The park was a peaceful place to be when you had nothing better to do. It was nice to sit on a bench and watch the ducks playing in the pond. It's also amusing when they start to chase each other and bicker. I like it when animals freak out.
It really was beautiful out and no one else had seemed to notice so I was here by myself. I like it better that way. I'd rather be with nature than other people any day.
Out of the corner of my eye I spied a little golden puppy wandering on the banks of the pond. He was a scruffy little thing with dirt caked on his fur. Probably homeless and cold, I felt bad for the little guy and walked over to where he stood. He didn't back away in fear like I expected him to but instead he trotted over and started to lick my hand. He was one of the cutest thing's I had ever seen in my life and I immediately fell in love with him. I had a pear in my pocket which I intended on using as an afternoon snack but decided to give it to the poor little creature instead. He would get better use out of it then I would.
The puppy ate gratefully and then sat at my feet as if waiting for further instruction. Hmm, what could I do?
I picked him up and and started to walk with him to my car. What else was I going to do, leave him there to starve? I placed him in the back seat where he immediately laid down and fell asleep.
There was something about that space in time that made everything in my life come together. I don't know whether it was the way the setting sun reflected off the roof of my car or the peaceful way a cool breeze wafted in through the open window but whatever it was, it gave me a small glimmer of hope for my future. The realization just now hit me that everything I had done in the past was exactly that, in the past. That was then and this is now. I have a chance to start over and I intend to do just that.
I put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking lot.
I'm not trapped by my past anymore. I have my boyfriend from high school back and I intend on keeping it like that. There's no screwing up this time because you know what? I love him too much.
I sat in triumphant silence for a while letting what I had just thought sink into my head. I love him. Cain. I love Cain. I Lyzander love Cain and I'm never letting go of him.
I was suddenly overcome by a wave of such complete wand utter joy that I almost crashed into a tree. Joy is suck a rare thing in life and now that I possessed it I cradled and nurtured it as on would a lover. Sure I've been happy before but to be joyous is a gift. The difference between the two is that happiness may be fleeting but joy lasts a lifetime. I knew what I had to do to keep the joy and wondered why it wasn't so ridiculously obvious to me before. It's very simple to understand that the only thing that's keeping my alive right now is Cain. He's the only thing I need and I know exactly what I have to do.
I tip-toed over to his bed and sat on the side, letting my fingers run through his hair. He slightly stirred but not enough to wake him. The basket I was holding squirmed and whimpered as I sat it down on his bed and tightened the latch as to not ruin the surprise for later.
Light was flooding into the room from an open window, caressing his skin as a gentle breeze blew in, rousing the curtains.
After a long spell of listening to him breathe, I reached inside the basket and pulled out a single rose I brought along to make the evening more romantic. I brought it up to my nose first but then laid on my side next to him and traced his jaw with the flower. I then carefully leaned down and kissed his slightly parted lips. The kiss was like tasting fruit off a forbidden tree, so sweet and pure. Slowly his big brown eyes opened and came to rest upon mine.
His look at first was one of complete confusion but after awhile he sat up and smiled at me.
"What's all this about?" he asked me with a loving look in his eyes.
"Oh I don't know." I said while trying my best to play dumb. He smirked. It could just be me showing my undying love for you. Or something like that." I handed him the rose and kissed his forehead. He gave me an endearing look and crawled into my lap like he used to do when we were kids. The basket whimpered again and he looked at me suspiciously.
"What do you have in the basket?"
"Just a surprise for you." I replied to him with a smirk.
"Should I be as scared as I am?"
"Quite possibly."
I nudged him forward and he cautiously ventured over to the basket and undid the latch, releasing the golden puppy I had found earlier and the park. Cain immediately let out a delighted shriek and swept the creature up into his arms. Watching them made me beam.
"Oh Lyzander, he's perfect!" he squealed at me, jumping up and wringing my neck with his arms. I fell backwards on the bed and rubbed his back, enjoying the feeling of him on top of me. Making him happy is one of the best feelings in the world.
After he felt I could be strangled no longer, he kissed me deeply with a newfound fire I haven't seen for years. I felt alongside my thigh, making sure what I had in my pocket was still securely there. Positive that it was in place I wrapped my fingers around the object and pulled it out. Once he broke the kiss I sat him up and looked deeply into his eyes. I then drew a deep breath and forced myself to speak.
"Cain," I started, "there's something I have to say to you." I took his hand as he searched my face for a hint as to what I was about to say. "I've been thinking about this for a very long time. I've done some pretty shitty things in my past and bad very bad decisions regarding you that I regret so much now. Even when we were apart for those five years I was driving myself crazy thinking about you and how happy we would be if we were together. One thing has stayed consistent for as long as we've known each other though. That thing is my love for you." I could feel hot tears start to well up behind my eyes and knew I was starting to get emotional. "I love you so much, Cain. So much that I couldn't bear the thought of living another day without having you be completely mine." I took his hands in mine and drew circles on his palms with my thumbs. "I guess what I'm really trying to say is, will you marry me?" I put the pale blue ring box into his hand and looked up to him, hopefully. He looked like he was going to be sick. I didn't say anything out of fear of ruining the moment.
After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke. "I... I don't know." he stuttered without looking at me. What?!? It felt like a thousand sharp knives were forced into me heart and he was maniacally laughing while twisting them. He looked completely distraught. "I don't know." he repeated again. He then crawled onto my lap and burying his face into my hair, he started to cry.
