chapter four
The neon light was snapping and popping in the store front window, causing my heavy eyelids to snap open every few seconds. I was having a very hard time staying awake but I had to or else the girl I was piercing would end up getting a hole in her eye instead of through her tongue.
This has got to be one of the longest days of my life. It is currently around three a.m. and I'm still working. The guy who takes the night shift never showed up to work so naturally my boss decided that I would be perfect to fill in the job. I normal would be if I hadn't been working from 12p.m to 7p.m already. Sometimes I really hate my life.
There were three girls in the shop with me, one of them getting pierced and the other three sitting on the couch staring at me and giggling. Even the one that I was working on was sitting there laughing her ass off. They were all on ecstasy. One of the ones on the couch kept coming over to touch my head and laugh. I was in a horrible mood but also was amused by them in spite of myself. I guess that was due to my extreme weariness. I decided to mess with them by flicking my fingers in front of their faces rapidly. I swore their heads spun. Now who had the last laugh? That would be me.
When the alarm went off that told me it was time to leave, I could have cried with happiness. I quickly finished whatever I was doing and kicked the girls out, locking the door behind me. I thought I would never be released from those chains of oppression.
Driving in the car was a real challenge. I kept nodding off at the wheel until I was desperate enough to bang my head against the dashboard a couple of times and then crank the radio up on a punk rock station. The only good that did was make my head throb. Plus it didn't help that it was pretty warm in the car. That just made me think back to the nice warm days in the womb. Mmmm, sleep.....
The tires suddenly screeched and I felt the car run over something. I looked in the mirror to find it was only a squirrel and my mind was put at ease a bit. Hell, I would have been in deep shit if that was a person. I really needed to stay awake now. I was still about 20 minutes from home and if I intended on getting there in one piece, I needed to give the road my full attention.
After a time that felt like the exodus out of Egypt, I was parked in the garage of the apartment complex that my brother and I lived in, and was on my way upstairs. The elevator music was comforting and familiar after a long day of listening to metal music on the job. I really need to start looking for better work elsewhere.
Reaching my door, I fumbled with the key a bit but then finally managed to get it in the lock. I was way too tired. So tired that I was perhaps past the point of sleep. It just felt like my whole body and mind was numb and that sleep was something underneath me. I was also hungry, so the first thing I did was go to the kitchen to seek out food.
My brother had just gone shopping that day so there was actually food in the house. That made me very happy as I grabbed a can of soda and some type of breakfast bar. Hey, if I wasn't going to sleep I might as well eat breakfast.
I sat on the couch and put my feet up on the table in front of me. There I sat, enjoying the silence of the house until it got too creepy and I had to turn on the TV. The blue glow seemed to keep me warm on the rather chilly morning, giving me a sense of security that I normally didn't have.
Nothing very good was on and after a while of zoning out, I became aware of a piercing headache that was forming right behind my eyes.
Reluctant to move, I grumbled my way up from the couch and past Able's room, into the bathroom. I could hear movement from inside his bedroom and figured that Mordred had spent the night with him yet again. It figures, that scum always seems to be around here. He's kind of like a wart on Able's ass that just won't go away.
I locked myself in the bathroom and started rummaging through the cabinet for any type of pill that might relive aches and pains. Finding some I filled a cup with water and downed two as I turned to look out the window. It was around seven am and still partially dark out. It was nice and I started to wish that I was outside. Maybe later if I don't collapse on the floor before then.
Turning away from the scenery outside I flicked the light out and stepped outside the bathroom. It sounded like someone was running around Able's room. I hope this wasn't another early morning "frolic".
I walked by slowly, trying not to move my head in weird directions. I was almost to my own bedroom, getting more tired every step of the way, when Able's door was suddenly swung open and I was hit full on with a blast from the past that I fell over. Literally.
About an awkward half hour had passed since I had been ambushed by a large blonde thing. I presently found myself sitting in our kitchen having my shoulder's rubbed by Able. I hadn't said anything the whole time but Able and Lyzander were doing enough freaking out all of us. They were talking at 50 million miles an hour about how they never meant to do anything and how wasted they really were. I had tuned them out right about when they started because the whole conversation didn't mean much to me anyway. It was mainly because my entire body was numb by just being in the same room with him again that I really couldn't concentrate on anything else.
From not paying attention the only things I could gather were that they had met in a bar last night, things led to things, they didn't recognize each other due to the amount of alcohol they had consumed, and they had sex. Lyzander apparently woke up this morning, saw Able, and thinking it was me, got really freaked out and tried to run from out apartment. It vaguely amuses me that he got freaked out by this.
The more time that passed the more I got a better sense of what was actually happening here. The fire that had been burning me since he left seemed to have gas poured on it. It felt like my legs were ready to carry me out of this place as fast as Lyzander's had tried to get him out of here, but I just couldn't move. My conscious wouldn't let me. Well that and the fact that Able had a death grip on my shoulders.
A silence had fallen over the two that I must have not noticed because when I came back to reality they were both gaping at me, waiting for me to respond to them. I just stared like they had worms crawling out of their eye sockets and then turned away.
"Well, this seems to be going rather nicely." Able remarked sarcastically while finally releasing my shoulders from his vice. "I think I'll let you two boys be here alone. I'm sure you have a lot to catch up on. Besides, I have to be to work anyway."
He patted us both on the head and with that, grabbed his keys and walked out the door. Able must be killed.
A suffocating cloud seemed to pass over us as we just sat there in helpless silence for what seemed like hours but were only a few short minutes. We couldn't look at each other, let alone say anything. This sucks.
"So how are you doing?" he asked, finally breaking the ice between us. He seemed just about as nervous as I was and I was happy because of that. I would have hated if he wasn't.
"Great" I'm lying to you. "Everything is perfect"
I plastered on a grin about as real as Pam Anderson's boobs. He seemed to be insensitive to my wariness. It seems like he really has forgotten how to read my deepest thoughts.
"That's cool."
He was making small talk. I wonder what he was really thinking. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here and so did I. The purpose seemed to be given up a while ago. You could cut the tension between us with a knife.
"Yeah, cool." I replied blandly. I had nothing more to say to him. Well, that wasn't entirely true. There was really so much I yearned to say but didn't out of fear of his reaction. Why did you leave? Why did you pretend to care when you really didn't? Why die you lie? What in the hell happened to you?
His eyes searched me for a while, almost like he was starring at some horrible picture that he wanted to critique but wasn't allowed to.
"So, do you have an interesting job? What do you do anyway?" He was starting to shift from foot to foot. I almost wanted to knock him off balance.
"Yeah sure, it's great. I do body art. Lot's of interesting people you meet every day." If you could call overweight 50 year old men and 15 year old girls interesting.
He stroked his chin as if digesting what I told him. He had a bit of facial hair just underneath his chin in a subtle way. I'm sure he could picture me tattooing some chick's name onto a 60 year old ass. That's a horrible thing indeed.
"Sounds like fun." he finally replied. I nodded.
An awkward silence passed. I could feel him staring at me but I couldn't tell because I was looking at the table. All I could think about was running very quickly out of the room, but where would I go? After all, it was my apartment.
"Cain?" He finally said, turning to me to break the silence. I looked up at his eyes and was immediately hit with all the pain that festered through the years of being apart. It killed me but at the same time drew me to him, causing me to want to become close to him once more. "I still have that picture you drew of his."
That floored me.
I wanted to force myself to hate him, wanted to act cold but I saw the old passion starting to creep back into his eyes and I knew I could do nothing but love him.
I had to succumb to my emotion. He was being open with me, so why shouldn't I be open with him? Because I couldn't trust him. How was I going to know for certain that he wouldn't turn his back on me again and runaway when things took a turn for the worse? He had done it once before so why wouldn't he do it again?
His blue eyes were turning to glass and I knew that he was being hit full force with all the guilt he had been living with over these last 5 years. He made a movement as if to embrace me but I recoiled, jumping up from the chair I was sitting in, in just enough time for him to miss. I wanted him to touch me but I couldn't let him. It still hurt me way too much.
"I guess I should go then." he said weakly. I heard him choke. My heart shattered into a million pieces but I nodded to spite myself. I couldn't bear for him to stay any longer.
He looked down heartbroken as if he could hear my thoughts. A single tear rolled down from his perfect blue eyes and onto his cheek. He stabbed at it with his sleeve to try and make like it had never happened. I was doing everything in my power to hold back my own tears. I had to keep them barred up inside.
He turned away from me and started walking to the door. I was to the point of where I would blink and tears would start to spill out of my eyes. I couldn't let him turn his back on me again and be completely out of my life a second time.
I caught him just before he could reach the door and put my hand on his shoulder, turning him around. He protested for a minute, not making eye contact with me. I then forcefully pulled him towards me, squeezing the be-je-bous out of his body, then burying my face in his neck. I couldn't help what I was doing. It would hurt me more to lose him again than to be forgiving and understanding.
"I don't want you to walk out on me again." I managed to choke out to him. I could feel his hand start to creep up to my head and then he started to pet my hair. It felt so right to be close to him again that there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with this.
"I don't want to have to walk out on you again either."
We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other and forgetting what had happened five years ago for just this moment. I wanted to erase it from my mind but I knew it was impossible. It would just have to be talked out later, but definitely not now.
"Hey," he said while lifting my head from his shoulder with his hands on either side of my face, "I have to go to work now, but how do you feel about going out to lunch tomorrow? You know, to catch up?"
I knodded and he made me bend down to kiss that top of my head. He then turned around and went out the door.
