Chapter 5
Nick quickly ran into his room and put the bar lock up on the door. Touring had been hell the past two weeks and it was the first free moment he’d had alone to check his email. Any other time, he was either too tired to wait for the laptop to boot up or Alaina had been there and he couldn’t risk her seeing anything. He threw his jacket over the bed and quickly wrestled his laptop out of its bag and impatiently drummed his fingers while it booted up. As soon as everything was ready, he quickly clicked to log on. Damn dial-ups! he thought as he checked the clock. Fifteen minutes till she returned. As everything loaded up, he furiously clicked on the email box, praying with every click that it would open faster. The box was bursting with spam and letters from friends and family but a quick search found the one letter he’d been waiting for.
“She liked it!” he exclaimed out loud. “She wants more!” More? Damnit, where’s the disk, he thought gleefully as he began digging through the bag. Labeled “Tour Schedules and Work Shit,” it was carefully hidden away from prying eyes and misnamed to throw people off even more. Popping it into the drive, he began gleefully typing.
Jill,
Wow. That’s really all I can say right now. I can’t believe that you actually like it! I was so prepared to read how you thought it was crap…
“Nick?” a voice called interrupting him. The door was banging against the lock as Alaina tried to gain access to the room. “Nick, you put the lock up, lemme in!” He slammed the laptop closed and rushed over to the door.
“I’m sorry, hun,” he said opening it. “I guess I just wasn’t thinking.”
“Hmph. I can believe that.” She pushed past him and set her things on the bed. “What were you doing?”
“Oh, you know, just checking some email is all.” Walking over to the bed, he flopped down face first.
“Anything good? Or just more porn sites and offers to ‘make big bucks?’”
“Pretty much,” he grumbled. He wanted her to go back out. He wanted to write back to Jill. He wanted so many things, but in his world, only the unusual ever happened. Nothing normal ever seemed to come his way and when he did, he fucked it up severely.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, moving over to rub his shoulders. Everything, he thought.
“Nothing, I’m just tired,” he replied, turning over.
“Oh,” she said simply. She stared at him for a moment, confusion in her eyes and Nick closed his to shut it out. Why can’t I talk to her? Why can’t I just fucking tell her??? “Well, hey, when I was out, I saw this little bitty theatre that’s showing Godzilla, not the old crappy one, but the new one. With Matthew Broderick. It’ll be fun. We’ll get popcorn, we’ll get Sour Patch Kids. Come on!” She picked up his arm and pulled on it.
“I don’t really want to. I’d rather just stay here and watch the movies on Pay-Per-View.”
“Nick, come on. We haven’t gone out in ages. And every time we do, I have to drag you. Look, you won’t get recognized at all! It’s out in the middle of nowhere and we’ll have to dust off the people in the box office.”
“Lane, I just don’t want to. I really just want to stay here.” She tossed his arm down in disgust.
“Fine, Nick, fine! Sit around here and be a pain in the ass. But I’m going out, with or without you!” She grabbed her purse and paused by the door, waiting for him to chase after her. Nick just rolled over and faced away. As the door slammed, he winced, but got up and returned to his email. Instead of finishing the email, he opened the story and began typing.
“What’s wrong with you? Why won’t you go out?” she screamed. “I’m tired of sitting around here watching tv and doing nothing! Is it me?” He didn’t answer. “Fuck you!” she yelled before stomping out the door. He couldn’t tell her the real reason. It had nothing to do with her. There was something the matter with her. She was perfect. Unfortunately she was not the perfect one for him. She did all the things a girlfriend should do in a relationship, but they weren’t enough for him. They weren’t the right things. They weren’t the things he needed. Damnit! What is wrong with me??? Should I try harder to be what she wants? Nick put his hands to his head and thought about it. No, that wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he sure as hell knew what he didn’t want. He didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t understand him. And Alexis didn’t. It wasn’t that she was stupid or ignored the real him. It was that he had never been comfortable enough to show her the real him. No one ever saw him. Everyone he knew saw a little piece but very few had actually put the puzzle together to get to the real Nick. He assumed that it was meant to be that way and that the ones that really wanted to know, would find out. Alexis hadn’t tried. She took who he showed her as the real him and that's where all of their problems stemmed from.
Nick reflected on what he’d just written. What was he trying to say? Was he saying that he didn’t want to be with Alaina anymore? No, that couldn’t be it. If he wasn’t with Alaina, who was he? Where would he be? No, he couldn’t do that. He’d be alone and that was worse than being stuck in the relationship that he knew was going south fast. If it were to end, she’d have to be the one to do it. At least it would give him time to set up something new, even if that too were only temporary.
Sighing, he opened up his email again and sent the chapter. This time without nearly as much enthusiasm.
Chapter 6
