Day Five
The next morning I woke up elated, just super happy. I couldn’t figure out why at first, then I remembered the conversation Nick and I had had the night before and figured it out - I was going to get Faith back. I wanted to call her right away but I she had told me she worked from seven in the morning til two in the afternoon on Saturdays and wouldn’t be home. That was all right - a few of us headed out for an early lunch and we had a group meeting that took up a good two hours after that, so by the next time I had a few free minutes it was almost two. I was on my way to my room to get ready to make the call when I heard Kevin call me. I turned and saw him striding towards me.
“Hey Kev, how are you?”
“Pretty good. Look, Howie, I know this is last minute but I have a big favor to ask of you.”
I wanted desperately to make my call and I started praying that it wasn’t really a big favor (because I am a pushover - I’ll admit it - and I had a hard time saying no). “Um, OK, what’s up?”
Kevin took a deep breath. “I need you to come downtown with me to see a play.”
“A play?” I repeated, not expecting that at all. He nodded.
“A friend of mine’s in this production and I...I forgot all about it. It’s at three so we have to leave pretty much now.”
This was the last thing I wanted to do because I knew that by the time we got back it’d be time to get ready for the show. “Marcos can’t go with you?” I asked hopefully.
Kevin shrugged. “He is, but I’d kinda like to have someone else there too and I’m pretty sure all the other guys have plans,” he replied, anticipating my next question. I knew I must have had a strange look on my face because Kev took a step closer and laid a hand on my shoulder. “Howie, you know I’m not one to press an issue but I really need to go and I’d really appreciate it if you came.”
I sighed as visions of Faith and I sharing an afternoon together drifted away. “Yeah, sure Kev,” I agreed halfheartedly. He smiled, relieved, and slung a brotherly arm around my shoulder as we headed for the elevator.
“Thanks so much,” he said as he pressed the button for the bottom floor. I just nodded. “You didn’t have anything going this afternoon, did you?” he asked as we started for the back exit.
“Nah, not really,” I lied. Usually he called me out when he could tell I was lying (which was whenever I lied because I am horrible at not telling the truth, which I guess is good), but apparently he was preoccupied with other thoughts because he just nodded. In fact, the drive downtown was pretty quiet - Kevin was definitely lost in his own world and I had thoughts of my own to keep me busy.
**********
At the theater we snagged a table near the back just as the lights were starting to go down. I watched with only half interest as the different scenes played - it wasn’t one play but a collection of mini-plays and monologues. As each one started Kevin checked his program, then frowned. Finally, after about eight performances I leaned over to him.
“Which one was your friend?” I asked over the applause.
“None so far,” he told me as he scanned the pages in front of him.
“Is she...is it a she?” I wondered. Kevin paused a second, then nodded slightly. “Is she coming up soon?”
“I don’t know, I think-” But a voice from the stage cut him off and he jerked his head up. On stage stood a dark haired girl my age, possibly younger and judging by the look on Kevin’s face I decided this must be his friend. She was alone with an open coffin, and the only light came from the spotlight that shone on her. Her monologue was that of a woman talking to her dead lover. I was impressed - her delivery was so smooth and natural that it was easy to forget she was acting. I glanced over and saw Kevin watching intently - he wouldn’t even blink. For most of it the girl looked back at the coffin or at the ground, every once in awhile looking at the audience but only for a moment or two. But then she scanned the crowd slowly and her eyes fell on us - well, Kevin anyway - and she just stared and stopped speaking. I thought maybe she had forgotten her lines for a minute but the pause seemed planned. Next to me Kevin leaned forward just slightly, and it was with that the girl started again. Now, though, there were tears in her voice, then dripping down her cheeks. She cried on and off through the last few minutes of her speech then wandered offstage again. The crowd loved her. I looked at Kevin, who was stunned.
“That was your friend, right?”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, that was my friend.”
“She was amazing, Kev.”
He looked over at me and a smile started to spread across his face. “She is amazing, isn’t she?”
I nodded and his eyes returned to the stage. That was the only scene she was in but she earned a standing ovation during her final bow. Kevin was one of, if not the first on his feet. His reaction that afternoon was confusing and as I watched him applaud enthusiastically I remembered his questions earlier that week about dating and not dating. Who exactly was this friend of his, and just when and how had she come along? As we headed to the Palace I considered asking him just who the girl was, but then decided that, much like most of the other guys, Kev’d open up when he wanted to. I forced my thoughts to return to Faith, which wasn’t at all hard, and I started imaging how it would be once we talked everything out. I was sure that it’d be uncomfortable at first, but then how could she stay upset once I told her how much I cared about her? She’d understand, I knew she would. I felt it. My spirits were definitely top notch once we got to the arena. I wanted to call Faith right then to make sure that she would be free that night so as soon as I had a chance I took my phone into the bathroom (one of the few places to find privacy). As I dialed and listened to the ringing my heart and head started to pound.
“Hey, you’ve reached us. If you don’t know who we are, hang up. If you’re trying to sell us something, hang up. If you’re any of my ex-boyfriends, hang up. If you’re--”
“Shut up,” came Faith’s voice over the message. “Hi. Were not here. Leave a message.” I laughed as the machine beeped, then cleared my throat.
“Hi Faith, it’s Howie. I was just calling to see if you’d be free tonight because I really need to talk to you. Give me a call back as soon as you get a chance, and if I don’t answer just leave a message, OK? Thanks, talk to you later.” I hung up and sighed, then basically walked around in a cloud, pretty unaware of what was going on around me - people just sort of drifted in and out of my fog. I was going to do the right thing - the endless string of one night romances (if you could even call them that), and lonely times were finally going to come to an end, and I was relieved. Scared, but deep down happy. When I saw Nick approach as I got dressed for the show I snapped out of my daze. I had to thank him for giving me courage to do what I never thought I’d do. I smiled as he got closer but he looked really upset.
“Hey Nick,” I called out, smiling wider in the hopes that he’d do the same, “I just wanted to--”
“Don’t talk to me,” he growled, storming past me. I turned and looked after him in surprise.
“What?” I said, but he continued walking, snatching his stage clothes from the hanger and continuing into the dressing room across the hall. “OK,” I said softly, stunned.
“What’s up with him?” AJ asked from across the room. I shrugged.
“I have no idea.” I looked to Brian. “Do you know?”
“Nope. He doesn’t talk to me about much anymore,” he replied.
“Maybe he got in a fight with Liz,” Kev suggested.
“You mean a mutual bitching session,” Brian corrected and Kevin chuckled. I nodded, writing off Nick’s attitude off as something trivial. I switched my concern to why I hadn’t heard back from Faith yet. It had been over an hour. I knew I got anal about people returning calls and I told myself she just hadn’t gotten the message yet. Once we were on stage, though, my concern went back to Nick. He kept shooting me dirty looks all through the show and once I was sure that he flipped me off. I watched to see if he showed the same rudeness towards the other guys, but it seemed directed only towards me. When we headed off for our last costume change I tried to ask him what was up but he purposely avoided me. I didn’t get it. My questioning looks were answered only with narrowed eyes and a look in another direction. Even with the help of my paranoia I couldn’t figure out what I (and apparently I alone), had done. After the concert I headed for my phone, hoping that a message from Faith would be waiting to take my mind off things. That wasn’t the case, though, which didn’t help matters one bit.
I pondered - actually agonized - over what to do the whole drive back to the hotel. Was it obsessive to call again? Not really, it wasn’t like I had all the time in the world in Detroit to just wait for a call back. I only had til noon the next day to see her and get it all straightened out. It was already nearly eleven. Why hadn’t she called? Was she refusing to speak to me? Had she just never got the message? What was going on? I sighed and rested my head against the window of the van. I hated this side of me, this side of my brain that took over in situations like this. I always imagined the worst possible scenario and accepted that as explanation for whatever was going on. Rarely was that ever the way things turned out to be but that didn’t stop me from being so scared. That was part of the reason I had avoided commitment for so long - I pictured everything bad that could possibly happen in that kind of relationship and let that rule me. I tried to clear my mind and look at things simply. I’d try calling Faith when we got back. If she was there she was there. If she wasn’t...well, then I could start being paranoid. Again.
In order to put off calling her longer (to avoid looking as obsessive, really), I decided that before I made the call I’d pack up my stuff, take a real shower, then find Nick and ask him what was going on. His attitude was confusing, to say the least, and it hurt to know that his anger was all towards me. Had I done something that bad? Usually Nick called someone out when he was mad and all he was doing was avoiding me. Did that mean what I had done - whatever that may be - was better or worse?
*********
I took care of everything I had to do at the hotel then started for Nick’s room. No one answered the door so I headed next for Brian’s room. After a few knocks Brian’s head peeked out.
“Hello,” he said quickly, smiling a little.
“Uh hi,” I started, feeling like I might be interrupting something, “have you seen Nicky?”
“Nope. Wasn’t he in your van?”
I shook my head. “No, it was just AJ and I. I’ll go ask...someone else.”
Brian’s grin widened. “Thanks. Hope you find him.”
“Yeah, thanks. Hey, he didn’t happen to mention anything--” But before I could finish the question the door was already closed. With a sigh I decided that I’d give Faith another try then continue on the Nick search. I dialed her number without even checking and took a seat on my bed.
“Hello?” came a voice that wasn’t Faith’s after three rings and I assumed was her roommate.
“Hi, is Faith there please?”
“Who’s calling?”
“It’s Howie.”
There was a pause. “Oh,” she replied flatly. “I think she just left.”
“Oh, OK...do you know when I can expect her back?”
“When you can expect her back?”
“Yes.”
“The twelfth.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What?”
“You can expect her back the twelfth.”
“Of...?”
“Of never,” she spat. I was surprised, to say the least. The world was starting to turn against me.
“Well...when can everyone else expect her back?” I tried.
“For everyone else she never left. Look, what do you want?”
“I just wanted to talk to Faith--”
“Really? What’s the occasion? Why tonight? Why not--”
“Cec, I got it.” It was Faith, sounding tired. All was quiet a moment.
“Are you sure?” her roommate - Cec? - asked. ‘Why does that sound familiar?’ I thought.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I heard a sigh, then a click. I took a deep breath.
“Hey Faith.”
“Hi.”
“Look, I’m really sorry I just sort of disappeared the other day and that I haven’t called in a few days.”
“Yeah, me too,” she said softly. I closed my eyes.
“I can imagine what you must be thinking...”
“It’s not really that hard, is it?”
“But it’s not like that at all, I promise,” I assured her.
“OK.”
“Do you believe me?”
“Not really.”
I opened my eyes again. “I don’t blame you. But I mean it, I really do feel really bad. I think we need to talk.”
“I do too, but not now.”
“But I’m leaving tomorrow,” I reminded her, “and I don’t want to do this over the phone.”
“Do what? I don’t want to have to look you in the eye while you tell me I was just a two night fling,” she said, tears starting to strain her voice.
“No, no, that’s not it at all. I want to see you. Can we maybe meet somewhere, or I could--”
Faith sighed. “Howie, I really can’t deal with this tonight,” she almost whispered.
“But Faith, I need--” I stopped, starting to panic. “I need to talk with you. In person. Soon.” I paused. She said nothing. “Please,” I whispered.
Faith sighed deeply and I found that I was holding my breath. “OK. What time are you leaving?”
“Noon,” I said (after quickly exhaling).
“I’ll be at the hotel at ten.”
“Can you make it eight?” I’d never make it til ten.
“Eight AM?”
“Nine maybe? We have a lot to do and I want to spend time with you.”
“OK then. Nine.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly.
“Please don’t make me regret it, Howie. I couldn’t handle that.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
We said goodbye and hung up, and I sprinted down the hall to see if Nick was back. I wanted to share my good news and I hoped that once he heard he was my inspiration he wouldn’t be as angry. There was still no answer so I headed to AJ’s room next. I heard voices so I knocked, but suddenly all was quiet. I knocked once more but there was still no answer. I knew Brian was busy and there was no answer at Kevin’s door either so with a lot of pent-up emotion I went back to my room. After changing and turning on the biggest sleep aid ever (QVC, of course), I tried to get some sleep.
The Last Few Hours
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