chapter three
Walking home alone from school sucks. I usually walk with Lyzander but he had a mock trial meeting today. God damn smart kid.
It was quite cold outside, snow flying everywhere and of course I didn't have a jacket. I don't believe in those things. If God intended for us to be warm he would have given us a detachable layer of skin but he didn't so I guess we're screwed.
The sun was shining down catching the snowflakes in the right light to make them sparkle. It was quite pretty.
I really can't stand walking home alone. It just gives you a sense off how small you are compared to everything around you. It makes me feel alone. It's weird to think about how much you really don't matter in the whole scheme of things. You are barely known to anyone. You are just a little blip on the radar in the gigantic picture of the world. People say that to someone, you are the world. I wonder where the person who loves me is hiding himself.
I started to run the rest of the way. I run home partly because it keeps me in shape and partly because I get bored thinking my usual morbid thoughts. Maybe if I run often enough I'll start to get some definition to my muscles instead of just the completely flat stomach I currently have. No matter how hard I train I just can't seem to make myself look better. I think I'm destined to be a pathetic little boy forever.
My house started to come into view so I picked up my pace. Only a few more yards and I would be there. The snow was clinging to my eyelashes as it whipped past my head, giving me a floating feeling. Go on Cain, you can make it. I tensed the muscles in my legs and let my inner track star come out to play.
When I got there, I stopped and fell face first into about two feet of snow. Looks like mom had already been out to shovel. My limbs were aching as a result of my most recent growth spurt that left me at around 6'1 and very clumsy. It also took me a long time to regain my normal breathing pattern after my small workout. I really, really need to get into better physical shape. Call me a perfectionist.
I rolled around a bit, tunneling under the white clouds. I loved the way the cold snow felt on my bare arms and how it soaked through my clothes in an instant. I would be content for hours laying there staring up at the sun, waiting for it to melt the fun away.
Able turned onto the block wearing his spiffy varsity jacket. He scowled at me the way he usualy does. I think his temper might melt the snow away before the sun could even think about doing it.
He walked over and loomed above me, casting a shadow in front of the sun a he kicked the bottom of my shoe. "What the hell are you doing?" he cried as he stared in bewilderment.
I shrugged at him. Able can be such a dick sometimes. "Why does it matter? I'm not bothering you in any way." I said to him calmly. He hates not getting a rise out of people.
"What do you mean it's not bothering me?" he spat at me like I was the biggest idiot ever. "Unfortunately, you're identical to me. If people see you my reputation might get badly bruised." He poked his finger into his chest in an attempt to show dominance. "Whatever you do is a reflection upon me and I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't act like a complete moron where people might see you. Now why don't you get your scrawny little ass inside the house before I'm forced to so it for you." I'm suprised he didn't flash his jock muscles as a form of intimidation. He reminded me of a male peacock the way he always showed off in frot of people. The sad thing is, there was no on else around to show off for. I wonder where his tribe of goons had run away to.
"Piss off, Able." I said to him as I continued to lay there, unaffected by him.
Able was one of the popular kids in our school. You know, the type that dress in the latest clothes and are up on all the happening trends. They enjoy putting down people lower then themselves, such as me. I embarrass him just by being alive. He's tried numerous times to get me to change the way I dress or act but I just won't buy into it. He hates me for it.
He glared at me but turned around and went inside. I'm glad he didn't start something because I really wasn't in the mood to get my ass kicked. The sad thing about that is, we're the same size and he can still kick my ass. I could kick the crap out of him but I can't bring myself to hit him, or anyone for that matter.
I know how wussy it sounds but I really don't like to be aggressive towards Able. I know that he's an asshole to me but he is my brother and I do love him. I don't like to see him get hurt.
I continued laying on the ground for what seemed like hours, waiting for Lyzander to get home. I was dazed out when I caught my first glance of him coming up the sidewalk. The sun was setting behind him, giving a sort of mysterious glow. It made him look beautiful.
I closed my eyes and savored that image until I felt a hand graze my cheek.
"My God Cain, you're turning blue! You must be freezing your ass off!" he exclaimed while picking me up like a child as if I were weightless. I went limp in his arms and sighed. You could always count on Lyzander to make a big deal over you, makeing you feel special.
Upstairs, I found my clothes being torn off and a blanket being wrapped around me.
"Lyzander," I said with a giggle, "I'm perfectly fine. You really don't have to be doing this." He rolled his eyes and picked me up, bringing me into my bedroom.
I was placed on the bed and I fell over, pulling the blanket tighter around me.
He was madly rummaging through my dresser, pulling out clothes and tossing them in random directions. It was cute how he cared so much.
The next thing I knew, I was standing and a shirt was being forced over my head. Lyzander was so much stronger than me. It felt amazing to be touched by him, or held in his arms. It felt right.
He stood in front of me and cleared his throat as he looked down at my soaking boxers. I raised an eyebrow.
"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" I inquired with a smirk, letting him know that I was just trying to be an asshole.
"Take it off, jerk." he said, wrapping the blanket back around me as a playful grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.
"Gee, I thought you would at least by me dinner first." I said while laughing. I slipped my wet boxers off under the blanket and tossed them at him. He caught them and handed me dry ones. "Can I call you daddy?"
"Now why would you wanna do that?" he asked me with a curious look. He almost looked intrigued. Then he shrugged and continued to dress me.
"Because, you're babying me." I said while giving him a cute look. I ran my fingers through his long blonde hair and he growled at me. He didn't like to have his hair touched.
"I only do these things because I know that you wouldn't do it for yourself." he said while finishing the last button on my jeans. "I have to do my homework." He snapped my boxers and walked into his bedroom. I heard his books fall onto his desk and the familiar sound of his shoes against the wall.
"Okay sexy!" I yelled after him, laughing. What would I do without him?
I knew what I had to do now. My dead journal was calling me.
