Day Four
The next morning I was awakened by an incredible pounding in my head. I was afraid to open my eyes and let in any light, but when I heard rustling not far from me I forgot that pretty quickly in the interesting of finding out who was in the room. Right before I opened my eyes I thought that it might be Faith, and I smiled at the prospect of seeing her smiling at me as her red hair stuck out in all directions. In fact, in that minute I convinced myself it was Faith’s apartment I was at - trying to quickly recall the events of the night before brought nothing but a blank, so I figured anything was possible. I slowly pried my lids apart and was greeted by sunlight streaming through the window. I brought my hand to my eyes and groaned, and it was then I heard laughter. I managed to open my eyes again and saw a blonde standing at the mirror.
“Good morning,” she greeted cheerily. I squinted in the attempt to remember who she was and how she had gotten back here. Slowly the club scene replayed itself and I sat up a little.
“Jennifer?” I guessed and she nodded.
“How ya feeling?” she asked, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.
“My head hurts,” I admitted, running my hand through my own hair self-consciously. I glanced over at the bedside clock - it read 10:00. It was then I saw Faith’s note, still sitting where I had left it the night before when I started to call her. Guilt and sadness washed over me, intensifying my headache.
“That’s understandable, you and AJ drank quite a bit,” she commented. I looked at her then the note again, wondering what happened. I was afraid to ask and be completely tactless but I couldn’t remember a thing after coming back to the room. That fact alone didn’t fare very well for the nothing happening outcome, and a wave of nausea swept through me. I started to get up, then checked under the covers to see just how much - or little - I had on. Surprisingly my pants were still on, belt and all. I guess my shock was clear because Jennifer laughed again.
“Don’t worry,” she assured me, moving away from the mirror and taking a seat on the bed. “Nothing happened.”
I stared at her. “Nothing?”
She shrugged, smiling. “It wasn’t for lack of trying. I was just going to head out before you got up, but I wanted to make sure that you knew you didn’t cheat on your girlfriend - I didn’t figure you’d remember on your own.”
“My girlfriend?” I repeated, furrowing my brow. Jennifer nodded.
“Yeah, or whoever Faith is - ex, maybe?” I nodded, not feeling like explaining. “Yeah - we came back and...well, I’ll admit that I was coming on to you pretty strongly, but just as things were about to start you just started talking about Faith.”
I was stunned. “Really?”
Jennifer nodded again, standing. “Whoever she is, she’s obviously someone you care about a lot.” She headed for the door so I got up and walked over to her.
“Are you sure you don’t want some breakfast or anything?” I offered, feeling bad for leading her on (although AJ should have felt worse). She smiled again, shaking her head.
“No thanks - the bragging rights are enough.” I’m sure a look of fear crossed my face because she laughed and rested a hand on my shoulder. “I’m kidding, I’m not that much of an airhead. Thanks for a great night.”
I hugged her. “Thank you too. And...I’m sorry.”
Jennifer opened the door. “Don’t be sorry. But,” she added, turning, “do promise me one thing.”
“I’ll try.”
“Do yourself a favor and call Faith, OK?” she suggested. I smiled and nodded. She kissed my cheek quickly then headed out the door. I closed it after her, then went back to the bed. I picked up Faith’s note and stuck it back in my wallet, then grabbed a new set of clothes from my bag and started for the bathroom.
**********
As I went about the activities of that day I debated calling Faith. I missed her. That much I was sure of. What I wasn’t sure of was whether or not I could get over the age thing. Nineteen and twenty seven was a big difference. I knew that I was a much different person now than I was at nineteen, I had a much different outlook on life. Besides, as horrible as it sounded, what kind of cradle robber would people make me out to be if they found out, like they always did? Not that I let public opinion rule my life, but when your career depends on whether or not people like you it wasn’t something I could just write off. Aside from all that, it would be near impossible to have a happy, healthy relationship with someone that lived over a thousand miles from me. Furthermore, who said I even needed - let alone wanted - a relationship? I was perfectly fine not having to worry about calling someone or visiting someone or any of that. Well, maybe not perfectly fine. Deep down I did want a stable relationship - someone to come home to, to call my own and spoil and talk to about whatever I had on my mind. And although I didn’t want to be shoved into the background by anyone, they had to have a life outside of me. I was picky, I knew that, but Faith had a lot of what I was looking for - I felt so comfortable talking to her, she was definitely career-oriented, she wasn’t clingy and there was no doubt about our physical chemistry. She was a great person and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her. Why was it then that I was so terrified when she fulfilled almost everything I could want in someone? Why did I have such a commitment problem?
The day was pretty uneventful as far as our days went. After the concert I opted to head back to the hotel, sharing a van with AJ. I was surprised he wasn’t heading out on the town.
“Aren’t you doing anything with Gwen tonight?” I asked as we drove. He shrugged and looked out the window.
“Nah, doubt it.”
“How come? You guys have spent so much time together lately.”
“Yeah, well, I kinda blew it,” he said, tracing rain patterns on the window. I narrowed my eyes.
“How so?”
He thought a moment. “Let’s just say that I gave the wrong impression of her to people and she wasn’t pleased when she found out,” he answered. I considered asking him to explain what he meant, but AJ wasn’t one to give vague answers. When he wanted me to know exactly what had happened I knew he’d tell me. Instead I just nodded.
“Oh. Sorry about that.”
“It happens.”
“No kidding,” I seconded. He looked at me but I guess my face clued him in to the fact that I didn’t really feel much like talking either so he turned back to the window. Once we were back at the hotel I took some time to ring up everyone in my family that I hadn’t talked to in a few days - needless to say it took awhile, because not only were there a lot of people to call we were all talkers. Aside from wanting to check in with what was going on I knew that talking with my family would keep my mind off Faith. I still hadn’t made any decision on what route to take and I was tired of arguing for both cases as I had been all day, vowing that I’d make some sort of choice the next day. After I finished my round of calls I turned on the TV and looked for something good to watch. I stumbled on a Star Wars marathon so I kept it on and changed into pajamas. Just as I was checking in the minibar for something to drink somewhere during The Empire Strikes Back there came a knock at my door.
“Come in!” I called, returning to bed with a Nestea. I expected AJ to barge in, but it was Nick who entered. I glanced at the clock - it was almost three thirty. Usually Nick hit the sack pretty early so I was surprised. “Hey Nicky,” I greeted him. He plopped down across the end of the bed.
“Hey Howie,” he said, grabbing a pillow and resting his arms and head on it.
“You’re up kinda late, huh?”
He nodded, looking over at the TV. “Empire Strikes Back?” he asked, glancing back at me momentarily. I nodded. “Cec just dropped me off.”
“Cec?”
“Cecily. You met her at the concert yesterday.”
I thought for a moment. “Oh yeah, one of those girls that was freaking out over you and Brian? The one you took to the club?” I clarified.
“Yup.”
“Wow, you just got back?”
“Yup.”
“Sounds like things are going well.”
He shrugged as he watched the movie for a minute, then rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “Yeah, I guess.”
“You guess? Do you like her?” It may have seemed like a stupid question but it Nick’s case it was completely legitimate. He had a thing about interacting with fans outside of doing meet-n-greets and stuff like that - he absolutely hated it. We all had days where the last thing we wanted was to sign an autograph for some overexcited teenager, but Nick went to great lengths sometimes to avoid seeing anyone that might know him. I assumed he’d answer my question with some vague response, so I wasn’t at all prepared for what I got.
“Howie, I like her so much...like, a lot. I think I might love her,” he said seriously, looking me in the eye. My jaw dropped.
“Whoa, wait - what? What about your thing with girls that’re fans?” I quizzed. He sighed.
“I know! Usually...well, you know how I usually am.” I nodded quickly. “But D, this girl is so...different from other fans. She’s not trying to be, she just is. She’s different from any girl I’ve ever met. Like, check this out - yesterday after we left the club? We went back to Andie’s and made fun of ‘N Sync for, like, hours.” He looked at me and I raised my eyebrows - I couldn’t see how that would be too much of a plus but it was different. He nodded and continued. “And you’d think she’d want to head out to some fancy place sometime, right? No, not Cec. Tonight we went to Denny’s and hung out with her friends. We just sat around and talked about video games and music and crappy movies and shit. It was awesome, dude, it was like being back home. I could’ve stayed all night. God!” he groaned, stretching his arms over his head. “She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s hot, she treats me like the loser I am, her friends are awesome...” He sighed again and looked at me. “Howie, I’ve never felt this way. I know I’ve said that before, but this is honest-to-God it.”
“What about Liz?” I asked, referring to his semi-girlfriend at home.
“I haven’t even thought about her since we’ve been here. D, I know this sounds crazy, but this is the type of girl that I’d quit the group for. She is exactly what I want in a girl and then some.”
I had never heard or seen Nick so serious about a girl before. He usually had the love-’em-and-leave-’em-approach, much like AJ (and, I’m embarrassed to admit, a lot of times me too), when he even bothered finding someone. I raised my eyebrows at him again. “Wow,” I said quietly.
“Yeah, no kidding. What do I do?”
“Does she know you feel this way?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t think so.”
“If you really feel that strongly, Nicky, you have to tell her.”
He sat up. “You’re right.” He paused and smiled. “You’re right, Howie. Tomorrow I’m just going to tell her. I can’t risk letting her get away - I mean, who knows when I’ll ever meet someone else like her, right?”
And it was at that minute I knew what an idiot I had been the last few days with Faith. I felt the same as Nick, only for once he was the mature one in that he wasn’t trying to deny how he felt. I decided then and there that tomorrow I too would call Faith and apologize and tell her how I felt. That was all there was to it. “Right,” I agreed, smiling. Nick stood, yawning and stretching.
“OK, I’m off, I’m shot,” he mumbled through a yawn. “Thanks Howie.”
“No problem. Thank you too.”
Nick’s brow furrowed. “For what?”
I considered explaining but just shook my head. “Don’t worry about it.” He shrugged.
“OK, whatever. ‘Night Howie,” he called as he left the room.
“’Night,” I replied. I turned back to the TV and watched what remained of the movie, then hit the light. I felt like a rock had been taken off my chest and I was pretty sure I fell asleep with a big goofy smile on my face.
Day Five
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