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Previously on "The Box"... (skip summary) Having inherited the Mayor's fortune, Faith sees Dawn in secret, working up the nerve to face Buffy and reveal that Dawn was her girlfriend for a short time in Boston–or so her memories tell her. But the Mayor has also left Faith the Box of Gavrok: black magic that can make Faith and Dawn immortal. Faith knows this magic is evil, but when Dawn is almost killed by a bus, Faith gives in and begins the long process of using the Box. Willow senses the Box's magic and the Scoobies begun a hunt for Faith, believing she's planning terrible destruction. And Giles returns from England, hoping to find and rehabilitate Faith. This hurts Buffy, who is overwhelmed by Slaying and trying to care for Dawn, and wishes Giles could be there for her. Faith's spells cause her to see Dawn's hidden self as the Key–an amazing sight, but a scare that makes her doubt her plans. But she continues, relying on the Mayor's knife as a reminder of the darkness she is capable of. At the last minute, Faith realizes she can't bring herself to use black magic on Dawn, not even to make them both immortal. She gives up the Mayor's fortune for a fresh start, and turns the Box over to Buffy. The Slayers fight, but Willow and Tara speak with Faith and realize that she truly loves Dawn. Buffy trusts them–but still sees Faith as dangerous. When Faith saves Buffy and Tara from Warren's shooting spree, Buffy softens slightly and decides to trust Faith with Dawn at a school dance. But Buffy was right all along–Faith is dangerous: she loses her temper at the dance and gets Dawn expelled and sent to a foster home. Faith stays away from Dawn, just until Buffy can get a second chance as Dawn's guardian. But Dawn's social worker demands that Buffy keep Faith away for good–and Buffy is in total agreement. Buffy, already close to a breakdown after being taken from Heaven, feels increasingly unwanted by her friends and sister. All of them have been spending more and more time with Faith. Even Giles, who is now Faith's Watcher–but he tries to help Buffy know she is still special to him. Buffy can't stand Faith being around, but she finally realizes that Faith and Dawn really do love each other, so she secretly forces the social worker to let Faith see her again. Buffy won't let anyone know that she's actually the one behind Faith's return. She even lets Dawn stay over at Faith's (with a stern warning), after realizing that Faith shares her own feelings on sex: it always leads to pain. Dawn wants to believe sex can be loving, and Tara has tried to help all three girls realize that–but after Faith reacts badly to an intimate touch, Dawn feels terrible, and is finally convinced that Tara is wrong and physical love is bad. Meanwhile, Tara tries to comfort Buffy, who is afraid (after Spike tried to rape her and then left town) that she can never have a love like Faith and Dawn's. Buffy worries about Faith's safety when she carelessly seeks thrills and risks on patrol, so she has Giles talk some caution into Faith. Meanwhile, Faith sympathizes with the tough time Buffy is having, and tries to make sure Dawn realizes how much her sister loves her. Faith wants to feel like part of the gang, and wishes she and Buffy could be allies again. Most of all she wants trust from Buffy–the person who has seen Faith at her worst. But neither Slayer realizes how much the other one cares, and so they remain enemies, patrolling separately and trying to hold on to a truce for Dawn's sake. Faith finally snaps and starts a fight, but ends up trying to comfort Buffy instead, telling Buffy that she'll find love someday too. But Faith never realizes that Buffy appreciates the gesture. So the two don't quite give up the feud, despite Dawn's efforts to bring them together. Meanwhile, Faith is finally ready to get her diploma after much tutoring from Dawn, and is trying to keep secret the fact that she's the one who donated the rebuilt Sunnydale High–creating jobs for Xander, Giles, and maybe even Buffy. Faith doesn't want any credit for donating the Mayor's money: she knows she earned it from her evil days. But everyone has figured out the good thing Faith did–except for Buffy who insists Faith still has the Mayor's fortune hidden somewhere. No wonder Buffy is annoyed that Faith keeps putting off getting a phone. As Dawn's 16th birthday approaches, what she really wants is to be trained to fight and help patrol–but both Slayers agree that it's far too dangerous, and Faith likes to think of Dawn as too innocent to fight. Instead, Faith has a secret package on the way–which only Faith knows has something to do with the Mayor–and the witches have concocted a spell that will let the Key see her true self. Buffy objects, believing it will hurt Dawn to make her face not being human. But Faith has already seen Dawn's true beauty as the Key, and has persuaded the witches not to back down. They make a small wooden box, containing magic only the Key herself can use. Unfortunately, the witches have learned more about the Key than they bargained for. Tara is distraught to discover that someone close to her–a sister, perhaps–had to be sacrificed by the monks, and forgotten forever, in order to bring Dawn to life. Faith is horrified, but still thinks the witches' research may be important some day in protecting the Key. They decide to let Dawn herself decide how much she wants to know about her own creation. Meanwhile, Willow has promised Tara that she will never do magic again, but her power is not under control. She accidentally traps Buffy and Dawn underground with a horde of monsters. Buffy can't fight them alone, but to her surprise, Dawn fights bravely at her side. After the battle, Buffy breaks down but reaches a turning point, vowing that things will get better. She promises to show Dawn the world instead of protecting her from it. Dawn is very pleased–until Willow owns up to the accident, and Dawn is crushed to realize that Tara might break up with Willow again. Willow is terrified to learn from Giles that she has become veneficus–a kind of witch so powerful she could destroy the world if she ever lost herself. Except that every veneficus in history has lost control and destroyed herself first! But to everyone's relief, the news doesn't drive Tara away, and Giles hopes that with the help of Tara and a coven in England, Willow might learn to control her powers. With the Chosen Two unable to make peace, Dawn insisting she's ready to help patrol, and the witches ready to give the Key their mystical box over Buffy's objections... Dawn's birthday is shaping up to be a very tense event.....

 

What an afternoon. Poor Will! She's so afraid of her powers now. She got a scare just about as bad as Dawn and I. And maybe she needed one just about as bad as Dawn and I! Suddenly I can see that Dawn's not a little girl anymore. She's an amazing young woman. And not half bad with a blade.

I've been trying to get some shopping done, but my head's spinning with everything that's going on. On top of Faith and Dawn and everything else, now the Slayer stuff is getting to me: I have to worry about both Willow and Anya turning evil! And what would I do if they did?

It's too much. I have to talk to someone, and it has to be Giles.

"Giles? He's in the back," says Anya, irritated, pointing with a dead lizard. "I think he's avoiding organizing the reptile parts. It's funny how he's back in Sunnydale, but somehow I'm still doing all the work! I mean, he could pitch in just once in a while, but he'd rather–"

"Thanks. Is Faith...?" I kinda want to talk to Giles alone. And I'd just as soon not dwell on the fact that Anya is currently a vengeance demon running a magic shop. Not out for Xander's blood anymore, as near as everyone can tell... but still a demon. With some serious power. So is she on our side still or not? Xander says she's welcome at Dawn's party, but she doesn't want to come.

"Faith left twenty minutes ago, but–guess what? Giles is still back there! How long does it take to put away a few weapons? Just once I'd like–"

"I'll tell him you could use a hand."

Giles is sharpening an axe. Faith's axe, no doubt. "Have a great day of training with Faith?" I ask.

"Buffy! Yes, she's coming along quite well. And you don't have to worry about her safety so much–I believe she is finally learning a bit of caution."

"Worried? I was never worried about Faith." Or even if I was, it was just for Dawn's sake.

Giles returns to his task. "I see there's no still no sign of a rapprochement between you."

"Is that anything like reproach?"

"No."

"Then there isn't. But hey! We haven't tried to stab or bludgeon each other for days now!"

"I'm so proud of you both," says Giles wryly. "I know you avoid each other when you patrol. You do realize how much more effective you could be, working together?"

"We can cover more ground if we each do our own thing. Besides, Faith is trouble."

"I'm Faith's Watcher now. She is trouble. I know that as well as anyone." I'm surprised he doesn't take her side. "But Buffy... she's not the same girl who betrayed us before. She's better. Thanks to Dawn. That's not an act."

"I know. I know it's not all an act. But that's always the question with Faith, isn't it? How much is an act? The way she is with Dawn... it's like she's a different person. So which one is the act? OK, she cares about Dawn. That didn't stop her from doing magic on her! That didn't stop her from getting Dawn expelled. That didn't stop her from getting Dawn taken away from me! That didn't stop her from hiding the Mayor's fortune and pretending it just up and vanished."

"Buffy... I believe in Faith. As a Watcher I can't afford to be wrong about that. And you believe in her too."

"I wish I could say I did."

"You do. Deep down. I know you, Buffy. In the end, you accept the way things are, even when that's the hardest thing in the world."

I take a bamboo staff from the wall and start to practice around the dummy Xander made–for me, not for Faith. Almost makes me feel like this is my training space again... and Giles is my Watcher. In truth, it's not even my staff. Still, it gives me something to do while I ask for the help I need.

"Giles... tell me what to do. Tell me how to deal with everything."

Giles puts down the axe and looks worried. "You've done extremely well. As I knew you would when I left."

"But I haven't. I've promised Dawn that things well be better... they have to get better... but just being here is so hard! I don't talk about that in front of the others. They brought me back... I don't want them to know how much it hurts." I let the dummy have it–hard. "And I'm so worried about losing Dawn... or doing the wrong thing for her... I barely have the energy to make myself patrol! And now this thing with Will... and Anya all vengeancy again... And having Faith back... that's the last thing I need right now. And–"

"Buffy. You're grown up now. You have stood alone against far worse than you face now." He takes the staff from me, forcing me to meet his eyes. "But sometimes the most grown-up thing you can do is ask for help."

"Then I'm asking."

"You need help with your calling. And help looking out for your sister."

"Yes." Please, Giles! Have some Watcher left over for me!

"Then Buffy... perhaps Faith is exactly who you do need right now."

He holds my eyes with his, and I search for an objection... but I just don't know what to say. Or think. I want to trust Faith. Cross her off my list of things to worry about. But there's far too much history with her for that to happen. Including some very recent history.

The door opens. "Hey Mr. Giles!" It's Tara. And Willow, looking a lot better after some alone time with her girl. I'm off the hook.

"Ah yes," says Giles, "you two said there was some spell you wished to discuss?"

Willow gives me a nervous glance. "Yeah. Maybe this isn't a good time..."

I bet this about Dawn. The damned Key magic Tara's been cooking up. The magic that's going to let Dawn understand her "true" self and feel just awful–on her birthday! "It's OK, Will. Just leaving. I've got a... thing."

I head for the cemeteries early to sit in the shadows and wait for full dark. I need to be alone.

Or do I?

I try to imagine Faith and I together. The Chosen Two. Maybe even friends again on some level. When I made a fool of myself crying in front of her, she could have kicked me when I was down. She could have rubbed it in. But she didn't. She never heard me thank her for trying to be a comfort. I should work up the nerve to thank her again.

I try to imagine us together, allies or friends... but I can't.

It just could never work a second time.

 

---

 

"Morning, Birthday Girl! How does sixteen feel?"

"Sixteen feels like you can call me Birthday Woman!" Dawn lets me in with a big smile, and we kiss. And we kiss. I melt into her arms. She's dressed up for the occasion. Short dress... cleavage... an extra button open just for me? I let the kiss get just a bit out of control. But when my beloved Dawnie starts feeling me up, I look around nervously for B.

"Don't worry, Buffy's in the kitchen." Dawn catches her breath and reluctantly pulls back. "But I want to talk to you both, OK?"

"OK... sure."

"And here... your package came! Just in time!" She hands me a brown box and my heart skips a beat. Wow. The only thing I decided to keep from my darker days. I want to open it and see for myself what took so long, but after one more kiss, Dawn's tugging me into the kitchen for a little family chat.

I notice she fastens that third button again on the way. I feel a sudden pang of panic. She's sixteen now... she wouldn't try once again to get me to have sex would she? 'Cause that ain't happening! I won't hurt Dawn that way, least of all on a day that should be happy.

Buffy and I eye each other cautiously over a pile of party hats and decorations. Buffy kinda freaked me out when she lost it yesterday, and I don't know what to expect from her now. I even tried to be nice, not that she'd notice!

"OK," says Dawn, "today is my birthday, and the only thing I ask is for you two to call a truce for 24 hours. Be nice all day, just for one day." Dawn looks from me to Buffy. I feel guilty, and B kinda looks the same. "Can you two do that? For me?" She touches Buffy's arm and gives her cutest pleading look to both of us.

Buffy looks at me, unblinking. "I can certainly do that."

I look back at B. "It's a deal, Dawnie."

"Thanks. I love you both, you know!" She squeezes my hand and starts to leave, picking up her jacket.

"Where are you off to?"

"Willow and Xander are taking me to lunch, remember? So you two are gonna be home all by yourselves. I want you to behave!" Buffy rolls her eyes. I can tell Dawn's imitating their mom.

Buffy picks up a banner to hang.

"I should probly take a walk," I tell her. We set each other off just by existing. Absence is a good way to keep a truce. Or maybe I should help decorate? "Unless... there's something I can do..." I pick up a stack of party plates. "Where do these go?"

She gives me a look. "On the table. They're for eating."

I silently start setting the table for cake. I'm going to stay cool. Think about Dawn, not about Buffy.

But after a few minutes she actually says, "thanks." Then she gives me some weird looks while she's putting up streamers. Not nasty looks, just weird.

Eventually she speaks. "And, thanks for... you know..." she falters, embarrassed. Is she gonna admit that I treated her decent when she started crying yesterday? "For... for staying out of sight when the social worker wanted you gone. It helped me get Dawn back." No, I guess she has too much pride. So we'll just pretend yesterday never happened.

But she's making an effort. I can too. I nod. "Sure thing. Home's where Dawn should be. And... it was kinda partly my fault she got taken away."

"Yeah. It kinda partly was." She starts taping up the last birthday banner.

"That sign'd fit better over the door."

She gives me the tiniest glare, then lets it pass. "You're right."

I help her with one end of it. Then we start on the rest of the streamers, keeping our mouths shut. After a while, it's less tense. We're making things nice for Dawnie.

I'm glad Buffy and Dawn have such a nice house. "I used to want to be you, B." The words are out before I even knew I was thinking them. Shit!

Buffy pauses, and I see her fingers clench on a thumbtack. She's gonna lay into me for trying to take her friends, her Angel... her body!... and fair enough, I guess. I know she feels like I'm doing that all over again. But after a long silence, all she says is, "sometimes we all wish we were somebody else."

The fight is out of her. She's too tired for it and it's not the time. And suddenly I feel exactly the same.

"I got Dawn a cell phone," she says.

"I know. So she could call home if I went evil on her. She told me."

"That's not the only reason. If–"

"Whatever, B." And we're back to being pissed at each other... Damn, this is gonna be a long day.

"I was going to say... if you would finally get a phone at your place, you could call each other. She could call you for stuff, not just me. She'd like that."

Oh. "Yeah. I'll get a phone. You gotta sign up and stuff though. You know me and paperwork."

"Well do it. I kinda like the idea of Dawnie having two Slayers on speed dial."

She's telling the truth, too. I may piss her off, but she cares about Dawn more than that. That's why I'm still here, isn't it? If she really wanted me out of Dawn's life, I'd probably be in the ground. Some little part of Buffy thinks I'm good for Dawn.

I can kinda see why everybody stays so loyal to B. She's good, deep down, the same way I'm bad. She cares. She can't help it. She used to care about me, a million years ago. Fat lot of good it did. I turned on her anyway.

"I'm over trying to be you, B... but I wouldn't mind being like you. You're not weak. You always do the right thing, don't you, even when it's hard?"

She shrugs, putting flowers on the table. "I've made my own mistakes. Big ones. Deadly ones. Trust me." She sighs. "Oh! Almost forgot that awful stuffed thing!"

Buffy runs upstairs and fetches something from Dawn's room. "Dawn always has her favorite stuffed animal on the birthday table. It's a wreck, nobody even knows what it is! Totally coming to pieces." Is Buffy talking about Antonio? The giraffe I made in boston, that she gave back to me to keep? "I couldn't find it, but look at this thing!" She holds up Judy–my turtle–with a little laugh. "Where did she find this ball thing? It's just as bad as that other one!"

Fuck you, Buffy! "That 'ball thing' is a turtle!" I snap, "Haven't you ever seen a fucking turtle?"

Buffy looks at me like I'm crazy. "What is your problem now?" She slams Judy on the table by the cake box. Then she narrows her eyes and cracks a smile. "You..."

"Don't even start."

"You made those!" She stifles a laugh. "You... make stuffed animals."

"Do not even start with me, B."

She laughs harder. And harder. At me! My tough image is suffering here! It pisses me off. But not as much as calling Judy a 'ball thing' pisses me off! And Antonio is an 'awful stuffed thing,' is he?

Now that bitch is laughing so hard she's crying! I am about to lay into her good... but if I open my mouth she'll start me laughing too! So I just storm out of the dining room. And laugh a little out of sight. I don't even know why.

I go to the bathroom just to get away. When I return, I see Buffy's little fun has put in her a good mood. I even get a smile. She glances at Judy but keeps her mouth shut this time. She gestures around. "Looks nice, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. I think we did just fine." I get my brown package and add it to the presents on the coffee table... not even wrapped, but Dawn won't mind. It's not entirely for her anyway. Buffy eyes the package curiously. But amazingly enough, she doesn't demand to know what it is.

Nothing left to do. We both move to sit on the couch at the same time, and freeze. Then we both decide to sit there anyway. In awkward silence. Which is a step up from hostile silence!

She clears her throat. "So, how's the studying?"

"About done, I guess. Dawn scheduled me for the big test next week. Look like I'll be getting that diploma. Thanks to Dawnie."

"She's good for you."

"Understatement."

"You're good for her too. When you're not doing black magic or beating up her classmates."

Guess I deserved that. But she didn't really say it with spite.

I think Buffy and I might just make it through a day being civil for once! That's quite an achievement considering how pissed off she's been that I'm back in the loop. Ever since Red and T-Rex got the social worker to let me hang around Dawn again, Buffy's been wound extra tight. Although... those two swear the social worker changed her mind on her own. Hard to believe that.

I think about that whole thing... and something strange occurs to me.

"It was you, wasn't it?" I ask, quietly.

"Me what?"

"You convinced Dawn's social worker... They didn't make you let me back into her life, did they? You made them let me back. All along... it was you who let me come back, wasn't it?" She must really love Dawn to have done that!

B stares at nothing for a long time before answering. "No. It wasn't me," she says. I'm not sure I believe her.

After another long silence, she asks, "Faith... did you donate the new school? Is that where the Mayor's money went, like everyone tells me? Was it you?" She looks at me with real curiosity. Before now, I don't think she ever doubted I was lying about that fortune. She's always thought I must have it stashed someplace.

I stare back at her coolly. "No. It wasn't me," I lie.

She gives a small nod and the slightest smile. "I think we understand one another."

"Maybe we do." I can't help returning the smile. After all, if the Chosen Two don't understand each other, who will?

We sit in silence again, lost in our own thoughts. But it's not quite so tense now. I get the sense that a weight has been lifted from Buffy. I know the feeling. She picks up the remote to the TV, then changes her mind and decides to stick with the quiet. I toy with the stake from my belt, pressing the point into my palm.

I don't know why, but I find myself feeling just great. After everything I've done, and all the regret, right now, sitting here with B, is the first time I've really felt like I'm... good again. It's really is all behind me.

I feel like I'm at the beginning of the future, not the tail end of a big ol' mess of crap I dug myself into. I'm a Slayer. A damn good one. I help people every day, same as Buffy. I am good. Maybe even worth loving. Dawn seems to think so. And even Buffy sees good in me now too. Somehow I can tell. Things are different between us even if we can't say it.

And that's what it is. That's what feels so good... like the sun just came out. Buffy finally trusts me. I don't know why I even care what she thinks! But I do, almost as much as I care what Dawn thinks. Buffy's been waiting for me to fuck up for so long... and she's been right half the time.

But I don't think she's waiting for that anymore. Even after everything I've done, Buffy trusts me.

Damn I wish Dawn was here right now! I'd hug the hell out of her.

 

~ Continue to Episode 20 – Suspicion ~

 

If you enjoyed this story, try CV. Buffy agrees to a meeting with someone from her past. It's not what she expected. (Faith/Buffy. Faith and Dawn have a very different relationship in that story.)

I always appreciate feedback in my Guestbook, or by email. Reader responses will determine whether I publish more stories, and will help improve them! Thanks for reading! (If you'd like to be notified when I post new stories, let me know.)

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