Day Three
The next morning I woke up early, before Faith. Her bedside clock read seven-thirty but rather than try and fall back asleep I got restless. Pulling away from her as gently as I could, I slipped into my clothes again and strolled out into the living room. I took a seat in the window and stared out into the backyard, the lawn glistening as the sun lit on the dew. I turned back around but something caught my eye. A corner of some sort of paper was lodged between the cushion and the actual window so I pulled it out. It was a birthday card. I read the front then opened it.
“Faith - Happy Birthday, babe!” was scrawled inside. “I don’t care what you say, 19 is just as big a deal as any other birthday...and think of it this way - you’re that much closer to bar-hoppin’ with me! Love ya, M.” I stared at the card in disbelief - nineteen? She was only nineteen? I felt this strange numbness come over me. Just then Faith emerged from her room, wearing a flannel bathrobe with her hair sticking out in every direction. Suddenly she looked amazingly young. ‘Maybe because she is,’ my mind pointed out wryly. Faith smiled as she approached me.
“Hey early bird,” she greeted, kissing my cheek then heading for the kitchen.
“Hi,” I said, giving her a small smile. I felt strange and really guilty, and my fight-or-flight response was leaning heavily towards the latter. Faith was pouring two glasses of orange juice, afterwards taking a seat at the table. I think she expected me to join her but I stayed by the window.
“What have you got there?” she asked. I looked down - I was still holding the card.
“I, ah, I found this in the window,” I told her, holding it up. She studied it for a second then smiled.
“Oh yeah, that’s a birthday card from my cousin. I guess it got wedged in there when I had all my cards set up in the window.”
“When was your birthday?”
“February 26th,” she answered, finishing her juice and depositing her glass in the sink. She made her way back over to me. “I’m going to take a shower, will you be all right out here?”
“Sure,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant. Faith’s eyes narrowed a little.
“Are you OK?” she asked quietly. I nodded and she smiled, then dropped a quick kiss on my lips. “OK. I warn you, I take long showers but I’ll try and hurry up. Maybe afterwards we could go for breakfast?”
“Sure,” I said again. She went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. I stood there a moment, then as soon as I heard the water turn on I grabbed for the phone. I had to get out of there. I dialed information and asked for the nearest cab company, then called for a cab. The operator said they could be there in ten minutes, which made me happy that I didn’t have too much time to reconsider what I was doing. In fact, as soon as I hung up I headed out to wait in front of the house, not leaving a note behind me. What was there to say?
I knew nineteen wasn’t exactly a little kid - at least I hadn’t committed statutory rape or anything - but it still was pretty young, in my book at least. I felt betrayed in a way, like Faith should have told me that she wasn’t at least twenty-one. I guess in a way it was my scapegoat too - things had been going really well. Too well, almost, so it was inevitable that soon I would’ve started to look for some reason (or excuse), to break things off. ‘Nineteen is just too young,’ I told myself as the cab pulled up, ‘especially when I’m twenty-seven.’ Even though it felt really wrong, I knew I was making the right choice. I hoped so, at least.
I at first tried to sleep in the cab, then when that didn’t work I started wondering what the other four guys had been up to. It never failed that when we had time off something interesting happened to at least one of us, and I had a feeling that a lot had been going on just in the past two days. My suspicions were confirmed when I got back. Just as I tried to noiselessly enter my room I heard a pair of footsteps behind me and turned to see Kevin coming down the hall. I felt my eyebrows shoot up in surprise - where had he been? He gave me a tired smile.
“Hey Howie,” he said, stopping at his door.
“Hey Kev,” I said in return.
“Just getting in?”
“Yeah. You too?”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
I studied him. “You wanna talk about it?”
Kev sighed. “Not really.”
I shook my head. “Me either.” Kevin smiled again, as did I, and we entered our respective rooms. Once inside I went into the bathroom and snagged my bottle of sleeping pills from my bag. Popping two into my mouth I washed them down with a glass of water. I went back out to the bed and climbed in, not bothering with covers. I tried to drift off, but something was bothering me. Finally I figured it out - Faith’s lavendar scent was all over my shirt. I sat up and took it off, throwing it on the floor. Flopping back down, I sighed and stared at the curtains. My cel phone started ringing but I ignored it. Eventually it stopped, and I screwed my eyes tightly shut til I fell asleep.
**********
After a long but fitful sleep I headed over to the Palace of Auburn Hills with the rest of the guys to get ready for the show. Although I obviously wasn’t sleeping anymore I still felt asleep. I was sluggish, something I almost never was. In the back hallway Nick attempted to liven me up before the meet and greet we were doing but I just couldn’t play along. He gave me a suspicious look.
“Are you high?” he asked quietly. I looked at him confused.
“What? No, I’m not high.”
“Hung over?”
“No.”
“What’s the matter with you then?” he questioned impatiently.
I shrugged. “I’m tired.”
Nick snorted. “Howie, we’re all tired. I’m asking what your problem is.”
I started walking towards the green room. “I don’t have a problem,” I told him.
“What’s the matter...oh...” He jogged up next to me. “Did something happen with that girl?” he whispered knowingly. I looked at him.
“How do you know about that?” I wondered. Nick kept watching me with that same expectant look and I sighed, continuing to walk.
“So it is her then.” I didn’t say a word, just grabbed a water from the cooler and sat down. Nick sat down next to me. “What happen, you have a fight? Did she just leave? Did you?” I shifted a little but drank some water to cover it. Nick nodded sadly, patting my back. “That sucks, man, I’m sorry. Was she hot?” I laughed despite the fact that I felt like crap.
“What kind of ques-”
“Nick!” We both turned as Brian burst in. “Dude, you’re not gonna believe it.”
“What?” Nick asked.
Brian grinned from ear to ear. “They did it, man.”
Nick’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “What? No way.”
Brian pointed out the door, laughing. “I’m serious, they’re here, come see.”
Nick stood and headed quickly for the door. “We’ll talk later, Howie!” he called as he followed Brian out. I continued to sit, staring at the wall. Kevin came in a minute later and let me know it was my turn for the meet and greet. I made it through wearing my best camera smile although what I said and who I saw are a blur, save two girls that seriously freaked out over Nick and Brian, and the only reason I remember them is because they were backstage after that and I was introduced to them. I thought it was strange that after the scene they made the guys wanted to hang out with them but rarely do I understand Nick and Brian, let alone their motives for doing things. That night especially I really didn’t care. The show went on as normal but I found my eyes scanning the crowd for Faith. I don’t know why, I knew she didn’t have tickets, but I was hoping somehow that she’d be there. Of course she wasn’t, and as we left the stage I felt pretty down. That was magnified when backstage Nick and Brian were with the same two girls as before, AJ was with some girl and Kevin was off in a corner having what looked like a very serious conversation on his cell, probably with Bess. I sat in a chair and sighed, starting to wish that I had acted differently earlier at Faith’s. I wanted to be with her but I knew I shouldn’t. When we got back to the hotel a bit later I dialed up my voice mail and sat down.
“Hi Howie, it’s Faith...um, I guess you got called back this morning while I was in the shower, which is fine...I was just kinda surprised that you just, ah...well, that you were gone and hadn’t left a note or anything. But you probably couldn’t find anything to write with, this place is such a mess...” I sighed sadly as she let out a small, very forced bit of laughter - her place was far from a mess and a notepad and pen were on the fridge. “Anyway, um, I have to work at seven and I know you have a show but maybe give me a call if you get a chance before all that? Hope to talk to you soon, bye.” The machine beeped and I fell back on the bed. I felt horrible, like a loser. I shouldn’t have run off like that, and the least she deserved was an explanation. I picked up her number from the night table where I had left it and grabbed the phone, starting to dial. Just then a loud knock came at the door and AJ barged in, the girl he had been with earlier tactfully waiting at the doorway.
“D, man, we’re goin’ out, lessgo,” he slurred and I could tell that he’d already had a few. He graced me with a wide smile and pointed at the doorway. “Thass Gwen, by the by. Howard, Gwen. Gwen, Howie D.” He laughed and Gwen rolled her eyes then smiled at me.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” I returned, smiling back then continuing to dial. AJ pulled the phone from my hand and hung it up.
“Come on, bro, we goin’ out. Me, you, the lovely Gwendolyn here, Nick, Brian and their two beeotches,” he listed, earning a smack upside the head from Gwen. “Ow!” he yelped.
“I told you about that.”
“Sorry - Nick and Brian’s two fine foxy ladies.” He bowed to Gwen. “Better?”
“Slightly,” she conceded and he slipped an arm around her waist. I watched the scene with raised eyebrows. AJ turned back to me and grabbed my arm, pulling me up off the bed.
“AJ, I really don’t-”
“Sh, no more,” he cried as he yanked me out the door. “You’re gonna have fun if it kills ya, buddy.” I sighed but knew that he was right, even if he didn’t know it. I needed a distraction...a big one.
**********
“Isn’t this great?” AJ cried into my ear once we reached the club. I shrugged and he took my arm, yanking me over to the bar. “Two tequila shots!” he requested heartily, giving me a big smile. I rolled my eyes.
“AJ, I don’t want to-”
“Sh!” he ordered, handing me a full shot glass. I stared into it momentarily. Nothing got me messed up faster than tequila - except that Bacardi 151 stuff, but after my one experience I never drank it again. I really didn’t want to get drunk, but at the same time I didn’t want to feel crappy like I was either. With a deep breath I nodded at AJ.
“Ready,” I told him.
“One...two...three!” With that I tossed back my shot as quickly as possible, shuddering afterwards. AJ smacked me on the back. Gwen stepped up next to him.
“Are you finished liquoring yourself up?” she asked. He nodded.
“Absolutely. You gonna be all right, D?”
I took a seat on a bar stool. “Sure.”
“Why don’t you come dance with us?” Gwen invited. “You shouldn’t sit here all by yourself.”
“Good idea!” AJ praised, grabbing my arm again. I sighed as he pulled me off towards the dance floor, just sort of standing awkwardly once we got there. “Dance!” he commanded, waving his hand royally. “No, wait.” He jogged off into the crowd and Gwen stepped closer to me.
“I’m sorry - if you want to escape now I won’t tell,” she promised. I shrugged.
“No, I’m fine,” I told her. We danced together til AJ returned with a petite blonde. I had to give him credit - she was exactly my type, with wide eyes, long hair and...well, well-endowed and dressed to show it. His arm slung around her waist, he approached with a smile. Once he reached us he draped his other arm across my shoulders.
“D, this here’s...what was your name, sweetheart?” he asked her. I rolled my eyes but she laughed.
“Jennifer,” she said over the music.
“This is Jennifer. Jenny - may I call you Jenny?”
“Sure.”
“Jenny, this is Howie D, Backstreet Boy extraordinaire,” he introduced.
“I know. Wow, hi, nice to meet you,” she said, holding out a hand and flashing a big smile. I took it and returned the gesture as sincerely as I could.
“Nice to meet you too.”
“Well, now that you two kids have met each other I’ll leave you to have some fun.” He gave me a sly wink and went back to Gwen. Jennifer stepped closer to me.
“This is so crazy - I can’t believe I just decided to come with some friends and get to meet two Backstreet Boys in, like, two minutes,” she gushed. I smiled again and shrugged.
“Yeah, we’re everywhere,” I said, for lack of anything else.
“Yeah I know - God, this is so weird! My friend Nikki told us that she thought she saw Nick and Brian here too and we told her we thought she was nuts, but I guess not, huh?”
“Nope.”
“I mean, I’m not like a crazy fan or anything but I do really like you guys.”
“Thanks.”
“Oh, no problem, you guys are just great. It’s funny, I’ve never really been into the whole pop music scene...well, except for the New Kids, but who wasn’t, right?”
“Right.”
I thought that my lukewarm answers would hinder her rambling, but she just talked on and on - and didn’t waste any time dancing as close as she could. I danced with her, taking breaks only when AJ decided he needed another shot or something, insisting that I was still “too tense” and that he couldn’t drink alone. I think Jennifer took those opportunities to go and detail everything to her friends, no doubt talking a mile a minute because she was always back by the time AJ was ready to hit the floor again. After two hours of cramped quarters and lots of Jose Cuervo and whatever else we had downed I was pretty out of it. I was still down but I couldn’t remember why - all I knew was that I had a beautiful girl in front of me that had already made it more than clear that she’d be willing to spend some quality time with me that night if I wanted her to. When AJ made his way over to me looking ready to go she wrapped her arm around my waist.
“Hey!” he greeted, Gwen at his side. “Ready to go?”
“Yep, sure am.”
He looked at Gwen. “You coming back to the hotel?” he asked her. She shrugged, smiling.
“Why not?”
AJ pulled her to him. “That’s what I like to hear.” He raised his eyebrows at me, then looked at Jennifer. “How ‘bout you, honey? You comin’ too?”
Jennifer looked up at me, then at AJ. “I don’t know, if Howie wants.”
AJ gave me a smile. “Howie, you want?”
I shrugged, not thrilled but not really having a reason to say no. “Sure,” I answered, smiling down at her. She squealed in delight.
“Great! Let me just go tell Nikki and everyone that I don’t need a ride,” she said, kissing me quickly then running off. AJ smacked me in the shoulder.
“Not too shabby, man - you two hittin’ it off, I take it?”
“We’re doin’ all right.”
AJ laughed. “Bet you’ll be doin’ better once we get back, huh?” he suggested and we both laughed. Gwen was smiling but shaking her head. I wanted to ask her what was the matter but then Jennifer came back. We found Al and Jake and headed for the van (apparently Brian, Nick and the girls they had brought had already left, taking the other van with Marcos and Tom). AJ and Gwen took the middle seats so Jennifer and I climbed in back. Once we were on the road she slid over close to me, resting her hand just on the inside of my thigh.
“Thanks for inviting me back,” she murmured, moving her hand slowly up and down.
“No problem.”
She gave me a wink. “I promise you won’t regret it,” she whispered, kissing me. I kissed her back halfheartedly and she turned to face me, wrapping her arms around my neck. That was what we did most of the way back. Once we got to the hotel Gwen and AJ took off so I led her to my room, and as soon as we were inside she headed for the bed. Stripping down to pretty much nothing she waved me over, smiling seductively. The last thing I remember was taking a seat next to her on the bed - and her smiling as she unbuttoned my shirt.
Day Four
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