When I was around twelve years old I had my first cup of coffee. It was always a forbidden thing to me as a kid because my mother feared that I would become too hyper to handle if I tried it so my brother and I had to sit at the kitchen table every morning and watch our mother drink the mysterious liquid while we were stuck with the same bland orange juice every day. Finally our curiosity won us over and in the middle of the night, Able and I snuck downstairs and made a pot of coffee. We sat in front of the machine, watching the black liquid drip down into the pot excruciatingly slow. It was torture. When the coffee was finally done we ended up drinking the entire pot between the two of us. It was horrible! I think it was the worst thing I had ever tasted in my entire life. Unfortunately our mother was right, we both got on a caffeine rush. She found us passed out on the kitchen floor the next morning covered in coffee grinds (Able thought it would be fun to throw them at each other). I have hated coffee since but the sad thing is, it was the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. When I woke up I found Lyzander in my kitchen, slaving over a big pot of the terrible stuff. He thrust a cup at me and I took it and downed the entire thing without blinking. It was a long night.
Lyzander was presently siting across from me at the kitchen table wearing an anxious look. I couldn't help but stare down blankly at the third cup of coffee that was turning cold in my hands. He was trying so hard to be optimistic but I could see on his face just how much I had crushed him last night. It was taking all my will power to keep me sitting at that damn table. I felt like such a horrible person for killing him like that. I mean, I love him but can I trust him?
I know I shouldn't of but I couldn't help take all the things Mordred had said about Lyzander the other night, to heart. What if Lyzander really did sleep around with everyone and I was just next on his list of stolen souls? I don't know what he's been doing for the past five years. How do I know that he would be true to me and only me? I love the guy, damn it, but how could I really be sure?
A long time had past from the last time we had taken a quick glance at each other and now. He then finally got up to leave.
"I have to go to work now. Are you going to be okay here?" he asked me while putting on his shoes. I nodded and kept my gaze on the cup which now felt like it contained liquid nitrogen. "Okay then." he said half-heartedly while making his way toward the door. He looked over his shoulder, "Promise that you'll call me tonight?" I nodded, still focused on the cup. The door then opened and I heard him heavily sigh as he left. I wanted to cry because I felt like the worst person in the world. I should be shot. The door slammed shut as I slumped over on the table and buried my face into my arm.
I felt like my bedroom was spinning around me and all I could do was grip the sheets and hope I didn't get sucked into the vortex. I was laying on my bed trying to figure what to do about Lyzander. So many thoughts were entering and exiting my mind that I felt like a women's bathroom at a soda factory. If only there was some way to see if Lyzander was being faithful to me or not.
"Follow him." A little voice in my head whispered to me. Could I really do such a thing and not be a total psycho and betray Lyzander's trust? "Sure you can, just don't let him see you." What a novel idea that was! But what if he does see me? "Oh, he won't if you do it right. You just have to know what you're doing." Good plan. But how would I go about doing that? "Why the hell do you keep asking me questions? I'm only your brain! What the hell do you want from mw? Figure it out on your own."
Stupid brain. I wanted to hit myself but resisted the urge. I figured that would get me nothing more than a large headache. I'm going to spy on my boyfriend. Oh dear God, what have I gotten myself into?
I was in a large room that held a juke box, tables with matching chairs and a bar that was loaded with way too many drunken old guys for my liking. I could barely see through the gigantic cluster of people that lined the walls seeming to take up every cubic inch of the building, let alone spot the one person I came here so desperate to see.
I found an empty seat at the bar and was able to sit after shoving my way through the horde of people. After ordering a Shirley Temple (infantile, I know), I started to scope out my surroundings. It was a little bit easier to pay attention to details from my perch at the bar then it was when I was just trying to keep from falling over earlier in that giant mess of people.
A blonde head appeared out of the crowd, making it's way over to the general direction of where I sat. I knew at once that it was Lyzander so I quickly turned around in my seat and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head so he wouldn't spot me as easily I had him.
He took sat down a few stools over from me and I shifted my weight so I could easily look over my shoulder at him without appearing too suspicious. He wasn't alone. Sat next to him was Barnaby who was putting his arm around his shoulders, drawing him closer. He was undoubtedly comforting him on account of what I had done to him. That thought gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My skin burned with jealousy as I watched, helpless to do anything except to take comfort in the fact that I know Barnaby is straight and wouldn't have any lustful intentions with Lyzander. Thank God for small favors.
Slowly turning my head so neither Lyzander or Barnaby could spot me, I stole another glance at them. Lyzander was hanging his head very low to the bar while Barnaby rubbed his knee and made sympathetic gestures. The bartender put a drink down in front of him. I felt my eyebrows raise at the way Lyzander dove at the glass. It reminded me of the way a snake would strike it's prey. I hadn't known how bad of an alcoholic Lyzander had been and this display was frightening to me in a way. How much about Lyzander did I really not know?
"Lyzander, calm down!" Barnaby scolded as he tapped Lyzander's arm in a reprimanding way. Lyzander gave him a fierce look and turned back to gulping the drink in spite of Barnaby's attempt at stopping him. "Don't give me that look, I'm only trying to look out for you."
Barnaby slid onto the stool next to Lyzander's and rubbed his knee in a reassuring way. Lyzander started to soften.
"I'm sorry, I just..." I leaned in closer so I could hear over the growing noise, "I want Cain to stop doubting me."
He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his face with the heals of his hands.
"I'm sure that's not it," Barnaby started but Lyzander cut him off.
"Yes it is! Ever since we met up again I noticed the looks of mistrust and betrayal he would give me. I thought I could do right by him and propose but that backfired on me as everything else in my pathetic life already has. Looks like he just saw what everyone else has been seeing in me the entire time." He paused and then taking a long sip of his drink, continued. "He is the only person I have ever loved, the only thing in my life that I have to live for. He gives me light when everything around me has darkened. Right now he is the only thing that is keeping me alive and I just can't think of a way to put into words the deep love I feel for him. I would do anything to make him happy. ANYTHING!" he yelled while slamming his fist down on the bar and jumping up off his stool. At this, Barnaby was taken back a bit and moved away giving him his distance. I could see Lyzander's shoulders shake with passion as he spoke and his upper lip quivered as if he were about to cry. He stood still for moment to collect his thoughts. He then slowly moved back down onto the stool and regained his sunken over position balancing on the bar. In a much softer tone he spoke. "I really do love him. I would search to the ends of the earth to retrieve for him anything he desired just see the look on his face when I gave it to him. He means the entire world to me and I don't think there is any point in going on without him."
By now there were tears starting to leak out of those pale blue eyes. Eyes that were lit with a phenomenal amount of passion that I had never seen in him before. His tears were sliding down and ruining his perfect face but at the same time just seeming to make him even more beautiful. I had to resist the urge to run and hold him in my arms. I just wanted to tell him that everything was going to be alright, that I returned all the emotion he felt for me at ten times it's strength.
Barnaby rubbed his shoulder and talked to him softly enough that I couldn't make out what he was saying. "I need him Barnaby, I need him more than anything."
That was the last straw. I couldn't take him spilling out his heart anymore. I got up and walked around the few people that separated us and taking a deep breath, I put my hand on his shoulder.
"Lyzander?" My voice came out almost breaking.
"Cain?"
He turned around to face me and I could see the surprise painted on his face. I took his hand and intertwined our fingers for a moment while I thought of what to say. Slowly I looked up at him and met his eyes. "I know how much you love me."
He looked at me like a beaten puppy. That was the precise moment my heart broke. I put my hands on either side of his face and caressed his cheeks with my thumbs. "I don't think I let you know just how much I love you."
He put his forehead against mine and I could feel his arms wrap around my waist. "Cain, let's go somewhere where we can be alone."
We walked the few blocks back to my apartment holding hands. Being completely honest and pure with Lyzander felt perfect. I finally realized that we needed each other to survive.
All my senses seemed to heighten when I was with him. The sweet fragrance of the flowers in the main lobby of my apartment complex danced in the air as we passed them on our way to the elevator. We spent the entire ride up in each other's arms just enjoying the silence around us and how perfect everything seemed to be while we were together.
The elevator stopped and as we walked down the hallway to my apartment, I got the sinking sensation that something wasn't right. I got my key out and while sliding it in the lock I noticed that my foot had sunk into the carpet. When I looked down to see what was holding it I discovered that I was standing in a big pool of dark red blood that was coming from right underneath my door...
