith to call and scare Dawn like that.
"Buffy... I'm a little freaked out... I don't know what's going to happen! I don't know where I am or what to do... it's too sudden!"
She sounds freaked out. And I'm smiling... almost laughing! They've set her free! She can come home! "Calm down, I'll come get you right now! Oh, Faith! How? I can't believe it!" Now I'm crying and laughing all at once, and Dawn runs out, eyes wider still, afraid to hope.
"Wha... what do you mean? My appeal is how. It went better with a different judge. You can't come now. Come tomorrow! Can you, Buffy? I need you bad!"
"But you're free? Where will you stay? I'm getting you now!" But the house! I can't welcome her home to this mess... Dawn will have to clean up while I drive to get her.
"Free....? Oh, God... Buffy... no... I'm not free... why did you think that?"
I collapse on the floor, sobbing away more misery than I even knew I was burying. Dawn comforts me, crying herself, and picks up the dropped phone.
"Faith? What's going on? Are you free? Are you OK?" She listens a while and even over Dawn's crying I can hear Faith sobbing through the phone.
"Buffy... she's been transferred. She's at the new place now. She's sorry she made you so upset. Talk to her, Buffy!"
I take the phone, trying to control these unexpected emotions. "I'm sorry, Faith... I'm OK. I didn't mean to freak out. Don't cry... I'll be OK... You're in minimum security now? That's great!" But it doesn't seem great at all. I thought I would be bringing her home.
"I guess so... but everything's different here... I was used to the old place. I feel like I did when I was first locked up, all over again! I'm on the edge of panicking! I found out this morning and then they moved me this evening. I didn't even say goodbye to most of the women I know. And I don't know the rules, I don't know my way around... I never know where they're taking me!"
"Oh, Faith... you'll be fine. I'll come see you tomorrow, I promise! No glass?"
"I don't know! My lawyer said no glass, but... I don't like this place! I feel ten times as trapped here!"
Dawn puts her head in my lap, sniffling. I stroke her hair, comforting myself as much as her. "You'll get used to it, Faith... I'm sure it will be much better. And we can have more CVs! And you can get calls that aren't from your lawyer, now, right?"
"I guess so... but I don't know when I can get calls... or how many... I don't even know if I can still do work and make money here!"
Poor Faith! I don't know what it's like for her. I know prison is pretty awful for her sometimes, and she hides a lot of that from me. She doesn't want to talk about it. But I think I understand how she feels now. "I'd be wigging too, Faith, but just sleep, and tomorrow we'll figure everything out about the new place."
"It's not just the transfer, Buffy... something happened."
"What happened?" Dawn notices my tone and looks up.
"All day, Buffy, everyone was looking at me. People do bad things to each other in prison, Buffy. I've been left alone mostly, because of that rapist I staked. But I think people heard I was going to minimum security! I think somebody did something to me! Someone who was afraid to do anything to me until I was leaving!"
"What? What could they do?"
"They planted something in my stuff! I don't know what, I keep trying to find it before the guards do!"
"How do you know?"
"I saw! Some woman I don't even know. I was handcuffed and waiting for some more paperwork, and my stuff was piled by the laundry hall, and she looked right at me and opened one of my bags and put something in! But whatever it is, I can't find it! Buffy, it could be real trouble! The way they've all been staring at me all day!"
"Just tell the guards before they find it... tell them what you saw."
"It doesn't work that way, Buffy! They'll think I just chickened out. They'll still think whatever it is is mine."
"Are they even going to search your stuff? Maybe they already did at the old place."
"They did, but I don't know what will happened to it here. I had just a minute to get some stuff out, and then I don't even know where it all is now! I don't know anything here!"
My poor Faith! I want to break her out of there right now! I've fantasized about it a million times. And now she's in minimum security.... But that's silliness of course. They'd be after us both in no time, even if I could get her free.
Four hours drive, now. And another four back. That's a whole day gone! And I had to get up early. But it's worth it. I can see her for a whole hour now! And without glass? I'll believe it when I see it.
They search me and my stuff, same as the old place, and lead me into a room with one guard... and the love of my life, sitting at a table, smiling like a little kid! She needs a kiss and a hug is what she needs!
"If this is your first time," says the guard who brought me, "the rules are: no raised voices, and no leaving your chairs. You have until eleven."
No leaving our chairs? "But can I hug her?"
"I'm sorry, no contact other than hands."
I never really thought I could hug her... but I need to so bad!
Still, holding her hand sounds pretty nice. I sit down and clasp my fingers around hers hard enough to do some damage, if she wasn't a Slayer.
"I can't believe it, Faith! A whole hour! You'll get bored of me!"
"Not a chance, darling."
"Is everything OK? You were so upset last night..."
"I'm still not feeling myself. But I can tell this is the place to be! They even let you have your lights on past ten-thirty! And I can keep more of my stuff in my cell... I was reading your letters last night, starting from the beginning before you decided you loved me. It helped."
We're grinning foolishly at each other. "Speaking of your stuff...." I trail off, thinking of the guard sitting in the corner.
She pulls a thin white tube out of her pocket. "The guards found this stuffed into an empty bottle of shampoo that wasn't even mine." They found it first? That's not good! She continues. "They asked me about it, but it's not a problem."
Obviously not, or she wouldn't still have it. I take the tube. How great to be able to share stuff without going through two guards!
I unroll a long, torn piece of paper, maybe a wrapping from something. Covered with hundreds of little letters. I frown at it. "What's this? Initials?" There seem to be lots of different handwritings.
"Good guess, I'd say."
"Well, what...? Just a bunch of initials?"
"Not just initials. Look at the top. The rapes by guards stopped when I staked that vampire. The beatings by guards didn't quite stop, but nobody covers them up any more. Guards get fired for that. The mystery about that guard will be forgotten. But the atmosphere changed after that. Some things aren't tolerated anymore."
I glance at the guard, but I suppose there's no rule against pretending vampires are real! I move my finger. One handwritten word at the top of the sheet. "Thanks." And then hundreds of initials. The paper must have been passed around the prison in secret yesterday.
I look up and Faith's eyes are watering. "I had no idea anybody cared enough to do that. That's why they were staring at me all day. Look at them all... I'm sure I never even met most of them."
I return the note and take both of her hands. "You did good, Faith. Slayers don't get much thanks. You earned it."
We hold each others' hands and smile with shining eyes. Nothing new about the two of us not needing words. But this time it doesn't feel like time is ticking away so quickly. We still have almost an hour together.
Nineteen ninety-five. Cheaply made. But I suspect it will be the best tool I ever bought in the never ending fight against evil.
The gang gathers around the table inspecting my purchase. Spike, Xander, Anya, my sister and the witches. I plug it in and push the buttons.
A few minutes later, the most beautiful voice in the world fills the room.
"Hey, B! Me and my index finger were just thinking of you!"
I blush deeply. Willow hides her face in her hands. "Um, Faith! We're not alone."
"Hi!" everyone says in unison.
"Oh... well... hi!"
"I got a speakerphone for the Magic Box. Feel like doing some slaying, honey?"
"Don't I wish."
"Well the thing is, I know there's a limit on how many personal calls you can get... but we could use your help. We've got some trouble on the Hellmouth, and we could sure use another Slayer to help figure this thing out."
"No kidding? Tell me all about it!"
And Faith is attending her first Scooby meeting in a long, long time. We could have planned our counterattack without her. But not as well. People would have been hurt. Her Slayer's mind is as sharp as her body.
The drive is gonna kill me, but Faith is like a new person now. Being able to see her friends face to face makes such a difference. This time it's just me and my sister.
I slide my chair to the side to let Dawn sit in front of Faith. She puts her hand on Faith's arm. "I've got a surprise for you!" She produces a stack of photographs, and some catalogs.
Faith looks at them, her brow furrowed in confusion. "What are these? This looks like... the steps of your house? And this must be in back?"
"Your house, Faith!"
"Thanks." But she's still confused. I've seen the photos. They are pretty weird if you don't know what they're for.
"Silly! Why do you think I took so many of the ground? We're going to plant a flower garden!"
"You and Buffy?" I know she's thinking of my failed attempt to plant a few flowers for her.
"Nope. She only kills stuff. I call her Buffy the Plant Slayer. But you and me are gonna do it right. We'll figure out what flowers to plant where, and I'll do it, and I'll take care of them, and I'll bring you pictures to show how they're doing! I won't forget to water them like Buffy did. Now... you have to decide where to put the garden. And we can plant flowers by the door, too."
Faith opens her mouth, but she can't speak. Her eyes are watering. "Dawnie... that's such a sweet idea... but I don't want you slaving away in the dirt for me!"
"I want to! It will be fun! You have to help, though. You look at the pictures and read about the flowers in the catalogs. Then call me and we can talk about what to get and where to plant it. Use that book Buffy got you. We'll learn all about it!" Dawn has always been a bit of a bookworm.
Faith glances at me, her lip trembling. "Don't look at me," I say, my voice breaking just a little, "this was all Dawn's idea."
Dawn knows that Faith doesn't feel like she has a home. That strikes her as incredibly sad. And she's decided to do something about it.
"Thanks, Creature!" Faith says, swallowing hard. "We're going to have lots of fun."
"Look at the last photo," says Dawn, grinning.
Faith flips through to the bottom of the stack. Her eyes widen and the blood drains from her face. "Oh, my God!"
Dawn's face falls. "I thought you'd like it."
Faith just gapes at the photo. "Those monks did some serious magic, didn't they?"
"They sure did. We've got pictures of me as a baby, even. I found this one in a drawer... I didn't mean to freak you out."
"You didn't, it's just... wow... Thank you, Dawn. It's creepy as hell, but I'm glad to have this."
I can imagine it does seem creepy to Faith, even though I remember taking the photo myself–at Dawn's insistence. It's Faith and Dawn sitting on the front steps of our house. Back before she joined the Mayor. A scene that never really happened.
But it will. One day.
"I wish I remembered you, Dawnie. I feel like we have this relationship and I don't even know about it!"
"Most of it's worth forgetting," says Dawn. "You turned into a real bitch."
"Yeah... well then, I wish you didn't remember me."
I watch with a smile as Dawn starts in with her ideas for the garden. I can tell Faith's excited. I'm not sure she even notices I'm holding her hand.
I glance around. A little bigger this time. A little nicer inside.
"I thought we were supposed to lose interest in sex now that we're married," I muse.
"Less talk, more naked!"
It's been almost two months since our wedding night... but I'll never have to wait that long again! We already have our next CV scheduled for next month!
I have little doubt that she's already nude under that blanket. I lean down and kiss her as though I want her more with every passing day. Which happens to be the case.
Then I strip for her, relishing the hunger in her eyes, and climb on top of the blanket to kiss her again. After a while I notice the blanket has vanished, and her warm skin is pressed to mine.
We make love without fighting. Then we make love with fighting. Victory to Buffy. She fought valiantly right up to the end, and I thought I might climax first. But she fell victim to my right thumb with a high-pitched grunt of ecstasy.
"I think the shower's big enough for both of us, B..."
I rise from sitting on her back and peek into the bathroom. "It would be pretty tight."
"Works for me," she says.
We wash each other very, very thoroughly. Once upon a time I thought there were only a few things two women could do together. But there seems to be no end to what we can discover.
We towel each other off, dress, and discuss dinner–but end up cuddling instead.
But somehow, fighting while having sex gets us hungry the same way slaying does, and our grumbling stomachs eventually get us on our feet again.
"Check out the food, B." She opens a cupboard and I take out two trays of much better fare than we're used to. It's cold. There's a microwave, though, and we heat the food up in no time.
I hand her tray to her, but she doesn't take it. "You know, B, I think I'll go for a walk instead." She puts her hand on the door handle and... opens it!
"Faith! Don't even play with that! They must have forgotten... we'll get in big trouble!"
She shrugs and steps outside.
"Faith! What are you doing?" I follow her out onto the grass. Bigger than the courtyard at the other prison, and grass instead of gravel. Even a couple of trees. Walls aren't so high, but the same barbed wire on top.
She disappears around the other side of the trailer. I look all over for the guard who brought me out. He's sitting by the door looking unconcerned.
I follow her, and on the far side of the trailer is a picnic table. "Buffy, you forgot the food!"
I gape at her. "We're allowed out here?"
"I tell you, B, minimum security is one cushy deal!"
I'm astonished to find myself with Faith in so much... space!
"We can fight for real, Faith! Flips! Throws! Spin kicks!"
"Don't tempt me. I think we'd better keep the fighting inside. But I'll race you around the fence after dinner! I'm still not used to this place having actual grass!"
I hug her tight, lifting her off her feet, and we kiss. But I contain myself, aware that we may be seen from the prison. Public indecency can't be good in a prisoner's file.
We fetch the food and sit down for a picnic under the open sky. I'm so happy I could sing... and more importantly, my sweet Faith is too.
We race twice, and I lose both times. Running isn't a part of my usual workout. Then back inside for more cuddling, more lovemaking, more kicking each other's asses, and–why the heck not?–several more showers.
It's wonderful. And yet, in our quieter moments, I sense something like fear in her eyes. I'm afraid to ask, but I know something is wrong.
We sleep bundled together in the blankets, with the windows of the trailer open to let in the warm breeze. But around five AM I'm awakened by her body shaking. Silent sobs.
"Shhh..." I kiss her eyelids and hold her head to my breasts.
"Buffy... there's something we need to talk about."
Her tone makes my blood run cold. Something really bad has happened.
"What is it Faith? What happened?"
"I didn't want to tell you until morning. I wanted us to have one more perfect night together."
One more night? Is there something wrong with her? The air leaves my lungs and I squeeze her tight, as if that can protect her from whatever has changed. Please let things just stay like they are!
"Buffy, my lawyer wants to see if she can get me classified as a juvenile offender. I was seventeen when I turned myself in. She's looked at my case, and it's about fifty-fifty she thinks. But it's not too hard to try, if I tell her to go ahead with it."
Her voice is so small, almost terrified, and I don't understand why. "What does that mean? Better conditions?"
"I don't know about that. But it could mean serving fewer years. The maximum sentence for a juvenile is still fifteen years, but I could get out a lot sooner with good behavior. What if I got out after five years, Buffy! That's not much more than two years from now!"
"Oh, Faith, that would be wonderful! Tell her to try!"
"The thing is Buffy, there's no way to know. It might not change my sentence at all. I might still be in for the full fifteen years."
"So at least try, Faith! Why not try?"
She starts crying again. "Because juvenile offenders don't get conjugal visits!"
Oh, my God. It could be twelve years without a single kiss! A single hug! Or less... but still a long, long time! And yet, she just might be home in our bed sooner.
"Buffy, I don't know what to do! You have to decide!"
I sit behind her on the bed and rock her back and forth, unable to comprehend this impossible choice.
Finally I know there's only one answer. "I can't decide for you, Faith. It's your future. It has to be you who decides. Right or wrong, it can't be me choosing for you."
She's silent, and I know she understands what I'm saying.
"Is there any chance of a conjugal visit later? When you're older?"
"There could be. Probably not. And not at first, for sure."
"Faith, whatever you decide, I'm with you on it. However long it takes to be together again... I'll be waiting."
"I know."
"When do you have to decide?"
"This week. My lawyer wants to have the hearing for it now, so we can get the same judge who got me into here. She seemed to be on my side a little. There's not much precedent for something like this in a case like mine. So getting the right judge is important."
"So when would you know? When would it happen?"
She shrugs. "It could happen right away."
"So this would be the last time..."
"This would be the last time we would be together." She cries, and it takes every ounce of willpower not to cry myself. That would affect her decision. But it's too cruel... instead of having another CV in just one month, like we prayed so hard for... we might never have one again.
"I want to be with you, Faith. And I also want you home. I'll understand if you want to try this. And I'll understand if you don't."
"Some help you are, B!" I just squeeze her even tighter. I look at the clock. Four and a half hours left. No more sleep tonight. These may be our last moments to do anything but hold hands for many years.
I want us to make love again, like we've never made love before. Something to remember. But we soon realize that neither of us is really in the mood. We cuddle silently, and kiss a little, as the hours pass.
"I'm going to try for it, Buffy."
I take a deep breath and stop the tears that threaten to burst from me. "I hope it works out." And at the same time, part of me hopes it doesn't. So things can stay like they are.
We hold each other so tightly... as if that can keep us from being parted. We kiss one last time as the clock nears ten. I tell her I love her. She cries.
I keep myself under control until I'm led out of her sight. And then I collapse, sobbing, in the prison hallway. I wish I could hug her one more time.
Continued with "CV-11"
I would be grateful if you would give me your comments and rate my stories in my Guestbook, or email me. Reader responses will determine whether I publish more stories, and will help improve them! Thanks for reading! (If you'd like to be notified when I post new stories, let me know.
If you enjoyed this story, try Witch's Faith. Feeling rejected by Tara and Buffy, Willow finds herself helping Faith get out of prison–and falling in love. When the dark Slayer's plots turn deadly, Willow must betray someone she loves. But who will she choose?
Faith walked out to Willow's car in a daze. She didn't truly believe this was happening until the prison gate closed behind them and they were on the open road. The afternoon sun turned to rain and it was the sweetest sound Faith had ever heard. She wished Willow would drive faster. A hundred miles an hour... two hundred! She was ready to slay–vampire after vampire turning to dust before her. And then she wanted sex... real sex, not a stranger's head between her legs in the bathroom, forcing orgasm quickly because privacy might end at any moment. Faith glanced curiously at Willow, wondering if the girl had ever had thoughts of homosexuality.
In the back seat, Faith found a bundle of lovely, wood stakes. The real thing! The Slayer took a stake in her hands. She caressed it, felt its perfect weight. Its solidity made the future suddenly solid as well. "Hey, Red... thanks."
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